Authors: Fiachra Sheridan
‘I’m glad you’re OK.’
‘Is Jay OK?’
‘He should be. They will know more tomorrow. Go up to bed and say a few prayers.’
Listening to his mam and dad talking was frustrating for Bobby. The bedroom wall wasn’t thick enough to block out all the noise. He could hear a murmur and, every once in a while, he could make
out a whole word. Not enough to understand what they were talking about. Loud enough, though, to take his mind off everything that was happening. He knew a line of questioning was going to start first thing in the morning. He knew he couldn’t tell them the whole truth. He couldn’t tell anyone the truth any more.
Bobby didn’t sleep long enough to wet the bed. His mam said she hadn’t slept at all. Bobby made her a strong cup of coffee while she sat at the dining-room table in her dressing-gown. She always used the free Nescafé cup she had got with the extra large jar of finely ground coffee. Bobby loved the smell, but hated the taste. She always drank more coffee when she was stressed.
Anto never drank coffee, or tea. Matt said he was the only man who had ever refused a cup of tea in his home. He had never knocked on Bobby’s door at nine in the morning, especially in a pair of running shorts.
‘I was just anxious to hear if there was news from the hospital last night.’
‘I stayed with Bernie until six. They said they would know more today. I said I’d go back up this morning.’
‘I’m going on a run. I thought it might take Bobby’s mind off things.’
‘I don’t want to go.’
‘Of course you do,’ his dad told him. ‘Don’t keep him waiting,’
Bobby changed into his shorts and T-shirt. He didn’t want to go anywhere with Anto ever again. He felt really small beside him. Two of his legs didn’t even make up the width of one of Anto’s.
‘Where will we start?’
‘I normally start at the Fluther Good pub.’
‘Why don’t we start at the top of the road and finish there too?’
Bobby didn’t care where he started. He reset his stopwatch.
‘Are you timing yourself?’
‘Yeah, I always do.’
‘What’s your record?’
‘Not as fast as you.’
‘I never time myself.’
‘It’s eight minutes.’
‘OK, if you beat it, I’ll give you a tenner.’
Bobby knew he shouldn’t have lied. He could hear his mam’s voice in his head, saying, ‘The truth always comes out at some stage!’
‘I meant eight minutes twenty.’
‘Yeah, right!’
Anto showed him a few new stretches he could do for his hamstrings. Bobby loved the feeling stretching gave him. Anto was a stickler for warming-up properly. At boxing, he would make
them warm-up for half an hour before they were even allowed to hit the punch-bag.
‘Let’s do a light jog and then we’ll start.’
‘Is that not wasted energy? You just don’t want to give me the tenner.’
‘It’ll make you run faster.’
When they got to the start, Anto said to follow his lead. Bobby never started as fast, not even when he outran Jay. The uphill stretch into Summerhill Parade came much quicker and Bobby’s legs were burning already. Anto could hear him breathing heavily, as there was no conversation.
‘Big deep breaths, in your nose and out your mouth.’
Bobby followed the instructions. They flew around the corner at the Sunset. Bobby looked at his watch, but they were going much faster than normal and Bobby couldn’t see the exact time.
‘Don’t look at the time. Stay focused. Keep the breathing going.’
Anto sounded like he was in the boxing club. He was brilliant at giving the right instructions. Bobby always gave it that little bit extra for him. When they turned the corner behind Croke Park, Anto told him to get a breather on the downhill stretch behind the Hogan Stand. Bobby was determined to keep up. He knew Anto could run faster.
‘I think I’m going to have to stop,’ Bobby got
out, despite the fact that his lungs were burning like never before and his legs felt like jelly.
‘Concentrate on your breathing. We’re nearly there.’
Bobby knew in his head that he wasn’t going to give up. He was going to beat eight minutes for Jay. If he beat his record, Jay was going to come back fitter than ever. If he didn’t, then he didn’t know what was going to happen. Bobby came up with scenarios like this all the time. He would make deals with God that if he stopped wetting the bed, his dad would stop drinking. If he stopped wetting the bed, he would never curse again. He knew he couldn’t keep some of the promises, but he made them anyway. He always talked to God before he went to sleep. God never answered him. He was never going to stop wetting the bed. He would never be able to get married, because he would pee on his wife in the middle of the night. He normally didn’t have thoughts like this when he was running. It must be the effort he was putting in.
