The Runners (16 page)

Matt decided they would go to the Bad Ass Café in Temple Bar for some food. Bobby’s dad had once won money on the football pools one Saturday and had taken them there. Bobby loved their pizzas. The waiter would write the order on a docket
similar to the one used in Ladbrokes. He would then reach up in the air, where there was a pulley system. The docket went into a holder, which was screwed into a socket. The socket had a string hanging down from it. Bobby and Kevin would always fight over who would get to pull the string. The waiter would lift one of them up to pull it. It flew across the restaurant above their heads to the order counter.

Detective McNeill accompanied them. He ordered a pizza to start and lasagne for a main course. Bobby looked at his stomach and thought he might need two pizzas and two lasagnes to fill the mound that came out over his belt. Bobby ordered an American cheeseburger. It was twice the price of the pizza. He knew he wouldn’t be able to eat anything, but because McNeill was paying he ordered the most expensive thing on the menu. And a Coke. He could drink that. His stomach just wasn’t capable of taking food in.

Bobby was in his own world, caught up in his own thoughts. He couldn’t stop thinking about Jay and how he had ended up going to the unknown house. And his mam’s comments about how he was different to the boys in the flats. On the way back to the court, they all walked under the arch and over the Ha’penny Bridge. Bobby said a little prayer to Jay and asked him for help. He didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

They walked down the river away from the city centre towards the large, grey, concrete court building. Michael Dunne had told him a story about when he was a boy during the Civil War in the 1920s. He remembered the bombing of the Four Courts. Bobby wished that the building would be bombed before they got back. They walked inside and onto the cold marble floor. There were people milling about everywhere. A man in a wig approached them and said there was an adjournment for legal argument.

The pillars in the court were about the same thickness as the conker trees in Holy Cross College. Bobby thought about Jay climbing the trees. He had reminded him of a monkey in the zoo. He had never looked down and had never shown any fear. He had just laughed and had shouted at Bobby, ‘Come on you chicken!’ Jay had given Bobby the courage he hadn’t had before. He had always tried to beat his fear and climb higher because he hadn’t wanted to bottle it in front of Jay. Bobby knew that the higher he went, the farther the fall. Jay had always said, ‘The higher you get, the better the view.’

Bobby hadn’t been back to Ballybough and he missed it. He didn’t think you could miss a place like a person, but he did. There was something special about Ballybough, just like there was something special about Jay. He missed the sprints to
the shop and the laps around Croker. And he never stopped missing Jay. He missed Jay more than anything else. He would trade all the money in the world to have Jay back. He talked to him all day, every day.

‘I’m coming to see you.’

Bobby ran out the main door and past more conker-tree pillars. He started jogging down the River Liffey towards the city centre. He didn’t want to stop. He jogged all the way to O’Connell Bridge. He turned into O’Connell Street. It was less than a mile long. He could feel the sweat building up on his back, so he took the jacket off and tied it around his waist.

He ran all the way to Dorset Street. His feet began to ache because his new shoes had only been worn twice. He could feel the blisters beginning to take shape on his heels. He would normally feel out of breath after a few miles as his heart rate increased. He didn’t now: he felt like he could keep on running forever. Anto had shown him he could run much faster than he had ever thought possible. He crossed the bridge and jogged up the canal bank towards their favourite fishing spot. There were two boys a bit younger than him fishing in the canal. He slipped off his shoe and saw a dark wet patch on his sock. He
took his sock off and looked at the blister. It was perfectly round. He wondered why blisters were always that shape. He had the menu from the Bad Ass in his pocket. It was the size of an A4 sheet. He tore it in half and folded each sheet in half again and again to make them small enough to fit into his shoes. He slid them down into the back of his heel to limit the rubbing of the blisters.

Bobby sat on the edge of the canal bank and stared into the water. It was too dark to see any fish, unless they swam right up to the surface. He let the soles dangle just above the water. Bobby could see his reflection on his shoes and in the water. He let a spit dangle from his lips. It hung on for dear life before dropping into the water, causing a small ripple. Then a perch swam up to the surface. It hovered, just breaking the surface of the water with its top lip. Bobby thought he could see the perch smile at him before it turned and swam back into the darkness. He took a few steps back and found himself jogging towards the cemetery. Glasnevin Cemetery was about a mile from the canal.

