The Seafront Tea Rooms (22 page)

‘Water isn’t exactly my natural environment,’ she said lightly. ‘You would have stood a good chance of winning.’

They rowed together, sunlight flickering on the water on the crisp autumn day. ‘It’s lovely out here.’

‘Isn’t it?’ Euan said. ‘It’s meant to be relaxing, by the way, you don’t need to put yourself out with the rowing, we’ll end up going round in circles,’ he laughed.

‘Oh,’ Charlie said, easing her grip on the oar. ‘Sorry, I didn’t realise.’

As they drifted past the island, Charlie looked up at the large Japanese pagoda.

‘Let’s go over there,’ Euan said, pointing towards a part of the island that was thicker with trees, and where the shrubs extended over the water.

The wooden boat butted against the side of the island. ‘Why do I get the feeling you’re taking me somewhere we shouldn’t be going?’ Charlie said.

He tied the boat to a branch and gave her his hand to help her out.

‘It’ll be fine,’ he said. ‘Trust me.’

He led her by the hand to a small clearing, hidden completely from the rest of the park. A picnic blanket was laid out, with a bottle of champagne and a hamper beside it.

‘Did you do all this?’ Charlie said, turning to him in amazement.

He shrugged. ‘Come and sit down.’

She sat on the rug and he opened the bottle of champagne and poured them both a glass.

‘I know you’re leaving soon,’ he said. ‘But while you’re here I want to make the most of our time together. As friends, if that’s what you want.’

‘As friends?’ Charlie said, innocently.

‘Sure,’ he said.

She sipped from the glass of champagne, and looked him directly in the eye. Then she spoke.

‘It’s just… Being friends seems a waste of all this, don’t you think?’

The corners of his mouth lifted. Charlie smiled, then touched his arm and kissed him gently. There in the clearing, with the warmth of his skin and the tenderness in his kiss, she gave in completely, her doubts fading away.

31

Sunday 28 September

Séraphine closed the textbooks she had been using to teach Zoe, and slid them across the table towards her. ‘So, we’re finished for today. Your pronunciation is coming along so well, Zoe. I’m impressed.’

‘
Merci
,’ Zoe said, playfully. ‘Thank you.’

These days, Séraphine looked forward to her time with Zoe. It wasn’t always easy, and there were times when Zoe was reluctant to learn, but when that light went on and Zoe embraced the class it made everything worthwhile.

‘One more thing,’ Séraphine said. ‘Do you have the homework I set you?’

Séraphine readied herself for the excuse, but instead Zoe produced a neatly typed printout. ‘Here you go.’

Séraphine took it from her with a smile. ‘How did you find it? Easy?’

‘I had to use a dictionary for some of the words, so I’m not sure they’re right.’

‘That’s fine, that’s part of learning,’ Séraphine reassured her.

‘I guess I didn’t find it that easy, but not because of the French.’

‘Why then?’ Séraphine asked.

‘Because it’s about something close to my heart.’

That evening, Séraphine climbed into bed in her pyjamas and Skyped Carla.

‘
Salut!’
Carla said. Her dark hair was bundled into a topknot and she wore a white T-shirt, her face make-up free apart from a little mascara.

Séraphine brightened immediately. ‘Hello,’ she said. ‘How are things?’

‘Good,’ Carla said. ‘Better for seeing you. It’s been a long week, I’m still not used to the early mornings.’

‘What’s new in the bakery this week?’

‘I tried the scone recipe you sent me, and made some strawberry jam to go with them. They are going down well. One or two grumbles about us not having as many pain au chocolat as usual, but for the most part I think our English Week has been a success.’

‘I’ll tell Letty,’ Séraphine said. ‘She’ll be happy to hear that.’

‘It seems you have found some good friends over there,’ Carla said, warmly.

‘Yes, I have,’ Séraphine replied, reflecting on what it had meant to her to meet Charlie, Kat and Letty. ‘I’ve been lucky.’

‘And how are the plans for the party going?’

‘It’s coming together nicely. We’ve got most things organised – and plenty of cake.’

‘I wish I could be there,’ Carla sighed.

‘I wish you could too. In fact I wish you could be here all the time,’ Séraphine smiled.

