The Rules Regarding Gray (33 page)

Gray sat in stunned silence, trying to force the pain of his words from her mind. She cried, feeling as pathetic and stupid as Ian had implied she was as she crawled to her crutches, and then she sat there, letting her rage build for a while. She slammed her crutch against the hard floor with a loud grunt, and by the time she’d stood and hobbled back to her bed, she was in a stupor.

She woke her phone up, intending to call Anna, but Jasper’s contact information was there at the top of her list. All she needed to do was hit send to connect to him. Instead, she turned her phone off, and she curled up on her side, forcing her eyes to close and fighting against the insidious thoughts Ian had planted in her mind.

She fell asleep imagining Jasper with a blonde faceless beauty. She groaned in her half sleep as she clutched at her stomach. He was fucking, moaning, touching, and coming. And Ian was there too, watching with a smirk on his face. She whimpered, and then she pulled the blankets tight around her, finally letting sleep take her.

Chapter Thirty-Three

“Hi.” Jasper answered the phone when Ian called. His heart was hammering in his chest even as he forced the casual greeting from his mouth. It was Saturday morning, and he was little more conscious on this day than he’d been the day prior, but he’d at least survived the day. That was all he could say. He’d done it going a bit crazy and destroying his relationship with Gray, but it was at least over.

“Hey,” Ian responded. “What’s up?”

“Not much. Trying to get G’s house in order. The estate sale agent came yesterday and toured the house.”

“So does that mean you decided to sell Granny’s house?”

“Not necessarily. She’s got more stuff than I know what to do with, and with no family to take it, I need to move it.” He couldn’t seem to sound anything but annoyed.

“You’re her family.”

“Yeah, and if I liked Dutch lace, doilies, Victorian era furniture, and paintings of cocker spaniels, I’d be in luck. But I don’t, and G wouldn’t care in the least.” He sighed. “Anyway, the agent has given me a list of things to accomplish over the weekend. But she’s got a good reputation, so … I guess I have to do her homework.”

“She, huh? Is she hot?”

He shook his head, his jaw clenching tight. “I suppose. If you like the type.”

“What type?”

He froze. His type. “Forget I said it. What do you need?” He didn’t sound very friendly at all.

“Nothing. Just calling. I was tied up all last night with Gray, but I wanted to check in—see how you were doing.”

He cleared his throat. “You saw Gray?” He tried to keep his tone casual.

“Yeah,” Ian said as though he were confused by the question. “Hadn’t seen her since getting back into town.” He chuckled. “Talk about an overzealous fuck. I fucked her mouth, her pussy, and her ass all before coming. She couldn’t get enough.” His voice was casual as he laughed. “She can be quite passionate, you know?” He chuckled again. “Of course you know. Apparently, she missed me.”

Jasper had to hold the phone away from his head for a moment as he struggled to breathe. His entire body started trembling and vibrating, and his hand was clamped down so hard on his phone his knuckles were turning white.

“You okay, dude,” came Ian’s voice from the phone.

He cleared his throat again as he lifted the phone back to his ear. “Yeah. Just tired.” He could barely get the words out.

“Well, I better go. Tell your dad I said hi.” There was something cool about his voice, but then, it was Ian.

Jasper was still fighting for every breath he took, and he opened his mouth, wanting to scream but gritting his teeth in desperate need for an outlet. “You’re not good for her.” It popped out, his words the only outlet he had for the fire burning inside him.

“No, certainly not,” Ian scoffed. “But she wasn’t complaining last night.” He laughed. “Are you jealous?” Ian asked with amusement.

Jasper took a deep breath, his eyes glossing over. “You know, I always knew I was a piece of shit—a real fucking asshole.” He said quietly.

Ian chuckled. “Oh, well. We can’t all be—”

“But you know what else?” Jasper interrupted him quickly. “You were always there to convince me I was right.”

Ian hummed, but it sounded bitter. “Are you trying to make a point, friend?”

