The Seafront Tea Rooms (21 page)

‘Think about it, Kat: what case, if any, does Jake have for saying he’d be a better parent?’ Charlie said.

‘You’ve got a point,’ Kat said. ‘It’s not as if he’s seen Leo that often – his visits have always been fairly erratic.’

‘Plus didn’t you say he hasn’t even been supporting you lately?’ Letty said.

Kat nodded.

‘So there you are,’ Charlie said, reassuringly. ‘That’s not going to help his case.’

‘But there are… things he could say,’ Kat said. She felt raw even thinking of it – the things he might bring up. But she knew she couldn’t afford to ignore the possibility.

‘Like what?’ Charlie asked.

‘After Leo was born, I was very down for a while. Letty, you remember,’ Kat said, glancing over at her.

‘You struggled at first, as so many mothers struggle,’ Letty said, softly. ‘It’s not easy, especially at the beginning, and it seemed to me Jake wasn’t there for you as much as he could have been.’

‘I wasn’t clear in my mind,’ Kat said. ‘I don’t know if I was depressed or what it was, but everything seemed so difficult.’

It pained her to remember it. All she could think about now was how desperately she wanted to hold Leo again, to have him back with her. But there had been times in those early weeks and months when she’d felt as if part of her had disappeared. Days spent in the maternity ward, anonymous in her blue gown, a baby next to her who she’d thought would fill her heart with joy, and yet seemed at that point to be little more than a small, wrinkled, dependent stranger. Jake had been pacing the hospital corridor, texting on his phone. It seemed to Kat as if he was avoiding them.

‘At home, when Leo cried, I sometimes had to stop myself from walking out of the flat to escape it,’ Kat said, recalling the sound and the way it had echoed off the walls and tugged at her very being. When Jake went out in the evenings, when the grizzling and crying was at its worst, she’d started to wonder if she’d made a terrible mistake. ‘I kept going, but some days it was all I could do to get out of bed. I tried to tell Jake how I was feeling, but that only seemed to make him withdraw even further. I had to talk to someone about it, so I came here to talk to Letty,’ she glanced over at Letty, who nodded for her to continue, ‘and we went together to the GP. He prescribed me anti-depressants. I don’t know if they helped or not. But in time me and Leo bonded, and things got easier. For Jake though, the pills were confirmation that something was wrong with me. I think that’s stayed in his mind.’

‘It sounds as though you had it very hard,’ Charlie said. ‘It’s a tribute to you that you’ve come out the other side so strong.’ She reached out to clasp Kat’s hand in her own. ‘Feeling down or being depressed – those aren’t failings. And you worked through it. In terms of Jake’s case, I can’t see that what happened back then would be of any relevance whatsoever.’

‘I’m not so sure. He’s brought it up in the past, when we’ve argued. He might find a way to use it.’

Charlie shook her head. ‘I know I’ve never met the guy, but I have to say I’m not warming to this Jake. He should have been there for you – and instead he’s judged you for finding it hard?’

Kat shrugged. ‘I didn’t question it at the time. I was too busy trying to focus on bringing Leo up as well as I could. Perhaps I should have got out sooner than I did.’

‘He shouldn’t be doing this to you,’ Letty said, sitting down opposite Kat, a frown on her face. ‘I’m not sticking up for him, but I did think he was more sensible than this.’

‘Me too,’ Kat said. ‘What gets me is that he says his parents are with him on it. He says his only concern is what’s best for Leo, and all three of them have noticed that Leo’s not happy, and that he’s said as much. If his parents feel the same way, perhaps there is something in it.’

‘If Leo’s upset, they should be talking to you constructively, not behaving like this,’ Séraphine said. ‘It sounds as if they know you’re a good mother.’

‘You know what the worst part is?’ Kat said, her voice cracking. ‘I’ve even started to doubt that myself.’

‘Don’t,’ Séraphine said, putting her arm around Kat’s shoulder. ‘You mustn’t.’

‘I don’t understand,’ Kat said. ‘Why is he doing this to us?’

Later that day, Kat was on the station platform, her coat wrapped tightly around her. In her bag was Leo’s stegosaurus. She thought back to the day he’d left, how he’d wanted to take it to Scotland, but Kat had said no. She wished now that she could have that moment again.

