The Shadow Of What Was Lost (47 page)

“We should at least wait until
she wakes up,” Wirr said stubbornly. "We need to make sure."

Taeris groaned. “She will just
try to fool you again, but….” He threw his hands up in the air. “Very well. You
think you can restrain her?”

Wirr nodded. “I should be able
to." He hesitated. "Do you think it’s still wise to be heading for
Ilin Illan, now? Coming in behind this army?”

“Yes. If anything, this means
it’s more important than ever we reach Tol Athian quickly, before they get to
the city. Otherwise we may not be able to get inside to restore Caeden's
memories," said Taeris. "We’ll take the Eastern road, go around them.
We should be able to get to Ilin Illan days before they arrive.”

Wirr shook his head. “The
southern road is the quicker route. I doubt we can beat them there by much.”

“Look around you, Wirr.” Taeris
gestured at the rubble that surrounded them. “This army isn’t in any hurry.
Regardless of whether what Jashel told us was true, they certainly took the
time to take down these buildings brick-by-brick. There are no signs of them
using fire – probably because they didn’t want the smoke letting people know they
were coming. But they have managed to destroy every structure here nonetheless,
and done horrible, unspeakable things to the occupants. It all takes time, time
a normal army wouldn’t bother wasting.”

Caeden stared at the remains of
the town. “Why do you think they did it?”

Taeris scratched his beard.
“Could be that they're trying to draw the king’s forces out of Ilin Illan, to
engage them in the field rather than meet them on the city’s walls. These
things seemed designed to taunt.”

Suddenly there was a moan from
the prostrate woman on the ground, and all five of them took a wary step back.
Llys shook her head groggily, getting slowly to her feet. “What happened?” she
asked in bemusement. Then her eyes fell on Jashel’s corpse and a scream ripped
from her throat, a heart-rending sound full of pain. Heedless of the onlookers
she rushed over to her son, cradling his head in her arms.

“No, no, no,” she sobbed,
repeating the words over and over again as she rocked back and forth, the boy’s
blood smearing across her already-dirty dress. “No, no, no.”

Taeris glanced sideways at Wirr,
seeing the dismay and sorrow on his face. He groaned, grabbing the
golden-haired boy by the shoulder.

“You are only making this more
difficult for yourself,” he warned Wirr. “She’ll act exactly like Llys until
the moment she can strike. The creature inside of her is making use of her
memories, just as it is borrowing her body. Trust me on this.”

"Listen to him, Wirr,"
said Caeden worriedly. He too had no doubt the woman was still dangerous.

Wirr scowled at both of them.
“You don’t know that! Either of you,” he protested. He turned to Taeris. “You
say you’ve only seen this once before, and it was years ago. You don’t even
know if there might be a way to cure her, to save her! We
can’t
just
kill her.”

He shook off Taeris' grasp,
moving over to the woman and kneeling beside her.

“I’m sorry,” he said, tone
gentle. “What can we do to help?”

Llys just kept on weeping, her
body wracked with deep sobs. Wirr turned to look at the others helplessly.

Behind him, Llys moved like a
cat. She snatched the dagger from her dead son’s hands and spun, blade arcing
towards Wirr’s heart.

Before anyone else could react,
Dezia drew her bow and fired.

The arrow sped past Wirr’s ear
and took Llys in the eye; the woman gave a single scream and then collapsed,
motionless. Everyone else stood there, frozen to the spot; even Taeris looked
shocked by the speed at which events had turned.

Wirr twisted in his crouching
position to look at the corpse behind him, then rose.

“Thank-you, Dezia,” he said
sadly.

Taeris grimaced, then stepped
forward. “We need to move. There could be more of them out there, for all we
know. This area isn’t safe.”

The others gave him silent
acknowledgements and they moved onwards, away from the horrors of Gahille.
Though no-one suggested it, they travelled late into the night. None of them
wanted to be closer to the desecrated town than they had to be.

They walked in heavy, stunned
silence, but every time someone glanced in his direction, Caeden couldn't help
but flinch a little. They didn't show it, but his companions had to be
wondering anew about his role in all this - what his connection was to these
invaders. They had to be asking themselves just how far he could be trusted.

And after what he'd just seen, he
couldn't blame them.

He gritted his teeth and marched
on.

Asha stared at the ring in the
palm of her hand.

"You seem preoccupied."

She started as Erran's voice came
from just behind her ear. She spun, flushing.

"Sorry," she said,
shaking her head. "What were you saying?"

"I was saying that ring goes
with the weapons." Erran gingerly removed the thin silver circle from her
grasp. "It creates a focused burst of air."

Asha frowned. "Doesn't sound
terribly dangerous."

"It's strong enough to punch
through a wall," Erran assured her.

"How do you know?"

"Best we don't talk about
that." Erran placed the ring next to a pair of copper gauntlets on the
shelf. "But it certainly doesn't need testing. As denoted by the fact it
was on the 'weapons' shelf."

