The Space Between Us (16 page)

“Yep. All of you.” It was true, but after last night’s conversation with Vic, it somehow felt like maybe I wasn’t allowed.

“Does Cappy love Lynds?” Simone asked.

I looked down at her. “I think so.”

“Will he marry her?” Simone licked some icing thoughtfully.

“I don’t know, hon. You guys go downstairs and play so I can clean up the kitchen, okay?”

Max was off the chair and down the stairs in seconds, but Simone lingered. She wouldn’t be much use in the cleanup, since she wasn’t tall enough to reach the sink to help wash the bowls and pans, but I didn’t chase her away. She had something to say. I could see it in the set of her small face.

“ ’Sup, pup?”

“Are you going to get married?”

I laughed. “Not anytime soon. Maybe never.”

“How come?” Simone tipped her face to look up at me.

“Oh…I don’t know.” I put the mixing bowls in the sink and ran the hot water, squirted some soap. “Haven’t found anyone I like enough, I guess.”

“I bet someone would like you enough, Tesla.”

I turned to face her, then got on my knees to hug her close with my sudsy hands. “Thanks, kid. Thank you.”

She squeezed me back. “I love you, Tesla.”

“Love you, too, kid. Now beat it, I need to get this stuff cleaned up.” I patted her butt to get her moving, but what she said lingered with me the whole time.

Chapter 20

I
don’t think any of the three of us thought it would last. What ever lasts in high school, you know? Relationships spring up overnight like mushrooms, and some are just as poisonous. What I had with Chase and Chance wasn’t supposed to become serious.

But it did.

Something had changed after the Christmas dance. Just as I’d promised their mother, the brothers were getting A’s in calculus. As a celebration, the next time I came over to help them with their “homework,” their mom invited me to stay for dinner.

Mrs. Murphy actually wore an apron to cook in, and she held up one thickly cushioned oven mitt for emphasis. “We’re having meat loaf and mashed potatoes.”

“Sure,” I told her brightly. “I’ll stay.”

“Do you have to call your parents and get permission?”

At Vic’s house, we’d be having leftover pizza from the frozen section in the supermarket, not even takeout. He’d probably have a beer or two in front of the television before going off to bed. If I was lucky, he’d tell me about his day and ask about mine. Cap would make us laugh. We might play a game of cards or something. Vic might slide me some cash across the scarred kitchen table, enough to buy groceries for the week or pay a few bills. But he wouldn’t kiss me. Wouldn’t even touch me. In fact, he’d barely look at me.

“No. I don’t live with my parents.”

Mrs. Murphy’s eyebrows met her hairline. “You don’t? Oh, I didn’t know. Sorry.”

“It’s all right.” There was a lot to the story, none of it her business, but I could tell she was dying to ask. “Anything I can help you with in the kitchen, Mrs. Murphy?”

She seemed pleased I’d offered. It was no big deal to me. When I’d lived at home my parents both worked weird hours, leaving the cooking of meals to me and Cap, who was helpless at it. At The Compound I’d taken my share of days in the kitchen. And of course at Vic’s house mealtime was haphazard, depending on what else was going on.

I didn’t mind helping her, even if I didn’t necessarily like Mrs. Murphy. I thought she babied her sons too much and was too involved with them. She was the type of mother I was glad I didn’t have, and never wanted to be. As we worked at setting the table and mashing the potatoes, I discovered she had a pretty decent sense of humor that didn’t get its full share of her time.

Chance, as it turned out, wasn’t at dinner. He’d gone to a friend’s house, something that shouldn’t have surprised me. I mean, it wasn’t like I didn’t know the brothers had friends, or that they sometimes did things with those friends separately from each other.

And actually, I was glad. I wanted Chase to myself. I’d wanted it ever since the Christmas dance, watching him with that behemoth Becka Miller. And it wasn’t that I didn’t still like having Chance fuck me from behind while I sucked Chase’s dick, or having both of them shaking and shuddering and muttering my name, because I still did. It was all the rest I wanted with Chase instead of his brother. Holding hands while we walked between classes, wearing his letter jacket—yes, even a rockabilly girl like me could be swayed by the status of wearing a boy’s letter jacket.

