The Space Between Us (18 page)

   “Yes, Babe.”  He took my hand and led me closer.  The man standing near the back of the carriage gave me a smile as we approached.  “Charlie, this is Stan.  He owns this horse and carriage.”

   “Hi Charlie, nice to meet you.”

   “Hi,” I smiled back at him, suddenly shy.
  It seemed a little weird this stranger would be sharing in our date, but I tried to look past it.

  
“This is Utopia.  She’ll be our mode of transportation today.”  Stan walked towards the front of the carriage and I followed.  He reached up and stroked the mane of the most beautiful animal I had ever seen.  Utopia was all white, perfectly white, with deep blue eyes.  She was gorgeous.

   “Shall we?”  Stan said to Asher.

   “Babe?”  Asher said as he held a hand out to me motioning for me to climb into the carriage.  I managed to make it up and sat down on the comfy bench seat.  Asher climbed up and grabbed a large plush blanket off the opposite bench and pulled it over us as he sat down next to me.  He tucked us in, then wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me in close to his side.  I heard Stan make a loud sound that sounded like “Yah!” and the carriage lurched forward.  After the initial takeoff, the ride was relatively smooth.  We were very far out in the middle of nowhere so the only light around was from the moon.  I couldn’t see anything around us and wondered how Stan was even able to navigate, but decided not to worry about it and enjoy the experience with Asher’s arm folded around me.

   Even thou
gh all I could see was thick, black darkness around me, I could see plenty of stars.  My eyes were drawn to the sky where the number of twinkling spots in the sky were immeasurable.  We didn’t live in a huge city, but you definitely couldn’t see this many stars anywhere but out in the country, far away from any kind of city lights.

   “It’s such a beautiful night,” I sighed.  “I guess we’re lucky it stopped snowing so that we could see the stars.”

   “I made a few calls,” Asher said and I could hear the smile in his voice.   

   “You’d do that for me?”  I asked, jokingly.

   “Get rid of a few clouds?  That’s simple, Bit.  I’d move mountains for you.  Slay dragons.  Build you the house of your dreams, going crazy in the process, waiting for you to come back to me, not sure if you ever will.”

   “Wait. 
The Notebook
?  You focus on the part of the book where they’re apart?  What about the end where they die together in each other’s arms?”

   “That part’s sad.”

   “You’d rather be apart from me then end up with me for all eternity?”

   “No.  I’d rather dedicate my life to hoping you’ll return then to be at the end of our time together,” he said.  “I’d rather be remembering all the time we had together than face the idea of not having any more time with you at all.”

   “Oh,” was all I could respond with, and barely that.  He pressed a kiss to my temple ending the discussion and we continued riding in silence, heading God knows where.  The vibrations of the carriage plowing through the snow and the gentle swaying were nearly putting me to sleep.  That coupled with the warmth of the blanket and Asher’s body against mine were enough to make it difficult to keep my eyes open.

   “Bit, we’re here.”  I heard his voice as I felt him gently shaking me awake.  I fluttered my eyes open and felt my lung expand, filling with the frigid air around me as I sucked in a surprised breath. 

   We were in a small clearing, surrounded by trees with white twinkle lights dangling from the limbs above.  In the center of the clearing, was a swing set.  Just a small one with two swings that you could buy at almost any store, but a swing set none the less.  A few feet from the swings was a tall propane warmer and I could see the heat radiating off of it.  The last thing I noticed was a cooler.

   “Let’s go play,”
Asher said, climbing down from the carriage, holding a hand out for me to join him.

   “How did you get a swing set out here?” I asked, baffled at how much effort must have gone into this surprise.
  I stepped off the wooden step and he held me tight until I was safely on the ground, our chests pressed together.

   “Mountains, Bit.  Mountains.”
  He took my hand and tugged me towards the swing set and I heard the carriage begin to move.

   “Where are Stan and Utopia going?”

   “They’ll be back.  I wanted you alone for a little while.”  His words sent shivers all over my body.

