The Rules Regarding Gray (7 page)

It was stupid to drive all the way home, especially when he had to pick up Ian first thing the next morning, but he couldn’t be there right now, and when he pulled into his driveway forty-five minutes later, he just sat in his car staring at the front of his silent and dark house. It was a large single story ranch situated on thirty-five acres of ranchland. He used the land for nothing at all except as a barrier between himself and the world.

He liked it here. He liked the silence. He liked the darkness of it. He liked the space it kept between himself and everything else. When he entered his home, he flipped on a few lights as he moved, and once he was in the kitchen, he cracked open a beer and he leaned against the sink, staring out into the dark night beyond the window. He downed his beer quickly, and then he sacked out in bed, trying hard to run away from what he’d done.

Gray had made him feel weak, and he’d fought back by blurting out the truth of what was going on in his head—as though he could fight back and shut down her disdain by erupting his thoughts at her. In the end, he’d shut her up all right, but he’d walked away from her feeling guilty and stupid.

After an hour of staring into the dark, he looked at the clock, and he snatched up his cell phone from the nightstand. It was after midnight, and he set his cell phone back down. Calling now would be a dick move, but after another few minutes, he grabbed his phone again, growling in frustration.

He pulled up her contact information and hit the call button.

“Hello.” Her voice sounded tired… and yet, she’d answered after only one ring.

“I’m sorry.”

She was silent. She was so silent he wondered if she was going to say anything at all, but eventually, she took a deep breath. He held his as he waited for it.

“I don’t think we should spend time with one another or speak to one another anymore.”

His chest seized up tight, and his throat constricted. He was the one unable to speak now.

“It’s too … confusing. And I don’t like feeling this way.”

He closed his eyes, trying to remember how to swallow. “Okay,” he said quietly.

“Good night.”

“Yeah.” His teeth were gritted as he pushed the word out.

And then he hung up.

Chapter Six

“I miss you, Gray. I want to see you. You can’t keep ignoring me. I’m your boyfriend. At least I was the last time I looked.”

She stared out the practice room window for a moment as Anna watched her.

“Please just see me. Talk to me. Have dinner with me. Please.”

She bit her lip, and then she started chewing on her nail. “Fine. Tell me where and when. I’ll meet you there.”

She jotted down the time and place before she hung up with him.

“Huh,” Anna remarked as Gray dropped her cell phone into her bag.

They both sat on the floor, putting their feet together and starting to stretch. They went through the movements as other dancers filtered into the room, dropping their bags on the floor as well and stretching. They said their hellos and did the requisite chatting, but Anna was focused on her.

“When are you seeing him?”

“Tomorrow night for a late dinner at The Carillon.”

“What are you thinking?”

Gray laughed for a second. “Umm… perhaps that I’m not sure what I think about any of it anymore.”

“Meaning?”

Gray shrugged.

When Daniel, the director, walked in, they stood and took their place along the bar.

“Meaning?” Anna hissed at her.

Gray cocked her head over her shoulder in Anna’s direction. “Meaning … things are all mucked up in my brain, and I don’t know how I feel,” she hissed right back.

“About who?” Anna was still hissing.

Gray was craning her neck back, and it hurt like hell. When she dropped her hand from the bar, she turned halfway around to face her nosy friend. “About—”

“Well, hi, Gray. Are you with us today?” Daniel’s voice interrupted her.

She smiled sheepishly at him for a moment. “I am now.”

“Glad to hear it.” Daniel smiled back at her. “Save the gab for break time.”

“Yes, sir.”

She ignored Anna for the remainder of that practice, and when they took a break, Anna watched her like a hawk. When Anna sat down beside her on the floor, she clasped her hands in her lap.

“Explain this.”

“Honestly, Anna, there’s nothing to explain. I don’t know how to feel about Ian, and you know what, it has nothing to do with this … this thing. And you know I’m not very good at just walking away and throwing in the towel.” She looked at Anna. “And I’m not sure I want to.”

Anna nodded. “Because of Ian or because of this other man?”

Gray glanced away for a moment, and when she looked back, she smiled. “Do you ever feel like…” Her eyes flit away again. “Like your life isn’t enough, and you feel empty. Like you bore even yourself? And you’re coming unglued at the seams because … because something …
needs
to happen.” She shook her head. She wasn’t making sense. “I don’t know,” she muttered.

“You’re thinking of doing it.” Anna’s expression had gone from intrigue to utter shock in less than one second flat.

“No! Trust me. That ship sailed the moment I told Jas I didn’t want to speak to him again—ever. In case you forgot about that part. It’s just…” She shrugged. “Ian … excites me. He doesn’t play by the rules, and more than that, he doesn’t give a shit about them. And I feel a little less dull when I’m with him.” She looked at Anna for a moment and saw concern looking back at her. “I can’t say Ian is the answer to any of it, but…” She laughed. “But I’m afraid to let go of being close to that excitement.”

“You know, you say this is about Ian, but none of this came up until after Jas—”

“Oh, no. Don’t…” She shook her head, warning Anna as she stood to her feet.

“I’m just questioning how much of this is actually related to Ian and not that
other
man.”

“‘
Other’
man? Being a little judgmental aren’t we?”

“Being a worried friend.” Anna smirked as Gray pulled her up from the floor. A few minutes later, they were working their asses off for Daniel as he appraised them, nodding with his arms crossed on his chest as he always did during practice.

Fortunately, she had a pas de deux practice that afternoon for a contemporary pointe piece she’d be performing at the upcoming annual donor appreciation night. They kicked off every season with this short invitation only performance in the studio theater at Butler Center. It was the company’s way of saying, “Hey, we like your money. Give us more, please.” And free champagne, hors d’oeuvres, and a performance seemed to be the way to do it.

