The Secrets Club (5 page)

This Saturday it turns out that Tash is
doing something with her family and only Lissa and Ali have plans to meet up. Maybe
because of this there seems to be less pressure on me to join them.

‘You going to see your gran again
this weekend, Dani?' asks Lissa and I nod.

‘Yep, we're all going. Mum
too.'

‘I think it's lovely the way
you visit your grandmother every week,' says Ali. ‘I watched a programme
on the telly last night and it was all about how lonely old people are nowadays.
It's because they're stuck inside all day with nothing to do and nobody
ever goes to see them.'

I think of my jet-propelled gran
whizzing
around between home and gym and
school, and theatre and tennis club and golf course, and lunching and swimming and
shopping, and wonder if she actually minds us turning up each week to disturb her
busy life. I'm such a fake. People think I'm being kind and unselfish
when actually I'm not. I'm even fooling my own mother. Last night she
asked Jade and me what our plans were for Saturday.

Jade looked at me and I said,
‘Gran's?' and she nodded happily. Easy-peasy.

‘You don't have to,'
said Mum. ‘I'm not working this weekend. We could do something else if
you want.'

‘Can we go swimming?' Jade
asked eagerly.

‘If you want to,' Mum said.
‘Do you want to come, Dani? Or maybe you'd like to meet up with your
friends instead?'

I stared at them both in alarm. No way!
This Saturday would be our last but one chance to train together. In two
weeks' time we were going to play our first match as Blackett Juniors.

‘Jade! Gran will be expecting us.
We don't want to disappoint her.'

Jade looked a bit shamefaced but Mum
smiled at me. ‘That's
really sweet of you, Dani,' she said. ‘Maybe I should come
too.'

It was my turn to feel ashamed. Then
immediately I started worrying that if Mum came with us to see Gran she might find
out what I'm really up to.

Now Ali's making me feel bad as
well. I'm a fraud. Everyone thinks I'm being really kind to my poor old
granny, going all that way to visit her each week. Whereas I know my motives are not
quite so pure. I love my gran but the simple reason I make that trip to Blackett
each Saturday without fail is so that I can play with Ryan and the others.
It's the best opportunity I've ever had to play class football and
I'm not going to blow it.

Gran, though she doesn't know it,
is my alibi.

Lissa's eyes flick towards my leg.
The bruise has all but disappeared now, just a faint blue and yellow shadow left to
remind me where Marvyn's size eights collided with my shin last week. It
strikes me that Lissa is the only person who's not completely taken in by my
Little Red Riding Hood act. Maybe it's because, like me, she doesn't
believe in fairy tales.

‘Actually,' I concede, seeing the lack of conviction in her eyes,
‘I'm hoping to have a knock-about while I'm there.'

‘I knew it!' she says
triumphantly. ‘I knew you'd played football last Saturday.'

‘Yeah, I did. But that's not
the reason I couldn't meet up with you,' I add quickly. ‘Only
sometimes, when I'm at my gran's, it gets a bit boring so I wander down
the park and see if there's anyone I can have a quick game with.'

‘Why didn't you say that
before?'

‘Because you made out I was lying
and I was mad at you!' I say aloud.

Because you made out I was lying and
I was
, I say inside my head
.

‘Sorry!' She manages to look
contrite for one second flat, then grins. ‘Come on then, tell us! Who kicked
you in the shin?'

‘A guy called Marvyn. He's
only my age but he wears size eights.'

‘I know a boy called
Marvyn,' says Tash thoughtfully. ‘He's brilliant at football. I
wonder if it's the same guy?'

My heart plummets.

‘What's his
surname?'

I shrug. ‘Dunno. I don't know him that well.'

‘Find out if it's Marvyn
Bailey. I bet it's him.'

‘Bailey!' Lissa's eyes
light up. ‘That's Ajay's surname.'

We all groan. Lissa was mad about Ajay,
a boy who lives on Tash's estate, till she found out he was only interested in
Tash. She still fancies him though, it's obvious.

Lissa is really getting into boys, not
like the rest of us. Well, I'm into boys but only because I wish I
was
a boy. And, as far as I know, Ajay and Tash are just good friends,
like Ali and her mate, Austen.

‘He's Ajay's
cousin,' explains Tash.

‘Ooh! Maybe we should come and
watch you play, Dan,' says Lissa. ‘If this Marvyn is anything like Ajay
–'

‘He isn't,' I say
shortly, nipping this idea in the bud. ‘You don't even know if he
is
Ajay's cousin.'

‘Find out for me, will you?'
she asks, going all girly and giggly.

Aargh! She can be sooooo annoying.

Ever wish you'd kept your mouth
shut?

When Gran opens her front door and sees
Mum her face breaks into a huge smile.

‘Pam, darling!' she says and
envelops her in a massive hug.

Mum and Gran don't see too much of
each other nowadays.

By the time Dad officially left us, Jade
and I were sort of used to him not being around any more and I didn't really
appreciate that he was never going to come back and live with us again. Mum kind of
protected us from all that.

