The Siren (25 page)

His face was sincere. He hadn’t said love yet, but maybe that was something he was saving up, too. Just because he didn’t say it doesn’t mean he didn’t feel it. We were guarding our bodies, and it seemed pretty obvious how we both felt about that. But I couldn’t know for sure.

“And, if you and I don’t work out, I don’t want there to be any regret. If some guy shows up tomorrow claiming he’s your fiancé or whatever, we could still be friends.” I eyed him skeptically.

“Well, mostly friends.” He leaned in and kissed my neck. Shivers.

“Anyway, that’s what I mean. I just don’t want you to regret anything, and I don’t want to be that close to you if someone comes to take you back to wherever you came from. I’d be sad enough as it is. That’d just make it worse.”

It was hard to hear about him doing things with others that he wouldn’t do with me.

Yet. I kept telling myself that “yet” would come. I couldn’t sit here and compare myself to these faceless strangers. They weren’t here anymore. I was. Besides, his reasoning was for my protection as much as it was for his. I appreciated the care he took with me.

Thank you for being honest. I really just wanted to understand.

“Thanks for being so cool about it. Don’t hold any of that against me, do you?”

No, of course not! Not anymore than you would hold my past against me.

I knew that was the right comparison. I could tell in his face that I could burn the house down, and he’d just get out marshmallows and thank me for the lovely flame. I’m not sure I could make a mistake big enough for him not to forgive.

I think your decision is very wise. I’m sorry you had to get hurt to make it though.

“Thank you. Well, umm, like you said, it totally wouldn’t matter, but do you know if you’ve ever…”

Ha! Based on how nervous I get when you touch me, I’d say no.

He chuckled. “Yeah, you do sort of flip out. It’s kind of cute.”

I couldn’t hide the blush. Inexperience made me feel as pure as the snow one second and as dumb as a post the next. Oh well. I wished I could laugh about it like he was. I suppose it was kind of funny. I wish I could make any comment on the subject. If we could talk about this, we could talk about anything. Well, almost anything. And not
talk
so much as scribble.

Does it bother you that I can’t speak? That I may never speak?

He pondered that one for a long while. He ran his hand through his hair and down his chin. It must have bothered him then. I didn’t need for him to say anything now. But after a moment, he did.

“Kahlen, I don’t mind communicating with you on paper. And, I was thinking, since it looks like you’ll be staying, I’m going to learn sign language. It seems like you already know it, so I’d just have to figure out what all those moves mean, and that’ll make things even easier. I don’t care how we communicate, I’m just happy that we do. And, I know you might not believe this, but you say things all the time. I can see it. Right now, you’re upset. Because you think I’m upset. Because you think I’m disappointed.”

Yes, that’s exactly how I felt.

“And maybe I am a little disappointed, but not because I think it’s harder this way or even weird. It’s for totally selfish and kind of embarrassing reasons, honestly.”

My attention piqued, and he could tell.

“You’re gonna’ make me explain that, aren’t you?”

I nodded. He sighed.

“It’s just… ugh, this is so embarrassing. I… I just want to
hear
you. I get your expressions and your body language; I think I understand you pretty well. But, well, I want to know what your laugh sounds like. Not this breathy one, which I honestly love, but the one you had before now. And this is totally egotistical, and I get that, but I want to hear you say my name. I want to know what it sounds like when you say it.”

He was looking down, playing with a piece of the blanket. I wished I could offer some sort of consolation, but all I had were hands full of silence.

“Do I
want
all that? Yeah. Do I
need
all that? No. I like you just how you are.” He gave me a serious stare. “No-talking, half-named, washed-up-by-the-surf Kahlen. This girl here. That’s who I know, and that’s who I care about. I don’t need anything else.”

Good-bye, decorum! I lunged at him.

After spending hours hidden together in the sun, we fled inside to the comfort of the house. Ben and Julie were talking about the evening. After last week’s episode, Evan wasn’t invited over for their usual Friday night get-together. Ben was surprised he hadn’t heard from Evan; he wasn’t expecting an apology, but a rant seemed in order. Kristen had called earlier in the day to say that she and John had plans. So it looked like it was going to be just the four of us. And I couldn’t be more pleased; I liked it being just us.

“I’ve got to get some groceries though. I want to make lasagna. I figured we could have a nice big dinner together,” Julie said, scribbling down her list.

“We’ll do it,” Akinli offered, looking in my direction for approval. He had it. “It’s good for Kahlen to get to know the village.”

“Actually, I think we’re going to need more than you can get at the general store.”

“That’s fine. We’ll still go.” He looked to ask me again.

Yes, I’ll go, goofball.

I knew the drive out of town. Akinli turned up the radio and sang along to the music. As someone who sings for a living, sometimes it’s easy to forget that music makes most people happy, that it was meant to express more than impending doom. Akinli didn’t have a perfect voice, but it was a happy one. It was just one more thing on the list of reasons I adored him.

I was trying to start a list of reasons I didn’t adore him, too. It was short. He burped too often, and that bothered me. Also, I questioned his taste in movies. I liked that he had some sort of imperfections in my eyes. He wasn’t some prince in a book. He was an average guy with an average job who I loved in an above average way. It reminded me he was real.

We made it to the larger supermarket outside of town, and Akinli held my hand across the parking lot. It wasn’t too full. He grabbed a shopping cart as we entered the automatic doors.

“Would you like a ride, my lady?” He gestured that I should get into the cart. Why the heck not? He lifted me into the cart and pushed me along the edge of the store to the front corner.

“Before we do any serious shopping, ladies and gentlemen, I think we’re going to need a time trial for our vehicle today.” He made the sound of a revving engine.

