The Secret Life of Daydreams (38 page)

“And now to see you so optimistic and looking forward to the future. Looking forward to happiness.”

“I’m sorry,” Josh said. How could he begin to apologize? “I had no idea I was affecting you all.”

“I wish I could say everything’s going to work the way you want, Josh.”

He smiled. “So do I.”

“But I’m not worried about you anymore. I think that whatever happens you’re going to be okay.”

“If only I had your confidence, lil’ sis.”

“You do. I can see it in your eyes.”

“My eyes, huh?”

“You look brighter and more alive. More like the happy little boy I grew up with.” Ashley stood from her seat and patted Josh on the shoulder. “Who wants some ice cream? I’m setting the carton out.” She entered the kitchen.

His mind went back to the time in southern California. He’d been in the San Diego area for a commercial job. While out one night at a restaurant, he had met an old friend from when he’d lived in Provo with his ex-wife. The guy had commented on her new baby, hers and her new husband’s first child.

Josh had hid the shock of the news well, pretending he already knew. But later he’d been unable to put it out of his mind. His ex-wife had remarried and had a baby. How many times had he wished for a child of their own, hoping it would make a difference? And how many more times had he blamed himself for the failure of his marriage?

That night, he’d cleaned out the mini bar in his hotel room and although he hadn’t drunk hard alcohol after that time, he’d suffered through an episode of deep depression for a few months. Looking back, it wasn’t until he had arrived in Portugal that the black cloud had started to lift.

“She’s right, you know?” Andy interrupted Josh’s thoughts. “It’s like you’re a different man.”

He was a new man. One who didn’t want the chain of regret pulling him down to a life of misery.

Keep moving forward. One day at a time.

When Sofia arrived at home from a late class, she took her shoes off and shoved them inside the hallway closet. She’d fix that mess later. It had been a long day at the café and twice a week she had to rush from downtown to the campus in Gualtar. With summer over and the start of school, the tourist season would soon begin to drop, but until then Sofia had to keep her full schedule. And as tiring as it was, she’d settled into a routine that worked for her.

This was her new life, divided into work, school, studying, and church on Sundays. Paulo had called her to be the new primary chorister, and despite her minimal knowledge of music, Sofia loved working with the children and learning new hymns. Never a boring moment. The biggest surprise had come to her as she saw the influence of the Spirit through music and children in countless little ways. It was a blessing in her life, one she’d come to cherish.

After dinner, Sofia curled on the sofa and powered on the laptop. She had reading and research to do and her email to check. As she logged on to the Internet, her eyes caught the colors of the Madrid temple canvas on the wall.

Josh.

In the back of her mind, she thought of him more often than she wanted. They had exchanged a few emails and interactions on Facebook, but Sofia hadn’t seen any updates on his page in a while. Other than some weddings and hints about a new project, Josh didn’t seem as busy with work and didn’t share his location.

Even if she had the right to ask him as a friend, she lacked the courage to initiate something personal. In the past few weeks, the hurt in her chest had begun to subside, slowly and hesitantly, and the promise of healing strengthened her resolve to stay away from Josh.

Her cell phone rang with a call from Margarida.

“Sofia, did you check your email?”

“I was about to.” Sofia closed the tab for Facebook and opened one for her email. “What’s going on?”

“The stake presidency secretary sent an email with the number of people who aren’t able to make it to the temple trip.”

Sofia scrolled through the incoming emails. “I see it.”

Eight spots available at the special group rate for three days at the temple and one afternoon for sightseeing.

“It’s the London temple, not Madrid,” Sofia said.

“Yes, and the cost is just a little higher but you’ll have two extra days than the usual one-day trip to Madrid.”

Sofia read the rest of the email for all the details. “That’s a really good price.”

“I know you’ve been wanting to go to the temple for a while and this would be perfect for you.”

“If I can get the time off from work and school.” Sofia did want to go. The need to visit the temple had been growing in her heart in the past few months, especially since Mother’s passing.

Before she could change her mind, Sofia replied to the email and asked for a spot. “Okay, I did it, I replied.”

“You’ll see, everything will work out,” Margarida said.

Later, as Sofia got ready for bed, Margarida’s words brought to mind a conference talk by President Gordon B. Hinckley from a few years back:

It will all work out. If you do your best, it will all work out.

Sofia dropped to her knees next to the bed and closed her eyes, letting the words wash over her in a simple prayer. Did she have the faith and courage to believe? If she did her best, everything would work out.

After a few moments, she rose and sat on the side of the bed. The photo album Josh had gifted her was still on the bedside table, and Sofia picked it up. She held it in her hands, no larger than her tablet e-reader and weighing as much. The flat pages with rounded corners fit perfectly inside the printed cover and its craftsmanship bespoke an heirloom object, something to be loved and treasured for a long time, something to be passed down for generations.