   “Ok,” I stammered.  I wondered to myself how long he would be able to affect me this way.  Would his suggestive voice and words
ever lose their effect?  I hoped not.  He led me to the swings and turned me around letting me sit down.  The chains were cold and I immediately wished I had brought gloves.  I pulled the sleeves of my coat down over my hands and used the fabric to shield my hands from the freezing metal of the chain links.  I watched as he walked over to the cooler and brought out a giant metal thermos. He poured steaming liquid into two small mugs that also appeared out of the cooler, brought one over to me, and I was enveloped by the sweet scent of chocolate.

   “You brought cocoa?”  I asked, smiling and excitedly taking the cup, willing it to warm up my hands.

   “Well, I orchestrated the cocoa to be here for us.  Long story,” he answered, dismissively.  I didn’t care where it came from.  I was just glad it was there.  I took a tentative sip, not wanting to scald my tongue, but found it to be the perfect sipping temperature.  Asher brought a cup with him over to the swings and sat down on the empty seat next to me.  I used one hand to pull on the chain of his swing, bringing him close to me, and placed a kiss on his cheek.  “This is so wonderful, Asher.  I’m not sure how you pulled it all off, but it is amazing.”  I brought him closer still and kissed his lips gently, tasting the hint of chocolate left there by both of us.

   “You didn’t think I’d let Christmas go by without getting you a gift, did you?”

   I shrugged.  “You don’t need to get me anything; you know that.  But this is perfect.  Thank you.”

   “What? This?”  He motioned around with a hand to our surroundings.  “This isn’t your gift.  This is simply the setting for the gift,’ he said matter-of-factly.
  “Bit, how long have we been together?”  He asked me, surprising me with the change of direction.

   “Uh, officially, I guess we’ve been together for about four years now.”

   “No, I mean, how long have we been together?”  He asked again, as if the distinction was clear.

   “Since we were fifteen,” I answered, still unclear how the two answers were any different.

  “Charlie,” he said with a little more gruffness to his voice.  He grabbed the chain of my swing and pulled me closer to him so that our faces were just inches apart.  I could see our breaths condensing as we both exhaled, the fog we created mingling together.  “How long have you belonged to me?”  I felt my stomach hollow out and I tried to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat.

   “Forever,” I whispered, my eyes darting down to his lips.

   “Exactly,” he whispered back.  “And that’s also how long I’ve belonged to you, Bit.”  That was something that was undeniable to either of us.  The possession we felt towards one another was limitless and all-encompassing.  Not only did we belong to each other but, in the end, we were one.  Sure, in years to come there would be plenty of time to tie ourselves to one another in more traditional ways, but as far as we were concerned, there was not one part of me that was not tethered to him.  Where I ended, he began.  I never felt truly alone because I always had him.

   “So,” he continued, letting go of my swing, sending me swaying back and forth.  “Although there’s nothing in the universe that could keep me from making you my wife eventually,” he said as he started reaching into his pants pocket.  My heart rate skyrocketed and my mouth was immediately dry.  “I know we’re not ready for that step quite yet.  But I don’t want there to be any confusion.”  He pulled out a little black velvet box and held his hand out, palm up, presenting it to me.

   “Asher…” I squeaked out, unsure of what I should say next.

   “Don’t worry. It’s not an engagement ring,” he said with a smile.  I let out a small breath, the relief coursing through my veins.  I was not, at nearly nineteen years old, ready to be engaged.  “But it is a promise ring.”  My eyes darted back and forth between the ring box and his eyes, which were lit up with the most charming smile.

   “A promise ring?”

   “Yeah.”  He pulled his hand ba
ck and opened up the box.  I focused on his eyes, trying to figure out what he was doing giving me a ring.  I felt him pick up my left hand and slide the ring on my finger, but I still couldn’t look down.  When his eyes met mine I found a little comfort in the familiar gray pools.  “Do you have any doubts about us?”  His question caught me off guard.

  “No,” I answered, a little defensively.