I put up my hands to protest. He paused. Then, like I remembered Elizabeth doing, I pulled down my imaginary sun visor, checked my hair, flipped it back up, and grabbed my invisible steering wheel. He laughed outright at that. He revved again. And then, in a flash, he took off.

My hands fell from the fake steering wheel to grab the front of the cart. He turned down the maze of fruits and vegetables, making a figure eight. He then twisted down one aisle and up the next taking us back to the front of the store. He went along the side again, taking a sharp turn at the back of the store. And there, in the middle of that harmless and ridiculous moment, everything shifted.

I laughed.

I don’t know what would have happened if we had been somewhere else in the store, but as fortune would have it, we were by the meats and seafood. Akinli unconsciously swerved and crashed into a tank full of lobster, breaking the glass. The cart tipped, and we both fell to the floor, covering ourselves in water.

Oh, God, what have I done?

“Kahlen?”

Don’t cry out loud! Don’t cry out loud
!

“Kahlen, are you okay?”

What was I thinking? That I could do this for years? I can barely make it a week
.

“Kahlen, please, are you alright?” Akinli was getting a little hysterical.

“What is going on over here?” A grumpy voice was getting closer.

“Kahlen?”

“Who’s responsible for this?”

I can’t stay. I’ll kill him one day. I won’t mean to, but I will. So stupid!

“Kahlen, please?”

“Sir, did you do this?” the manager asked.

“SHUT UP!”

Akinli yelled so loud the angry manager and all the people mumbling around us silenced themselves.

“Kahlen, can you hear me? Are you hurt?”

No, I wasn’t physically hurt. So I shook my head.

It took quite some time to talk things through with the manager. Akinli had no idea why he’d swerved. I guess he hadn’t heard my laugh, or rather,
known
he heard my laugh. We hung our heads as the manager scolded us in front of the other customers. We both had to sign wavers clearing the store of any injuries, though we were both fine. The staff was angry that I could only sign my first name. They let us do our shopping, but only with a clerk walking with us. I felt Akinli look down at me again and again, but I was too upset to look back at him.

We were still wet as we drove home. Akinli didn’t turn the radio on this time. We were halfway home before he spoke to me.

“Hey, I’m sorry I hurt you. Sorry I embarrassed you.”

That finally broke through. I knew I’d been in my own world since I tumbled to the ground in the store. I was rethinking my once-perfect plan. It took me out of his presence, at least mentally, for a while. I didn’t realize he’d see any of this as something that was his fault. I should have known he would take this all on himself.

We didn’t bring the notebook. I needed words right now. I needed to tell him he didn’t do anything wrong. He usually read me so well, how could he be so wrong now? This one really mattered. All I could do was shake my head longingly, hoping my expression would be enough. It wasn’t.

“No, I know I was acting stupid. I don’t know what happened… at all. But I’m sorry I did something dumb that obviously upset you.”

I shook my head more fervently now. He had to know I wasn’t mad. The look on his face showed he didn’t believe me. But once we were home, I’d have paper, and then I could explain…

Explain what? How was I supposed to tell him it was my fault? How was I supposed to explain that I was worried about him? He’d never understand it. I was running out of options. Could I have really been upset with the Ocean over Her rules? Now I knew better.

Akinli and I made our way home without another hint of communication.

We pulled around the corner on the way back to the house and saw another car in the driveway. The moment it was in view, I felt Akinli’s posture change. His back that had been slumped in shame seemed to stiffen up. I heard him mutter “Casey.” I didn’t know who Casey was or what he had done, but apparently Akinli wasn’t excited to see him. My only guess was that Casey was another Evan-type, and that had me a little on edge, too. We pulled up the driveway and came to a stop. He looked embarrassed.

We walked inside slowly. I left a gap between us because he seemed so tense. Once we rounded the corner into the living room, I figured it out.

“Akinli!” she squealed.

Casey wasn’t a he. Casey was a she. A beautiful she. Her long blonde hair draped down her back and reminded me for a moment of how Aisling’s hair always bounced. She had sparkly blue eyes, was slender, and smiled from ear to ear at the sight of Akinli. Without missing a beat, she ran up to him and kissed him on the mouth.

It took an incredible effort not to speak, not to cry. I felt my lips tremble, but I had this act down. A soft smile pushed its way through, composure coming into place like sliding on a familiar coat. I expected him to push her off, but he didn’t. When she pulled away, he looked pained, confused.

“Hey, Casey. What… what are you doing here?” he asked.

“Well, what kind of welcome is that?” she said, her voice mockingly upset. “I needed to talk to you, so I came up for the weekend. Ben and Julie said I could stay.”

He looked over at them. Ben looked amused. Julie looked apologetic. I tried to hide any shock I felt when she turned her eyes on me. I saw her eyes look me over, sizing me up. I was humiliated by the way I must look next to her. My hair was a mess and my clothes were still soaked through. I was dirty from being on the floor and there were strange stains that I guessed came from the lobsters. I saw the confusion in Julie’s face at my appearance, but I didn’t have time to worry about it.

“You must be the girl Akinli found in the woods. You don’t speak, right? Are you deaf?”

“She’s not deaf,” Akinli said with an edge. “She’s in shock or something. And her name is Kahlen.”

“Oh,” was all Casey said.

Akinli turned to me. “Kahlen, this is Casey.”

“His girlfriend. Well, sort of,” she added.

He said nothing to correct this. Akinli was unreadable. Was he upset at me? Or her? I couldn’t tell who the wall was directed at, but he had all but shut down. Whatever was happening, I wouldn’t add to his pain. Akinli already thought he’d hurt me once today. I smiled as warmly as I could and embraced my enemy for the sake of my friend. Casey let out a little “oh” at that, but didn’t reject the hug.