After dinner, the Murphys left to run some errands and Chase and I went downstairs into the rec room to “study.” By this point I should’ve felt doubly bad about taking Mama Murphy’s money. Her sons didn’t need me to tutor them anymore. But if I gave up tutoring, I’d have no excuse to come over and fuck them, and at eighteen I wasn’t too proud to have an excuse that had nothing to do with what I actually wanted. I’m not sure I’d be too proud now.

“I already did the homework,” Chase said. “We have a test tomorrow.”

“Want me to quiz you on it?” I was already unbuttoning my shirt, the heat of arousal gathering in my belly and lower.

“Nah.” He shook his head. “I got it.”

When I moved to kiss him, he turned his face at just the last second so my lips landed at the corner of his mouth, not on it. I didn’t pull away at first, and he didn’t move, so for an eternity of seconds we stayed like that with his subtle rejection between us. When I did draw back, the heat in my stomach turning to ice, he caught my wrist to keep me next to him on the couch.

“You don’t want to kiss me?” I asked in a low voice.

“Sure. Sure, I want to kiss you. But maybe…” He trailed off, looking uncomfortable.

I’d never seen Chase look anything less than confident, even when he was failing calc. I sat farther back on the couch, my wrist still imprisoned in his fingers. “But maybe what?”

“Maybe we should wait for Chance to get back.”

The gears in my brain whirled, stuck, whirled again. “Why?”

Chase wouldn’t look me in the eyes. “Because he’s a part of this, right? He’s always been a part of it.”

A squicky feeling stole over me. “You can’t do it without your brother here? Or you don’t want to?”

“No!” Chase cried, lip curling. “It’s not that.”

I moved a little closer. Our knees pressed together. “What, then? I mean…yeah, I like being with both of you. I told you that before. Besides, he’s not here. You are.”

Chase’s fingers tightened on my wrist, pulling me closer. He kissed me then, long and thoroughly. Lingering. His tongue stroked mine. He was a better kisser than his brother.

Always before, the fact we were three instead of two had made the sex a little frantic. So had the possibility of being caught by their parents. Tonight, with Mr. and Mrs. Murphy gone and only one twin to focus my attention on, things felt different. There was the same familiar licking, stroking and sucking, but for the first time since I’d started this with the Murphy brothers, it felt like something other than fucking. It felt like making love.

It was still pretty fast. We were still teenagers, eager to get to business, and mindful that though the Murphy parents had gone out, they’d still be home at some point. We were totally naked within minutes, something we’d never done with the three of us, since it had always been important to make sure we could get dressed in a hurry if we had to.

Chase seemed nervous being naked in front of me, though I’d seen his cock dozens of times already. He seemed even more nervous looking at me fully naked. I wasn’t nervous at all. We’d never done it face-to-face before, but without his brother between us, there was no reason not to fuck the old-fashioned way. Chase lay me back on the rec room carpet—oh, the luxuries we’re willing to do without when we’re teenagers! Kissing me, he put on a condom from the box he and Chance had cleverly hidden under the couch. When he pushed inside me, we both groaned.

Blinking, Chase pushed himself up on his arms to look down at me. I reached for him. Pulled him down to kiss me. And kissing me, he began to move.

I’d come with him before, and with his brother, too. I’m a greedy slut for orgasms and even back then saw no point in not getting mine when I had the chance. But this time was different. This time I didn’t have to use my own hand to get off while I used my mouth on one brother and the other one fucked me. I didn’t have to steady an overeager hand or slow the pace of one of them fingering me. This time, we just moved together and the pleasure built up and up until I was digging my fingernails into Chase’s back and hooking my heels around the backs of his thighs to push him deeper inside me.

It was like the difference between riding an old wooden roller coaster and getting on the zero-to-seventy loop-de-loop coaster. We were doing the same things, but it was better this time with just the two of us than it had ever been with both brothers. Chase kissed me, his hips moving faster, and mine rose to meet him. I was already coming when he drew in a breath and groaned. He opened his eyes and looked into mine. We came within seconds of one another—yet another first. He collapsed against my neck, and I stroked his hair as I blinked and tried to catch my breath.

“I’d pick you,” I told him, unable to stop myself from telling him the truth, and so caught up in the afterglow of that ridiculously great sex that I had no filters.

Chase shifted, still inside me, and pulled out. He knelt between my knees, one hand still on his dick to keep the condom from slipping off. “You went to the dance with Chance.”