‘Not long now,’ Carla said.

‘Just over a month,’ Séraphine said. ‘So soon.’

‘You won’t forget to come home?’

‘Never.’

They wished each other good night and Séraphine made herself end the call. She missed Carla even more now.

She switched off her computer and brought the duvet up around her.

Before she went to sleep, she took out Zoe’s homework. It was a creative writing task that she’d set: ‘Imagine you are an animal. Which one are you? What do you usually do in a day?’

I am a horse.
 

When I’m at home, my owner cares for me, brushes me gently with the horse brush and looks at me lovingly. She helps me if I have a stone in my hoof, or when the flies gather round my eyes. It’s annoying when they do that. She strokes me gently.
 

Then we go out. I can feel the wind in my mane as I race through the countryside. It is just me and the fields, the grass under my hooves – I am completely free. I want to run and run. My owner is riding me. I trust her to guide me. We are a team.
 

This is where I have lived since I was a foal. Fields of green and lots of sunflowers. Little houses scattered around, other horses nearby. It’s a beautiful country.
 

Séraphine touched the page. ‘Oh, Zoe,’ she whispered to herself. She remembered the girl she’d met when she first arrived – the unhappy girl who hated France, swore she would never go there, and disliked Séraphine on sight. It had seemed that, for Zoe, everything about the country she’d grown up in was tied to the tragedy of her mother’s death. At the time, Séraphine had wondered if that would ever change. Now, she had a glimmer of hope that it could.

32

Monday 29 September

Still no sign of Jake
, Kat texted Charlie.
Three nights now. We’ve called the police, rung round his friends and the hospitals. Fingers crossed he’ll come back today. Kx

She put down her phone. Since Saturday she, Diane and Andy had been looking for Jake, trawling the local cafés and his friend’s houses, pretending to Leo that it was all a game of hide and seek. That had been Andy’s idea – it distracted Leo from asking questions, but sat uneasily with Kat. After all, what would they tell him if, in the end, his dad couldn’t be found? She felt sick to the pit of her stomach thinking about it.

She went into the kitchen, where Leo was having breakfast with his grandparents. Their smiles were in place, laughing and playing with him, but Kat could see the worry lines etched on their faces. Jake had never been the most reliable person – he’d come home late without warning, and forget meetings and appointments, even important ones. But this – going missing for three nights – he’d never done anything like this before.

‘How about a banana?’ Diane said, offering one to Leo. His eyes lit up and he reached for it. Andy smiled at his delight. In spite of the circumstances, Kat could see the joy that their grandson brought to Diane and Andy’s lives, and was grateful for their support. She shouldn’t have doubted them. Jake had always had a way of making her believe what he said, even when she should know better.

She nursed the cup of tea that she’d left on the table when she went to text Charlie. It was warm enough still to offer a little comfort. She looked at Leo, merrily eating and chattering. Something had to change today; they couldn’t all go on waiting. The police knew about Jake, but nothing seemed to be moving very fast there.

Kat thought back to the days that she and Jake had spent in the city, when she was a student – she’d revisited most of their regular haunts on Saturday, some had changed, some stayed the same, but Jake hadn’t been in any of them. His friends had agreed to keep a look out and stay in touch with the staff in case things changed. Those places were where she had happy memories of being with Jake, and they’d come to her first. But what about the times when they’d argued? She realised she’d filtered those moments out, not wanting to revisit them. She forced herself to do it now. When she was upset, she’d gone to her room, lost herself in a book and tried to ease the pain that way. But Jake had always gone out. Always. It came back to her in a flash.

‘You’re OK to mind Leo, aren’t you?’ Kat said. ‘I need to go out for a while.’

‘Yes,’ Andy said. He had a trace of hope in his eyes, as if he understood. ‘Don’t forget your coat, and there’s a scarf on the coat rack you can borrow. It’s chilly out today.’

‘Thanks.’

Kat left the house, her pace speeding up as she neared Arthur’s Seat, the hill that overlooked the city. The cold wind stung her cheeks. It didn’t make sense that anyone would choose to sleep outside in the cold weather – but it had to be worth a try. She climbed the hill and saw the bench in the distance. How had she forgotten it? Time after time it was where she’d found him. Repentent, usually, but occasionally still angry. With the architecture of Edinburgh laid out in front of them, they’d talked, and kissed, and made up, found their way back together more than a dozen times.