When they got to the off-licence on Clonliffe Road, the pain became enjoyable. No matter how sore his legs were, he always had energy left to sprint near the end. That is what would win him an Olympic gold. Bobby picked up the pace. He turned right into Ballybough Road. Just the flats to run past and they were home. He picked up the
pace again. Each time, Anto stayed alongside him. One hundred yards to go. Fifty yards to go. Bobby collapsed onto the ground and could feel his knees cutting as he landed. He turned over on his back and felt for the stop button on his watch. He was breathing so heavily that he couldn’t open his eyes.
‘Try and sit up, the blood will all rush to your head,’ said Anto, hardly sounding out of breath.
Bobby followed the order and looked at his knees. Both were bleeding, but there was no pain. Bobby knew he had beaten eight minutes thirty. He was afraid to look at the watch.
‘What time did you do?’ asked Anto.
He looked at the watch.
7:59.74.
He wiped his eyes and looked again. The time didn’t change. He couldn’t believe it.
‘Seven minutes fifty-nine seconds,’ said a panting Bobby.
‘Brilliant. That was an easy tenner for you,’ said Anto, not knowing how Bobby felt inside.
‘We’ll walk for a few minutes to cool down. Let’s walk down the avenue and back again.’
Just as he said ‘the avenue’, Bobby realised that he hadn’t thought about Jay much in the previous seven minutes and fifty-nine seconds. The thoughts started coming thick and fast. What could he do to make everything better again? He started to think everything was his fault.
‘I don’t want to have to ask this question, because I trust you like you are my little brother. My dreams are about you winning that All-Ireland title, maybe even going to box in the Olympics.’
‘I want to run in the Olympics.’
‘And you can if you want. You are going to be good enough, to box or run.’
Anto leaned down and looked Bobby in the eye. He put one hand gently on his shoulder. He put the other on the side of his face. It felt warm against his bare cheek.
‘Look me in the eye… Was the video robbed?’
Bobby didn’t hesitate with an answer.
‘Exactly the way we told you. Jay got a bloody nose because of that video.’
Anto kept looking in his eyes. All Bobby could think was not to blink as Jay said it made you the loser in a staring match.
‘Go on home. I’ll call for you on the way to boxing.’
Bobby was thinking in his head that he wasn’t going boxing, but he decided to say nothing. He felt comfortable telling lies to Anto because the truth would lead to more problems.
‘Did you know Jay was using heroin?’ asked his mam.
‘No, but I knew that they did it in the unknown house.’
‘Right on our doorstep there are people using heroin.’
Laura looked at Matt in absolute disgust.
‘And our thirteen-year old son knows about it.’
‘It’s a disgrace. It’s destroying our city,’ added Matt.
‘It will destroy our family if we stay in this area.’
‘We’re not leaving,’ shouted Bobby, as if his opinion mattered.
Bobby was sitting against the H-Block wall when he saw the navy blue Nissan Bluebird pull up outside his house. Everyone knew the undercover cops drove them; it made them whatever the opposite of undercover was. Overcover, thought Bobby. One of them stood with his hand in his pockets, while the other one knocked on the door. He saw an arm reach out to shake hands but he couldn’t tell if it was his mam’s or dad’s. He thought about disappearing for a while but he knew he couldn’t run forever. He would have to tell them what had happened, even though Jay would call him a rat.
Matt didn’t have to shout for him. He saw Bobby looking his way and called him with a hand signal. He waited for him, attempting to pick him up
when he was within arm’s reach. Bobby pushed him away, not wanting to be treated like a baby.
‘This is Detective McNeill and Detective Burns,’ said Matt.
McNeill stood up and offered his hand to shake. Bobby reached out and received what Anto would call a weak handshake. McNeill hardly touched his hand, just shaking the top of Bobby’s fingers. ‘Hold that hand and squeeze,’ Anto would tell them, ‘it’s a sign of strength.’
‘Firstly, Bobby, we would like to tell you that you are not in trouble. Somebody gave Jason heroin,’ McNeill announced, acting concerned.
‘Jay.’
