The Runaway Woman (13 page)

Her dad said she looked ‘done in’, yet she did not feel tired.
She felt a multitude of emotions, but not tiredness.

She felt drained, until there seemed nothing left of her. She felt strange inside; somehow alienated from normality. More than anything else, she felt lost.

This homely little house where she had grown up had been her life for so many years. Everything was reassuringly familiar. Her mother was here, in every corner, and in the very fabric
of those strong, familiar walls.

She wanted her mum to be here now, alive and smiling; and proudly wearing the bright red slippers that Dad bought for her. It didn’t matter that they were two sizes too big for her, and made a clapping sound when she walked.

When the wave of grief threatened to swallow her, Lucy hurried to the kitchen and made her father’s bedtime drink. As always he was trying
to put a brave face on everything, but this time the loss of his wife had taken the strength and purpose right out of him.

Some half-hour later, she and her father had drunk a measure of their cocoa, before they each rejected it.

‘It’s hard to make it go down,’ the old man said. ‘I’m sorry, love. I’ve had enough.’

‘Are you ready to go up yet, Dad?’

He shook his head. ‘Not really, no.’

‘Please,
Dad … you can’t sit down here all night. You need to try to get some sleep.’ She stopped short of reminding him what tomorrow would bring. Truth was, she hardly dared think about it herself.

‘Not yet, Lucy.’ His gaze was constantly drawn to the photo of his and Susie’s wedding day.

‘I’ll stay up with you then.’ It was obvious that her father was not in a hurry to climb the stairs; not without
his wife alongside him. Instead, he remained slumped in the old armchair, which after too many years of bearing his weight had taken on the shape of its grateful occupant.

So, she sat with him now, each of them thinking of that very special woman who had been a huge presence in both their lives.

When the doorbell rang, Lucy was startled. ‘Oh! That must be Martin, bringing my overnight bag.’
She clambered out of her chair and hurried to the door.

A moment later, Martin followed her back into the sitting room. ‘I’ve just brought Lucy’s stuff,’ he explained to the old man.

The truth was, he didn’t know what else to say in the circumstances, except to offer the old man the same hospitality that Lucy had offered previously. ‘You do know you’re very welcome to stay with us …’ he hesitated,
‘… I mean … until after …’ Growing uncomfortable, he fell silent.

‘No, thanks all the same, Martin. I’m grateful, but I’d rather be here, in my own home, if that’s all right with you and Lucy.’

‘Of course it is,’ Lucy reassured him, ‘and like I said before, I’ll stay with you for as long as you want me.’

He smiled. ‘Thank you … both of you.’

He had a request. ‘Just now, Martin, I suspect you
were about to mention the church … and the business of laying my Susie to her rest.’ He paused, taking a long, deep breath. ‘I wonder, Martin, would you be kind enough to oversee all the arrangements?’ Dropping his gaze, he choked back the tears and could not go on.

Martin did not hesitate. ‘Of course, Dad. Don’t worry, I’ll see to it.’ He would much rather not have overseen such a sad event,
but he hoped it might compensate somehow for what he had done to Lucy.

Just then the mantel-clock struck ten. ‘By, it’s not that time yet, is it?’ the old man was surprised at how quickly time passed.

Feeling uncomfortable in the circumstances, Martin was anxious to leave but he did not blame Lucy. He knew she was deliberately avoiding him. Even so, it would be better that they discussed it
like adults as soon as possible at some more suitable moment because, whatever happened, he still wanted to be with Paula, and she with him. And the sooner the better.

‘I’d best get back,’ he told Lucy and her father. ‘I’ve left Sam with Anne, but she’ll be wanting to get home to Les and little Luke. I think Sam might want to go with her. I’ve decided I won’t go in to work tomorrow. Thankfully,
it’s not that urgent a job. So if either of you need me, I’m only at the end of the phone.’

He gave his father-in-law an awkward, manly hug. ‘Take care of yourself, Dad.’

Lucy saw him to the door, but as he stepped onto the pavement, he lingered a moment. ‘Lucy, you didn’t say anything to your dad … did you?’

Lucy was shocked. ‘What kind of person do you take me for?’ Her voice dropped to a
harsh whisper. ‘Where’s your sense of decency? My mother has just died and you really think I would burden my father with the truth of what you and my sister have been up to?’ She could not even bring herself to say Paula’s name.

‘I’m sorry, I should have realised.’

