The Rush (29 page)

             
And definitely enough reason to convince him never to write a song about me again.

             
“Thank you,” I murmured while I climbed into the surprisingly clean interior. The outside might have been made out of more rust than paint and appeared to be more skeleton than healthy body, but his upholstery wasn’t torn or ripped, there was a newer cd player where an older radio had clearly been ripped out and behind the front bench seat the rest of the interior had been stripped down to make room for transporting band instruments and equipment in a comfortable and efficient bed.

I waited for Ryder to
buckle up and pull out of his on-street parking spot before bombarding him with fury. Gentleman or not, he should never have written a song about me. “No more songs about me, Ryder. What the hell were you
thinking
?”

“Uh-“

“I’m serious. How dare you! Kenna actually thought that song was about
her
. And I wasn’t going to be the one tell her differently. But if I were her, I would have found that really insulting since the song was
mean
. Did you know that? It was mean! Is that really what you think about me?” I demanded wildly.

“Ivy, calm down,” he ordered in his superio
r-I’m-more-of-an-adult-than-you-are voice. Which of course was no way to get me calm down. “Yes, the song was about you, but it wasn’t…. All it was…. Ok, I was just inspired by your tattoo. That’s all. There’s no hidden message from me to you, if that’s what you’re getting at. I just thought your tattoo was kind of cool and it gave me this great idea. I sat down with my guitar and the hook just came to me, Ok? I thought you would be…. flattered.” He stuttered through his apology, keeping his eyes locked on the empty one way streets of downtown. I should have taken this opportunity to cut all ties with him. Not that I would punish him for the song much longer anyway, although I was taking a serious hit to my self-esteem, but because clearly he was too attached to me. And I didn’t need that.

“It’s just, you scared me,” I whispered. The words felt stupid in my mouth even as they fell into the air between us. I couldn’t explain my fears for our friendship and I sure as hell couldn’t explain my feelings. I just hoped he would let it drop.
             

“Scared you?” Ryder glanced over at me, his
charcoal eyes darkened to black in this light and his eyebrows pulled together in concern. I wanted to be honest with him. I wanted to tell him the truth.

See?
Dangerous.

“I like you,” I admitted out loud and then realized what that sounded like. “Shoot. I mean, I
like you as a friend. You’re a…. friend. And I don’t have many of those. I just don’t want to jeopardize what we have here.”

“Oh you mean the constant bickering and fighting? Me either. I love that,” Ryder half laughed, half winced.

“Yes,” I smiled at him. “I don’t get to do this with anybody else. Nobody else…. fights with me.”

They control me. Or they use me. But I wasn’t about to say that either.

“And me writing a song about you is going to change that? You know it wasn’t like a love song or anything, right?” Ryder asked, his gravelly voice deep with concern.

“Please, I know that. You practically called me an evi
l bitch on stage to a room full of people. I am perfectly aware of how lacking in love that song was,” I rolled my eyes even though he was watching the road.

“So what’s the problem?”
              Before I could stop myself I opened my mouth and spewed…. truth. “I just want to make sure we
stay
friends. If you haven’t guessed, I have kind of an… f-ed up home life. And…. if we were anything more, anything like… together, I would have to give this up. Not that we would be or anything. I mean, not that you’re interested. But as long as we remain just friends, it doesn’t really matter. Friends is fine. But
never
anything more.”

“Ivy, I only like you as a friend,” he promised with heavy tones of sadness.

“This isn’t reverse psychology, Ryder,” I snapped, angry that he thought this was my plea for attention. “I’m serious. I can be friends with you but nothing more. You might not like me now or even ever, but I just want you to know if there is ever anything between us, I mean, even the smallest spark I am walking away from you immediately. There can’t be anything,
ever
, or I will never see you again.”

“Ok,
yeesh. I got it! It’s not something we need to worry about right now anyway,” he said carefully. He glanced over at me again, but I was too embarrassed to look at him to see what his expression was doing now. Finally, after several long minutes he asked quietly, “What about Chase?”
              I took even longer to answer, digging deep for courage. This would be a lie, but a necessary one. “Things aren’t really working out for Chase and me. He’s a really nice guy and all, but-“

Ryder fell back against his seat l
ike I knocked the wind out of him. His jaw turned to stone and his hands gripped at the steering wheel angrily. Finally when we pulled up to the full block long circular drive in front of my apartment building Ryder threw the Bronco into park and looked over at me.

His
narrowed eyes were calculating and made me shrink under their intensity. He was pissed. So much more than pissed. There was a muscle ticking in his jaw and his intensity radiated off him like heat.

“You know I’m going to have to tell him,” he finally announced with deadly calm. “He’s my friend. And he
likes you
Ivy.”

“You don’t understand,” I mumbled weakly. And he never would.

“I guess I don’t,” he grunted. “Want to explain it to me?”

“I can’t,” I practically whimpered.

Never before had I felt this bad. Well, except for Sam, but that wasn’t until the night of the accident, until after our relationship screwed up his entire future. But this had to be worse. This was judgment, cold, hard and final. I didn’t even need to go through the whole “stay away from me” speech. Ryder would have no problems keeping his distance after this conversation.

“Blackheart?” he mumbled into the awkward silence.

“Blackheart,” I confirmed. He finally got it at least. Well, his song proved that he understood, but now he
got it
, it would settle into whatever left over good thoughts he had about me and ruin them.