‘Sorry, Jay. We are not sure where he got it. We thought that, as you were his best friend, he might have said something to you.’
Bobby could see that McNeill was going to do all the talking and Burns was going to stay quiet and take notes.
‘Like what?’
‘Something to do with drugs or knowing someone who was selling heroin.’
‘I think I know where he got it.’
Bobby knew Jay would never have touched the stuff if it wasn’t for Willo Brown and the unknown house.
‘What did you say?’
‘I think I know where he got it.’
‘Where?’
‘Number six, Sackville Avenue. We call it the unknown house.’
‘How do you know?’
‘Because I found Jay in there.’
Detective Burns was scribbling furiously.
‘Keep talking, Bobby.’
‘What else can I say?’
‘When did you find him?’
‘I found him the other day. All the junkies use it.’
‘What junkies?’
Bobby could see Burns was struggling to keep up with the pace. Like Jay on their last run to the swimming pool.
‘Willo and Git Brown. They made him do it, it’s their fault.’
‘How many times was he in the house?’
‘I found Jay there once before last night. He was passed out on the floor. I brought him home and made sure he was OK.’
‘How did you even think to look there?’
‘Willo told me he was there.’
‘And this Willo fella, where does he live?’
‘He lives in the flats, but he’s always in the unknown house.’
‘And Jay told you that Willo gave him heroin?’
‘Yeah. Willo and Git.’
The two detectives went outside to talk. Bobby
could feel his mam and dad seething. Bobby knew he had just made their minds up about leaving Ballybough.
‘Why didn’t you tell us?’ asked his mother, who had a look of sadness and anger all in one stare.
‘I didn’t want him getting into trouble.’
‘He was already in trouble. You could have saved him from getting into more trouble.’
Bobby knew he was partly responsible. He could have done something, but he thought he was doing the right thing by staying quiet. Detective McNeill came back in to thank Bobby and his parents.
‘We’ll be back to talk to you again.’
‘Thank you, detective,’ said his mam.
They managed a smile at each other.
Bobby knew that when somebody was in a coma it meant they were really sick. He never expected that Jay’s story would be on the front of the
Evening Press
, because he didn’t realise that Jay was really sick. Anto had said he would be all right, and he was sure his mam had said that Jay would be all right. The story didn’t mention Jay’s name, it just called him a boy from the inner city. Anto convinced Matt that it would be best if Bobby did some extra training in the club to take his mind off
things. Anto gave him one-on-one coaching, refusing to let him spar before his big fight. Normally, he would be nervous leading up to a club fight. He expected to be ten times as nervous leading up to the biggest fight of his life, but he couldn’t get nervous as much as he tried. There was something huge missing from the build-up.
Going to training with Anto was not the same as going with Jay. There was never a moment of silence between Bobby and his best friend, they just talked and talked. Anto walked with him and hardly said a thing. Just the odd comment that required short answers from Bobby. It wasn’t a real conversation. Bobby didn’t know how Anto felt.
‘The police called to my house,’ said Bobby, surprising Anto with the comment.
‘The police. What did they want to know?’
‘How Jay got the heroin.’
‘What did you say?’
‘I told them the truth. He went to the unknown house and Willo gave it to him.’
‘I have been searching high and low for Willo, but he seems to have disappeared. I will find him though, and when I do…’
‘Will he get in trouble?’
‘He’ll get in more trouble if I find him before the cops.’
Bobby wanted to see Jay in hospital. His mam didn’t think it was a good idea. She made up excuses, none of which Bobby believed. He pleaded with his dad. Sometimes he was easier to convince.
‘If you don’t let me go I’m not fighting in the final.’
‘It will be your loss if you don’t fight.’
‘You’ll get a fright if you see him hooked up to all the machines.’
‘It’s better than not seeing him at all.’
Temple Street Hospital was only a few hundred yards from Croke Park. When the sun shone, Ballybough looked like the most beautiful place on earth. The swans in the canal looked whiter than white. Bobby’s mam had never once walked down the canal in fifteen years of living in Ballybough. She was surprised by the calm beauty of the water. Bobby explained that there were very few fish in that section of the canal. He pointed out the exact spots where fish were likely to be. A large sycamore tree hung out over the water, always looking like it was about to fall.