The Scarlet Thread (18 page)

him kindly. I think they do so for Aunt Martha’s

sake. She is a Strong Force in this community.

Everyone loves and respects her. She is the Gentlest of Ladies and given to Good Works. They

tolerate me for her sake. They love Joshua for his

own. He is beautiful like Sally Mae and as charming as Papa used to be. Aunt Martha said it was

Papa’s charm and good looks that won Mama’s

heart.

I am restless tonight. I dont know why. I have

the oddest feeling something is going to happen.

Whether good or bad, I do not know.

Thomas Atwood Houghton is what was about

to happen. He is an old and dear friend of Aunt

Martha’s who has come to visit. Everyone was a

twitter when he came to church. He is very Well

Known because he has Money and Land and

Connections. Why he is here I am not certain. He

told Aunt Martha he was in Galena on Business,

but what kind of Business is Unclear.

I was a shock to him. He looked at me in the

strangest way when first we met. Calf’s eyes, Aunt

Martha said. She believes he is taken with me. She

is very pleased, but I am filled with Misgivings.

Thomas is as kind as Aunt Martha. Joshua

adores him. Everyone in Galena is taken with

Thomas. I like Thomas also, but he has made it

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spoke to Aunt Martha about it and she spoke to

me. Why he wants to marry me I do not know.

There is not a young unmarried woman in this

town who would not be delighted with the prospect of being Thomas Atwood Houghton’s wife.

He is a contrary man to court a girl who aint

interested.

I gathered my courage and asked him straight

out what he was thinking. He said he did not

want a simpering maid, but a girl who spoke her

mind. I said Aunt Martha speaks her mind. He

said Martha is his dearest and best friend. I said

he would be wise to marry her. She is more suited

to him and closer to his own age. He said it is a

matter of love and not practicality.

It seems to me the harder I resist the more determined he is to make me his wife. So I am going to

simper and sigh. Perhaps this will shake him loose.

The announcement of my betrothal to Thomas

has changed my life completely. People speak to

me now. They are even Polite. Some pretend to

be friends. Elmira Standish
insisted
I come to her

afternoon tea and visit with the ladies of the

Women’s Society. Aunt Martha is a member. She

has not gone to any meetings since I came to live

with her, but she attended with me yesterday.

I am thankful she did.

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Several young ladies spoke with me now that

I am considered
acceptable
company. Their mamas

watched, but did not call them back. The girls

were full of questions, not about Thomas, but

about Joshua’s father. I could feel my face go all

hot. One girl said they heard my child’s papa was

a mountain man who spent the winter at our

homestead. Another heard he was a drummer.

One girl said her mama was very Upset because

I had charmed Thomas the same way Sally Mae

Grayson had charmed poor Noah Carnegie.

I asked about that.

Sally Mae is remembered. Her poor grandmama

died before I got here. One girl said old Missus

Grayson passed on to heaven just so she would

never go through hell with Sally Mae again. I

asked her meaning, and another said Sally Mae

was the sort of girl who bewitched men that were

her betters. She was looking straight at me when

she said it and I got her meaning clear enough.

Another said Sally Mae’s last beau was Noah, son

of one of the elders in the church. He came confessing to Sally Mae’s grandmama about what

they was doing on their Sunday rides together.

The other girl glaring at me said you know what

a girl like that will do to get a man. The other said

Noah was a foolish boy and wanted to marry

Sally Mae and make things right. I thought of

poor Matthew making things right. But Noah had

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sent Sally Mae packing. After she did, Missus

Grayson did not come out of her house again.

The doctor went to see her, and people asked

after her. But it was clear to everyone that the

poor woman pined away out of pure shame over

having Sally Mae for a granddaughter. As for

poor Noah, he finally came to his senses and realized what sort of girl Sally Mae was. When he

did, he was so overcome with shame and grief, he

stood up in church and confessed his sins to the

entire congregation. That is how everyone in

town came to know about everything.

One of them said she wondered if Sally Mae

would ever come back to Galena after the Great

Scandal she had caused. I held my tongue. My

feelings were over large right then. I almost said

Sally Mae had destroyed my family. But had I

said it, they would have descended on me like a

flock of crows pecking and wanting to know the

gory details of how and why. If I answered, they

would have spread the Terrible Truth all over

town like manure on a field.