Asha shook her head again,
flushing. "Sorry." When Elocien had suggested that she help Erran
sift through Administration's stockpile of Vessels - to look for something that
could potentially be used against the Blind - she had thought it sounded like
an interesting diversion. The reality had been that though Erran needed someone
on hand in case he injured himself testing a new device, there wasn't a lot she
could do to assist him otherwise. Even watching the process was relatively dull;
Erran was always cautious and only ever fed a trickle of Essence into each
device, often with no result. With little else to keep her occupied, her
thoughts kept drifting.

It had been a week since the
Shadraehin's grisly gift had been delivered, and as her residual fears after
the kidnapping had gradually eased, her focus had more and more turned back to
Davian. His appearance in her room seemed an age ago now, and sometimes she
doubted her memory of the event. Even so, when she thought about it -
really
thought about it - she knew she hadn't been dreaming.

"It's okay." Erran gave
her a quizzical look. "Is... something wrong? You've been awfully quiet
this morning."

"No. I'm fine."

"Well... best you pay
attention, if you can. We're not filing books here. Some of these things really
could be useful, and I'd hate to miss something."

"Sorry," Asha repeated,
more contritely this time. Erran was right. She needed to concentrate.

She wandered over to an unsorted
shelf, picking up an abstract symbol carved from some sort of blue-green rock.
"How much chance do you think we have of finding something we can
use?"

"Almost none," replied
Erran cheerfully. "I've done this a few times, now. The Veils are the most
useful thing we've found by a long way, and that was more than a year ago
now." He shrugged. "It's just a slow process. I'm not supposed to put
too much Essence into any one Vessel - safety reasons, aside from not wanting
to get a Mark or set off any Finders - so most of the time, testing does nothing.
As you've no doubt concluded," he added with a wry grin.

Asha gave him an absent nod in
response, suddenly noticing a pile of small black discs heaped on another shelf
of sorted Vessels. She knew what they were - had witnessed enough people being
made into Shadows, even if she couldn't remember the experience herself.

She stared at the pile, her
thoughts already beginning to drift again as Erran turned back to his task. She
mentally replayed what Davian had said to her, as she'd often found herself
doing over the past few days. Felt herself flush with anger as she considered
what it meant if he'd really been there.

It would mean that she'd been
lied to by Ilseth. It would mean that the story of how she'd become a Shadow
was just that - a story.

This time the frustration and
anger settled in her stomach, burned steady rather than faded. It was too much.
She was
tired
of being used,
tired
of not knowing what to
believe. She needed to find out what was real.

She took a deep breath.

"If I let you Read me, do
you think it's possible you could access the memories from when I was made a
Shadow? The ones from the morning of the attack at Caladel?"

Erran stopped what he was doing,
gaping at her.

"What?"

Asha turned to face him. The
anger was still there, hot and low, nowhere to escape. "Can you access the
memories I've lost?" she asked succinctly.

"Why... why would you want
to do that?" Erran looked flustered.

"Because I think the man who
made me a Shadow might have lied about the reason why," said Asha.
"Can you do it?"

Erran slowly put down the Vessel
he'd been holding, shaking his head. "I... don't know," he admitted
after a moment. "There are a lot of variables. If the memory has just been
walled off, rather than erased.... maybe. But it could be dangerous. There has
to be a reason Shadows lose that memory, Asha. It's probably a defence. Messing
with the mind when it's trying to protect you... I have no idea of the
consequences." He frowned. "And even if I could access the memory,
I'd have to break down whatever barriers are in place to get at it. Which means
that it won't be shut off from
your
mind any more, either. I just don't
think -"

Asha spun, stiffening as a
metallic scratching sound echoed through the room.

Erran paled. He heard it too.

Someone was unlocking the door.

"No time," he murmured,
snatching up something from the shelf nearby and tossing it to Asha. She caught
it before realising what it was. A Veil.

Without hesitating, Asha pressed
the open end of the silver torc onto her arm.

Everything... shimmered.

 A moment later the door swung
open. A tall, thin, blue-cloaked Administrator strode through, freezing when he
realised a lamp was already lit. His eyes moved straight to Erran, who was now
standing with his back to the door, examining a shelf.

"What are you doing in
here?" said the Administrator angrily, his voice booming around the
warehouse.

Erran turned, and Asha shook her
head in silent admiration at his nonchalant expression. "Administrator
Ionis," he said politely, giving a slight bow. "Duke Andras asked me
to store something for him in here."

The man called Ionis crossed his
arms. "I recognise you. That servant that kept spilling drinks when I met
with Elocien a few weeks ago." He shook his head. "I don't believe
you. This area of the palace is strictly off limits, and the duke knows
it."

Erran looked hurt. "Duke
Andras will confirm he asked me," he said in an injured tone. He reached
into his pocket, producing the ring Asha had been handling a few moments ago.
"See? I was just trying to decide where it goes."

Ionis studied the ring with
narrowed eyes. "It goes wherever there is a space. There's no order to any
of this junk." He shook his head, taking an object of his own from his
pocket and tossing it on a nearby shelf. "Give me that, and come with me.
I'm not letting you out of my sight until I speak to Elocien, so I hope for
your sake you're telling the truth."

