The Source: Book III of the Holding Kate Series (31 page)

KATE DUCKED INTO
the first dark room she found in the castle and huddled behind a chair tucked into a corner. Her fingers began twitching and curling in and she couldn’t stop sucking in great draughts of breath.

“I’m hyperventilating,” she realized but couldn’t erase the image in her mind of being soiled by Gregory’s touch. Still she frantically wiped his touch off her arms and hips.

“Oh God, I am losing it!” She could feel the tenuous hold on her fragile psyche slipping. She schooled herself into a calmer frame of mind.

Stop breathing so quickly
. She sucked in a deep breath and clamped her hand over her mouth, refusing to breathe again for at least thirty seconds. Her thoughts were banging around in her head, screaming so loudly that she thought they would break through her skull any moment and become full-blown hallucinations.

She snatched a throw pillow, buried her face into it, and screamed with every ounce of strength she had left. The scream dissolved into rib wracking sobs, but she kept her face pressed to the pillow, refusing to gulp in any more oxygen.

“Fireflies!” she whispered. “Fireflies.”

She was spent. Exhausted from the physical and emotional exertion of trying to survive a complete mental breakdown, she fell asleep on the cold tile floor.

When she woke, she found herself in her bed tucked in, with night gown on and water at the bedside. The sunlight filtered through the drapes of her bed and shed light on the dark emotions of the night before.

She had run away from Gregory like a schoolgirl, instead of the woman she was. She’d managed a home and a town for thirty years! What was wrong with her? It was time to put away her childish hissy fits, stop mourning for a man who rejected her, and become the woman who Gregory needed in his life.

She had kept him at bay for three years! Three years! He was a saint to have waited for her that long. He did nothing but lavish attention, affection, and gifts on her. He declared his undying love from day one. He was a handsome, intelligent, sensuous man and she could do a lot worse.

She’d lived over five decades, not deserving the men who loved her. Never living up to the blessings she received, always falling far short of the woman she should be, but she decided no more. Today was the day she was going to turn it all around. She would dress, find Gregory and for a change, woo him.

She locked her tender emotions in a vault deep inside and swallowed the key. Goodbye, pathetic, lovesick, worthless child. Hello woman of power and decisive companion to a brilliant man who loved her dearly.

She washed, coifed, put on the expensive perfume that Gregory had given her for her birthday and donned a dress she had not had the courage to wear until today. The deep purple folds of the gown wrapped her frame in an extremely attractive fashion, and the plunging neckline spoke of her decision to invite Gregory into intimacy. When she turned to look in the mirror, her eyes popped. Not much left to the imagination, the dress screamed seductive intent. She didn’t know if she was quite ready for this.

Stop it! Kate the child is gone!
she chided herself and whisked from the room before she could change her mind.

She made her way through the marbled tiled halls of the castle toward Gregory’s office. When she drew up to the door, she heard voices.

“On the Northern Island…” said a strange voice.

“How many?” Gregory asked.

“Thousands.”

Kate pushed the door open and stepped in.

Gregory glanced up for a fraction of a second, then did a double take. His eyes grew round and one brow arched. The other man in the room jumped up from his chair with his mouth dangling open.

“Good morning.” Kate strode into the room with her shoulders back and her chin high. She walked straight to Gregory and planted a kiss on his cheek. “Sleep well, darling?” she whispered.

He coughed and sputtered a bit before answering. “Kff…er…uh…yes, love. I slept fine, and you?” His eyes were full of concern. He touched her face tenderly to let her know everything was okay between them.

She beamed. “The beginning was rough, but it got better.” She turned to the stranger and then looked at Gregory awaiting an introduction.

“I am sorry. Kate, this is Hendzen. Hendzen, this is my, er, my Kate.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Hendzen!” Kate offered her hand.

“The pleasure is all mine, Milady, I’m certain.” He bowed over her hand.

“Hendzen has a report that the dragons have moved to the Northern Islands. He says there is a town there, and the dragons and the landwalkers live in peaceful harmony.”

