The Secretary's Secret (6 page)

Again, Alex shook his head. ‘The doctor has diagnosed Kit with a kidney infection. She should be fine but he’s ordered bed rest for the next few days. I don’t want to leave her alone for too long.’

Both Frank and Doreen nodded sagely, as if this made perfect sense. As far as Alex was concerned, the longer he remained in Tuncurry, the less sense anything made.

‘Kit wanted me to come over and thank you.’ He suddenly realized how grudging that sounded, as if he hadn’t appreciated what they’d done—their attempts to tidy up, the casserole. ‘I mean we wanted to thank you.’ But he and Kit, they weren’t a
we
and he didn’t want to give the wrong impression. ‘Just…’ He gave up. ‘Thank you. It was thoughtful of you.’

Frank eyed him. ‘You’re a city boy, right, Alex?’ When Alex didn’t say anything he added, ‘You’ll find we’re more community-minded out here.’

Community? It took an effort to stop his lips from twisting. From where he was standing, that just meant Kit would probably get stuck with looking after Frank and Doreen in a few years’ time when they both started losing their faculties.

Still, they had checked up on her today and that had been a nice thing to do. And they’d made sure she had food.

Both Frank and Doreen looked at him expectantly. He cleared his throat. ‘It’s nice to know Kit has such good neighbours.’

‘No doubt we’ll all get better acquainted now you’re here, lad.’

Alex took a step back. No way! The expectation, the cosy familiarity, the good-spiritedness, it wrapped around him, threatening to suffocate him, to bury him. He took another step back. ‘I…uh…should get back to Kit. Goodnight.’

He turned and fled.

There wasn’t any comfort in returning to Kit’s house, though. He glared at the hole in her wall and then threw himself down on the nearest sofa. White dust rose up all around him.

His curse ground out from between gritted teeth. He couldn’t bolt and leave Kit’s living room looking like a demolition site.

If the child she was carrying was his…

He leapt up and stomped off to find a broom, a bucket and some cleaning cloths. Tonight he’d be sleeping on plastic because he wasn’t taking the wrapping off the sofas until he’d had a chance to vacuum, and he wasn’t vacuuming tonight. It’d wake Kit and she needed to rest.

Alex checked on Kit again at midnight. She’d taken her antibiotics, she’d eaten some dinner and then she’d slept. So far, so good. She needed to get well. He wanted her to get well as soon as possible.

So you can leave?

He tried not to scowl.

From the light of the hallway he caught sight of the title of the book on her bedside table—
What To Expect When You’re Expecting
. He picked it up and tiptoed back out into the living room. Lowering himself to the sofa that would be his bed for the night, he turned to the page she had bookmarked.

And froze.

Everything went blank.

The bookmark—it was an ultrasound photograph of Kit’s child.

Of his child.

He snapped the book shut and rested his head in his hands. A baby. A child.

He lifted his head, darkness surging up to fill the empty places inside him. He wasn’t doing that again. He couldn’t.

You don’t care what’s best for our baby. All you care about is what’s best for you.

Kit didn’t understand. Him getting out of her and the baby’s lives—that would be best for her and the baby.

And for you too.

He nodded heavily. And for him too. It didn’t stop a part of him from feeling as if it were dying, though.

When he finally fell asleep that night, Alex had a nightmare about Chad. He raced through a darkened mansion, his legs wooden and heavy, his heart pounding faster and faster as he searched for the two-year-old. Chad’s laughter, always just out of reach, taunted him and spurred him on. The rooms in the mansion went on and on. He tried calling out Chad’s name but his voice wouldn’t work. His legs grew heavier and heavier. It took all his energy to push forward. He pulled open the final door, surged through it, to find himself plummeting off the edge of a cliff.

He woke before he slammed into the jagged rocks at the bottom, breathing hard and with Chad’s name on his lips. He lay in the dark and tried to catch his breath, his skin damp and clammy with perspiration. He tried telling himself Chad was safe, living somewhere in Buenos Aires with his mother, but that didn’t ease the darkness that stole through his soul.

Before he and Kit had made love, he hadn’t had a nightmare about Chad in over ten months.

He shoved the thought away. It wasn’t Kit’s fault she made him feel things he hadn’t felt in a long time. It was his fault for giving in to temptation. Biting back a groan, he pushed up into a sitting position. Past experience told him he would get no more sleep tonight. He dragged a hand down his face. That was okay. There was still plenty of cleaning to do.

