The Shining Badge (33 page)

“Come on, Ruby. You know some good men.”

“I know some that look good and talk good, but you’d be surprised, Billy, how many men have come talking sweet and making promises, and the first thing I knew they were trying to crawl in bed with me.”

The two stood there silently for a minute, and Billy saw the vulnerability in Ruby beneath her tough exterior. He
had seen it before, and now it was very evident. There was a cry of some kind in her eyes. She was like a woman trapped inside a prison who couldn’t get out, and he had a tremendous urge to take her in his arms. But he knew better than that. He smiled slightly and said, “You’ve been hurt pretty bad, Ruby, but you’re young, and you’ve got a full life ahead of you. You can’t go around keeping your heart in a box.” He reached out and touched her face and saw the automatic shock register in her eyes. “Don’t worry,” he soothed. “It’s just that you’ve got such smooth skin. You’re such a fine-looking woman, Ruby. I hate to see you all alone.”

Ruby stood absolutely still. His hand was on her cheek. Ordinarily she would have knocked it away, but a loneliness had welled up in her, and now she whispered, “I’m afraid I’ll get hurt. I’ve been hurt too many times.”

“Sure. Me too. Maybe not as bad as you, but all of us carry our scars around.” He removed his hand then, ran it over his thick black hair, and shook his head. “You know, when I was a kid back on the farm we kept Brahma cattle. We had a bad freeze, and one of the calves got lost. I loved that calf, but when we found it, it was all stiff and wasn’t breathing. Pa was going to bury it, but I begged him to bring it into the barn and see if it would come back to life. ‘It’s just a dead calf, Billy,’ he said to me. ‘You can’t do anything about it.’ ”

Ruby listened carefully, her eyes fixed on Billy’s face. “What happened?” she asked.

“We took him in the barn. I built a fire out of kindling and stuff and rubbed him down with sackcloth. He was pretty far gone, but I’d squeeze him to make him breathe. And you know what? He coughed and suddenly his eyes opened! I think that was the high point of my childhood. I nursed that calf back to health, and he followed me around like a pet. You know how big those things are, but he was as affectionate as a kitten. When I left home I hated to leave that Brahma bull. I missed that bull more than anything else.”

“Why are you telling me this, Billy?”

“I’m telling you that you’ve been walking around like a dead woman, and inside you there’s a beautiful person just waiting to get loose. I’d like to see it happen, but you’ve got to trust somebody.”

“How do I do that?”

“You just throw yourself off like you were on a cliff and trust that somebody will catch you.”

The two stood there, and finally Ruby’s lips softened and a humorous light touched her eyes. “Would you like to be the one to catch me, Billy?”

“I’m a pretty good catcher. Why don’t we give it a try? Come out with me tonight. I’ll let you carry my gun. If I get out of line, you can shoot me.”

Ruby burst out laughing, and a good feeling coursed through her. “All right. We’ll go to the winter carnival. We’ll ride the merry-go-round. If you get fresh, I’ll throw you out.”

“Sounds like a winner to me.”

****

Holding Jamie in one arm, Clay glanced around at the glaring lights of the carnival. The noise was almost deafening, and the air was cold, but the people didn’t seem to mind. He stopped suddenly and said to Jenny, “Look at that.” He motioned upward. “Billy and Ruby are up in that Ferris wheel.”

Jenny looked up and laughed. “Ruby’s terrified of heights. She told me so once. I’m surprised she’s on that thing.”

“I’m surprised she’s with a man. She’s a man-hater, isn’t she?”

“She’s been hurt pretty bad, Clay.” Jenny laughed again. “Look at that. She’s clinging to Billy.”

“That’s probably why he took her on the Ferris wheel in the first place. Smart man.”

Jamie said, “Come on, Daddy. I want to ride the horse.”

“All right, sweetheart. Here we go.” They made their way to the merry-go-round, and Jenny watched as Clay bought a ticket, then carried the child onto the merry-go-round. He
put Jamie on a horse, one that was rearing up with its hooves slashing out, and held on to the girl with one arm. When the merry-go-round started whirling to its cacophonous music, Jenny smiled at the pair. There was something about the innocence of Jamie and the absolute trust she gave to Clay that touched her. She knew he worried about being a good father, but now as the two went around and around, she felt a sense of pride in Clay.
He’s doing what many real fathers won’t do—investing his life in that child.
Finally the ride ended, and the two came back. Jamie’s eyes were wide, and she talked incessantly, begging for another ride. Clay laughed and led her to another ride, this one consisting of child-sized cars that went around in an endless circle. He bought a ticket and put Jamie in the car.