After leaving the tea rooms, she’d gone home to collect a few things, then gone straight to Scarborough station. Charlie had advanced her some of the payment for the review work so that she was able to buy a return ticket.

Kat pictured the townhouse by the meadows where Leo would be staying with his grandparents. All she wanted was to be there and to hold her son in her arms again.

The tone in Jake’s voice had sent a chill through her. Her mind had been racing ever since, picturing the various scenarios – a drawn-out court case, lawyers picking over her private life, legal bills to add to all the others that were piling up in her hallway. What did she know about the law? She’d have to learn quickly.

And all the while a quiet fury burned beneath. To think that the man she’d once loved could do this to her.

On the train, she put her book to one side and stared out of the window, watching the scenery go by in an effort to take her mind off the what-ifs. The carriage was quiet and empty and for once she wished it were fuller – anything to distract her.

It had been good to talk to her friends, to get some perspective on the situation. To a point it had reassured her that Jake’s case for sole custody was weak. But still Kat felt vulnerable, and she knew she wouldn’t rest until she had Leo back at home.

When she and Jake had broken up she’d made a promise to herself that she would build a safe haven for Leo. Now she was more determined than ever to keep to it.

The meadows were scattered with fallen leaves, and as Kat walked through them, she remembered the walks she and Jake used to go on when they visited his parents. Back when she was at uni, it had seemed as if nothing could overcome or stand in the way of the love that they had for one another. But their tiny newborn had exposed the cracks in their relationship, and with each broken night those cracks had grown. It had been a slow, insidious thing. Jake hadn’t wanted to change his lifestyle, and had convinced her that they didn’t need to make compromises. She had been overwhelmed by her love for her son, torn by the need to keep Jake happy as well, and had ended up feeling she was spread too thinly.

Nothing could bring back the days when they had been happy together, but she had truly believed they’d found a new balance, a way to be parents even though they were no longer lovers. Perhaps she’d been naïve to believe it was possible – that they could be friends after everything they’d been through.

Diane, Jake’s mother, opened the door. ‘Kat,’ she said. There were lines on her forehead and her usual smile was absent.

‘I’m sorry to turn up unannounced.’

‘No, I’m glad you’re here. Please, come in.’

‘Is Leo here?’ she asked. She listened out but couldn’t hear anyone in the house.

Panic rose in her. ‘He is here, isn’t he?’ she said quickly.

‘Yes,’ Diane said. ‘Don’t worry, he’s in the other room. Leo!’

They went through into the living room, where Leo was sitting on a playmat in the middle of the floor, a network of train tracks surrounding him, and Kat put her hand to her heart and smiled, full of relief at seeing him again.

‘Mummy!’ he said, jumping to his feet and running over to her.

She opened her arms and embraced him, bringing his small body into the warmth and protection of her own. She breathed in the smell of his hair and pressed her face against the blond strands. The skin of his shoulder and neck, where his T-shirt had stretched in the hug, was impossibly soft. Hot tears spilled down her cheeks and trembled on the sill of her upper lip. She squeezed him, then realised how tight she was holding him and loosened her grip. She didn’t want him to know how worried she’d been. She owed it to him to make life as normal as possible.

She let him go, and as he stood back, she looked at him standing in front of her. ‘You’ve grown. Again!’ She laughed. ‘How an earth am I expected to keep up?’

‘I missed you, Mummy,’ Leo said.

She ran a hand over his cheek. Words couldn’t describe how it felt now they were back together. She pressed him tightly to her.

‘I’m going to show you something Grandma got me,’ Leo said, pulling away.

Diane leaned forward and whispered to Kat. ‘We need to talk. It’s about Jake. He’s gone.’

Diane and Kat were sitting on the sofa in the living room. Sun streamed in through the bay window and dappled the red Persian rug. Leo was upstairs with his grandfather, Andy. He’d bounded upstairs, saying they needed to introduce his stegosaurus to his new dinosaurs. Kat was relieved that she’d have a moment to talk to Diane openly.

‘I’m so sorry about what’s happened,’ Diane said. Her hands were in her lap, and she was twisting her wedding ring nervously. ‘We don’t know what’s come over him.’

‘So it’s not true, what he told me about you supporting him?’

