The Rules In Paradise (Playing By The Rules) (33 page)

             
"What am I supposed to do with you?" I whispered. Life had been so simple, then was great and still simple, followed by a stage of disaster and now here I was in a terribly complicated situation. So many things had changed, but how did I deal with that? I knew that I cared about him, more than anyone else, but did that justify what had happened? Was I being over-dramatic and I should just love him for what he is? I didn't know the answer to those questions. Now that we were here, back in the same physical space I felt overcome with what he was. I was truly weighed down by who he was. He suffocated me in the best of ways. When he was around all I saw was him. He commanded attention without trying. He had all of mine, and I didn't know if that was good or bad.

             
"I can't begin to imagine what's going through your mind right now," he said in a low, gravelly voice. I smiled at him as he looked up at me, sounding groggy.

             
"What else could it be? It's usually you, just like it is now."

             
"Not that I don't enjoy being the subject of your thoughts, especially if they are borderline explicit, but are you going to fill me in?"

             
"I could just fall right back into it with you. And part of me wants that, but is it right? Does how I feel about justify you and what you did? I don't know. I don't know if I'm supposed to overlook what happened because of how good this is. I literally feel like we never skipped a beat. That scares the hell out of me. I'm so scared that I'm going to let you back in and never address the real issues here."

             
"Then don't," he responded. I gave him a disbelieving and curious look.

             
"I don't mean that rudely Olivia, but I didn't expect you to give me the benefit of the doubt and all would be well tonight. I intend to work to regain your trust. I believe that is what you're struggling with. You don't know if you should trust me, and I get it. I understand that and I didn't expect it. I want to put in the work so that you come to the realization that I'm really worth it. I hope that I am, but that is not a guarantee."

             
"I don't know if I can handle you trying. I mean if what I've known from you is not trying, my heart might not be able to handle trying." He smiled and got up, brushing the sand off his shorts and held his hand out to help me up.

             
"That is part of the plan anyway. Come on, let's get you home before the sun comes up." We set off back to the beach.

             
I woke up shortly before ten. After only five hours of sleep I still felt a little groggy. I wandered out to the living room. I felt the intense stare of my two friends as I walked out and poured myself a glass of milk. I tried to ignore it, but I could literally feel the stares on the back of my head.

             
"I'm going to pretend that my milk drinking is not nearly as interesting as you're making it out to be," I said and faced them. Neither of them moved a muscle and neither of them said anything. I looked between the two of them, they were still staring in silence.

             
"Ok, you win, what is it?"

             
"You didn't come home last night," Charlotte said, a bit of a harsh tone to her voice.

             
"Yes I did."

             
"Considering I was waiting until near 2:30, no you didn't. Anything later than that is considered early in the morning, not late at night."

             
"I came home," I said. I had lost a little of my argument by Charlotte's rules.

             
"What time?" Adrian asked over her cup of coffee.

             
"I don't know, I wasn't paying attention," I shrugged as I rinsed my glass in the sink.

             
"I'm calling bullshit. What time and where?" Adrian said, smiling.

             
"I don't know, maybe five or so." I closed my eyes to prepare for the verbal blow I was going to receive.

             
"James?" Charlotte asked, leaning forward in her chair. I gave a nervous look and shook my head.

             
"You whore!" Adrian shrieked. "How was it?" She was clapping and jumping like an idiot.

             
"I didn't sleep with him, my god, I'm not you," I said feigning hurt.

             
"You spent all night with Cole?" Charlotte said with clear disapproval. I nodded.

             
Charlotte sighed. "Why?"

             
"I don't know, it just happened."

             
"What's he saying?"

             
"Whatever he wants to. He has promised to answer my questions. I'm just confused. It's so easy to just fall back to what we were. I don't know how to stop it."

             
"Not seeing him would help," Charlotte said almost with a sneer.

             
"I still have feelings for him, I'm just not sure what those are."

             
There was a knock on the door and Charlotte jumped up to get it.

             
"So, what is going on with you two?" Adrian was bent over the island, her head in one hand, smiling wide. I couldn't help but smile at her.

             
"I really don't know. It's so crazy. I could so easily just fall back into this and be ok. I don't really want to do that though. I want us to be on solid ground before I say ok to this. He knows that and accepts it. It's just, weird."

             
"I never thought he'd be here," she said.

             
"Me either. It completely stopped me cold. It was literally too much, seeing him. Now I feel like we never were away. If thought of this moment for so long and here it is, it's so strange."

             
Charlotte came back and took her seat again. We both looked at her.

             
"Wrong room I guess," she said as she shrugged and sipped from her mug.

             
"I'm going to get ready and head down to the pool," Adrian said as she walked down the hallway.

             
"Would you just say it please," I said slightly annoyed.

             
"What do you mean?" Charlotte replied.

             
"I know you want to say something, but you're not. I'm not sure why you're not unless it's going to be pretty bad."