Afraid her father might wander out to see where she was, Lucy stepped back to close the door. ‘Good night,’ she said curtly. In
return he merely nodded and hurried away.

She heard his foosteps carrying him away from her, and her heart shrank. She had been so content in her marriage, and now it was all ruined.

Something deep inside urged her to forgive him, but then there was this other, darker side, that could not forgive either of them. Not ever!

She felt close to tears, but for her father’s sake, she must hide her
feelings. She had two options. She could fight to keep Martin. Or she could simply let him go, and start a new life without him.

Neither way appealed to her. But for now she did not have the heart or the stamina even to think about it.

At some point it might be necessary to inform the children what their father had done. That prospect, though, was too awful to contemplate.

‘So, we’ll see Anne
and Sam tomorrow then, Dad?’ Again, she could not even speak her sister’s name.

‘That’s good. But what about Paula? She’s coming as well, isn’t she?’

‘I expect so.’

The old man fell silent for a moment, before his thoughts returned to the dark shadow hanging over them. ‘It’s good of Martin to take on the business of …’ his voice tailed off.

Lucy went to him and held him for a moment. There
was no need for words.

Safe in his daughter’s arms, the old man whispered, ‘I would not want anyone else but Martin to see to all of that. After all, he is a son in all but name. I’m thankful I don’t have to worry about you, though, Lucy. I know Martin will look after you. You’ve got a good man there.’

Lucy made no comment. It was true that both her parents were disappointed when they learned
of her childhood pregnancy. But they soon forgave that, and learned to accept Martin, and even grow fond of him.

‘Yes, Dad.’ Lucy acknowledged his comment, while hoping her father would never know of Martin and Paula’s shocking indiscretion. There seemed no way it might be overlooked, however, and that would be yet another crippling blow to her loving old dad.

A short time later, after she had
returned the cups to the kitchen, Lucy was relieved to see her father was becoming drowsy.

‘Come on, Dad, I think it’s time you got some sleep.’ When she helped him gently out of the chair, he did not protest. ‘It’s time you were up them stairs and in your bed.’

As she helped him up to his room, he gave no resistance. But when she went to the drawer to find his pyjamas, he became agitated.

‘I’m quite capable of getting myself into bed, thank you very much! You get off to your room, and I’ll sort myself out, same as I’ve done these many years.’

Just now, when Lucy was rummaging in the drawer, he could see her mother in her. Same caring attitude. Same warm smile.

‘You
will
get into bed, though, won’t you, Dad?’ Lucy needed reassurance.

‘Course I will. Now leave me be, there’s a
good girl.’

‘Can I use your telephone, Dad?’ She just remembered. ‘I need to call Kathleen and see if she can explain to my boss. Is that all right?’ Martin had organised the installation of the big black telephone after her mother’s health started to fail.

‘Course it is. You’ve no need to ask.’

‘Thanks, Dad. It’ll only take a minute. Try and get some sleep now.’

‘I will … once you decide
to leave me be!’ To leave him be so he could be with his wife; to talk with her, and hold her safe in his heart. But as for getting into bed without her there, he just could not do it.

Lucy kissed him good night. As she left, she recalled his words just now. Here she was, a woman touching forty, and yet her old dad still called her a ‘girl’.

She liked that. It put a kind of sad, whimsical smile
on her face.

As she went out the door, she was about to close it when he called out, ‘Leave the door open.’

Suspecting he might want to call her in the night, she left the door ajar.

Downstairs in the hallway, she collected her handbag from the peg. Zipping it open, she drew out a small notebook, flicked through the pages and found Kathleen’s number.

She dialled, a moment passed, and then,
‘Hello? Kathleen Riley here.’

After the worst day imaginable, it was good to hear Kathleen’s voice.

‘Kathleen! It’s me, Lucy.’

‘Oh, Lucy! I was just about to get in the bath. You do pick your moments, don’t you?’ she quipped. ‘So, what’s wrong?’

Lucy told her everything: about her mother being rushed to hospital, and the dreadful outcome that no one had expected. ‘So, I’m staying here with
my dad. He’s taking it really badly. We’re all still in shock.’

‘I’m so sorry, Lucy. Me and my big mouth!’ She felt ashamed.

‘You weren’t to know. Honestly, Kathleen, it’s so hard to believe.’

Kathleen understood. ‘Oh, Lucy, you must be devastated. I knew your mum had been unwell, but I didn’t realise. I’m sorry … is there anything I can do? If you want me to come over, I’ll be there quick
as I can, and I’ll stay as long as you want me.’