‘No, no… not remotely. He started talking about wanting custody the other day, out of the blue, and we’ve both been doing all we can to talk him out of it. We wouldn’t want Leo to be put through that ordeal any more than you would. Besides we know you’re doing a wonderful job bringing him up – you only need to look at him to see that.’

The relief Kat felt at hearing Diane’s words was overwhelming. ‘That means a lot to me. I was really worried that you were on his side with all this.’

‘No, love,’ Diane said, shaking her head. ‘We wouldn’t do that to you.’

Kat’s relief was short-lived, as the gravity of the situation came back to her. Jake, her son’s father, was still missing. ‘So you say he left last night?’

‘I went into his room this morning and his bed hadn’t been slept in. He disappeared without leaving a note, or anything,’ Diane said, shaking her head. ‘Given his state of mind, we’re quite worried.’

‘He did seem upset when we talked on the phone. He spoke about us getting back together, but after everything —’ Seeing the hurt in Diane’s eyes, Kat stopped herself. ‘I mean, we made our decision.’

‘Of course. And there’s no point confusing Leo by trying to repair things only to break up again.’

‘Do you have any idea where he might be? Have you asked his friends?’

Diane nodded. ‘No one’s seen him.’

‘And the police?’

‘It’s too early for that.’

Leo’s voice, chattering away to his granddad, could be heard on the stairs, and Kat turned instinctively in the direction of it.

‘Could we stay here tonight, the two of us?’ Kat asked.

‘Of course, Kat,’ Diane said.

‘I don’t want to go until we’ve found Jake. I can’t leave with things like this.’

30

Sunday 28 September

‘I found a note on the mat for you, Auntie Charlie,’ Flo said cheerfully. ‘I know it’s for you. It has your name on it.’ She passed the white envelope over to Charlie in the kitchen.

Charlie looked up from the pile of laundry she was sorting and took it from her, studying the handwriting on the front, no address, just her name. It must have been hand-delivered. ‘How strange. Thanks.’ She’d been thinking about Kat – she’d called that morning to say that Leo was fine, but that his dad had now been missing for two nights. She’d sounded stressed, and Charlie wished that there was something more she could do to help, but Kat insisted that having her there on the end of a phone was what she needed.

Charlie opened the envelope, pulled the paper out and unfolded it.

‘Mummy, Charlie’s got a letter!’ Flo called out behind her.

‘What does it say?’ Flo said, peering past her aunt’s shoulder.

Charlie’s gaze dropped to the signature at the bottom.

Pippa peered around the door, carrying Gracie in one arm and holding Jacob’s hand in the other. ‘A letter?’ she smiled. ‘What is this, the nineteenth century? Who’s it from?’

‘It’s nothing,’ Charlie replied quickly.

‘You’re blushing!’ Pippa teased.

‘God, you lot are terrible,’ Charlie said, pouting. ‘I’ll be upstairs if anyone needs me.’

She went up to the bathroom and shut the door behind her, relishing the moment of silence. She sat down on the edge of the bath and unfolded the note.

Hi Charlie.

It was good to see you on Friday. Are you free this afternoon? Meet me by the boats in Peasholm Park at 3 p.m.
 

Euan
 

She smiled in spite of herself. He wanted to see her again.

‘Hey,’ Euan said, as Charlie arrived to meet him that afternoon. The lake and park were calm and quiet, with only a couple of boats out on the water.

‘Hi,’ Charlie said. ‘I got your note.’

‘I guessed that,’ he said, smiling. ‘I’m glad you could make it.’

‘I had a bit of spare time,’ Charlie said, trying to sound nonchalant.

There was no need to mention the whirlwind she’d created getting everything sorted at Pippa’s so she could leave in time to meet him. As she’d got ready to go out she’d felt a steady build of excitement at the prospect of seeing him again. After the jog, and breakfast at his on Friday, she’d found she couldn’t get him out of her head.

She was starting to wonder if maybe something could happen between them – that perhaps she could start to let go.

‘I thought we could work as a team this time,’ Euan said, passing a ticket to the man handling the boats and pedalos. ‘Which is of course my way of saying that I don’t want to lose to you again after what happened at the lighthouse.’

He got into a rowing boat and held his hand out for her to join him. She took it and climbed in beside him. As their skin touched, Charlie felt a rush. She wanted to be closer to him.