             
"I'm just worried Olivia," she said.

             
"Why?"

             
"Because, he shows up here and suddenly everything is ok. I don't want to be the one to hurt you now, but the reality is he lied to you about something really big. He also lied to another girl who he was going to marry in less than a month. Another reality is you know he played both sides of the fence for awhile. You know that. Why are you accepting that as ok?"

             
"I'm not saying it's ok. I'm not. I'm just trying to determine if how I feel about him is enough. Am I able to forgive him in the future for this? I don't know the answer to that. All I know is that he seems to be trying, and I love spending time with him. I feel so comfortable with him. I don't know if that will matter in the long run, but right now I like it. I'm not doing anything stupid. I understand the circumstances."

             
"Olivia, I'm not trying to be a pain. I just am so scared for you. He's done so much wrong and I don't want you to forget about that," she said. Her face was lined with concern.

             
"I know. Just trust me right now that I have this in my head. I'm not forgetting." I walked over and hugged her.

             
"I'm going to get ready too and head down, come with us," I said to Charlotte.

             
"My goodness the sun is outrageous today," Adrian exclaimed as we found some empty lounge chairs.

             
I laid my towel on the chair and threw my cover up dress over the back. I reveled in the feeling of the warm sun on my skin. It felt good to be here and enjoy the warm feeling. I closed my eyes behind my sunglasses and let myself relax fully for the first time in a very long time. I forgot about every worry in my head. I felt myself start to drift off.

             
"I hope you didn't anticipate just a lazy day by the pool. I have big plans," a voice said from beside me. I jumped a little at the sound and saw Cole sitting in the chair next to me. He was dressed in black cargo shorts and a black T-Shirt. As usual his casual dress was heightened by his attractiveness.

             
"You scared the shit out of me." He smiled.

             
"I'm sorry, really," he said.

             
"Yeah, I bet. Actually I was quite comfortable and relaxed."

             
"You can be comfortable and relaxed where we're going. Come on. We're going," he said as he got up and pulled my dress from the back of my chair and threw it onto my lap. He gave Charlotte and Adrian a wave as he grabbed my things. I slid on my flip-flops and put on my dress. I waved to the girls as well.

             
"Don't do anything you don't want to! No means no!" Charlotte called from her chair as we walked away.

             
Within minutes we were in the familiar Jeep and driving down a long road.

             
"Did you sleep well?" Cole asked, concentrating on the road.

             
"Yes, I could have used a nap by the pool, but since that was not to be, the five or so hours I got will have to suffice," I said as sarcastically as I could.

             
"Way to be an optimist Olivia."

             
"Where are we going?" I asked.

             
"Do you want to use your question already?" He asked checking over his shoulder as he switched lanes.

             
"Nevermind, I'll wait and see," I sighed. I constantly had to be on my game with him.

             
We pulled up to what looked like a small park, and Cole got out of the car. He grabbed the familiar backpack, and waited for me to get out of the car.

             
We walked down a path in silence for a few minutes.

             
"Last night was the best sleep I've gotten in months," Cole said as he focused on the path before us.

             
"I'm glad," I said. And I was. I thought for a moment. I knew what I wanted to concentrate on today as far as what I would ask him, but I was trying to weasel as much information out in the least amount of questions possible.

             
"Just ask it Olivia. I feel like I'm pins and needles when I see you so deep in thought," Cole said out of the blue. I never grew used to what he knew just from observations.

             
"Tell me about her," I said. I couldn't believe I said it because the truth was I wasn't sure if  I wanted to know, but it was a start.

             
"Who?" He asked.

             
"You know," I said, not wanting to say her name out loud.

             
"Vanessa you mean?" He said, and he looked at me for the first time. I nodded.

             
"What would you like to know?" He asked.

             
"Whatever you want to tell me. Who is she?"

             
"Well the truth of the matter is that she is a spoiled brat. She was born into money, and she will remain living with money until she dies. She will never work for a cent of it either. That is a trait I do not admire in her. In contrast I worked for every dime I make and continue to work for it now. I am spoiled, but I have worked hard to become so."

             
"These questions fall under my first question, so you can't count them against me," I said, clarifying the rules. He smiled and nodded in agreement. "What do you like about her?"

             
"Let me clarify, these will be the things I past tense, liked about her. She is a part of my past Olivia, just to be clear. At first I will admit I liked her for her looks. We started working with her father and I'd see her around. She is very attractive. She has unlimited time for grooming and the like. I also liked her innocence. She is very naive because she has never had to see the world in the way most people do. Her innocence and the fact that she has led a very sheltered life was refreshing to me. She is very supportive. Now this trait I have begun to wonder about, but she always supported me in anything I wanted to do. She was like a cheerleader on the sidelines no matter what. I enjoyed feeling like I had someone in my corner, especially in the early days. We would get so bogged down with rejection that it was nice to have someone standing up for me."