“Watch me, Daddy!” she cried.

“I’m watching you.” Clay stepped back to stand beside Jenny, and with a jolt the round platform began circling around. Every car contained a child, some two, and every time Jamie passed, she waved and called out, “Hello, Daddy! Watch me.”

“She’s a beautiful child, Clay.”

“Yes, she is. Her mother was a beautiful woman.”

“What happened to her? You never told me.”

“She died when Jamie was born. When my friend was left alone, he had a hard time taking care of a baby by himself.”

Jenny heard the sad note echoing in Clay’s voice. She looked up at him and saw that he was moved, as always, when he spoke of his friend, who had later died himself. “You miss him, don’t you?”

“He was the only real friend I had. The only one on the whole force I trusted to watch my back. The rest of them would have good days and bad, but Jamie’s dad was like the Rock of Gibraltar. He never changed.” Clay turned and suddenly asked, “Are you going to marry Luke?”

The change of subject, so abrupt and so sudden, startled Jenny. For a moment she could not answer, and she avoided
it by waving and calling out to Kat. But when she turned back, she saw that Clay was waiting for an answer. “I don’t know. He’s a fine man.”

“Yes, he is. I like him a lot.”

“What about you? Are you ever going to get married?” Jenny had wondered many times about this, but she had never phrased the question.

“I doubt it. I made so many mistakes that I don’t want to make another one.”

His answer displeased Jenny. She shook her head, “Everybody makes mistakes, Clay.”

“That’s right. You know, I even know how to say that in Latin.
Errare humanum est.
To err is human,” Clay said. “I know that. I’ve seen so many bad marriages I guess I’m gun-shy.”

“I’ve seen bad marriages too, but I’ve seen at least two good ones. My parents loved each other devotedly, and now that Mom is gone, Dad’s found another woman to take her place. Not really take her place,” she added quickly. “No one could do that. But Missouri and Dad are just like one person almost. They’ll be together as long as they live.”

“Good thing to be with someone like that.”

“Why did you come to this part of the world, Clay? You’re a city boy.”

“I guess I had enough of the city. I thought if I got away,” he said slowly and then paused to wave at Jamie and call out to her, “I could find a better life. Mostly for Jamie.”

“But why here?”

He shrugged. “My grandmother grew up in Georgia. She used to talk about it a lot when I was a kid. She made it seem like such a peaceful, friendly place.”

“Do you think place matters so much?”

“Well, downtown Chicago is a bad scene. Shootings all the time. Of course, if you’re rich, you can avoid that by keeping a child in an expensive school. But I didn’t have that kind of money.”

The ride ceased, and Clay went to get Jamie. She squealed and begged for more, but he said, “No, we’re going to have cotton candy now.”

He led the way to the cotton-candy booth and soon all three of them were struggling to eat the pink, frothy mass.

“It melts, Daddy!” Jamie cried. “It melts right in your mouth!”

“That’s the nature of cotton candy, sweetheart.”

The three moved on, but Jenny’s mind was still on what Clay had said in their conversation. “I don’t think it matters so much where you live. You know you can be happy anywhere,” she said.

“That may be so.”

“I just read a book called
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz,
” Jenny went on. “Kat loves it. She makes me read it to her as if she couldn’t read herself. It’s about this girl who lives on a dreary farm in Kansas. She gets carried away to some wonderland called Oz, but when she comes back after all her adventures, she finds out that she could still be happy on a farm in Kansas. She didn’t have to have a magic place.”

Clay smiled. “I think you’d be happy wherever you are. You’ve got that in you—happiness, I mean.”

“I
am
happy, and I’d like for you to be, Clay.”

“You’re still thinking that I’m a heathen.”

“Not that at all,” Jenny said. Clay had continued to attend church with her family, and this pleased Jenny, but she knew he hadn’t made a commitment. “I think you need to find the Lord just like everyone else.”

“I’ve been thinking about what the preacher said last Sunday. You remember the sermon about Jacob wrestling with the angel all night long?”

