The Rules of Survival (24 page)

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Authors: Nancy Werlin

BOOK: The Rules of Survival
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Murdoch volunteered to keep the letters, to keep the originals safe and give copies to the police just in case, some unlikely day, she comes back. He was never alarmed by the letters the way I was, even though, as I said, he got them too. I have a suspicion, in fact, that he got more of them than any of the rest of us.
That brings me to the other thing I wanted to tell you. For me, this story ends where it began: with Murdoch. I’m thinking that if I write it all out here, the thing that I just found out about him, I may grasp something I can feel myself straining for. Some bit of understanding that’s been out of my reach.
I had dinner with Murdoch the other night, the day I sent in my official acceptance to UT. We went to this place way up in Essex where you could eat mounds of fried clams and onion rings. We sat at a picnic table outside near the water. I wouldn’t be seeing much of the ocean in Austin, Texas, Murdoch said. He was proud of me, he said.
“And don’t worry,” he said. We both knew what he was talking about.
“I won’t,” I answered. “Not too much.” I told him my mosquito theory. “I only just understood this,” I said.
“It’s good,” said Murdoch. “A mosquito. Yes.”
We ate the rest of our clams in silence. You could hear the surf washing up on the sand. The sun began to melt into sunset pinks and blues, and these little white lights that were strung all over the clam shack’s outdoor dining area came on.
“Do you remember the day we met?” I asked diffidently. “I don’t mean your first real date with Nikki, when she brought you home for dinner and introduced us. But did you ever realize that we really met, sort of, almost a year before that? It was a Saturday night in August, at the Cumberland Farms store.”
Murdoch frowned. “The Cumberland Farms?”
“Yes.” I described the scene to him meticulously. I didn’t look at him until I was done.
He said simply, “Yes. I remember that night. So, that was you and Callie? You were those kids?”
“Yeah,” I said. I took a deep breath, and then I told him how I’d looked for him after that. Looked, and looked, and looked. “I was only thirteen,” I said. “I thought—I don’t know what I thought. But I was impressed by you. By what you did.”
A pause. Then: “I ate too many clams just now,” said Murdoch. “Let’s walk some.”
We walked slowly along the beach. And I know Murdoch, so I kept quiet, and eventually he said, “Matt?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry. You were looking for some hero, weren’t you? Batman, Spider-Man, something like that. A savior. You thought you found one in the Cumberland Farms. But I wasn’t it.”
It was true, I thought. That was what I had wanted, and I had not gotten it. But I had been a child. Now I wasn’t. It had been too much to expect. I had understood this for a while now.
“You helped us,” I said. “I was too close to see what was happening at first, but you got Ben and Bobbie to pay attention. You organized them, you encouraged them. And it worked. We’re all okay now. We’re okay, we’re free. And she’s a mosquito.”
“I almost didn’t help,” Murdoch said quietly. “I almost ducked out. I wanted to. I wanted to run out on you. It just seemed—too much. When you came to me. When I understood how much you needed help.” He paused. Then he said carefully, “I couldn’t see my way clear at first. At first, the only thing I could think of to do was something I shouldn’t do. It took me a long time to figure something else out. And I knew you were waiting, hoping. I knew you were disappointed in me. I knew you were depending on me.”
“What you did was enough,” I said. “We didn’t need a superhero. Just an adult who acted to help us when I asked.”
Those words sounded so sane, so reasonable, out there in the warm safe evening ocean air. I sounded so sane, so reasonable.
But I swear to you, Em, as I said those words, I had a flash of understanding. Murdoch had just said that the only thing he could think of to
do
was something he
shouldn’t
do.
And that slotted in with my realization in the dockyard.
He’s just like me.
“Let’s head back to the truck,” I said.
“Are you okay? You look funny.”
“Yeah. I ate a bad clam or something.”
We went in silence. I could feel Murdoch’s concern, but I didn’t look at him. I just focused on my feet. We got into the truck.
“I’m going to get you home,” Murdoch said.
“Wait,” I said. “I need to tell you something.”
“Matt, what is it? You’re sweating. You really are sick.”
I said, “I’m not sick. Well, I am, but it’s not physical. Listen. I have to tell you something.
“I wasn’t looking for a superhero, Murdoch. I mean, we can call it that if we want, but the truth is, I was looking for somebody who would kill her. I thought maybe you would do it, if you knew her—if you knew and liked us. Because of the way you stepped in for that boy. Suddenly I understand now that that was what I thought. That was what I hoped for.”
It was full dark now, outside of the truck in the parking lot. I waited for Murdoch to speak. When he didn’t, I said, “I didn’t even let myself know that was what I was thinking. But I realize it now.”
There was enough light so that I could see how Murdoch’s hands were gripping the steering wheel.
I swallowed. I added, “And I know why I thought that, too. I recognized something in you. You’re like me, aren’t you, Murdoch? Like us? You had a mother like ours, didn’t you?” I thought of how I had always tried to get him to talk about his childhood, his parents. And how he’d always refused.
He was silent.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I know it’s not my business, but—”
“Not a mother,” said Murdoch steadily. “A father.”
“Oh,” I said.
It was so long before he spoke again that I thought he wasn’t going to. But then he said, “You’re right, Matthew. I am like you.
“You, twenty-some-odd years later. Someday—not tonight, I think we’ve had enough for one night—I’ll tell you about my father.
“I haven’t killed anyone since I went after my father at thirteen. I won’t kill anyone again, even when I believe they deserve it. But still . . . yes, you found someone who could have killed your mother. I just—I wouldn’t. I promised myself. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” I said. I told Murdoch, then, about the five minutes.
We sat in silence.
Then Murdoch said, “I’m glad I came when I did. In the dockyard.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’m still not sure.”
“Trust me,” Murdoch said. “Trust me on this, son.”
 