‘No, Kathleen, thanks all the same. I appreciate your offer, but I do need a favour.’

‘Of course!’ Kathleen was keen to make amends. ‘Consider it done.’

‘Well … I just wondered if you might please tell the boss what’s happened.’

‘I will, yes. That goes without saying.’

Lucy thanked her again. ‘Could you please tell her I won’t be in tomorrow,
and maybe not for a few days yet? I need to keep an eye on Dad. He’s being brave for our sakes, but he’s broken up. I won’t leave him, Kathleen.’

‘Nor should you!’ Kathleen vehemently assured her. ‘I’ll explain everything to the boss, so now, you stop worrying. Lord only knows, you’ve got enough to be dealing with.’

‘You’re the best friend, Kathleen. I knew I could count on you, and if the boss
decides to let me go, then so be it.’

‘She won’t let you go. She might be difficult, but she’s not stupid. She’ll understand. And don’t forget, I’m here if you need me … even if it’s the middle of the night.’

‘I’ll call you tomorrow, Kathleen. For now, though, I have to keep a wary eye on Dad. He’s absolutely devastated.’

‘Is Martin with you?’

‘No, he’s at home. Anne’s gone home and she’s
keeping an eye on Sam. I’m worried about Anne, too, Kathleen. She’s hardly said a word since it happened.’

‘Oh dear, that’s not good, but it is to be expected, I suppose. In this kind of situation, people tend to deal with it in different ways.’

‘Anne and Sam are coming to be with me and their granddad in the morning. She and Sam are close, so hopefully, she’ll talk to him about her feelings.’

‘So Martin is on his own tonight, is he?’

‘As far as I know. I think he encouraged Sam to stay with Anne for the night.’

‘Well, that’s not surprising, is it? I mean, a sister will give lots of cuddles, while a father might not. If they need Martin, he’s only a few streets away.’ She added again, ‘And if you need me, I’ll be there for you.’

‘I know.’ Lucy lowered her voice to a whisper. ‘Dad
asked Martin if he would oversee the business of … the church … and …’ her voice broke, ‘… sorry. I can’t seem to get it through my head that Mum’s gone.’

‘Hey! I understand.’ Kathleen’s warm, loving voice lifted Lucy’s spirits.

Lucy could hear Kathleen talking to her, but her mind was drifting back to Paula and Martin. She desperately wanted to confide in Kathleen. But after the enormity of
what had happened today, it was all too much to cope with.

‘We’ll talk tomorrow,’ she promised.

‘Call me, Lucy, at any time, day or night,’ Kathleen reminded her.

Lucy appreciated her offer. In truth, Kathleen was the only real friend she had.

‘Goodnight then, Lucy … love you lots. And you will call if you need me, won’t you?’

‘Yes.’

‘Do you promise?’

Lucy promised.

With the conversation
over, Lucy returned the receiver to its cradle and hurried back along the hallway to the front room, to collect the overnight bag Martin had brought over for her.

Making sure all the curtains were drawn, she then went through to the kitchen and into the bathroom at the back of the house, where she cleaned her teeth and washed herself in lukewarm water. She would have appreciated a hot bath, but
was far too tired to bother.

Feeling bone-tired, she went softly up the stairs, skilfully avoiding the creak on that middle step, then made a quick tiptoe along the landing to satisfy herself that her father had got into bed as promised.

He was fast asleep. She bent to place a kiss on his forehead. ‘Good night, God bless, Dad.’ She drew the blanket over his shoulders, not altogether surprised
when she saw he was still wearing his shirt, which was buttoned to the neck.

Very gently, she undid the top four buttons, and after making sure he was well covered and as comfortable as could be expected, she went softly out of the room, again leaving the door ajar.

Standing by the door, she lingered a moment to look back at him, safe and warm in his bed. She told herself that while he was asleep,
his pain was not so crippling.

Now that she was alone in this quiet little house, Lucy realised with a shock that this was the very first time in her entire life that she was here but her mother was not with her.

Even more unsettling, her dear mother would not be with her for the remainder of her life, however long that might be. She would never hear her voice again, nor see her smile. Her mother
would never again chastise her, or wink at her like she used to when pleased about some small thing, like when her cake had risen well, or she had managed to replace a light bulb all by herself, by standing on the kitchen chair.