A sharp rap on the front door just after nine o’clock had Alex falling over his feet to answer it before the noise of another knock could wake Kit.

The woman who stood on the other side raked him up and down with bold, unimpressed eyes. ‘I’m Caro,’ she said without preamble. ‘Kit’s best friend.’ She didn’t stick her hand out. ‘Doreen rang me. I take it you’re Alex?’

‘That’s right.’

She folded her arms. ‘I’ve heard all about you.’

He gathered none of it had been complimentary.

‘How’s Kit?’

‘Asleep,’ he ground out.

‘All night?’

‘She was up—’

She brushed past him into the living room. ‘She’s not supposed to be up!’

He clenched his jaw till he thought his teeth might snap. He unclenched it to say, ‘The doctor said she was allowed up to have a quick shower once a day.’ He felt like a schoolboy hauled up in front of the principal. ‘She had breakfast, took her antibiotics and now she’s sleeping again.’

‘You’d better tell me you prepared her breakfast.’

Who the hell did this woman think she was? He was tempted to shove her back out of the door again. ‘Look, I’m worried about her too. I mean to make sure she follows the doctor’s orders to the letter.’

‘I’m going to pop my head in to check on her.’

‘Don’t wake her,’ he growled.

She tossed him a withering glance before disappearing down the hallway that led to Kit’s bedroom.

He scowled after her. She had another thing coming if she thought he was offering her coffee.

Darn it! She was Kit’s friend. He stalked into the kitchen and put the jug on to boil.

Caro entered moments later. ‘You and me—’ she pointed to him ‘—outside, now.’

He blinked. ‘Are you calling me out for a fight? I’ve got to warn you, Caro, I don’t hit women.’

She smiled sweetly. ‘It should be a walkover then, shouldn’t it?’ She glared and held the back door open. ‘I want to talk to you and I don’t want to disturb Kit while I’m doing it.’

And she was itching to bawl him out. It didn’t take a degree in economics and a finely honed ability to read people to figure that one out. He decided it might be safer if Caro didn’t have a hot drink in her hand. He preceded her out of the door and into the back garden. Kit’s bedroom faced the street. They shouldn’t disturb her out here.

‘How long before you shoot through again?’

Again? What did she mean, again?

He rolled his shoulders and scowled. If he’d known Kit was pregnant he wouldn’t have left for Africa when he had. He’d have…
delayed it for a week?
a sarcastic voice muttered in his head.

He thrust out his jaw, folded his arms. ‘I’m not leaving today. I told Kit I’d be here for her and I will be. There are things we need to sort out.’

Caro folded her arms too. ‘You can forget it if you mean to offer her money.’

‘This is none of your damn business.’

‘Kit is my best friend. I love her. Can you say the same?’

For a moment he couldn’t utter a single word. The same suffocating shroud that had blanketed him at Frank and Doreen’s last night twisted about him now.

‘Exactly what I thought,’ she snorted. ‘You’re going to turn tail and run.’

‘I am not!’ he shot back, stung by the loathing in her voice. He’d wanted to bolt yesterday, but he was still here now, wasn’t he? ‘And I have to pay child support. It’s a legal requirement.’ That was only honourable and right.

She stuck out a hip. ‘You’re a right piece of work, aren’t you?’

His jaw dropped.

The next moment Caro’s face was wreathed in smiles. ‘Hey, honey-bun, you’re supposed to be in bed.’

He turned to find Kit in the doorway. She raised an eyebrow in his direction. ‘You’re still here.’

Had she thought he’d do a runner while she was asleep? He straightened. That was exactly what she’d thought. He forced himself to grin—no stress, the doctor had said. ‘Sure I’m still here.’ She was still convinced he meant to abandon her.

Isn’t that exactly what you mean to do?

He bit back an expletive. He wasn’t doing happy families, but he thought about that hole in her wall. Someone had to fix it. He could fix it.

He could make sure Kit had everything she needed and that she was ready for the baby before he sailed off into the sunset.

Kit glanced from Caro to him. He did all he could to keep his expression bland. He tried not to groan when she moistened her lips.

‘What’s going on out here?’

‘Caro and I were just having a chat.’ He would not upset her. ‘You know the doctor’s orders. You want me to carry you back to bed?’

‘I’m going, I’m going. May I have a chamomile tea?’

‘Coming right up.’

