The Secret Diary of a Princess a novel of Marie Antoinette (22 page)

The entire court braved the bright midday sun to gather in the courtyard to see her and Joseph, who is accompanying her to Parma, off. Mama was there in the very centre of the family
tableaux
as usual, with Elizabeth on one side and Christina on the other, all three looking very imposing in blazing diamonds and heavy silk dresses. I stood to the side with Marianna and the boys, who hopped about, yanked each other's powdered perriwigs and yawned ostentatiously as we waited for Amalia to emerge.

'Ah, here she comes! The bride!' I heard someone exclaim as the great doors opened and Amalia, looking very pale and unhappy in a travelling dress of shimmering rich green silk walked out with one hand on Joseph's blue velvet sleeved arm. She looked at each one of us in turn without smiling then dropped to her knees in front of Mama to receive a final blessing.

'I wish you every happiness, my child,' Mama said as she raised Amelia from the ground and kissed her on each cheek. 'God be with you.' Amalia did not reply but stepped lightly away then kissed first Elizabeth then Christina before turning to Marianna who she hugged with much more affection and with the sparkle of tears in her eyes.

'My little Antonia,' she said, leaning down to embrace me fondly and murmuring into my ear. 'I will miss you more than I can say. Don't ever let them bully you.'

'I won't.' I hugged her back and rubbed my cheek against hers, inhaling her delicious scent of roses and lilies, unwilling to ever let her go. 'Please don't forget me.'

She smiled then and kissed my cheek. 'I promise that I won't.'

Joseph coughed discreetly behind her and with a sigh she turned away to give a final hug and kiss to Max and Ferdinand before returning to her place at Joseph's side. 'I think it is time to go,' she murmured, smiling at the footman who appeared with a large pink parasol to protect her complexion from the sun during the short walk to her new pale green and gold carriage.
 

I watched as she walked away her head held high and her heavy silk skirts trailing behind her on the cobbles. In another minute she would be gone forever, in another hour she would be far away, never to return. There was a murmur of shock from the assembled courtiers as Karl stepped out from the crowd and stood in front of her. I held my breath, willing her to take his hand and run away from all of this, but instead they looked at each other for a moment without saying anything or even touching before he stepped aside and let her go. Joseph placed his hand on Karl's shoulder for a moment as he passed and I saw a look of pain and understanding pass between the two young men.

'Disgraceful!' I heard Christina mutter to Elizabeth. 'And shame on Joseph for encouraging such common theatrics!'

Karl stood alone for a moment, looking up at us all, with one hand shading his eyes against the sunlight. I smiled at him, hoping that he knew that one of us at least was on his side but he didn't smile back or even appear to see me. Instead he stared at Mama as she stood silent and haughty beneath the shade of a black silk parasol, her hands calmly folded in front of her and her gaze focused on her son and daughter as they climbed into their carriage. He stared at her, his face full of contempt then very deliberately turned his back and walked away.

Tuesday, 4
th
July, late.

I don't know what to say. What is there to say? All I can think about is the fact that one day it will be me who leaves Vienna, never to return.

Wednesday, 19
th
July.

A lovely sunny, Summer's day. I went outside with the Princesses of Hesse-Darmstadt and my ladies in waiting and we all lazed about on soft woolen blankets and silk cushions spread underneath a pink silk canopy erected by the footmen, reading poetry aloud to each other and feasting on sugary little cakes, apples, enormous china bowls full of strawberries and cherries and glasses of lemonade and fresh, delicious milk while Anton lay on his back and slept in the sunshine, one arm thrown across his eyes.

Joseph's little Theresia was brought down by her governess and was greeted with smiles as she prettily curtsied to us and then came to me for a cuddle. She is seven now and very pretty with blonde curls and huge, bright blue eyes. It is odd to think that she is the heiress to the empire, this small, rather fragile little girl who gazes at me with such adoration. I try to imagine her in Mama's place and find it impossible but then I can never imagine Mama as a little girl either. The very udea seems incredible.

After a while we began to feel restless and so Clementina, Anna and I went for a stroll around the terraces, leaving Lucia and the Princesses dozing beneath the canopy. We were silent as we walked, happy to simply enjoy the heavenly warmth, the delicious scent of the flowers that surrounded us and the birdsong that floated down from the trees overhead.
 

'What a lovely, perfect day,' Anna said at last with a smile. 'I wish that it could always be like this.'

'You would miss the snow,' Clementina pointed out with a grin. 'Imagine never being able to go sledging again and how disappointed the gentlemen of the court would be if you were never again able to flash your ankles while skating.' They both began to giggle.

'Archduchess!' I quickly turned to see Karl standing in the pathway behind us and gave a hastily muffled cry of surprise. 'I am sorry, I did not mean to startle you!' He stepped briskly forward and lifted my hand to his lips. '
Mesdemoiselles
,' he murmured, bowing to my ladies in waiting, who were both staring at him in wide eyed astonishment.

'Karl,' I stared at him, still holding on to his hand. 'I thought that you had gone forever!'

'I am leaving today but I wanted to say goodbye to you first,' he replied with a smile. 'You are not like the rest of your family and I wanted to take my leave properly because who knows when we will meet again?'
 

'I thank you,' I murmured, thinking how handsome he looked with the sunlight dappling his tawny hair and his skin slightly bronzed by days spent outside. His eyes gleamed as he bent over my hand again and for a brief instant I felt a peculiar frisson that had vanished as quickly as it occurred. 'I hope that we will meet again someday.'