Two days of searching and it hadn’t crossed her mind until now. She neared it, and could make out a figure slumped forward, head in hands. It was Jake. Her breath caught. She had found him.

Kat approached the bench quietly and sat down next to him. He seemed to sense her presence. He didn’t look up, but he looked across at her denim-clad legs, and down at her brown leather boots, familiar to him.

‘Kat,’ he said, without looking up.

‘Hi.’

She saw that his shoulders were shaking and there was the sound of quiet sobbing. Instinctively, she put an arm around him.

He burrowed his head in her shoulder, just as his son did whenever he was in need of comfort. Kat held him. The anger and frustration that had been building in her since their phone call was still there, but at the same time she felt sorry for him.

‘I’ve messed everything up,’ he said into her shoulder, the words coming out muffled.

She took a deep breath. She didn’t have to be here, she didn’t have to speak to Jake now – or ever again. But as she stroked his arm, she knew that she would.

‘Yes, you have messed things up,’ Kat said, pulling away gently. ‘You’ve put me and your parents through hell.’

‘I’m sorry,’ he said, weakly.

‘Not good enough. We need to talk.’

They walked through town and found a café. Kat ordered a cup of tea and toast and a fried breakfast for Jake.

‘You’re hungry,’ she said, as he devoured the food in front of him.

‘I haven’t been sleeping or eating much. Just walking around town, trying to get my head straight. It’s been freezing. I got into a hostel on the first two nights, but last night I was out on the bench.’

‘Well, you should have come home,’ she said, her sympathy reaching its limit. ‘Believe me, none of us have been sleeping much either. I was worried, Jake. Really worried. The way you were talking, I thought you were going to do something drastic, hurt yourself, maybe even take off with Leo without telling me – and then this, you completely disappear.’

‘It was stupid,’ Jake said, shaking his head. ‘I don’t blame you for being angry. I was an idiot. I was saying things just to hurt you. And then I needed some space to figure everything out.’

‘But why did you want to hurt me?’ Kat said, feeling angry all over again.

‘Because you’re cutting me out.’

‘What, because I don’t want to get back together?’

‘Because you wouldn’t even consider it. I suppose I realised for the first time just how much I threw away. When we had Leo, all I could think about was what we had lost… our freedom, the way we used to be able to be spontaneous. It’s taken me three years to fully appreciate what we’ve gained – Leo. I want us to be a family – but then you gave me a no, flat out, because you reckon it’s “too late” for that.’

Kat looked him in the eye. Remembered the moments they’d shared together, the laughter, the intimacy.

‘It’s been too late for a long time, Jake,’ she said firmly. ‘And the way you’ve been acting recently has only confirmed that. I’ve done everything I could to ensure you and Leo could have a relationship, that he could have a dad. But now… I mean, how do we go forward from here?’

‘You’re right,’ Jake said, putting his head in his hands.

‘I’m sorry, Jake, but I don’t know if I can trust you again.’

Jake’s back
, Kat texted Charlie.
Me and Leo are on our way home. See you soon, Kx

Diane and Andy had greeted Jake with hugs in front of Leo, but as Kat packed up her son’s things she’d heard their raised voices behind the closed kitchen door. Leo was oblivious, unquestioningly happy to see his dad again, and sad to say goodbye. Kat had spent the train journey walking up and down the carriages with Leo, talking to other passengers and keeping him entertained. Now that they were home, though, and he was settled in bed, she found herself alone with her thoughts and doubts.

She’d called Diane and Andy, letting them know that they’d arrived back safely and asking them to tell Jake. She kept her message simple and to the point, the way all communication was going to be from hereon. She had hoped she and Jake would be the kind of people who would co-parent smoothly, politely negotiating handovers and things needed for school trips. But it had rarely been like that with them, and now she had to accept that it never would be.

Kat poured herself a cup of hot chocolate and walked over to the window. It was dark outside and in the distance she could see fireworks going off, the bright lights reflected in the sea water.