So. Emmy. Little sister. You’re never going to read this, are you? I’m never going to give it to you. I didn’t write it for you. I wrote it for me.
I wrote it to work my way through the story of what formed me. I wrote it to examine the past and figure out who Murdoch was, so that I could figure out who I was. I wrote it to understand who I am, and how I ought to act in the world.
I think I have made a beginning.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
 
With thanks for help in time of need, with this book and in life, to Franny Billingsley, Toni Buzzeo, Pat Lowery Collins, Rebekah Goering, Amy Butler Greenfield, David Greenfield, Jennifer Jacobson, A. M. Jenkins, Ginger Knowlton, Jane Kurtz, Jacqueline Briggs Martin, Walter M. Mayes, Mary E. Pearson, Miranda Pettengill, Dian Curtis Regan, Anita Riggio, Maxwell Romotsky, Miriam Rosenblatt, Joanne Stanbridge, F. Peter Waystack, Elaine Werlin, Susan Werlin, Deborah Wiles, Ellen Wittlinger, and Melissa Wyatt.
 
 
And thanks, as always, to my editor, Lauri Hornik.
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DISCUSSION GUIDE
the rules of survival
 
The
Rules of Survival
is the story of a teenage boy who is trying desperately to save his younger sisters, and himself, from the very real dangers of life with a very disturbing and dangerous woman: their mother. It’s a riveting read guaranteed to generate intense discussion among students, not only about the book, but also about real life.
The book’s many strengths make the novel a compelling choice for discussion. These include the following:
 
 
• Strong, resilient children who protect one another
 
 
• Realistic and easy-to-follow language; short chapters make the book more accessible to reluctant readers
 
 
• Plot and format draw readers into the story quickly; there is an unusual and involving writing style that uses direct address (“you”) as narrator recounts past events to an unseen listener
 
 
• Complex, three-dimensional characters that readers can identify with, who have realistically positive and negative qualities
• Adults are shown working together to rescue children from a dangerous and potentially deadly situation
 
 
• Provides opportunities for discussion of difficult topics, such as abuse or evil and how to survive it, what constitutes a family, and how children must sometimes be protected from their own families
 
 
• The book’s risks, which could make the book an edgy choice in some teaching situations, include the facts that the novel portrays a violent and manipulative mother who endangers her children physically and psychologically, a distant and uninvolved father, and some adults who choose to ignore that children are in a dangerous situation.
 
 
• There are many ways to survive in a dangerous situation. What are some of the ways Matthew, Callie, and Emmy survive?
 
 
• Explain why Emmy prayed for Murdoch. Do you think she realized the effect that it would have on her mother? How might their lives have been different if she had just gone to bed that night?
 
 
• Matthew describes Nikki as evil. In what ways do you think she exhibited this quality?
• How did Matt and Callie endanger Emmy by trying to protect her? Speculate on how you think Emmy thought about their mother, both before and after they were separated from her.
 
 
• Discuss the scene in which Matthew and Callie saw Murdoch for the first time, what characteristics he showed them in their brief interaction with him, and how that meeting changed their lives.
 
 
• Compare Matthew’s first view of Murdoch with the way he sees him at the end of the story. What are some of the key events that changed Matthew’s perception of Murdoch?
 
 
• Why is it that the people you love the most are able to inflict the most pain on you?
 
 
• Discuss how the Walsh children’s lives were different from and similar to the life of the POW in the movie they watched with Murdoch. In what ways were they prisoners?
 
 
• Describe how Matthew and Callie felt when no one would help them. How did those refusals affect them mentally and emotionally?
 
 
• Speculate on what might have happened if Ben, Bobbie, and Murdoch had intervened sooner. Would Nikki have been able to stop them and retain control of her children, as Ben feared?
 
 
• Nikki knew her children very well, and knew exactly what buttons to push to manipulate them. Give several examples of her ability to do this.
 
 
• What were some of the reasons behind Nikki’s eccentric and dangerous behavior? What did she gain by acting that way?
 
 
• In what ways was Ben a good father? In what ways did he let his children down?
 
 
• A number of adults in the book seemed to be afraid of Nikki. What did she do to each of them to make them fear her? What about her frightened them? What about her frightened you?
 
 
• There are several turning points in the book where the children’s lives get significantly better or worse. Describe them and discuss what caused them and what the results were.
 
 
• Why was it so important for the children to pretend the summer with Murdoch had never happened? What might Nikki have done if they hadn’t?
 
 
• Why did Nikki take Emmy away on the day she forced Matthew and Callie to go to church without her? Who was she punishing? Why and how?
 
 
• Discuss what Murdoch’s quote means: “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” Give examples of each of these kinds of people. Can you find examples of these kinds of people in the book?

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