Kit disappeared. Caro grabbed his arm before he reached the back door. ‘You mess with my friend and I’ll come after you with a meat cleaver.’

He held the door open for her, bowed her inside. ‘Chamomile tea for you too?’

‘Ooh, lovely.’

She’d pay for that smile. He’d sweeten her tea to within an inch of its life.

But one thing had become increasingly clear—he’d come after himself with a meat cleaver if he hurt Kit any more than he already had.

‘W
ERE
you giving Alex a hard time?’ Kit asked after Alex had delivered their teas and then beat a hasty retreat.

‘You bet.’ Caro grinned. ‘I read him the riot act.’

‘Oh, Caro!’ But Kit couldn’t help laughing as her friend kicked off her shoes and climbed up onto the bed beside her.

Caro grimaced when she took a sip of her tea.

‘I thought you liked chamomile.’

‘I do.’ Caro’s lips twitched. ‘It’s just that first sip, you know? Anyway, tell me how you are feeling.’

‘Much, much better. My temperature is back to normal and the awful cramps in my back have become a low level ache…much easier to deal with. And I don’t feel as if I’ve been hit by a bus any more either.’ She shuddered. ‘I thought I was going to be stuck with that back pain for the next six months.’

‘Your colour is good. The antibiotics must’ve kicked in.’

‘I think the doctor is being a panic merchant,’ Kit grumbled. She almost felt whole again. ‘What am I going to do in bed for another two and a half days?’

‘It’s better to be safe than sorry.’

Which was what Alex had said when he’d brought her breakfast.

Caro took another sip of her tea. ‘You don’t think he deserved the riot act?’

‘I don’t know. I…I can’t believe he’s still here.’ Though he had been sort of sweet last night—reassuring and kind. Somehow he’d managed to defuse her misgivings and her awkwardness, without her even realizing it. She wasn’t quite sure how. ‘He even vacuumed the living room while I was having breakfast if you can believe it.’

And he hadn’t thrown up again. Her lips twisted. At least, not that she knew about.

She glanced at her friend and a different emotion surged through her. She took her and Caro’s mugs and set them on the bedside table, and then she took Caro’s hand. ‘I have something really important to ask you.’

‘Shoot.’

‘Me getting sick like this, it’s made me realize a couple of things. I…’ Her stomach knotted and a lump lodged in her throat. Caro squeezed her hands but didn’t rush her and Kit loved her all the more for it. ‘Caro, if something should ever happen to me… I mean, it probably never will…’ She hoped to heaven it never did. ‘But…but if I died, would you look after my baby? I don’t know who else I trust as much as you. Mum and Grandma would help out, of course, and—’

‘Yes.’

Caro didn’t hesitate. Kit closed her eyes in relief. ‘Thank you.’ But a weight pressed down on her. If she’d done this right, her baby would have two parents to rely on rather than one. She’d robbed her child of that and she knew, no matter how much she tried, she would never be able to make that up to her baby. Ever.

Unless Alex had changed his mind and wasn’t going to walk away from his child after all. It seemed a slim hope.

A tap on her door brought her crashing back. Alex stood in the doorway. Her chest clenched. Had he heard what she’d just asked Caro? The pinched white lines around his mouth told her he probably had. She swallowed. But he didn’t care, did he? Not about her and not about the baby.

He’d wanted her to terminate her pregnancy!

Her heart burned. Sorrow and anger pulsed through her in equal measure. What did he care what safeguards she put in place to take care of
her
baby? He meant to leave again just as soon as it was humanly possible. She was sure of it. Her best guess was that he’d organise for Doreen and Caro to take it in shifts to look after her for the next couple of days so he could hightail it back to Sydney.

Perhaps she should confront him about that right now? It was just that the doctor had ordered her to rest—no stress, no worry. Yesterday she’d been feeling too fuzzy to take those orders in properly. But today… She swallowed. Today she’d do anything to keep her baby healthy. Fighting with Alex, confronting him about his intentions, had to wait. She raised an eyebrow. ‘You wanted something?’

He rubbed his nape. He didn’t meet her eyes. ‘I wanted to check if Caro was staying for a while. I need to pop out to grab a few things.’ His voice was devoid of all emotion.

‘Pop away,’ Caro said with an airy wave of her hand, not even looking at him.

Alex left without saying another word. Kit pleated the quilt cover with her fingers. ‘Do you think he’ll be back?’ Maybe he’d make that dash for Sydney right now.

