The School Gates (18 page)

And, that was the other thing, to be blessed with getting pregnant naturally in her forties. She touched her tummy. How could she even think of not having this gift of a child?

She poured the hot water over her tea bag, opened her lap top and let out a deep breath. She checked her phone to see if he had rung her, but there were no missed calls. She tentatively logged in and found plenty of emails from SM Public Relations but not one from Mr S McNair.

How come this man had managed to turn her into a blithering wreck? Alana Murray always knew what to say or do. She looked at a bottle of red wine on the kitchen side – then told herself not to be such a stupid cow. Drink had never been the right answer to anyone’s question, especially now.

And then, it happened. The delicious, heart-thumping feeling that only the name of someone you really love showing on your phone screen can bring.

‘Alana, it’s me. We need to talk.’

– Chapter Fifteen –

‘I’ve tried most things but never fucked a Daddy before.’

‘Ssh, let’s not let the whole block know that before we get inside.’ Gordon staggered to the door and attempted to put the key in the lock.

Robbie came up behind him and pushed forward so they literally fell into the hallway.

‘Quick, get up, I’ve got to unset the alarm.’ Gordon staggered up. ‘Strange, it’s not on.’

He then heard laughter coming from Inga’s room. Even weirder, as she was supposed to be at the Pritchards’ babysitting at a sleepover with the twins and Joshua.

He ran down the corridor and threw open the door to find a very startled, naked Inga and a red-faced Kenneth Pritchard, husband of Emily Pritchard – Head of PTA, Netball Coach and Mother of Joshua P… tied securely to Inga’s bedhead with a pair of pink fluffy handcuffs.

He slammed the door immediately as Inga tore out in her slinky purple dressing-gown.

‘Gordon, I eez so sorry. It is only ten thirty, I thought you would be much later and we’d be gone by the time you came home.’

‘Inga, I don’t care who you bring here and shag as long as the girls aren’t here, but my big question is why you are not with Lily and Lola?’

‘They are with Emily. Kenny and Emily came home from the party early as she was not feeling well. Lola had forgotten Teddy and wouldn’t settle without him, so Kenny gave me a lift to get him and then…’

Robbie was by Gordon’s side.

‘And then the babysitter shagged the married man – how cliché.’

At that moment, Kat and Alfie started fighting, and caught Robbie’s ankle with one of their claws.

‘Ow! You little fuckers. Right – I’m getting myself a drink whilst you sort your little domestic out, Gordon.’ He sloped off to the kitchen.

Gordon drew Inga to him and kissed her forehead. ‘I mean, how H.O.T, is he?! I don’t blame you, girl. And imagine if self-righteous old Preachy Knickers found out – that’d be bloody hilarious.’

‘She mustn’t.’ Inga was completely serious.

‘As if! Mum’s the word, darling.’ Gordon began to sober up slightly. ‘So, I still don’t understand what’s happening. Are you going back to the Pritchards’ to stay even though they are home?’

‘Yep. I said you had friends staying over and there was no room for us as that had been the original plan. So go get your rocks off, baby.’ She patted his bum gently. ‘I best release my captive and convince him his little or should I say big secret is safe.’

The sex was hard and fast. Gordon needed to unleash his pent – up sexual frustration and the experienced Robbie took charge at every opportunity he could.

When it was over, Robbie jumped up, saying huskily, ‘A little more champagne and then there’s more of where that came from. I forgot I’ve got some poppers in my bag too.’

Gordon watched his young lover’s naked butt hungrily as he walked out of the room.

Robbie returned with two beers to find Gordon on the phone.

‘No, no it’s fine, they must come back then. It’s OK, I can send a taxi now. Get them both ready and I’ll see you soon. Little poppet.’

‘What the fuck?’ Robbie screwed his face up; his Mancunian accent seemed even stronger when he was drunk.

‘Lilly’s got a stomach bug, keeps crying for me. She wants to come home. I’m so sorry.’