“That is interesting.” Kate ambled over to the table with tea and pastries and helped herself, then gently lowered herself into a chair.

“Well, I am sorry to have to leave so soon, but I have quite a ride back to town and much to do once I get there. Again, a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” Hendzen bowed toward Kate, then strode out the door, through the hall and out to the courtyard.

Gregory turned to study Kate. “You seem different this morning, darling.” He put his hand on his chin in scrutiny.

“Do I?” Kate wiped her mouth with a napkin and set her tea cup down.
Just do it! Stop being a baby!

She met Gregory’s eyes and trickled her fingers across her plunging neckline seductively. “I guess I made some decisions this morning.”

Gregory pursed his lips. His brows seemed permanently arched they were raised so high. Kate could see the wheels turning in his head as to what this sudden change in demeanor could mean. She felt warmth spread across her chest and face and hoped her innocence wasn’t ruining the effect of her seduction.

Who was she kidding? This man had been married to The Mother! She was a pro at seduction, evidently. Kate was a novice. She had never even tried to seduce a man. She and Corey…NO! She slammed a lid on that stray thought.
I will not go there, again! Ever!

She stood and walked slowly toward Greg, her eyes locked with his. For a brief fraction of a second his gaze dropped to take in her form, and he moistened his lips and snapped his eyes back to Kate’s. She smiled.

Okay, it seems to be working
. The only way for her to make this work was to be a completely different person with Greg, than she was with—than she was before. She would become Kate the powerful seductress. That would be her reward to the man who loved her and had saved her life.

“I have decided, Greg,” she whispered an inch from his face. “I am going to give myself to you, unreservedly. Spirit, soul, and body.” She said the last word with particular emphasis.

Greg’s face morphed from joy to triumph, to intensity, to passion clouded need. He grabbed Kate roughly and kissed her with ferocious fervor. She gasped as he released her mouth and took her dress in his hands and ripped it off her.

This is different. Weird. Wild. Not unpleasant.
Kate’s thoughts were clinical as Gregory took full advantage of her decision.

Gregory did things to her that she never knew existed. She didn’t much care for it, but it made him happy. Very happy. And it was a distraction for her. When he stimulated her body like he did, her mind shut down and she didn’t have to think about Cor…
NO! Not going there!

Distraction. Yes. That was what Kate needed. She wondered what other things might distract her and keep her from returning to the simpering fool she had been before.

Kate delved into distraction with a zeal. Three more years passed and Kate’s appetite for distraction was not lessened. She found many ways to distract her thoughts. She dabbled in horse trading. Liquor was always good for distraction, until it wore off. She cast that one aside quickly. The reprieve it provided was too short-lived and when she was intoxicated she felt weepy. She was trying to get away from that girl.

She dabbled in Star Searching, mysticism, edible delicacies, which she would consume large quantities of because she never felt full, then quickly bring them back up to protect her primary asset and tool of distraction, her lithe and seductive form.

Men proved to be the most effective distraction. She hated having to actually give them what they wanted, but the game, the challenge, the pursuit kept her mind from wandering to the past. She was careful not to let Gregory find out about her many paramours. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she also couldn’t bear the filth that clung to her skin every time he made love to her. She rushed into bed with others—they came in droves from near and far—in an attempt to erase the grime that his touch left. Stable boys, cooks, groundkeepers, merchants, bards, any warm body would do.

Oh it was all in her head. She knew that, Gregory was impeccably clean and faithful to her, but she couldn’t escape the idea of his soiled hands miring her body, so she buried his touch under layers and layers of other men’s fingerprints.

Years passed and Kate became more and more unrecognizable. She had succeeded in what she set out to do; leave the innocent and fragile girl behind. After Kate had been with Gregory in the castle for thirteen years, he announced they were taking a trip to the Northern Islands to visit the dragon colony.

“Sounds distracting,” Kate murmured flatly as Gregory rolled off her.

COREY’S SPHERE FELL
around him, leaving him on the QHR pad in the boathouse at First Cabin.