‘Oh, I’m sure of it.’

She didn’t understand Caro’s grin but, before she could ask for an explanation, her friend said, ‘Snooze or a game of gin rummy?’

‘Ooh, go on. Break out the cards.’

The first thing Kit saw when she woke was the framed photograph of her ultrasound picture on her bedside table. She stared at it for a moment before hauling herself into a sitting position and reaching out to pick it up.

‘I thought it might help.’

The second thing she saw was Alex sitting in a dining room chair at the bottom of her bed. Her stomach tightened. She dismissed that as a symptom of her kidney infection. ‘Help?’

‘I thought it might give you added incentive to follow doctor’s orders and stay in bed.’

She had no intention of disobeying the doctor’s orders—her baby’s welfare was too important for that—but Alex’s thoughtfulness touched her all the same. She stared down at the picture, lightly ran her fingers over the glass, following the contours that made up her baby.

‘I couldn’t make head nor tail of it,’ he confessed.

It suddenly seemed wildly important to Kit that he did. ‘Head here—’ she pointed ‘—tail there.’

Alex didn’t move to get a better look and she remembered then that he didn’t want this child. She pressed the photo frame to her chest. She wanted to tell her baby that it didn’t matter.

Only it did matter. A lot.

‘Why are you sitting guard at the end of my bed?’

‘I didn’t want you getting up again unless you had to. I’m here to fetch and carry.’

Oh.

‘Caro said to ring if you needed anything.’

Caro had gone? How long had Kit been asleep for? She and Caro had played cards for over an hour and then she’d napped. She glanced at the clock. She’d napped for three hours! Caro would’ve had to leave to collect Davey from pre-school.

‘Your friend is a psychopath, by the way. Can I get you something to eat or drink?’

Kit’s lips twitched. She settled back more comfortably against her pillows. ‘No, thank you.’ She still had an almost full bottle of water on the bedside table. ‘I know Caro can come across as kind of scary, but she has my best interests at heart.’

‘I know,’ he said softly. ‘I’m glad you have such a good friend.’

She was so surprised she couldn’t speak.

He shifted on his chair. He was too big for it. It wasn’t the kind of chair made for lounging, but the only other option was to invite him to join her on the bed and no way on God’s green was she doing that. The last time they’d been in bed together…

It had been heaven.

Once the thought flitted into her mind, it lodged there—a stubborn, sensual reminder that pecked at her, teased her. All the sensations Alex had created in her with deft fingers and a teasing mouth, with the dark appreciation of his eyes and intakes of breath as she’d explored his body with as much thoroughness as he’d explored hers—exquisite, torturous reminders—they all flooded through her now and her body instantly came alive in some kind of primal response. She recalled with startling accuracy the taste of him, the feel of him against her tongue, her palms…his scent. The way he’d—

‘Kit!’

She jerked out of the recollection to find herself leaning towards Alex, breathing hard. Her name had scraped out of his mouth on a half-strangled choke. He was breathing as hard as her.

Oh, dear Lord! She wanted to close her eyes. She’d been staring at him, practically
undressing
him with her eyes and begging him to—

And his eyes had darkened in response. She swallowed. She’d recognized the answering hunger that had stretched across his face before it had been comprehensively snapped off from her view.

He shot out of his chair and pretended to adjust the blind. She knew he was giving them both time to pull themselves together again, but she couldn’t help noticing his hands weren’t any steadier than hers.

How could it be like this? How could she want him so badly when she didn’t even like him? How could he want her, knowing she was pregnant? She’d seen what the news of her pregnancy had done to him.

But he did want her. She read that too clearly to mistake it for anything else.

He raked a hand back through his hair. ‘I picked you up some magazines while I was out.’ He spoke to the window, not to her.

‘Thank you.’ She breathed a sigh of gratitude. Her voice was low, but at least it worked.

He finally turned. ‘I thought if you wanted I could haul your television in here and set it up so you at least have something to watch.’

She shook her head. ‘That’s not necessary.’ It’d only mean setting it back up out in the living room when she was well again. She suddenly frowned. Had too much sleep fogged her brain? ‘Alex, why are you still here? Don’t you have a company to run?’

‘The company isn’t important.’

She stilled at that, glanced down at the photo frame. Had he changed his mind about having a baby? Yesterday he’d been in shock and denial. But maybe today… ‘Are you trying to tell me that you’ve come around to the idea of being a father?’

