The Rules Regarding Gray (32 page)

He sat up between her legs, and his hand rubbed her stomach. He liked that spot on her body. She couldn’t say she understood why, but his palm rested there for a minute. He took a shuddering breath, and then he stood and left the room.

Her eyes got heavy and tired quickly, but she waited as long as she could to see if he intended to come back. When she fell asleep again, she was still alone.

Chapter Thirty-One

“Hi,” Gray said hesitantly as she moved toward Jasper.

He glanced up to her from the lounger. He hadn’t closed his eyes all night, and he was still sitting there naked, staring off at the bluff beyond the property. “Hi.”

She sat at his hip, glancing down at his naked lap and blushing. She was not nearly so naked. She’d bathed, and her hair was wet, pulled up in a messy knot on top of her head. She smelled clean and fresh, and she was dressed in a pair of cuffed khaki shorts, and a white tank top.

“Did I hurt you?” He could hear the coldness in his tone, but he couldn’t control much of anything at the moment, least of all his voice.

She shook her head.

“I had some blood on me.” He watched her closely as her cheeks reddened.

“I’m sure I’m just getting ready to start my per—”

“Don’t lie to me. I already know you don’t have one.”

Her lips parted, and she glanced down.

“I was too rough. I’m sorry. But I don’t need you lying to try to make me feel better.”

She shook her head. “It’s okay—”

“It’s not
fucking
okay, Gray,” he snapped.

She stared at him, her eyes wide and shocked.

His emotions were a jumble of disjointed things all mashed together, but the underlying tone of it all was the insidious self-hatred his father always managed to instill in him. And her blood on his cock was making that self-hatred all the easier to latch onto.

“Are you happy?” he asked her, glancing to her eyes quickly but then looking away for a moment.

She swallowed harshly, but she eventually shook her head, her eyes filling with tears.

He nodded, his eyes filling with tears too. “I don’t believe for one second that you can deal with what’s happening between us and not end up regretting your actions. And I don’t want to be the reason you stay in this thing and end up feeling guilty or ashamed of what you’ve done—of what we’ve done.” He looked away, brushing a tear from his cheek as hers started to fall.

“I’m going to break up with him—” she tried as her breath hitched.

“Good.” The relief was swift, but that wasn’t the point. “He’s not good for you. But that has nothing to do with me. You know I’m not built for this, so what do you want from me?” His father’s damage was pouring out of him. It was odd that he could see it so clearly but couldn’t stop it. “You wanna watch me destroy us?” He shook his head. “I told you last night I felt like I was losing my best friend. That’s how much you mean to me. You really think I’d jeopardize your happiness, so I can stick my dick in you? I may not be much, but I’m a better man than that.”

“Why are you doing this?” she practically sobbed out the question.

His lips trembled as his nostrils flared. He could barely see through the tears that clouded his vision. “Because it’s the right thing to do.” He closed his eyes, pushing on them with the heels of his palms. “It hurts,” he gritted his teeth as he forced the words out. “It
hurts
to want something so much and know you’ll destroy it. I can’t…” he shook his head again, groaning in pain as he pushed himself up to stand.

She covered her eyes, crying into her hands as he looked down at her, and the pain felt like a hand was in his guts, twisting them into knots. His tears fell too, and he walked away from her, listening to her cry as he re-entered the house. All he wanted to do was go back to her, but he was going to hurt her instead. He was going to hurt her now, because he couldn’t stand the idea of hurting her later, and he fully understood that he would.

It just had to end.

He stood in the shower in his bedroom, letting the heat scorch his skin, and he stayed there until his head felt woozy from the suffocating steam. When he stood at the bathroom counter, he stared at himself. He was staring at his father. He hated that he looked anything like the man. The reflection that stared back at him was hard to look at.

He heard a door close downstairs, and he walked quickly to the window in his bedroom that looked out over the front circle drive. There was a cab in the driveway, and as she suddenly emerged from the open garage, the cabbie was by her side, carrying her bag for her.

His breath started hitching, he was panicking, his chest tight as the desperation clenched around his heart. His fingers gripped the window ledge, and he panted as he tried to catch his breath. He was losing everything. He was throwing everything away. His lips trembled as his emotions unraveled, and as the cab driver closed the door after her, he fell to his knees, his hands still gripping the window ledge.

He groaned this ugly and pained sound as his chest shook and his tears streamed. He stayed crumpled on the floor for a good ten minutes after she left, and when he pulled himself up, his eyes were puffy, his brain felt dull, and he was exhausted. He walked to the bathroom, the sudden sight of his father staring back at him again in the mirror inciting a swift surge of rage through him. He hurled the nearest object, a heavy marble soap holder, directly at the mirror, watching it shatter and fall to the countertop. And then he staggered back a few steps, sinking to the floor.

He stared at the cupboard in front of him, panting as he sat there in a stupor. It was an hour before he moved, and he stumbled downstairs to the room she’d slept in the night before.

She’d made the bed, and the room suddenly felt so exceptionally empty—much like the house around him. There was a piece of paper on the bed, and his heart pounded in his chest as he picked it up and sank to the side of the mattress.

Jas,

I hope you know I’ll always be here for you. But I also hope you understand that you’re the one who pushed me away this time. It’s your pain that shut me out. You should know, I will always be your friend if you need and want me to be. But I have to leave now because you’re absolutely right. There is so much more between us than that and, sadly, it’s going to end up hurting me if I stay.

Love,

Gray

He collapsed back to her bed, staring at the paper in his hand. He rolled to his side, and he let his thumb run over the word. Love. It sent a shiver through his body as he looked at the word. It was a common closing. It likely meant nothing to someone like her to use it in a letter to her friend.