‘It’s one a.m., come on. Surely she can just wait it out until the morning?’

Gordon sighed. ‘This is what fucking a daddy is like, I’m afraid. Come here.’

‘No, you’re all right. I’ll ring myself a cab. Thanks and all that.’

06.30. The alarm went off in the Knight bedroom and Mark sleepily pressed snooze. Dana was awake already, lying on her side looking at the wall. Tears streaked her cheeks. Mark spooned against her, kissed her cheek and felt the wetness on them. He hugged her tightly.

‘Oh, baby girl, I love you so much. Please don’t be sad. There are other options, you know.’

She squirmed round to face him. ‘I was hoping maybe we could have another go at IVF. I mean, it doesn’t always work first time and we were told there is nothing wrong with either of us, so there is a high chance it will work a second time.’

‘We have to realistic though, darling. People can try and try for years and it is five thousand pounds a go for the privilege. You never know – it still may just happen naturally. I’m on the zinc now. Those sperm of mine will be like torpedoes.’

‘I knew it! I knew it was just about the money.’

‘Hey, Dana. Calm down. You know that money is not an issue.’

‘Well, it doesn’t bloody sound like that to me – and shut that alarm up!’

‘You’re just hormonal. See sense, woman!’

Mark hit snooze again as Dana shot out of bed and went to her jewellery safe in the spare room.

‘Here!’ She threw two thousand pounds in ten-pound notes on to the bed. ‘I have my own money, see?’

‘Oh right. So… where did you get this? Been squirrelling your house-keeping away, have you?’

‘No, Mark. I have a job. A proper job that pays me money. A little bit of independence. I don’t want to rely on you for everything.’

‘A job? When, where, how?’

‘You don’t like it, do you, when you can’t control me? You really upset me when you said a few months ago that being a mother was just like being an au-pair. I need more in my life than that, Mark.’

‘And you think having another baby will give you more? You’ll be even more trapped.’

‘But it will make me feel complete.’ She bit her lip. ‘I think.’

‘”I think”! So you don’t even bloody know what you want. Where is this job then?’

‘In the café on the High Street. I’m a waitress.’

‘A common bloody waitress. No wife of mine is going to work in a café. You could have picked something a little bit more upmarket.’

Tommy appeared at the door. ‘Mummy, is it time for school?’

‘Yes, yes, darling. Get in the shower quickly now, and what would you like for your breakfast?’

When the little boy had scuttled off, Mark said nastily, ‘So, does Tommy know?’

‘Nobody knows, except for a couple of mums at the school but they are not the gossipy type and it wouldn’t bother them anyway. They are all realistic about life. Not stuck up on this posh hill without any money worries to care about.’

Dana began to cry. ‘I was actually saving so I could take you away on a lovely weekend break. To prove I wasn’t just your au-pair.’

Mark went to hug her.

She pushed him away. ‘But now I thought I can put it towards the IVF. It is so important to me, Mark, to have another baby; it is all-consuming.’

‘And, that’s the problem, darling. If you could take a step back and see what you already have, then you wouldn’t need to feel this angst about another child.’

‘Arggh! You just don’t understand.’

‘You’re right, I don’t and I’m sorry. Do you know what, maybe this job isn’t a good thing either. Perhaps you are too tired and stressed to get pregnant. I think you should leave it. You can’t deny, it’s just not the same in the bedroom any more.’

Too hurt to even reply to this, Dana pushed past him to go and see to Tommy. He had done it again. He had called her bluff. Taken control. His little wifey could put her pinny on and be at his beck and call.

Surely then, he would want her to have another child so she was tied to the house again. He had put her in a complete headspin. But he was right: their love-making wasn’t fun or sexy or spontaneous any more. It was purely functional – and that wasn’t right either.

She didn’t want to give up her job as much as she did want to have another baby.

She would power-walk to the school after work today, Dana decided. She had to get her thoughts straight.