“Don’t hurt her.” He shook his head. “Please,” he pleaded with the man he’d far rather be punching.

Ian laughed. “Me? Now what on earth could you mean?” He said mockingly. “Listen, dude, I gotta go. Talk later.” And then Ian hung up on him.

Jasper stood and stalked inside. He paced around the large kitchen, pausing to grip the edge of the sink and staring down into it. Images of Ian fucking her brains out stabbed his conscious, and he groaned loudly. It wasn’t hard to imagine what it would look like. He’d watched the man fuck her before. It had aroused the hell out of him that night to see her getting fucked. Now it made him want to vomit, and it made him want to beat the shit out of his best friend.

But what right did he have to be upset? No one made him fall for her, and certainly no one made him push her away. He’d done this to himself.

When his phone rang, his heart leapt for a moment. He glanced at it almost desperate to see Gray’s number but fearing it more than anything else. It was the estate agent. He was needed for some paperwork. He barely made it through the phone call with Jane as she asked him to come into her office to finalize the contracts. All Jasper could think about was how much he wanted to crawl into a hole. His life was falling apart, and he hadn’t felt this level of helplessness for more years than he could recall.

He jumped in the shower, and then he left the house, and as he sat numbly through the meeting with Jane, he tried to pay attention, but it was hopeless. He nodded when it was appropriate, he shook his head too, and a time or two he clearly shook when he should have nodded. The result was Jane eyeing him in confusion until Jasper figured out the right response and appeased her.

“You sure you’re okay?” she asked in her friendly tone. She was tanned and tall, and every time he made eye contact with her, she blushed and batted her eyelashes.

“I’m fine. Sorry. I just have a lot on my mind.”

“It can’t be easy losing someone you’re so close to.”

He forced a polite smile, and he nodded. But in truth it drove a glaring and painful point home. He had lost two someones he was close to. One to old age and one to his own fucking stupidity and self-loathing tendencies. “Is there anything else?” he asked rather distractedly.

“Oh,” she said in surprise and maybe a bit of offense. “I guess not. Unless, of course, you’d like to grab some lunch.” She looked at him hopefully.

“Not today.” He stood, walking toward the door.

“You sure? Everyone has to eat.” She was the confident type who expected to get her way. “We have plenty to discuss about advertising, timelines, and all that jazz. It really will be a business only lunch.” But her wink challenged that statement.

He looked around for a moment. “Uh… Okay. Sure. Just a quick bite.”

“Great.”

He took a deep breath. They decided on a nearby place, but when she suggested they drive together, he said no. He lied and said he had an errand to run, but in truth, he just didn’t want to be that close to her.

When he left her office, the light on his phone was blinking out that he had a message. He took a deep breath when he saw it was from Gray, and he didn’t even try to listen to it until he was sitting safely back in his car.

“Hi.” Her voice was quiet. “Can you call me? I really need to talk to you. Bye.” The insecurity in her voice was ominous. What could she possibly think she needed to say to him? Did she think she owed him an explanation for resuming her girlfriend duties with Ian? It was a fucking joke. He had absolutely no right to be upset. She’d done
exactly
what he’d pushed her into doing. He’d given her no reason to regard him as anything more than a prop in the end—her own private sex toy to use. He’d pushed her away, and she’d gone home to her boyfriend. It was his fucking fault. All of it.

He didn’t call her back immediately. He drove to the restaurant, trying to figure out what the hell he was supposed to do, and when he pulled into a parking spot, Jane was already climbing out of her car nearby. She smiled at him, and he climbed out. He sat across from her, trying again to pay attention to what she was talking about. He wasn’t trying to be rude; he was just in a different world than she was.

She asked about his grandmother, and he managed to stay in the here and now as he told her about his G. She smiled kindly. He was guessing she was very used to dealing with the families of lost loved ones, and his grief was likely not a new thing to her. But her expression was genuine, and while she didn’t have Gray’s ability to ask exceptionally loaded questions and still make him want to answer, she did listen attentively.