She got a new job at the surgery and
threw herself into full-time work, enrolling my sister and me in breakfast and
after-school clubs. We just got on with it. When Mum and Dad got divorced we hardly
noticed. But then this
summer holidays,
just before I started at Riverside Academy, he quietly got married again. He
didn't even invite Jade or me to the wedding. I think Mum was cross about that
because I heard her having a go at him. He said it was better that way, he
didn't want to upset us.

He did though.

Now we don't see much of him and
increasingly we don't really talk much about him either. It doesn't mean
I miss him any the less though. Sometimes I just wish I could have a really good
conversation about the break-up and divorce with Mum or Dad and why it happened and
clear the air once and for all.

The trouble is when Dad does come back
to see us he's desperate to know that Jade and I are happy. It's so
obvious he feels guilty about leaving us; I can't add to it by bringing up the
whys and wherefores of what he did. And it's sort of the same with Mum. I
constantly feel that I need to reassure them both that, OK, they're divorced
and we hardly see my dad and he's married again and he's got two
stepsons who I've never met, but so what? That's nothing out of the
ordinary nowadays and I'm fine with it.

Only, the truth is, I'm not. I want my dad back.

Anyway, like I said, Mum doesn't
see much of Gran any more. Which is good for me in one way because it means the two
of them aren't constantly checking up on me. But it's bad too, because
it's pretty obvious they really like each other.

Today they are yacking away together
like nobody's business over cups of filter coffee, catching up on all the
news. I hang about for a bit wondering when it will be safe for me to slip away. But
just as I'm sidling out of the door Mum, who has eyes in the back of her head,
says, ‘Where do you think you're going?'

‘Thought I'd just pop out
for a bit.'

Mum stares at me. ‘Where
to?'

‘Just out. The park.
Wherever.'

She checks her watch. ‘Before
lunch?'

‘I'm not hungry.'

‘She gets bored hanging round here
all day with nothing to do, don't you, Dani, love?' says Gran.

‘Take Jade with you then,'
says Mum, but I
answer quickly,
‘She's reading. You don't want to come, do you, Jade?' and
my sister, on the sofa where's she's stretched out with a book,
predictably shakes her head.

‘See you later,' I say and
I'm out of the door and away down the hill before my mum can object further. I
resist the temptation to check my appearance in the ladies' loos; no need any
more, I must look sufficiently boyish because I've got away with masquerading
as one for long enough. As I enter the park I can see most of the lads already
assembled on the big patch of grass between the trees and my heart beats faster.
There's about fourteen of us now. I can't wait to play.

Today Ryan's Uncle Terry is
watching us carefully. He's been brilliant, helping us to register the team
for the league and coaching us each week. He used to play for West Park Wanderers
and he's really good. At the end of play today he's going to select the
team for our first proper game as Blackett Juniors in two weeks' time.

He divides us into two teams and we get
straight in. A pass from Lofty gives me possession
of the ball and though Ryan bears down on me I outwit first him,
then Nathan. A flick to Vikram and he takes a shot at goal (two hoodies, required
distance apart) only to be foiled by Sean who flings his body across to save it. We
don't let up though and by half-time it's three–nil and I've
scored two of them. Terry gives me the thumbs-up. This is ace.

I'm getting my breath back and
enjoying a swig of water from Ryan's bottle when suddenly I freeze. Strolling
along the path, not twenty metres away from me, are my mum and Gran, with my sister
trailing behind them. They walk straight past us, deep in conversation, but Jade
looks up and our eyes meet. She comes to a stop and opens her mouth to say
something. I put my finger to my lips and shake my head, my eyes pleading. She darts
a look at Mum and Gran and back to me and nods, then hurries on after them.

‘Who's that?' asks
Ryan who's witnessed it all.

‘My sister.'

‘What's with all the
secrecy?'

‘I'm not supposed to be
playing football,'
I say shortly.
‘I didn't want her to tell my mum.'

‘Why not?'

‘Don't ask,' I mutter
and wander away from his questions till we're ready to start the second half.
Terry swaps in some people who didn't get a game in the first half but I get
to stay on. I wish I hadn't, I'm rubbish. I'm shaken to the core
by the close shave I've just had and my concentration is shot to pieces as I
keep an eye out for Mum and Gran in case they walk back. There's no sign of
them though and in the end we scrape a win, four–three, no thanks to me.

‘Right then, lads, over
here,' calls Terry, and everyone runs to him obediently, eager to find out if
they've made the team. I know I haven't. I've blown it by my
performance in the second half. Terry's next words confirm my fears.

‘What happened to you,
Danny?'

‘Dunno,' I say glumly.
‘Think I just got tired.'

‘Hmm.' Terry shakes his head
and Ryan looks as disappointed as I do.

Maybe it was for the best. I was never
going to be able to keep up this charade for long. I
just hope I don't cry when my name is left off the list.

But it's not. To my huge surprise
Terry reads my name out and I'm so thrilled I want to scream or hug someone or
do a crazy dance.

But of course I don't, because
that would kind of give the game away, wouldn't it?