It seemed weird to have Stephen McNair sitting in her kitchen. She had only ever seen him in the office or in a posh hotel, and here he was an ornament amongst her real life. Pictures drawn by Eliska on the fridge; a few dirty cups on the side and the washing machine whirring. This reality check didn’t seem right.

The fragrant perfume and aftershave, the best clothes – the laughing, drinking, fucking and fun that the irresponsibility of an affair brought – it was all missing here.

All missing – but she had never been more pleased to see anyone in her whole life.

‘Coffee?’ she offered sombrely.

‘Yes, please. Black.’

She sat down opposite him. She had put on jeans and a crisp white shirt but had made sure her hair and make-up were perfect. He, also in jeans, and a casual black cashmere jumper looked absolutely worn out.

‘So. Been somewhere nice?’ Alana had so not wanted to sound like a sarcastic bitch and cringed at her opening gambit.

‘Lani, please just let me talk.’

‘Yes, yes.’ She put her hand on his and he quickly moved it away.

‘Susan is dead.’

Alana gasped. ‘Oh, darling – no!’

‘She had decided that it wasn’t fair for me to live with someone who was so unwell and who couldn’t produce a family or even make love with me. She was like that, you see. My wife put everybody above herself and that is why I loved her so much.

‘I think she realised that day at Waterloo station that Eliska was mine. She saw the resemblance, understood the situation and wanted to set me free.’ His eyes filled with tears and Alana just wanted to comfort him. He got up and began pacing around the kitchen.

‘So what happened?’ Alana asked gently.

‘She arranged to fly out to stay with her sister Cheri in Cyprus. Of course I got the next flight I could and went over to see her, to tell her not be so stupid. To tell her that I had meant my wedding vows with all my heart and was with her in sickness and in health, till death us do part.’ A little sob came from his throat.

‘Here, come and sit back down.’ Alana led him back to the kitchen table.

‘She was dead when I got there. Had said her goodnights to Cheri and her girls and then took a massive overdose of her painkillers. And now I feel so fucking guilty that I slept with you. Because if I hadn’t, she never would have seen our daughter. God, it sounds so strange, saying that. “Our daughter”. A human being created out of anything but love. Just pure filthy lust. I hate myself right now.’

‘Oh Stephen, you don’t know if that was the reason why she did it. You really mustn’t blame yourself – or me. It won’t change anything. And Susan is at peace now, no more pain.’

‘Don’t even say her name. You knew nothing of her,’ Stephen snarled. ‘You could never even be half the woman that she ever was.’

Ouch. A left hook would have hurt less, Alana thought, suddenly feeling sick and putting her hand to her stomach.

‘I really am truly sorry though. What a tragic thing to happen.’

‘I must go.’ Stephen shivered. ‘Do you not have heating in this bloody house?’

‘Must you leave?’ She went over to the wall and twisted the heating dial. ‘I mean, is there nothing else you want to say to me?’

‘I wanted to discuss Eliska’s maintenance and how we are going to deal with this whole damn situation.’

‘I don’t want your money, Stephen, I said that before.’

‘But maybe now is the time for Eliska to know she has a father.’

‘Even if you despise her mother? I’m not sure how that’s going to work really.’

‘And also I want to shut down all communications as your PR agency.’

‘Hmm, that’s a shocker. So you don’t want to work with me or have anything to do with me, but you’d quite like my daughter to know she has a father. This is all too much for me to take in, Stephen. I really don’t think you’ve thought this through.’

‘Oh, come on, Lani. You’re as hard as nails, you are. If it’s like a business arrangement, you’ll work it out somehow.’

Hormones and emotions suddenly started to slush around her body, and big ploppy tears started to fall slowly down her cheeks.

‘You actually don’t know anything about me, do you, Stephen? The truth is I missed you. I missed you so bloody much, it literally hurt. Every time my phone rang I prayed it was you. I literally counted down the days when you would be back at work. I know I haven’t been the best parent or even the best person in the world, but if you were to just give me a chance...’