The Secret Wife (7 page)

“And now?”

Good question. “And now, who knows? I’m here because it’s been a long time and Cole and I need to figure out what we want. We can’t continue this limbo forever.”

Millie nodded. “Thanks for trusting me enough to tell me that. I won’t share what you’ve told me. Despite my big mouth, I’m pretty good with secrets. I wish I had a few to share, but my life is boring.”

“I doubt that. I’ve heard that you travel a lot.”

“Jeff and I used to. At first it was very exciting. Then when we started having children, we thought it would be good for them to see the world. I’m one of those people who needs to keep busy. Jeff has always insisted on a housekeeper, and even with four children I had way too much time on my hands. I was tired of volunteering all the time, so about ten years ago I opened a boutique. It’s in Ojai. Seven years later I got tired of all the long hours. My oldest daughter runs it now. I decided I missed the volunteering, but I wanted to commit myself to one project and not just give a few hours here and a few hours there. So I came to work for the Grace Orphanage. Jeff had been on the board of directors for years. Actually, working here was his suggestion. For a while we thought the place wasn’t going to make it, then Cole applied to be the director and the rest is history.”

“I’m impressed,” Elissa said, wondering how on earth someone could raise four children and claim to have too much free time. Cole was right; Millie was a force of nature.

Millie smiled. “We’ve bonded. I’m so pleased. I knew the moment we met that we were going to be friends.” There was a squeal of laughter from outside. She glanced in that direction. “The children are really enjoying all that sports equipment.”

“I know. The jungle gym is great.”

Millie made a great show of glancing at her perfectly groomed nails. “It was a lovely donation. Practical in a fun way. Not just anyone would have thought of it.” She looked at Elissa. “Well done.”

Elissa froze. Should she deny the truth? She’d never been a very good liar and wasn’t positive she could bluff her way out of the situation. “I— When—?” She shook her head.

“It’s interesting that the donor didn’t want to be recognized. I wonder why that is.”

“Some people prefer to give without all the fanfare.”

“Maybe,” Millie said. “Or maybe the person is afraid. Not of the giving, but of what the money represents.”

“Some people don’t like money,” Elissa said, not sure what game she and Millie were playing.

“Do people who are afraid give it all away foolishly?”

“No. But it’s nice to make a difference in people’s lives.”

“Is that why you’re doing it?” Millie asked.

“Partly,” Elissa admitted, realizing whatever the game, she wasn’t going to win. “How did you guess?”

“It was easy. While our list of donors is long, only a few give in large amounts. I know most of them, so it was simple to eliminate names. The donor obviously had a connection with the children, which usually means they visit often or have lived here previously. I kept coming up blank. Then I remembered you and your television show. You didn’t grow up with money—Cole told me that. Yet I’m not unfamiliar with the industry. There was money to be made. Is it in a trust?”

“Yes. It was released on our twenty-fifth birthday. This past July.”

“Cole doesn’t know.”

It wasn’t a question. “No, and I don’t want him to. He’s always had a chip on his shoulder about certain things, and that’s one of them. Inheritances, I mean. I don’t want to make him angrier,” Elissa said, raising her hands and turning them palm up. “I just want to help.”

Millie smiled. “Good for you.” She made an X over her heart. “I promise I won’t be the one to tell your secret, although I think you’re wrong about Cole and the chip on his shoulder. Oh, he has one, but it’s not about money. I think if you told him the truth, he wouldn’t mind at all.”

Elissa didn’t believe her. If she told him the truth, it would give him an excuse to throw her out on her butt. As it was, they barely managed to speak without him getting angry at her. Even though he didn’t yell, she could see the anger in the coldness in his eyes. If he hated her so much, why had he stayed married to her all these years?

She exhaled slowly. She hadn’t found an answer to that one in all the time they’d been apart, nor had she found it in the two weeks she’d been here. Eventually the truth would come out—for both of them. Until then, she was content to wait.

“Do you have any more anonymous donations planned?” Millie asked.

“I’m not sure. Why?”