It is better for Joshua if everyone goes on

thinking he is mine than to know he came out of

Sally Mae Grayson.

Poor Matthew. I cry every time I think of him.

I miss him something fierce. Just like I miss

Mama. I wonder where he went after he burned

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Papa’s fields. I wonder if I will ever see him

again. And if I did, what would he say to me

about Joshua? Would he hate me the same way

Papa does? I think he would. But that does not

change my mind about what I did or why.

Aunt Martha says daily God is in control. If

that is so, God has made a fine mess of things.

Aunt Martha says there is a good reason for

everything that happens. She says God has a Plan

for everyone. I wanted to scream when she said it.

Was it God’s plan that Mama die alone choking

on her own blood? Was it God’s plan Papa turn

into a drunk? Was it God’s plan Matthew marry

Sally Mae who brought grief to everyone? Was it

God’s plan Papa father a child on his son’s wife?

And what of kind, loving, faithful Matthew?

What did he do to deserve what he got? What

good reason is there for any of the Terrible things

that happened?

Aunt Martha does not know everything. I

would be the last to tell her so. She is happy in

her Ignorance. I hope Aunt Martha stays blind. I

would not like for her to know about the dirtiness

and meanness of life. I would rather die than have

her know about the shame Papa brought upon us

all. Aunt Martha’s Jesus heals the sick, raises the

dead, and feeds the five thousand. Just like

Mama’s Jesus. Let her hold to that fine fairy tale.

The Jesus I know stands by and does nothing.

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them. Maybe he is like the gods on Olympus that

I have been reading about. They enjoy playing

with people too. When they get tired of someone,

they throw him away. Maybe that is what God

did. He got tired of Mama and Sally Mae and

Matthew and Papa. Maybe our Father who art in

heaven is like those other gods. I couldn’t help

thinking it would be better if Jesus just sat and

watched the play unfold beneath him, but took no

part in it, either good or bad.

And then sometimes I wonder if Jesus is just a

man in a big black book.

I do not know anymore. I cannot bear to think

about it much.

When I was a little girl and Mama and I picked

flowers in the meadow, I thought God was there

with us. I loved him and talked to him the way

Mama taught me. I thought God was everywhere,

even inside us. Mama always said it was so. And

I believed her. I always believed everything

Mama said.

I do not believe in anything now. It hurts less.

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9

“ Y O U ’ R E G O I N G T O H A V E T O G E T A J O B . ” A L E X ’ S

dark eyes were grim.

“A job?” she said, astonished. She hadn’t had a job since they

got married. “Why?”

“Because the bills have been stacking up for the past six

months, and I don’t see any other way around it.”

“You said we had more than enough money.”

“That was before you started having lunch at the club every day of

the week. The bill last month alone was fourteen hundred dollars!” He

tossed it onto the desk, where he’d been working on their accounts.

“Fourteen hundred dollars?” she said weakly, feeling the

blood drain from her face.

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slips you sign or keep track of what you’re spending?” he said in

disgust.

Hand shaking, she picked up the bill and looked at it. Running her finger down the column, she saw she wasn’t entirely at

fault. “Green fees and dinners account for more than half of this

bill.”

“Those are business expenses!” he said hotly.

They still came out of their pocket until the end of the year and

taxes. Last year, they’d ended up paying more. That had been a

shock after ten years of getting refunds. “Alex, you were the one

who encouraged me to go and meet—”

“Not
every
day of the week! I thought going to the club would

give you something
constructive
to do with your time. You were

sitting around every day watching soap operas, reading romances, and feeling sorry for yourself.”

She dropped the bill from the country club back onto the desk.

He was making her the cause of all their financial problems.

How convenient. “I’m not the one who gave Bruce Davies carte

blanche and ended up with eighty-six thousand dollars in decorating expenses.
That’s
when the problems started.”

A muscle jerked in his jaw and his eyes darkened. “The trouble

started when you decided you needed a closet full of clothes so

you could keep up with Marcia Burton and the rest of her bourgeois friends.”

“If anyone’s bourgeois, it’s
us.”

Alex’s face hardened.

“You’re the one who told me to buy some clothes,” she went

on, lowering her voice.

“I want your credit cards.”

“You’re not being fair about any of this! You always blame

everything on me! You go out to lunch in expensive restaurants

every day of the week and pick up the tab for whoever comes

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