I pushed up on my elbows, aware suddenly of how sweaty we both were. How the air smelled like sex. I needed to pee and wanted a drink of water, but I was still so languorous I couldn’t rouse myself to move, even to relieve the pressure of the nubby carpet on my ass. “Yeah, well, he asked me. You didn’t. And you went with Becka. But I… If I had to choose…”

I paused, this truth a wall between us I wanted to knock down. “If I had a choice, it would just be you.”

In the Murphy basement, there was a long closet that extended along the entire back wall of the space. I didn’t register the creak of the closet door opening right away, but Chase did. He was up and away from me in seconds, pulling the condom from his limp dick and wrapping it in a wad of tissues he pulled from the box on the end table. I didn’t have time to do more than sit up before I saw Chance in the closet doorway, and even then I didn’t get it. Not at first.

“You’re a user, Tesla,” Chance said in a high, wavering voice not like his usual tone at all. His face was always pale, but now two spots of red highlighted his cheeks. He was shaking. “You’re nothing but a user!”

It seemed like a good idea to get dressed, and I found my discarded clothes as fast as I could. I was in my panties and hooking my bra before I found any voice to answer. “I thought you went to Brett’s house.”

Neither of them answered me. I stepped into my skirt, leaving off my tights for the moment as I buttoned myself into my blouse. The euphoria of making love with Chase had vanished completely, leaving me cold and as shivery as Chance looked. I glared at them, back and forth.

“What the hell’s going on? What were you doing in there, Chance? Watching? You were watching us? Sicko!”

“I told you,” Chase said, refusing to look at me. He was getting dressed, too, his back to both of us and his shoulders hunched. “I said you didn’t really want to know, Chance.”

“Oh, I did want to know. I’m glad I know.” He sounded anything but glad.

Chase pulled on his sweatpants and T-shirt. I didn’t see what he’d done with the rubber. I waited for him to stand next to me, even as a bigger part of me understood that was never going to happen.

“Did you plan this?” I demanded. “Chase?”

“I…he wanted to know....”

“Wanted to know what?” I sat on the couch to start pulling on my tights, and because I suddenly felt as if I might fall over.

“Who you’d pick,” Chance said. “And now I know. Shit, I can’t believe I took you to the fucking dance. I bought you flowers, Tesla. I took you to dinner, and I paid for it! And the tickets!”

“But…you wanted to.” I didn’t know how to react to this. It was a betrayal, but I wasn’t sure who’d done the betraying. I found my shoes and shoved my feet into them, doing up the laces so I’d have something to look at instead of either one of them. “It’s not like I begged you to take me or anything. Christ.”

“If Chase had asked you, would you have gone with him?”

I stood. I faced Chance. “Yes. Of course. But he didn’t, and you did. So I went with you.”

“But you’d rather be with him.” Chance sounded miserable.

I got it, then. I hadn’t set out to be a heartbreaker, but that’s what was happening. I frowned, unable to deny it, but not wanting to say it out loud again.

“He doesn’t want to be with you,” Chance said.

I looked at the place on the carpet where we’d just had sex, then at Chase, who was still not looking at me. “No? So what was that we just did?”

“We wanted to see if you’d do it.” Chase’s voice didn’t edge up an octave or shake like his brother’s had. His had gone low and rough, a preview of what it would become in a few years, when he finished growing, became a man.

Chance cleared his throat and, to my alarm, seemed to be fighting tears. “Without me. And you did.”

“You set me up?” The afterglow had vanished completely. I wasn’t quite angry, not yet. That would come later, when I thought about how shitty everything had turned out. But just then, all I could think of was that I’d been had. “Why would you do that?”

That’s when Chase looked at me. “Because we wanted to know.”

The three of us could’ve made a circle, soft and smooth, but what had happened made us into a triangle with sharp, stabbing points. I had nothing to say to either of them. I’d hurt Chance without meaning to, but what they’d done had been on purpose. It was all I could do not to burst into angry, devastated tears, a reaction I refused to give them.

“Well,” I said. “Now you know.”

I didn’t wait for them to answer. I left them both in the basement, and when I saw them in school the next day I didn’t even turn my head as I passed them at their lockers in the hall. That at least wasn’t new, or different than anything we’d ever done before. I returned Mrs. Murphy’s final check to her with a note saying I couldn’t tutor them anymore. They didn’t need me, anyway.