“No reason.” She glanced at her slim gold watch. “Oh, my, look at the time. I’d better head out. There’s some mail on my desk. I’ll take a look at that, then I’ll be gone. You have a nice evening.” The older woman rosé to her feet.

“I will. Thanks, Millie.”

“Thank you. You trust me, and that means so very much.”

Elissa smiled. “I’m going to get something to drink, so I’ll see you in the morning. Night.”

When she returned to her desk twenty minutes later, Millie had already left. There were a few letters for her to type. She read the top one. It was to the director of a science camp in Santa Barbara. Millie had written that despite the generous discount, the orphanage couldn’t afford to send the children to the program. There wasn’t enough money to send everyone, and Cole refused to leave any child behind. Underneath the letter was a brochure for the camp.

Elissa looked it over. The camp ran four days, beginning the first weekend of next month. Although the children would miss two days of school, the program was recommended by their local school district as well as by the state’s education office. It wasn’t cheap, but with the discount offered to the orphanage, it was a bargain.

Elissa glanced toward Millie’s office to make sure it was empty, then picked up the phone. What was that old saying? Better to be hunted as a wolf than live as a sheep. She laughed. No, that wasn’t the old saying, but it worked. She’d lived too many years as a sheep, and while she wasn’t exactly wolf material, she felt she’d made progress up the food chain.

If Cole wanted her gone, she would be gone, even if she did everything perfectly. Besides, she wasn’t doing this for him, or even for herself. She was doing it for the children, and because it was the right thing to do.

Chapter Five

C
ole sat in the dark auditorium and tried to concentrate on the performance. On stage, high school students delivered the lines from the Neil Simon play. When the audience burst into spontaneous laughter and Cole didn’t get the joke, he realized he didn’t have a prayer of focusing on anything but Elissa tonight.

He shifted on the hard wooden seat. How many times had he sat in this particular building? There were dozens of assemblies while he’d attended the high school and dozens more activities since taking over as director of the orphanage. By definition, the children he took care of had no one to show up to watch them perform. He made it a point to be at as many events as he could, as well as assigning different staff members. Some came, even when they weren’t on duty. As Elissa had tonight.

He thought about moving his arm, but he didn’t want her to know the soft pressure of her elbow against his was distracting. He refused to let her guess that the faint scent of her sweet perfume surrounded him in a cloud of arousal and memories. She might have grown up and become an independent, feisty temptress, but her perfume was the same. It made him think of pale skin and hot kisses. Elissa had many flaws, but her kissing ability wasn’t one of them.

Without wanting to, he remembered the months they’d dated. He’d known she was a virgin and had tried hard to go slowly. Her request that they wait to make love until after they were married had made him grit his teeth, but he’d agreed. And because the need was so strong, he’d decided it was safer to do nothing at all. Nothing except kiss.

He fought against the memories, trying to force his attention back to the play. Mindy, one of his kids from the orphanage, was second lead and he was really enjoying her performance. But lines from a play, however witty, couldn’t compete with the power of the past. Instead of high school students on a stage, he saw Elissa, her long curly hair tumbling loose over her shoulders as she laughed at him, bent forward and touched her lips to his.

He remembered reading once that a scent memory was a total sense memory. That it could invoke the past completely, engaging all the other senses. Maybe it was the night, his weakened condition after having dealt with her for over two weeks, or maybe it was her perfume. Whatever the reason, he found himself drowning in sensation as the past overwhelmed him.

Elissa kissing him, her hands on his shoulders, her mouth wet and warm against his. She rarely kissed back, preferring to let him invade. He hadn’t minded. Not when she tasted so sweet and sighed so deeply. He remembered how after the first kiss, she’d often sagged against him, as if he’d stolen all her strength, as if the feel of him next to her was too much for her to handle.

Another burst of laughter recalled him to the present. He shifted again, this time because thinking about kissing Elissa had left him physically wanting to be with her. His arousal throbbed in time with his heartbeat and he was grateful for the darkness. His life was complicated enough without anyone knowing Millie’s new assistant turned him on in a big way.

With a supreme force of will honed by years of wanting and not having, he studied the teenagers on the stage and forced himself to concentrate on the play.

