The Secret Life of Daydreams (6 page)

Josh sat at Sofia’s kitchen table. After washing up, she’d convinced him to stay for dinner. He knew better than to accept an invitation. He’d told himself not to get too close to her, but all those admonitions had gone out the door when he’d seen her at the university’s parking lot with car trouble. And then he’d offered to go find a battery and replace it. It was something easy that didn’t take too long, even though he was on a tight working schedule. The appreciation in Sofia’s eyes had made it all worthwhile.

And now here he was, as she set the table and filled a glass of water for him. The kitchen was a modest size, but he guessed the rest of the apartment was small as well from what he’d seen. The galley-style kitchen was decorated with white appliances and white cabinets and a drop-leaf table large enough for four when fully open. The floor and wall tiles were light-colored as well, except for a tile rail with colored vegetables. At the opposite end, a double-wide sliding door led to a balcony.

Sofia had changed into something more casual, a pair of dark jeans and a red top with the sleeves rolled up. The color looked good on her and the jeans accentuated all the right curves. He turned his gaze up instead. She’d rebraided her hair. He hadn’t seen her with loose hair yet. Eleven years ago she had worn it short, curling at the edges around her face. How long was it now? Maybe he should stop looking her over and try to make some small talk instead.

On top of the refrigerator, a framed picture caught his attention. Josh stood to see it better. A small woman had an arm around Sofia’s shoulders, and both of them smiled wide, standing in front of a large country house. Sofia looked to be in her early teen years, long braids and knee shorts and a carefree expression. She was cute even then.

“Is this you and your mother?” he asked.

Sofia turned sideways and glanced at him. When her eyes fell on the picture, she smiled warmly. “No, that’s my Tia Joana, my father’s older sister. I spent summers with her when I was a teenager.” She resumed her task.

“Do you live by yourself?” That was an excuse to satisfy his curiosity about her relationship status.

Sofia looked over her shoulder from the stove. “I live with my mother.” She shook her head. “Actually, my mother lives with me.” She dipped a wooden spoon in a pot and stirred, then turned back to Josh. “My father passed away a few months before I graduated from the university and Mother came to live with me soon after. It’s a bit complicated.”

Josh played with the fork by his plate. “Family usually is.” There was more to her story but now was not the time to pry. “Is she around?”

“She’s already in bed.” She turned to him. “I’m sorry for my bad manners and not offering you a tour of the apartment, but I don’t want to wake her up.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’d forgotten about that custom of touring someone’s place when you visit for the first time.”

“You don’t do that in America?”

“Not where I’m from.”

She turned off the gas stove. “That makes me feel better then.”

It was a strange custom. He couldn’t go traipsing around peoples’ apartments as a missionary. Many a time he’d had to decline the invitation and risk being rude but rules had to be followed.

Sofia brought a small pot to the table and placed it on a trivet. Then she made room for a bowl of salad and a platter with fish fillets, the Portuguese kind. She’d set the bread already, the little rolls he liked so much.

“I hope you like it.” She indicated the food. “It’s carrot rice, hake fish fillets, and tomato and lettuce salad. Please, help yourself.”

Josh filled his plate and Sofia followed. After a pause, she asked, “Do you mind if I say the blessing on the food?”

The blessing on the food. That thing that church members did before they ate. Just like he’d taught her. “Of course not, go ahead.”

Sofia waited for him to close his eyes and bow his head, and then said a simple, short prayer in Portuguese. When was the last time he’d said a blessing on the food? He’d rather not think about it.

The fish fillets were just like he remembered, fresh and tender inside with a crispy breaded crust on the outside. He took a bite and closed his eyes. “This is so good. What’s the secret?”

She took a knife and cut her fillet in half. “Most people deep fry the fillets. I pan fry them first, then stick them in the oven to finish cooking.” She took a bite and chewed. “I add lemon juice and pepper to the flour batter.”