   “Good, neither do I.  I was just checking.  See, the thing is, there is a lot of stuff about my life right now that I am unsure about.  I have no idea if I’m going to make a good lawyer.  I can’t even think about what I’ll be doing next year this time.  Where will I be living after college?  What kind of law do I want to practice?  Will I stay in the fraternity?  Fuck, I’m not even sure what kind of cereal I will eat for breakfast next week.”  He ran his hand through his hair and I noticed that the air was puffing out of his mouth at a quicker pace.  “But there’s one thing that I am one hundred percent sure about and that’s you.”

   I felt him squeeze my hand that he was still holding so gently in his own.  I finally looked down and saw the ring he’
d placed upon my finger.  It was dainty, delicate, and perfect.  A simple, slim, silver band with an infinity symbol glittered with small, sparkling diamonds.

   “Asher, it’s perfect,” I managed.  “I’m still a little unclear about what it means though.”

   “Don’t get hung up on the meaning.  It means everything.  It means nothing.  It means that five years ago when I got home from that first summer at my grandpa’s farm, I saw a girl who’d turned into a woman and I knew she was mine.  It means that every time I fell asleep, I closed my eyes and couldn’t wait for it to be morning so I could see her again.  It means that I’ve spent the last five years learning what it means to be
with
someone, not just be her boyfriend.  It means that one summer day, under an old bridge, next to a shallow stream, I told the girl I was going to marry one day that I loved her.  I loved her then.  I love her now.  And I’ll love her forever until infinity.”  He bent his head down and kissed my finger right where the ring lay.  “But the ring means nothing.  It’s my commitment to you, to us, and your commitment to me too; that’s where the meaning lies.  Don’t get hung up on the jewelry, Bit.  It’s just a representation of what’s already happening.”

  
“Ok.”  That was all I could muster.  My heart still pounded in my chest and I felt weepy little tears collecting in the corner of my eyes, but I had no words.  No words I could weave together to create such magic as he gave to me.  “Asher, I don’t know what to say.”  My eyes were glued to the ring.

  
“Just say you’ll wear it and that we’ll always be together.”

  
“I will always be yours,” I said with as much conviction as I have ever felt.  I know the words I said to him in this moment were the truest words I’ve ever spoken.  If I lived, if I breathed, if I walked this earth, I was his.  And maybe even beyond that. 

  
He pulled me up from the swing and instantly I was in his arms.  My hands, like they were finding home again, folded around his neck and my fingers threaded through his hair.  His hands glided along my waist, just under the plush of my coat, and wrapped all the way around me, pinning me to him.  He felt me shudder against him and pulled away just far enough to whisper in my ear.

   “You cold, Bit?”

   I just shook my head.  The trembling wasn’t from the cold, it was from the longing I felt running amok throughout my body.  I felt it everywhere and as it swept through my system it stole my breath away with it.  He moved me closer to the propane warmer anyway, and I felt the warmth waft over me.  I pressed my cheek harder against his chest, my hands still able to reach his neck, if only for the high-heeled boots I was wearing.

   His hands
came to rest on the curve of my waist and I noticed that we were slowly swaying back and forth, dancing to no music, but dancing nonetheless.  “Asher?”  I looked up towards his eyes.

   “Yea
h?” He answered softly.

  
“I feel like the jacket I got you for Christmas is really lame now.”  He laughed, which is exactly what I was going for.

   “I love the jacket.  And I also love
knowing that I can totally outdo you in the gift department.”

   “Should I even try to compete?”

   “No.  Just let me spoil you.”

  
And I did.  I enjoyed everything he did for me.  He swept my hair out of my eyes and tucked it behind my ear.  He placed small, teasing kisses on my bare skin where he could.  I felt his lips along my neck, on my ear, then softly on my mouth.  His hands gripped me firmly and pulled my feet from the ground, bringing my face level to his.  Taking advantage, I wrapped my arms fully around his neck and used my hands to feel the muscle beneath his coat.  His strong shoulders flexed with use as he held me to him.  He held me like this for a few minutes, longer than anyone should be able to hold up another person, but he eventually put me down and like clockwork I heard the trotting of Utopia coming back to collect us.