Mindy, just sixteen and a gifted performer, delivered her line perfectly. The audience laughed again. Not even by the hint of a smile did she let on that she knew she was acting a part instead of living a real life. Fierce emotion burned in his chest. Pride. He’d felt it before.

At every parent-teacher conference, at every play, every recital, every spring concert, he sat and enjoyed a sense of pride for the children. They were the reason he wrestled with a never-big-enough budget, zoning, the state and an assortment of frustrations that made his days long. He’d been where they were and he knew how much they wanted to belong to something special. No matter the personal cost, he was determined to give that to them. In return, they grew up in ways that made him proud.

He wondered if he would feel the same if he had children of his own. If. Would he? Ever?

He shook his head. It was unlikely. He would never marry anyone again. He’d given Elissa his heart; he didn’t have it to give a second time.

The play ended and the audience clapped loudly. Everyone rosé to their feet as cheers erupted. Cole whistled, adding to the cacophony.

“Weren’t they wonderful?” Elissa said, smiling at him. “Millie said the cast started rehearsals a month before school started because they wanted the play to be perfect. All that hard work paid off.”

“They were great.”

She wore her hair pulled back in a fancy braid with the end tucked under. Makeup accentuated her green eyes and full mouth. As usual, a soft, flowing dress whispered over curves and teased her calves and his imagination. Tonight the filmy fabric was pale peach. A slender chain rested at the base of her throat. He was torn between wanting to kiss that delicate hollow and ripping the necklace from her body. It fit too perfectly not to have been purchased by a lover.

“How do you stand it?” she asked.

He stiffened, wondering how the hell she’d read his mind.

She sniffed, then touched a finger to the corner of her eye. “I can’t believe I’m nearly in tears over this. I’ve only been at the orphanage a short time, but I’m so proud of these kids. You must be overwhelmed by it every time you see one of them perform like this.”

He relaxed. She hadn’t known what he’d been thinking. If she stayed the full three months, she was going to be around several more weeks. He’d better learn to control his wayward thoughts. “The feeling never goes away,” he said. “I’m always proud of them.”

Overhead lights clicked on. The audience members started moving toward the rear doors. Elissa stayed in place, her gaze firmly fixed on his face.

“I envy you,” she said. “You’ve created something very amazing here.”

“Interesting. All this time, I’ve always envied you.”

Her eyes widened in surprise, but he turned away before she could ask any more questions.

The next few minutes were a whirlwind of activity as he and the other staff members rounded up children from the audience and the cast and put them onto the bus. Twenty minutes later they pulled on to the private road that led to the orphanage.

As they rounded the corner he saw that all the lights were on in the dining hall. Millie’s Mercedes was parked in front. As the bus pulled up, the older woman walked out and waved.

“I couldn’t make the play, but I did want to help celebrate,” Millie said as Cole stepped onto the driveway. “There’s cake and ice cream for everyone.”

He hugged her briefly. “I couldn’t make this place work without you.”

“I know,” Millie said. “Don’t you forget it, either.” She turned her attention to the children. “Come on, come on. There’s plenty for everyone.”

She led the way inside. Cole stayed out in the cooling night air and made sure all the kids got off the bus. Elissa was last and she carried a sleepy Shanna in her arms.

“But I’m not tired,” the eight-year-old insisted, then yawned. “There’s cake ‘n’ stuff. I want some.”

“I’ll save you a piece,” Elissa promised, giving Cole a quick smile. “I’m going to put this one in bed.”

“I don’t wanna go to bed,” Shanna protested, leaning her head against Elissa’s shoulder and closing her eyes. “I always miss the fun stuff.”

He didn’t want to think about how right she looked holding the young girl in her arms, or how much he wanted to walk with her to the dormitory and share the domestic scene. Before he could offer, Tiffany came over.

“I’ll help you, Elissa,” the preteen offered. “Don’t worry, Shanna. I’ll make sure there’s still cake for you in the morning.”

“Can I have it for breakfast?”

Elissa rolled her eyes. “Don’t even think something that gross. Come on. Bedtime.”