“I wanted to be wrong.” His words were soft and sad in his voice, but dug into my heart like a dagger.

“But you weren’t,” I mumbled. Unwanted tears started to prick at the backs of my eyes and I willed myself not to show emotion in front of Ryder. He couldn’t get it. He
wouldn’t
get it, if I was honest with myself. Nobody could.

A sharp rapping on the window caused us both to jump in our seats. Ryder’s window was being assaulted by angry pound
ing and I leaned forward so I could see around him, see why somebody was so desperate to get our attention.

“Shit,” I groaned. “Shit. Shit. Shit.” Not very ladylike, I know.

Ryder rolled down his window to address the angry man standing outside. “Can I help you?”

“Ivy?” Nix demanded, panicked and mad as hell. “What are you doing in this car? Are you Ok?”

I bit back a thousand sarcastic remarks. Of course a car like this would startle Nix. He probably thought the driver was some homicidal maniac trying to kidnap me. Or he sensed the difference in Ryder from wherever the hell he was before now and had to come investigate what was up.

Or maybe he just saw me with another guy and transformed into the possessive
psychopath he really was.

Had he been waiting for me? Or was this a coincidence?

“Uh, Nix, this is my friend Ryder. He gave me a ride home tonight,” I explained in my softest, most patient voice ever. I shot Ryder a calming smile and willed him to return it.

“I hope this car is safe, young man,” Nix turned his blindingly handsome face on Ryder and his voice turned cold and authoritative. Nix was just crazy enough to believe Ryder would be his competition and if I didn’t separate them soon, Nix would also be holding a verbal pissing contest. Not really fair for an ancient douchebag to go up
against an innocent-vaguely-naïve-high-school-kid…. But that was Nix. Nothing stood in the way of what was his.

“Absolutely,” Ryder answered. “
I would never intentionally hurt Ivy, Sir.”

I bit back a groan and then had to sit on my hands to keep from slapping them over my eyes. I could not watch this. This was going to end badly.

First the song and now this? I was not sure the night could get worse.

“Well, since you’re her friend, why don’t you join us upstairs for
a while? Ivy’s mother and I would love to get to know one of her school friends better. Especially one she trusts to drive her home.”

Ryder sent me an encouraging smile, probably hoping he was doing me a favor. Holy, hell he probably thought Nix was dating my mom….
Probably some father-figure in my life.

I was wrong.
So wrong. This night could definitely end worse.

And why was Ryder suddenly being nice to me? I so wished he would have just told me to piss off and then left me on the sidewalk.

“Sure, I have a few minutes before curfew,” Ryder answered
with a friendly-love-me smile, totally the polite gentleman.

Oh, no! He was actually going to try to win Nix over.

Cheese and rice, this was going to be a disaster.

Chapter Twenty-Two

              The elevator ride to the apartment was silent and awkward. I felt Ryder trying to catch my eye while Nix stared straight ahead, his jaw tight with agitation. I simply watched my shoes, unable to bare Nix’s frustration or Ryder’s curiosity.

             
“This way,” Nix instructed once the elevators opened.

             
We followed dutifully behind. Ryder cleared his throat, still trying to get my attention.

             
“This is a really nice building, Ivy,” he announced, no longer trying to be discreet. Not that he would see a reason to be anything but normal.

             
“Thanks,” I mumbled. My body was rigid with anxiety, my stomach flipped riotously as I waited for the blade to drop on this guillotine.

             
“My dad and I live in a loft downtown, but it’s an older building so it’s not nearly as nice,” Ryder went on.

             
Nix opened the door to the apartment and held it for us. “Is it one of those with all the exposed brick?”

             
Ryder sounded more confident when he answered, “Yes, it is. My dad loves the architecture downtown.”

             
“I do too,” Nix replied sounding deceptively friendly. “I recently rented one off thirteenth.”

             
“Ours is closer to tenth, but we looked at ones over there,” Ryder explained. I met his eyes then and he sent the question of who Nix was through his stare.

             
“Ava,” Nix called out when the door closed behind us. “Ivy brought a friend.”

             
My mother appeared in the foyer with a plastic smile on her face. Her eyes darted to Nix when she realized my friend was a boy. I looked back to the ground completely ashamed of the situation for everyone.

             
“I’m Ava, Ivy’s mother,” my mom introduced herself to Ryder casually. “You are?”

             
Ryder took in my mother with widened eyes. She was gorgeous as ever, with her auburn hair down and soft around her shoulders, her tight pencil skirt and silk blouse. She was perfection and Ryder could easily see that. “I’m Ryder Sutton. Ivy and I go to school together.”

             
“How nice,” my mom murmured, narrowing her forest green eyes just a bit. “Why don’t you come in?”

             
She turned on her heel and led us all to the delicate dining table. Nix sat down and the rest of us followed suit, except for my mother who disappeared into the kitchen to make drinks.

             
“Ivy is going to have a glass of water,” my mother announced from the other room. “Would you like one, Ryder?”

             
“Yes please,” Ryder called back.

             
“So what class do you have together?” Nix started the conversation going. He was pushed away from the table with one foot causally resting across his knee. One hand rested on his bent knee, while his other arm draped across the back of my chair. My nerves were strung tight this close to him, but even more so because of Ryder watching me from across the table. It was like he thought he would finally get his answers here. I had just admitted to a bad home life not ten minutes ago and now he had a front row seat to find out why.

             
Except he wouldn’t get answers tonight. Just more questions.