To a family of her own. A forever family.

She opened the drawer and placed the album inside, pushing it to the back. Having the reminders of their time together out where she could see them didn’t help her move on. It was time to put that dream away and start a new dream, one that didn’t include Josh.

Didn’t the promise in her patriarchal blessing talk of the importance of family? A worthy priesthood holder who’d take her to the temple? Their own children and grandchildren, like a chain of links to the family before and the family after? Those were the connections that mattered, even if she had to wait a lifetime. And all she had to do was try her best, day by day. She no longer had the pendant, but she’d keep the memory as a reminder to not give up, to always keep going.

Yes, Sofia would go to the temple. Nowhere else could she receive the peace and love she needed so much at this time of her life.

England, at last. Josh took a deep breath and relaxed the grip on the steering wheel. If he weren’t so anxious to find Sofia maybe he would appreciate the scenery and photo opportunities. But Sofia was all he could think about, the one he needed to see. Sightseeing would have to wait.

Who knew driving on the wrong side of the road required so much concentration? Every few minutes Josh’s mind wandered to what he would say to Sofia, and what her reaction would be to his arrival. Should he have waited for her in Braga instead? He’d just left California when Paulo had sent an email telling him of Sofia’s trip to the temple and Josh had arrived at the airport in Porto the day before Sofia left to London.

As much as he wanted to see her, he’d spent the afternoon in Porto while he made arrangements to retrieve his shipped boxes and the used car he’d bought online from a local dealer. Holding himself back from calling her had been torture. So close.

But instead of following immediately after her, Josh had moved into the small furnished apartment within walking distance to Sofia, one he’d found on a real estate website a few weeks before and which Paulo had checked for him. He didn’t plan to rent it for too long, the Lord willing.

In a few minutes, Josh would arrive at the temple grounds. Sofia’s group was scheduled to leave in the morning, but Josh had bought her a return ticket on the same flight he was taking, the last one of the day. If Sofia agreed, she and Josh could spend some time together in the temple before leaving.

But it would all depend on how she’d receive him, wouldn’t it? For the first time since he’d come up with his plan to surprise Sofia, Josh doubted its outcome.

He found a parking place near the visitor’s center, turned off the engine and sat there for a moment, breathing in and out slowly, eyes closed. After he said a prayer, the worry in his heart gave way to hope. Well, this was it; no turning back.

Now he had to find Sofia.

* * *

Sofia pushed the door and stepped outside. How quickly the time had passed. What would it be like to live close enough to the temple that she could visit every week?

After exiting the temple, Sofia found a bench off the main path. She sat and crossed her arms against the late afternoon chill, glad for the sweater she wore. She was going to miss this place where even the air smelled different, cooler and sharper with a hint of early winter in the soft breeze. The golden-browns and oranges of the trees contrasted with the green lawn and, in the distance, a pond reflected the light around. Through a break in the trees, the main doors of the temple beckoned her, kindling the sense of peace and contentment in her heart. The golden statue of Moroni sat atop the verdant copper spire and gleamed in the waning western sun.

Although she had not received answers to all her questions, Sofia was going home with a deeper understanding of her life and acceptance of the future. Wherever her dreams led her, she had the confidence and strength to follow them, and the patience to wait for the Lord’s timing. Some days would be harder than others, but that’s where faith came in, to fill in the gaps she couldn’t.

Her eyes rested on the main doors again. A man in a dark blue suit stood in front of the temple. Her heart sped up. He had a similar build and bearing to Josh, and Sofia stared, unable to look away. Reason told her to dismiss the resemblance, even as the emotion knotted in her chest at the possibility of seeing Josh again.

A silent plea rose from her to Father in Heaven. Why couldn’t she stop thinking of Josh? He often came to her in dreams and in the past three days, as she had worked inside the temple, memories of Josh and their time together had tiptoed in when her mind was at peace, the little moments of serenity and hope she’d been craving for so long. She’d come to the temple ready to forget Josh and still her love for him lingered, undeterred. And now she even had visions of him outside the temple. She swiped at an errant tear.

“Sofia!” a male voice shouted.

Sofia stood. The man in the blue suit sprinted toward her, smiling widely.

Josh.

Not a dream. Not a vision.

The real Josh stopped in front of her and caught her hand. “There you are.” His lips quirked upwards. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” He leaned close and brushed a beijinho on her cheek.

Sofia gaped. His face was clean-shaven and his hair trimmed a little shorter. The dark-blue striped suit, white shirt, and silver tie emphasized the blue of his eyes and strong profile. She brought her free hand over her chest, as if that could stop the old feelings of love and attraction from ramming her sensible side. It was a lost cause and she gave in to her traitorous heart. How much she’d missed Josh; how much she’d tried not to. And how happy she was to see him again.