He closed his eyes, still holding the letter in his hand. An estate sale agent was coming later that day, but he didn’t give a shit. He just needed to sleep. And as his brain started to shut down, he gave up forcing her from his mind. He smiled slightly as he saw her face, and he pretended it was real, and more than that, he pretended he’d not just destroyed it.

“I love you, Gray,” he murmured just before he fell asleep.

Chapter Thirty-Two

“Gray,” Ian’s voice hollered to her as she pushed herself up from where she’d collapsed on the bed. “Gray? Baby?”

Her face scrunched up, and she groaned silently as she started toward him. “Hey,” she said casually as she panicked on the inside.

She’d only gotten home from the doctor’s office a couple hours before, and she’d instantly fallen asleep. She’d been in a stupor since climbing into the cab that morning at Jasper’s. She couldn’t even say she recalled the better portion of her trip home, and she took a cab straight to the doctor’s office from the airport when she landed. They’d fitted her with a walking boot, and she sat numbly through the appointment until they cut her loose. Her first physical therapy session would be on Monday. She didn’t care.

“There’s my girl.” Ian smiled as he waltzed over to her, scooping her up in his arms as she squealed. Her crutches clanked to the ground, and his lips instantly covered hers, his tongue thrusting into her mouth. She was still squealing, the sound muffled by his tongue.

He walked toward her bed, never separating from her lips, and when his body came down on top of hers as he laid her on the bed, she squirmed.

“No, Ian, I—”

He groaned loudly as he reached down, pushing his hand under the waistband of her underwear. She tried to close her legs, but his body was between them, and as she pushed at his chest, he sank two fingers into her vagina. She wasn’t the least bit aroused, and it hurt as his abrasive dry fingers scraped along her sensitive skin.

“No! Please—”

But then his lips quieted her again, and his tongue invaded her mouth once more. She pushed at him, squirming her body underneath his. She planted her heel on the bed and pushed as pain seared through her foot and up her calf. Her eyes instantly teared, but her cries were muffled.

His fingers thrust, oblivious to her pain, her fear, her outright disgust at what was happening, and it wasn’t until he’d stopped assaulting her mouth that she was finally able to put a stop to it.

“Stop!” she yelled as she planted her palms on his chest and shoved as hard as she could. He glared at her as he pulled back, and when he yanked his hand from her body, the friction burned between her legs, and she cried out.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he snarled as he stood from the bed.

She panted, pulling her knees up and wrapping her arms around herself. “I can’t…” she gasped out. “I… I’m sorry. I just…”

He was glaring at her, and she stared at the floor at his feet rather than let that glare intimidate her.

“I don’t want to see you anymore. I want to break up.” She glanced up at him. “I’m sorry.”

He stared at her for a moment, but then he actually smirked. “I see. And does this have something to do with my best friend by any chance? Have you developed an infatuation with my rough native looking buddy?” He laughed at her mockingly. “You wouldn’t be the first woman to make that mistake.” He watched her for a moment as she tried to get her mouth to cooperate, but she was intimidated. This wasn’t a good position to be in. She was trapped on the bed, her crutches by the door, and him looming over her. “Answer me!” he suddenly barked.

She jumped and gasped, gaping at him. “Things have gotten … confusing with him, but it’s not… That’s not why I want to break up.” She stared at Ian’s chest, swallowing painfully.

“And does he know you’re
confused
?” He mockingly used his finger quotes on the last word.

She shrugged, looking away.

“Does he know you’re dumping me because of it?”

“No.” But as she looked back up to his eyes it was a cool smirk she saw.

“Do you really think he’d be interested in someone like you?” The smug look on his face hurt. “You’re not even
that
pretty.” He smiled tauntingly. “Funny thing about men, though. They’ll fuck just about anything you give them permission to fuck.” He laughed in amusement, and he shrugged. “It’s just what we do, babe. Odd you thought you were something more special than a hole for him to stick his cock in.”

She was trying to hold her ground with nothing more than eye contact, but as he watched her with that calm and amused expression her resolve faltered. She was just a kid again, letting a man tell her what her worth was—too powerless to stop it.

He laughed. “Take me for instance. I’ve been fucking our cost accountant for the past month.” He bobbled his head from side to side as though he were considering something. “I guess I didn’t technically have your permission to do that, but hey, you were fucking my best friend.” He smiled. It was a cruel smile. “He has done a good job of keeping you out of my hair though…” His very tone was a slap in the face. He smirked as he glared down at her, his hands on his hips.

When he started casually moving around her bedroom, touching her belongings and trailing his fingers over her stuff, she held her breath.

“Now my cute little accountant… Jasper would like her.” He picked up a picture of her and her parents that sat on her dresser, and he studied it. He laughed and turned toward her, still holding the picture in his hand. “Me, Jas, and my sweet fucking accountant, that will be fun.”

He tossed the framed picture on her bed casually as he strolled around some more.

“Get out.” She tried to keep her voice assertive and firm.

He eyed her coldly. “I’ve been having all sorts of fun with her. Now
she
is Jasper’s type. Lanky fucking legs, long blonde hair, more than a handful of tit. I’m going to enjoy sharing her with Jas.” He walked up to the bed, and as he leaned down to her, she recoiled and leaned back. “You’re not in the same league, babe.” He shook his head with the most insincere feigned look of sympathy on his face.

Her eyes were hot with impending tears, and she wanted her crutch if for no other reason than to beat his fucking head in with it. “Fuck you,” she seethed.

But he just laughed again as he stood back up. “Hey, I tried to fuck you. Could have been your farewell fuck.” He shrugged, turning and walking away, but before he reached her door, he glanced back, chuckling and shaking his head. “You’re nothing but an ignorant fucking child. Consider yourself replaced.” He walked out without another word.