‘No.’ The single word was inflexible. His face had gone impassive, emotionless. It was an expression she was starting to recognize, and loathe.

‘Then don’t you think it would be better for both of us if you just left?’

He didn’t say anything.

‘Between them, Caro and Doreen can take perfectly good care of me.’

He dragged a hand down his face then before seizing the chair and pulling it back a foot or so and planting himself in it. He leant forward to rest his elbows on his knees. ‘Caro told me that over the course of the next two days Doreen is booked in for a rash of tests at the hospital. It’s something to do with late onset diabetes,’ he added quickly when she bolted upright, ‘and it’s nothing serious, but…’

But it meant Doreen wouldn’t be available to look after her. Kit settled back again, chewing her lip.

‘And Doreen told me that Caro’s mother is arriving from England tomorrow and—’

‘Oh!’ Kit clapped a hand to her forehead. ‘Caro is collecting her from Sydney Airport. She’s leaving at the crack of dawn to get there in time. I forgot.’

‘She was going to change her plans and make other arrangements for her mother, but I told her not to. If you think I did wrong, then I can call her now and—’

‘No, no. Caro hasn’t seen her mum in over a year.’ And while Caro’s mother was staying for a month, Kit certainly wasn’t going to be responsible for delaying their reunion.

‘And we’ve all been trying to ring your grandmother,’ Alex continued, ‘but…’

Kit smiled faintly. ‘But she’s a gadabout who refuses to carry a mobile phone. If you leave her a message on Tuesday you might hear back by Friday.’

‘And your mother lives—’

‘In Brisbane,’ she finished for him.

She pressed her fingers to her temples.
Think!

‘Kit?’

She glanced up.

‘I’m staying in Tuncurry until the weekend.’

‘But—’

‘It’s non-negotiable. There are things we need to discuss, but they can wait until you are well again. It’s just as easy for me to stay here and keep an eye on you than it is to book into a motel.’

Easy for who?

‘And it’s the least I can do.’

She sagged into her pillows, suddenly unutterably weary. ‘What do you mean?’

‘I know I hurt you, Kit.’

She wanted to look away, but those dark eyes of his held hers and something whispered between them. The memory of soaring together for one unforgettable night and touching the stars. No matter how much she wanted to deny it, this man had touched her soul. In that moment she recognized that she’d touched his too.

It didn’t mean they had a future together, though. She saw that just as clearly.

‘I hurt you, Kit, and I know I’m disappointing you now.’ He rested his head in his hands for a brief moment. ‘Knowing me has made your life worse. I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am about that.’

She blinked and then frowned. He looked as if he actually meant that.

‘Helping you out for the next two and a half days is the least I can do.’

Two and a half days? When he put it like that, it didn’t sound like much. And, frankly, there was no one else available because she had no intention whatsoever of imposing on either Caro or Doreen.

‘Don’t you think your baby’s welfare is more important than anything else at the moment?’

‘Yes,’ she whispered. She did. With all her heart.

‘So do I.’

She blinked and frowned. He did?

‘So why don’t we just do what the doctor ordered—you rest and I’ll be general dogsbody?’

She drew in a breath. What he was proposing, she may not like it, but it made sense. She let out the breath in an unsteady whoosh. ‘Okay, Alex.’ She nodded. ‘It seems to be the best solution. And…um…thank you.’

‘No thanks necessary,’ he said roughly.

She frowned suddenly, hitched up her chin. ‘But you know what? Regardless of what you think, being pregnant, that hasn’t made my life worse. Having a baby is wonderful.’

He turned grey. She shrugged. ‘I just want you to know that you don’t have to feel guilty about that. At least, not on my account.’

If he really did mean to walk away from his child, though, she hoped guilt would plague him every day of his sorry life.

He moved to fiddle with her CD player on the other side of the room. The sound of lapping water and soft squeals and gurgles filled the room.

She stared at him when he turned back around and then at the CD player. ‘What on earth is that?’

‘It’s called
Sounds of the Sea
.’ He shrugged and held up the CD case. ‘It’s supposed to be calming and relaxing.’

He’d bought her a relaxation CD!

‘I got it from one of those hippy places when I went shopping earlier.’ He rubbed the back of his neck and didn’t quite meet her eyes. ‘You know the doctor said you needed to relax. I thought the CD…’