He smiled at me. 'I hope so too, Archduchess.' He bowed again to all three of us and then turned away, saying over his shoulder: 'Remember me when you are Queen of France!'

We all watched as he walked down the path and then vanished from view. 'How handsome he is,' Anna murmured with a rapturous sigh as she stared after him. 'He is just as a young man should be.'

Clementina nudged her. 'Hush, he isn't for us!' She stepped forward and lightly touched my arm as I stood motionless in the middle of the path, my mind full of turmoil. 'Shall we walk on, Archduchess?'

Friday, 21
st
July.

A letter has arrived from Amalia, which Marianna read out to the family after dinner. Mama nodded and smiled at Amalia's descriptions of Parma, which she seemed rather enamoured by. One might almost think that the whole marriage was an enormous treat designed with no other aim than to make Amalia happy.

'
There is always sunshine here and I wish that you could see the way that the russet brick buildings blaze in the golden light. It is so very different to the cold, harsh light of Vienna, you can have no idea. Everything here is so bright and warm and delightful.'
It had never before occurred to me that even the light could be different somewhere else and I wondered about France and
 
what other differences there might
 
be between Paris and Vienna.
 

'
I feel that I could be very happy here and long for the day when I can
 
invite you here to see for yourselves.'
There was no mention at all in the letter of her new husband, but one presumed that he was ever present and lurking in the background. I wondered what he was like, this strange half French prince who was poor Isabella's little brother.

'
Your devoted and loving sister always, Amélie
.' Elizabeth and Christina rolled their eyes
 
and tutted with annoyance.

'How terribly pretentious,' Christina muttered with a superior curl of her lip. 'Amélie indeed! It sounds like an actress... or
worse
.'
 

Elizabeth giggled and waggled her painted fan in front of her face. 'I totally agree, Mimi !
 
How very affected it sounds! Poor Amalia, I am quite embarrassed for her.' They both continued in this vein for quite some time, while I excused myself and went to the Abbé, who had been invited to join us for the occasion and who was standing in a window regarding my elder sisters with an amused eye.

'They are jealous,' I whispered to him behind my fan. 'I don't think Elizabeth will ever forgive any of us for getting married while she has to remain here. She was always the beauty of the family, you see.'

'I do see,' the Abbé replied with a smile. 'I believe that there was even
 
talk
 
of a match with King Louis at one point until...'

'Until.' I said finally, with a small shrug. 'And of course Mimi has always hated we younger girls and I have never quite known why.' I looked up at him and closed my fan with a snap. 'After all, she has always been Mama's favourite and we could never have been any sort of threat to her
 
or her position within the family.'

He nodded as though he understood, and I think that really, maybe he did.
 
'I
 
believe that it is usually thus within large families,' he murmured with a sympathetic look. 'The elder children are often several years older than the youngest, sometimes even old enough to be parents themselves. It is only natural that there should be rivalries, jealousies and disagreements. Your sister has probably always wished to be the petted baby of the family and instead she has had to endure a constant stream of small brothers and sisters.'

'I suppose so.' I felt ungracious but did not wish to make excuses for Mimi's behaviour. 'Sometimes I think that I really cannot wait until I am married and far away from them all.
 
I will miss Vienna terribly but to remain here always would be intolerable.'

'I can well imagine.' Vermond replied kindly, before changing the subject and directing my attention to a particularly bright display of stars in the sky.

Friday, 4
th
August, Laxenburg, an unbearably hot day.

The court has finally moved to the countryside, just as the weather in Vienna itself grew increasingly more stifling and unpleasant. I tried to walk beside the Danube with my maids of honour but the terrible stench prevented us from getting very close and shortly afterwards Mama decreed that we were to remove to Laxenburg, where the air is at least always healthy and fresh. Max and Ferdinand are both thrilled to be here and wriggle like impatient puppies throughout breakfast in the blue and white parlour, longing for the moment when they are
 
allowed to leave the table and are free to run wild with their dogs in the gardens and woods around.
 

We are all on holiday here, except for Mama who still rises at dawn to begin work and spends much of her day cloistered with her advisors, priests and ministers and me, who must continue my daily lessons with the Abbé. Here though we sit beneath a huge parasol on the lawn
 
while he teaches me French for a couple of hours before we cast our books aside and then spend the rest of our time just talking about France and Versailles and the family that I am about to marry into. It seems like mere idle chatter but I always find afterwards that I remember every single thing that we have spoken about so perhaps I am learning after all.

'I can't wait to see France for myself!' I exclaimed during one of our conversations, my eyes shining as I imagined myself walking around the famous gardens at Versailles or sitting in my own box at the Opéra. France sounds so much more thrilling and elegant and wonderful than
 
Austria.

'All in good time, Your Highness,' the Abbé replied with a smile. 'I am sure that France is just as impatient to see you too.'

Sunday, 13
th
August, morning before Mass.

Today my sister Carolina is seventeen. It seems like such a long time since we last saw each other and I still long for her daily. I do not think that I will ever get truly used to our being apart.

Happy birthday, Carolina, wherever you are.

Tuesday, 15
th
August, Italian lesson.

Mama informed me after breakfast that I am to accompany her on a journey to the shrine of Mariazell in northern Styria, which is in south west Austria.
 
The shrine there is the most important pilgrimage site in Austria and Mama believes that it would do me good to visit.
 
Naturally, the idea of undertaking a long journey alone with Mama is extremely daunting, however I cannot help but be excited to be travelling outside Vienna and it is an honour, of course, to be singled out in such a
 
particular way. I am sure that Christina will be extremely envious.