Josh smiled. “Portuguese food is the best.” He took another bite. “I travel a lot, and I always try to find the local food spots, but nothing really compares to Portuguese bread and the Portuguese home-cooked food.” He finished chewing. “Thanks for inviting me.”

Sofia’s cheeks tinged. “Thank you for seeing me safely home and fixing my car.” She rested her fork and knife against the plate and wiped her mouth with a napkin. “You’ve got no idea how much you helped me today.”

Josh didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. “My pleasure.” He had to turn the conversation before she offered to pay for the battery. The last thing he wanted was to take her money. “How long have you worked as a teacher?”

“This is my sixth year.” She played with the fork and knife, pushing the rice around the plate. “And you? You said you travel a lot? Where have you been?”

Josh pretended he didn’t notice how she turned the conversation back to him. “Where haven’t I been?” This was an easy topic for him. “I’ve traveled through most of North America, including Canada and Mexico, several countries in South America, Western Africa, and most of Europe.” He stopped to think. “That means I haven’t been to the Middle East, Eastern Europe, Eastern Africa, Australia, and New Zealand.”

“That’s amazing.” Sofia rested her elbow on the table and cupped her chin. “Don’t you get tired of all the traveling?”

Josh finished chewing the last piece of fish and took his napkin to his mouth. “I love everything about traveling. The new locations, the people, the food, and the culture.” He paused, reining in the enthusiasm. “To be in a place I’ve never been before, live there among the natives, and then to capture all that on camera—nothing beats that.”

Sofia shook her head. “I could never live like that. I’m exactly the opposite.”

Why did that sound like a challenge? “But you’ve moved here from Famalicão.” Josh leaned back against the chair.

“Yes, I did. I came here to attend the university. But that was an easy move.” She shrugged. “I’ve always loved Braga. I can’t see myself ever living anywhere else.”

“It’s a beautiful city.” He pushed the empty plate from him. “Have you ever traveled anywhere? Do you go on vacations?”

“Sure. I’ve been to Porto and Lisbon, to the beaches in the Algarve.” A crooked smile tugged the corner of her mouth. “I’ve even been to Spain and England.”

Josh raised a thumbs-up. He was enjoying this girl and the easy conversation between them.

She continued, “But the best part is coming home. To the things I know, to the city I love.” Sofia stood from the table and started clearing the dishes. “To friends and family I missed.”

Josh picked up the glasses and followed her to the sink. “Okay, I’ll agree with you. Friends and family are good to return to.” Even as he said it, the guilt pricked at him. When was the last time he’d seen his family?

She put the bread away in a cloth sack. “What about a family of your own? You have to agree that a traveling lifestyle is not the best way to raise a family.”

Josh stepped back. He pushed against the wall and crossed his arms. He should have known it would come up. When he didn’t reply, Sofia stopped from cleaning the table and looked at him.

“I’m sorry; it’s none of my business.” She walked to the sink and rinsed the washcloth.

He sat back down and she turned, resting her back against the counter top.

“You might as well know.” It was best he told her instead of her wondering what happened, if she hadn’t asked Paulo already. “I tried the family thing. I found the girl; we got married in the temple.”

The weight of Sofia’s direct gaze fell on him without judgment. “What happened?” Her voice was low.

He shrugged, shook his head. “I gave up trying to figure out what happened.” It surprised him how frank he wanted to be with Sofia. But the time wasn’t right. “It just didn’t work out, and in the end the only thing we agreed on was to part ways.”

There was more to it, of course, but she accepted his reply and didn’t push for more, and Josh was grateful for it. Maybe one day, if the occasion arose.

“Any children?” she asked.

“No children.” He let out a breath. A small blessing that they hadn’t had any.

“I’m sorry.” Her expression was soft but he couldn’t gauge her reaction to his status.

Josh took a hand to his chin and rubbed it. “It’s okay. It’s been a while.” That was all he could take for now. “What about you? A boyfriend, a fiancé?” He hadn’t planned to ask her so directly but now that the conversation had turned more personal, he wanted to find out.