How it translated to Gray on this day? Quiet time with Blake, her pas de deux partner, who knew nothing about her bizarre love life and was too busy worrying about his own to care what crazy jumbled up thoughts were floating through her head. And by the time she and Blake had finished with the choreographer, it was mid-evening.

* * * *

Gray trembled as she walked into the restaurant the next night. She gave the maître d’ Ian’s name, and she twisted her fingers tightly, feeling the clammy skin rub together. She followed the maître d’ to the back of the restaurant, and when he opened a door into a small private dining room, she took a deep breath and followed him.

But that deep breath didn’t help her a bit when her eyes met Jasper’s as he looked up to her. She gasped, and his eyes popped open wide in shock. Ian’s back was to her, but as he clearly caught the shocked expression on Jasper’s face, he turned toward her, smiling broadly.

“I was starting to think you were standing me up,” he commented casually.

“What…?” She shook her head.

Jas stood at that moment, glaring angrily down at Ian. “You just don’t know when to leave well enough alone do you?” And then he looked to her, his face softening visibly. “I didn’t know you were going to be here.”

“Wait!” Ian cried, but there was a smirk on his lips. He stood then, holding his hands up to both of them. “It isn’t about that. I just wanted to make amends. You’re my best friend, Jas, and Gray, you’re my girlfriend. I need things to be okay—”

“You
need
to get your fucking head examined,” Jasper muttered as he stalked out of the room, breezing by her on the way.

She glared at Ian for a moment as he watched her, and then she shook her head. She followed Jasper’s lead, walking quickly from the room. She had no idea if she was trying to catch up to him or if she was just plain fleeing, and she was leaving it entirely up to whether he was still in the parking lot when she reached it. Her heels clicked on the pavement as she started quickly down the aisle, and then she stopped walking altogether.

He was there. Not even attempting to leave—just leaning up against the hood of his car, watching her as though he’d been waiting for her to find him. She slowed her gait as she closed the space between them, and he studied every step she took.

“I didn’t know you were going to be here either.” She wasn’t really sure what else to say.

“That was quite clear given the expression on your face. I’m sorry.” His ankles were crossed as he leaned casually against the hood of his car, but however casual his posture might be, his intense eyes were boring holes into her skull and sending an invisible shudder through her body.

“Jas … I’m really sorry about what I said to you last week after you left my place.” She swallowed painfully as he watched her.

He shook his head. “Don’t be. I respect your need to put some space between us. You were right to do that—especially after my behavior when I was at your loft. You didn’t do anything wrong.” He was studying her eyes closely. “In fact, I owe you an apology for that little outburst of mine.” He smirked.

She nodded slowly for a moment. “Well, regardless, I’ve regretted those words from the moment they came out of my mouth. They
felt
wrong.”

When she managed to look back at him, his jaw was tight and rigid, and his nostrils were flaring as he inhaled slowly.

“You know…” He glanced away for a moment. “…beyond the completely inappropriate things I admitted to you the other night, I actually do just like hanging out with you. I think I was more upset I couldn’t do that anymore than anything else. But I
do
understand. And I don’t want you to feel guilty about putting barriers in place between us.”

She nodded. “I like hanging out with you too.” She looked down at the ground between them. “And I don’t need barriers.”

He watched her for a moment. “Okay,” he said quietly. “You hungry?”

She smiled. “Yeah, actually.”

He pushed off the car then, offering her his arm. “Shall we go deal with your ridiculous boyfriend?”

She laughed and took his arm. “He’s
your
best friend.”

“Yes.” He looked down at her as they walked slowly back toward the restaurant. “You look nice. I like this dress, and I like your hair down.”

She thanked him as warmth settled into her cheeks, and she avoided looking at him lest it intensify into a full on blush. When they reached the front door of the restaurant, his hand met her lower back—not low enough to be inappropriate, but not high enough to be completely platonic, and he didn’t remove it until they were walking back into the private dining room.

Ian was sitting at the table patiently with his fingers steepled against his chin. He’d moved to the side of the table, so he was facing the door now, and as they entered, he smirked. “Glad I won’t be eating alone,” he commented.

She took the spot Ian had abandoned, and Jasper scooted her chair in before he rounded the table and took the place across from her.

Jasper’s focus settled on Ian. “You owe us both an apology.”

Ian glanced between the two of them for a moment, and then he rolled his eyes. “Okay.” He studied them some more, and then he cleared his throat. “You are both beyond fortunate to have me in your lives.” He paused smirking at them.

Jas looked at her, shaking his head in amusement. “Is this supposed to be an apology?”

She laughed shaking her own head too.

“Yes. Now shut up. As I was saying, however fortunate you both are, I do realize that, on occasion, I get…” He shrugged his shoulders. “…well, what I would consider a pretty damn good idea.”

Jas rolled his eyes, studying her some more.

“But!” Ian stuck his finger up in the air, standing from his chair. “The world apparently doesn’t revolve around me and my notions. Can’t imagine why not,” he muttered. “What I’m trying to say—”

“Yes. Get on with it already!” Jas cried as she laughed.

“I’m sorry.” Ian looked between the two of them. His expression was sincere without the slightest hint of his normal sarcasm or smirk. “I put you both in an awkward position, and that was wrong.” He sat down then as the waiter entered with a couple bottles of red wine. Ian glanced at her. “I know it’s red, but I couldn’t remember what—”

“Malbec you dick,” Jasper commented, but his eyes were on her, and she smiled.