“I remember.”

“I never heard anything like it,” Clay continued. “I didn’t know that was in the Bible. Every night I think about that, and I guess you’d have to say I’m still wrestling with the angel.”

His words warmed Jenny. She took his arm and whispered,
“Keep on wrestling, Clay. You may limp when it’s over as Jacob did, but you’ll find Jesus. I know you will.”

Clay turned to her, and for a moment all the noises of the crowd and of the ride seemed to fade, and everything except her face was out of focus. Her eyes were wide spaced and green as the sea, sparkling with some secret knowledge. He noted again the rich and self-possessed curve of her mouth and how the redness of her hair reflected the lights. She was shapely in a way that would strike any man, and now as he studied her, he said, “Don’t give up on me.”

She took his arm and squeezed it. “I’d never do that, Clay,” she whispered. She wasn’t smiling, but the hint of a smile played at the corner of her mouth and the tilt of her head. She was studying him in a way that was total and complete. He had noticed this before. When she put her attention on a person, it was focused and shut out everything else. And as he studied her, he was pleased that she cared enough about him to worry about intimate things like the matter of his soul. He was very conscious of the pressure of her fingers on his arm, and finally they turned and walked away, surrounded again by the laughter of the crowd.

****

The memory of Jenny at the carnival the previous night stayed with Clay Varek, filling his mind. After he had gotten home and put Jamie to bed, he had lain awake for a long time thinking of Jennifer Winslow. He had never known another woman like her, and as he rose the next morning and delivered Jamie to the Winslows, the sight of her brought the memories rushing back. He said nothing, but she smiled at him quickly, and he knew that she had not forgotten their conversation.

He dropped Jenny off at the station, and then he and Hooey went on a patrol. They attended to routine things until almost noon, and then Hooey stopped at a gas station to make a call. When he came back, he said, “Got us a chore, Clay.”

“What is it?”

“The Jeters. They’re gonna move a bunch of ’shine. A big truck’s pulled in with Illinois plates.”

“Let’s go get ’em, Hooey.”

“Reckon we ought to go get some help?”

“No time for that. You know how quick these things happen.”

“Well, watch out for those Jeters. They’re pretty mean. I heard once old Tom Jeter was struck five times by a rattlesnake and then the snake died.”

“Well, come on.” Clay smiled wryly, “There’s two of us. We’ll surround them.”

The two wound their way around the country roads with Hooey directing. He spoke lightly of the danger, but he warned Clay more than once about how dangerous the Jeters were. “They’re an ugly bunch. Ugly as a stump full of spiders, old Tom is! Don’t let him get behind you.”

“The same to you, Hooey. Watch out for yourself.”

“Me! Why, I’ll inundate them with bodily harm if they mess with me! Come on. Let’s go show ’em where the bear sat in the buckwheat.”

They drove down back roads and finally wound up on an old logging road when Hooey said, “Okay, we’ll leave the car here. Be sure your gun is loaded. We’d better take these shotguns too.”

Getting out of the car, the two men left, and Clay was amazed at how little sound Hooey made. The leaves were crisp, and he seemed to make an enormous amount of noise, but somehow Hooey walked lightly. He noted that the small deputy’s eyes were constantly going from right to left, and more than once he seemed to see things that were invisible to Clay.
You have to be born in the woods to walk like that,
he thought.

Finally Hooey turned and said, “It’s right over that rise. We gotta be careful, Clay. There’s a cabin down in a little holler, and word I got was the truck’s backed up there right now. I think old Jeter’s been savin’ his ’shine for a long time, and
maybe that truck’s got other calls to make. Maybe we ought to let the truck leave and see where they go next for a pickup.”

Clay thought of this and then shook his head. “Nope, we’ll take what we’ve got. Get the Jeters out of the way, at least.”

“Well, we’d better get goin’ before they absquatulate.”

“Before they
what?
”

“Absquatulate. It means to take off—like Moody’s goose, you know?”

Clay could not help smiling at the colorful language of the small man. “All right. Do we go together?”

“No, I’ll go around the other side. You count to two hundred real slow, and when you get there you come in. You’ll be facin’ the front of the cabin. I’ll be around back, and I’ll cover you. But don’t walk out in the open.”