Sofia walked back to the table and sat across from him. “No. There aren’t many choices around here.” She rolled the hem of her top between her fingers. “And I’m definitely not going to Porto or Lisbon to find a guy.” Her tone was casual, almost flippant, but her eyes told a different story. “I can’t leave Mother or my job at the school.”

There was something more behind her words, and Josh was intrigued by this girl. Not a girl. A woman. An attractive, intelligent, caring woman who had him wishing he could stay talking to her all night. Were Portuguese men so dense they couldn’t recognize what a gem she was?

The thought shocked him. It had been a while since he’d felt more than a passing kind of attraction for a woman. He kept himself busy with the purpose of warding off such thoughts and feelings, and that was the way he liked it. The alternative was too familiar and too painful, and not worth it when all was said and done. Good thing he wouldn’t be around long.

Sofia shrugged. “Besides, I don’t have the time to date right now. I’ve just been accepted to the English Literature doctorate program at the university.”

“That’s impressive. Congratulations.” Add accomplished to her list of attributes. The more he knew about her, the more Josh liked her, and he had an inkling this attraction would only grow with time.

“Thank you.” Her mouth quirked in a thin smile. “It’ll be hard to juggle everything but I’m looking forward to it.”

A voice came from down the hall. “Gaspar? Gaspar!”

Sofia stood quickly. “It’s my Mother. Excuse me.”

After she left down the hallway, Josh got up and let out a long breath. He slid the door open and stepped onto the balcony.

It was late by now, and the sky was dark above. Below, the city lights twinkled back at him, dancing and flashing, inviting him to come join in the night life out there. Those were empty promises of a different sort, lessons he’d learned the hard way. Relationships were even harder, and he didn’t want to put the effort into something that wouldn’t last. And that was why he kept moving, why he kept himself from throwing roots in any place he passed, why he kept away from forming new friendships.

Sofia joined him at the railing, but remained quiet.

He turned to her. “Everything okay?”

She nodded. “Yes, she’s all right. I think she had a dream and woke up disoriented.”

“Who’s Gaspar?”

Her shoulders slumped and she sighed. “Gaspar was my father.”

What she left unsaid, in that cheerless tone of voice, tugged at Josh. He wanted to pull her into a hug and tell her she’d be okay. But who was he to do or say such a thing? Instead, he took a step away from her and slid his hands in his pockets. Sofia cast him a glance, then straightened and crossed her arms. She needed a friend, only he was not the guy who could be that friend. He had no right to offer any comforting words or calming gestures.

He pulled the cell phone from his pocket and checked the time. “It’s getting late. I should go.”

Sofia nodded and walked back to the kitchen. He followed, berating himself for not sticking to his earlier resolve of keeping his distance. Now that he’d had a glimpse into Sofia’s life, becoming her friend would be easy. He needed to remember that he’d be leaving as soon as the project was done.

In the foyer, Sofia unlocked and opened the front door, and clung to the edge. “Thank you again for helping.” She reached into her pocket and handed him a folded piece of paper. “A check for the battery. Hope this is enough.” When he didn’t take it, she shoved it into his fingers.

He started to dismiss her words but she cut him off, looked at him straight on. “What you did today was a blessing to me.”

Josh palmed the check. Her eyes shone in the soft light and he returned the gaze. The words she used took him by surprise and he had no reply to that, nothing at all. He said good night, walked to the elevator, and left.

When was the last time he’d been a blessing to anyone?

* * *

After Josh left, Sofia went through the apartment and tidied up before going to bed. She peeked in on Mother, sleeping peacefully, in contrast to her earlier behavior.

Josh’s words replayed in her mind, even as she tried to make sense of them. It was more what he hadn’t said that she couldn’t let go. Somehow, she hadn’t been too surprised when he mentioned he was divorced. It was like she had recognized the signs. Although her situation hadn’t been as severe, she was well acquainted with the pain of a failed relationship, and the shadow it cast over one’s heart.