The Secret to Success (14 page)

Don't be content

When I returned to the States, I was hungry for success. I had a taste of the good life, the beach, the food, the money, and I wasn't about to go back to Huntsville and settle for mediocrity. As soon as I landed I got on my grind. I took my G.E.D class to another level. I recruited more volunteers, I purchased more software and I took my recruitment efforts to another level. However, there was one problem. I was putting so much of my time and effort into my speaking career and my community service work that my grades were suffering. By the end of the fall semester of my junior year, I was dismissed from college. From the outside looking in, it may have appeared to be a major setback. In reality, it was a blessing in disguise because neither my head nor heart was in school. Now that I had been dismissed, I had 24 hours a day to invest in my career. Even though I took a lot of flack for getting kicked out, I was determined to prove all of my doubters wrong.

“The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.'
Jimmy Johnson

Just when I thought I was doing everything I could do to position myself for greatness, my boy Marcus Flowers came out of nowhere and burst my bubble.

Marcus shared an excerpt of this book that blew my mind and challenged me to reevaluate the meaning of giving 100%. I had just finished speaking at a summer youth camp when I noticed Marcus walking towards me, which was strange because he had already graduated from OC and moved to Atlanta. He was the type of dude that was on his grind so serious that I didn't expect to see him on campus just hanging out. He had recently become a big time promoter in Atlanta. He ran towards me yelling, “E, you gotta read this book. It's off the chain…no, E, you have to read this book like yesterday.”

“What's the name of the book?” Before I could get the whole question out of my mouth, he replied,
“Think and Grow Rich: A Black Choice
by Dennis Kimbro.” He then started reading this section out of the book about this guru and a young man. The following is my interpretation of the “Guru” story as seen on YouTube's “Eric Thomas-Secrets to Success” video:

The story is about a young man, who wanted to make a lot of money and he decided to go to this guru. He told the guru that, “I want to be on the same level you're on.” So the guru said, “If you want to be on the same level I'm on, I'll meet you tomorrow at the beach at four a.m.” “The beach?”, the young man asked, puzzled. “I said I want to make money; I don't want to learn how to swim.”

The guru said, “If you want to make money, I'll meet you tomorrow at four a.m.”

The young man got there at four a.m. ready to rock and roll, he's got on a suit, (he should have worn shorts), the old man grabs his hand and says, “How bad do you want to be successful?” The young man says, “Real bad.” The guru says, “Walk on out into the water.” So the young man walks out into the water (watch this), when he walks out into the water it goes waist deep. The young man is thinking,”…
this guy is crazy… I want to make money and you got me out here swimming, I didn't ask to be a life guard, I want to make money. You got me in…”
The guru interrupted the young man's thoughts and said, “Come out a little further.” The young man walked out a little further, the water was right around his shoulder area. The young man is thinking again, “…
this man is crazy
, he's making money, but he's crazy.” The guru said, “Come on out a little further.” The young man came out a little further, the water was right at his mouth. My guy is like,
“I'm about to go back… this guy is out his mind!”

So the old man said, “I thought you said you want to be successful?”

The young man said, “I do.” The guru commanded, “Walk a little further.” The young man came and the guru reached down and dropped his head in, holding him down, the young man starts beating and slapping the water. He had him held down and just before the young man was about to pass out, the guru raised him up. He said, “I got a question for you. When you were under water, what did you want to do?” The young man said, “I wanted to breathe.” The guru told the guy, “When you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you'll be successful.”

That one small excerpt changed my outlook on life forever. I thought I was on my A game until I heard that story but I realized in seconds that I had not put out the type of effort the guru was referring to. I talked the talk, I watched the motivation videos, I visited the library on a consistent basis but I just “kind of” wanted it. I did not want it as bad as I wanted to breathe. I had to be honest with myself; there were several areas that I hadn't been giving 120%, and if I wanted to be successful for real, I was going to have to push myself much harder.

There were two areas in particular that I tried to ignore. I hoped that if I worked hard enough on my strengths that it would compensate for, and somehow offset my weaknesses. However, I knew deep down inside that at some point I was going to have to man up and deal with my academic struggles and with the pain associated with my biological father. In fact, after the birth of my first child Jalen, I felt this overwhelming pressure to stop avoiding both. I could no longer ignore the fact that my academic challenges and my unwillingness to forgive my biological father for not being in my life were somehow keeping me from going to that next level in my life. I knew neither would be easy to confront but I wanted to succeed as bad as I wanted to breathe, and if it meant tackling two of the biggest obstacles in my life, then I was willing to do just that.