Bobby slowed to a walk when he got to the main gates. Just inside was where all the famous people in Irish history were buried. There were yellow letters on the wall of the cemetery. Find AK, then take a right and Jay’s grave was about fifty metres down on a corner. He knew there would be
flowers on the grave. Bobby saw two magpies sitting on the branch of a large tree, chattering loudly. Two for joy, thought Bobby. The magpies were taking turns chattering. It sounded like they were imitating each other, like Jay imitated the culchies when they came to Croke Park. Under the tree, Bobby saw fresh flowers beside a shiny black headstone.

He read the gravestone. It said ‘Donie McCann, loving father, brother and son. Tragically killed 13
^th
February 1977.’ Underneath it said ‘Jason McCann, a sad loss of a young life, 14
^th
August 1985.’

There was a photo of Jay inset on the gravestone. It was from the Ballybough United photo of smiley Jay. Bobby could see part of his own arm around Jay’s shoulder. His infectious smile showing his big white teeth. Bobby knelt down on the side of the grave and closed his eyes.

The two magpies flew away. He felt a presence beside him. He looked around and there was nobody there. He took his jacket off, folded it in half and placed it on the grave.

You can’t run in those shoes, Bobby!

How could he still hear Jay’s voice so clearly? He wondered if it would ever go away. He never wanted it to. Bobby blessed himself with his right hand. Jay always said it was bad luck to bless yourself with your left. He touched his hands three times together and kissed them. Jay did it before every match; he even did it when he was fishing to bring himself luck. Bobby said a little prayer for God to look after Jay in heaven. And to make sure he was on the football team, because he was fit and would run rings around everyone. It was his favourite thing to do. If he was through on goal and you were chasing him down, he would turn and knock the ball through your legs and laugh, rather than kick it into the net.

The state of your tie
.

Bobby loosened the tie and pulled the loop over his head. He hung it from the corner of the headstone. He started jogging. His feet began to move like they were feathering the ground, Dubarry shoes or not. He felt like he was floating, floating all the way back to Ballybough.

He ran down Sackville Avenue, past Jay’s flat and the unknown house and stood outside his old
home. Sweat was pouring from his face and his shirt was stuck to his back. The front of the house was boarded up, so he climbed into the back garden. Smartie was still jumping up the wall. Bobby pulled the bathroom window open and squeezed himself backwards into the small gap. His shoes dropped into the bath, sliding as they came into contact with the thick dust that had formed. He turned the cold tap and water spluttered out. He clasped his fingers together and splashed his face with as much of the water as his small hands could hold. He picked up the dirty glass that had held the family’s toothbrushes and filled it with water.

Upstairs, a small beam of light came through the open bedroom door and shone diagonally across the stairs. Bobby could see dust floating through the beam. He reached out to grab some, but the motion of his hand just blew it all away. The smell of the piss-in-the-bed mattress hadn’t gone away. The large stain in the middle of it had formed a crust. It was dark green. How could an orange mattress turn dark green, thought Bobby. He pushed open the window and let some air in. He lay on the very edge of it and looked up at the fifteen laths. The missing one was under his bed in Portmarnock.

Jay had said that he had seen his dad in heaven when he was in the unknown house. Maybe Bobby
could visit Jay in heaven. Just once, he thought. He pulled back the rug to see the mousetrap for the last time. He took out the packet of heroin and put it in his mouth. He was feeling tired from all his running. He closed his eyes and let the lump fall onto his tongue. He played with it in his mouth like it was a golfball chewing gum. He took a slug of water and swallowed. Gone. He lay on the bed and closed his eyes.

The memories of Jay fought with the pain in his stomach. The memories were winning and started flooding back one after another. Hundreds of them. His mind didn’t pause on one memory for too long. Bobby felt his body floating through the red BRs and JMcCs on the laths above. Then he saw more red and the number seven. It was his Liverpool shirt. Jay turned and passed the ball to him. He passed it back to Jay, who chipped it back again. Bobby took it down on his chest and passed it back to Jay, who volleyed it into the top corner of the net. Bobby ran towards Jay, who was kissing the crest on his Liverpool shirt. Bobby went to jump on his back, but his body floated through Jay’s. He turned and looked Jay in the eyes. The smiley eyes. The big white teeth. He reached out to grab the smiley face.

‘Good to see you again, Bobby.’

‘I missed you.’

‘I missed you, too.’