By the time their check was left at the table, he was more relaxed than he expected to be around her.

“I’d like to come by on Monday and start doing a more thorough inventory of items that will be included in the estate sale. I assume you can have everything you intend to keep boxed up and in the garage by then?”

“Yes. And that’s fine. I’ll be around on Monday.”

“Great. Once I get in there and can go through things a bit more thoroughly, I may need to call in some brokers to appropriately price some of the furnishings, artwork, and jewelry. I’d rather do my due diligence now than underprice something.”

“Sure. I appreciate that.”

She smiled. “So I guess we’ll be seeing a lot of each other over the next few weeks.”

He nodded, letting his eyes wander away. There was a time he’d have had her on her knees within a week of meeting her—if not less. Right now he felt too impotent to even be a man. So he nodded, his lips pursing uncomfortably. She was clearly trying to flirt, and he was clearly making it difficult. He walked her to her car and smiled politely as she turned to him.

“Would you like to go out for a drink sometime?”

He cringed inside, hiding it on the outside by clenching his jaw down tight. “I don’t think I’d make very good company right now.”

She smiled, not the least bit put off by his statement. “You know, in my line of work, I meet a lot of sad people.” Her eyes narrowed and her lips pursed. “But I think it’s more than losing your grandmother in your case.”

He stared at her. She was smiling easily at him, knowingly watching him for any sign of affirmation.

“Perhaps,” he commented.

She hummed. “I see. Let me guess. You just got out of a bad relationship, and you’re afraid to…” She bobbled her head as she considered it. “…jump into anything too soon, lest you get hurt again. Am I right?”

He chuckled, but it was mirthless. “Close…” He bobbled his own head then. “…if close means the polar opposite.”

She cocked her head as she waited. It was intrigue.

“I just ended an amazing relationship, and I’m terrified I’ll never find anything that compares to her. And more than that, that I don’t deserve anything that compares to her.” It was a brutal truth, and as he watched, her lips parted and her brow wrinkled. The truth could do that quickly sometimes.

He turned and walked away after he said a quick goodnight.

But her voice stopped him quickly. “Everyone deserves happiness,” she called after him.

He paused ten feet from her, turning slowly back. He studied her for a moment. “Yes, she does.”

And then he walked to his car and drove home. As he pulled up out front in the circle drive, he picked up his phone and he stared at it. He pulled up her contact information, and his body flushed at nothing more than the sight of her name. He hit send as waves of anxiety coursed through him. But it went straight to voice mail. He didn’t hang up.

“Hi.” He was silent for a moment. “I … umm… Fuck,” he muttered. “I’m not coming back to Austin. I need to be here right now, and… I’m just not sure how to be around you anymore.” He stared at his lap for a moment. “I want you to know I care very much for you, and I will never regret the time I spent with you. I have never liked myself as much in my life as I did when I was with you, and that makes you incredibly special to me.” He swallowed feeling his throat constrict. “You deserve
so
much more… I’m sorry.” He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I’ll see—” He couldn’t finish that sentence because it was a lie. “You’re going to be happy. And I’m going to be happy knowing you are. Goodbye, Gray-short-for-Gracelynn-but-never-Grace.”

He hung up, and then he let his forehead fall to the steering wheel of the car, and he cried. Silent tears ran down his cheeks, and he didn’t bother trying to stifle them. When he climbed from his car, he brushed the tears away, and he dialed another number as he walked up to his house. It was practically palatial, and he without doubt didn’t fit in here, but he supposed that wasn’t much different than the few years he’d lived here in his childhood. He’d survived it then. He was sure as hell going to survive it now.

“Hey, Seth. How are things going at the bar?”

“Cool. Busy, but we’re covered scheduling wise. I got this.”

“I know you do. So…” He wandered through the house to the expansive patio out back, and as he stood looking out over the open bluff beyond the property, he blew out a calming breath. “What would you say if I offered you a good price on a great little bar on Rainey Street, aptly named after my mood?”