"Of course, Administrator.
I'm happy to help."

Ionis gave a brusque nod.
"You're alone in here?"

"Yes."

Ionis looked around suspiciously
but eventually nodded again, apparently satisfied. "Then let's go."

"Just let me get the Duke's
key. I left it lying around on one of these shelves," said Erran, his tone
embarrassed. "I wouldn't want it to be locked in here. It might be a while
before someone can come down here again to fetch it."

He started walking towards a
shelf near where Asha stood. It took her a couple of moments to realise his
words had been directed at her.

Moving as quietly as possible she
slipped around the Administrator and through the still-open door, breathing a
sigh of relief as she emerged into the passageway beyond. Erran had been right;
the door required a key to unlock it, no matter which side of it you were.

Once outside, she set off at a
light jog for the main section of the palace.

As soon as she was certain she
was alone, she removed the Veil from her arm. Her first thought was to head for
her rooms - after such a near miss, she wanted nothing more than to collapse
onto her bed and rest - but after a moment, she made for Elocien's study
instead.

Fortunately there was no-one
waiting outside today; either Elocien had dealt with all the concerned
nobility, or he had grown sick of them and had ordered them to leave him alone.
Asha suspected the latter.

She knocked, relieved to see
Elocien when the door opened.

The duke frowned around at the
empty hallway. "Ashalia. This isn't the best time..."

"It's urgent, and it won't
take long."

Once she was inside, she drew the
Veil from her pocket, showing it to Elocien. "I was helping Erran look for
something we could use amongst the Vessels," she said quickly. "An
Administrator came in while we were there. Ionis, I think his name was. I hid
with this, but Erran didn't have time. He told Ionis you sent him down there to
store a ring."

Elocien nodded calmly, as if this
was entirely expected. "Thank-you, Asha. Ionis won't be happy, but he
rarely is. Don't worry. It will be fine." He made a face. "You should
probably use the Veil again, though."

Asha frowned. "Why?"

A knock came at the door.

Asha pressed the silver torc back
onto her arm as Elocien rose. He checked to see that she was no longer visible,
then opened the door.

"Ionis! What a pleasant
surprise," said the duke in an amiable tone, stepping back to let the
Administrator in. "And Erran, too, I see. How can I help you?"

Ionis made no move to enter.
"This young man says you gave him this key " - he handed the
storeroom key to the duke - " and sent him to put something in the Old
Section?"

"That's correct. A silver
ring," confirmed Elocien. "Erran has been with me for years. I trust
him."

Ionis' face tightened, and he
reached into his pocket and handed the ring across to Elocien before turning to
Erran. "You may go," he said curtly.

Erran nodded, looking relieved,
then vanished down the hallway.

"Would you like to come
in?" asked Elocien, gesturing inside his study.

Ionis' eyes bore into the duke's.
"He shouldn't have been down there, Your Grace." He made no move to
enter.

Elocien sighed. "Do you
really think I would have sent him if I didn't think he was trustworthy?"

"That's not your decision to
make. Administration won't be happy. Your Grace."

Elocien leaned forward slightly,
and his tone changed. It was still friendly, but the words had steel beneath
them this time. "Administration answer to me. As do you. You would do well
to remember that."

Ionis matched Elocien's gaze,
unperturbed. "As you say." He moved to walk away, then hesitated,
turning back. "What happened to you, Your Grace?"

The duke frowned. "I don't
know what you're -"

"Yes you do." Ionis
studied Elocien's face closely. "You used to believe in our purpose here.
The importance of the work. You know the worst part of today? I believed that
boy, even before I came up here. A few years ago I wouldn't have even had to
check with you. I would have
known
he was lying." He shook his
head, eyes narrowed. "Something changed, but I was never able to figure
out what."

"I don't know what you're
talking about, Ionis," said Elocien, sounding weary.

Ionis gazed at the Northwarden
for a few more seconds, then snorted in disgust. "Of course you
don't."

He spun on his heel and vanished
down the hallway.

Elocien watched him go, then
closed the door. "You can take it off again."

Asha didn't respond for a moment.
She'd been half-listening to the conversation, but there had been something
else that was distracting her. Something she'd noticed when she'd put the Veil
on the first time, but had been too flustered to pay it any attention.

The Veil was drawing Essence from
her. From her Reserve. It was only a thin stream of energy, but... it was
definitely there.

She closed her eyes, reaching out
for Essence herself. There was nothing there… but the momentary disappointment
faded as she considered the possibilities.

The art of making Vessels had
been lost hundreds of years ago, so very little was known about their
operation. But if they could tap a Shadow’s Reserve….

It meant that becoming a Shadow
hadn't destroyed her Reserve, only blocked it off.

It meant that, just maybe, Davian
had been right. There
could
be a cure, a way to reverse it.

Trembling, she released the Veil
from her arm, allowing herself to fade back into view. Elocien looked at her in
concern as he saw the expression on her face.

"What's wrong?"