It's weird how things work but as soon as I put the thought out there, it was like God heard me and was waiting on me. The challenge with my father happened much sooner than I expected it to. I was in Chicago speaking to a group of students at a church called Shiloh on the South side off 71st and Michigan. A few minutes before I was scheduled to speak, I walked out of the main sanctuary towards the bathroom. As I was exiting the sanctuary and entering the lobby, I noticed a male figure that looked just like my biological father. After finding out that the father I had been raised by was not my biological father, I began asking questions. My aunt Cleo insinuated that Gerald, whom I assumed was a family friend, and used to stop by from time to time when I was younger, was my biological father. I vaguely recalled what he looked like, but this guy standing in the lobby looked like him! I began thinking to myself,
“It's not possible.”
For one, how would he know I was in Chicago and more specifically, how would he know where I was speaking? The more I stared at him the more I realized he was my biological father, and as much as I didn't want to admit it at the time, he looked a lot like me. I froze and my entire disposition changed. My hands were shaking, my heart was racing and I started feeling sick to my stomach. I was so taken off guard by him showing up that I was contemplating not speaking. I was terrified; I didn't know what to say to him or how to handle the situation. All I wanted to do was run out of the church as fast as I could. I was willing to do anything but face him. So I ran into the bathroom and pretended like I didn't see him. I stayed in there as long as I could before I knew I was next on the program. I must have washed my hands and face at least 20 times trying to regain my composer. I finally got the nerve to come out and speak and I think I was able to pull it off without anyone knowing that I was dealing with a serious crisis. But as soon as I finished speaking everything went blank and the feelings of anxiety overtook me again. I tried everything in my power to get out of that church and pretend as though I never saw him but it didn't work. Just as I was leaving the sanctuary, I couldn't help but look in his direction and as soon as I did we made eye contact. He was standing directly in the middle of the isle way. I tried to stall as long as I could so I spoke to everybody on their way out until finally it was just him and I in the lobby and I had no other choice but to face him. All I remember after that was being so angry I wanted to strangle him. Next thing I knew, I opened my mouth and asked, “Why, why did you abandon me and why didn't you say anything to me all those years? Why didn't you tell me you were my father?” I tried so hard not to let the tears roll that they swelled up in my eyes and protruded beyond my eyelids. “Your mother told me not to say anything to you. I wanted to be in your life so bad but out of respect for your mother's wishes I kept silent.” His response pissed me off even more. Just weeks ago I stood in the delivery room blessed to see the birth of my first born son who I loved more than life itself and I couldn't imagine letting my wife or anything else for that matter keep me from my baby. I couldn't understand why he didn't fight for his right to see me. As a father, it just didn't make sense, it just didn't add up. In fear that the tears may start rolling if I blinked, I walked off without saying another word. The conversation, though brief, ripped me apart. As much as I tried to deny it for all those years, I still had a desire to know and have a relationship with my father. It was difficult to admit because over the years I had learned how to suppress my feelings and bury my emotions. However, I knew I had to make a conscious effort to let the healing begin, and I knew there was no way I could move on without being man enough to forgive him. I knew it wouldn't be easy but I made up my mind that day that I was going to open the lines of communication and give him a second chance not only with me, but his grandson as well.

I can't explain it but once I faced my fears of reconnecting with my father, every other struggle I had to confront was a piece of cake. In fact, when the new school year came around I took it upon myself to take the necessary steps to try and get reinstated. I figured if I could overcome that one challenge, I should be able to get back in school and overcome my academic challenges as well.

“Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen” -
Michael Jordan

For a while it looked like they had his number. In fact, the Detroit Pistons invented a term for it, “The Jordan Rules,” which was a defensive strategy employed by the Detroit Pistons against Michael Jordan in order to limit his effectiveness on offense. Devised by head coach Chuck Daly in 1988, the Pistons' strategy was “to play him tough;” to physically challenge him to try and throw him off balance. The Pistons defeated the Bulls in the 1988 Eastern Conference Semifinals and would go on to beat them the next two seasons in the Eastern Conference Finals. But in 1991, Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls reinvented themselves. With the help of their new coach Phil Jackson, they implemented the triangle offense and not only swept the Pistons, but went on to win the Championship. Jordan would dominant the NBA for the next decade. He demonstrated the power of reinventing oneself. After pondering for quite some time about how Mike did it, I finally figured it out. Mike made some minor adjustments to his game. I would eventually model the next phase of my life after Mike in an attempt to become one of the “Greats.”

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.

Just as the triangle offense helped Mike dominate the game, I knew deep down that going back to college could help take my speaking to a whole new level. But going back to school would require me to make some professional sacrifices. I was all too familiar with the kind of commitment you had to make and the amount of time you had to devote to your studies in order to do well. My poor study habits were another concern. As long as I could remember, I was never a serious student; I just went to school and never had a real love for learning. My friend Lois, she had that love for academics. When we would go bowling on the weekends she bought her textbooks to the bowling alley. I remember thinking,
“Who does that?” Who brings their books to a bowling alley?”
Between frames, she would grab her highlighter and start taking some serious notes or reviewing flashcards. It never dawned on me that that's what real students do; they study. Students don't do it just for a letter grade or numeric values; they study because it's in them. Lois might have taken breaks during her fouryear stay in college, but I never saw it.