The Stars That Tremble (24 page)

After a couple of hours, when Gio was tired but Mike’s energy still seemed boundless, they hailed a cab and went back up to Mike’s apartment. Mike didn’t even pretend to stall; once the door was closed, he grabbed Gio’s hand and pulled him into the bedroom. There Mike kissed Gio, and it was just as heady as it had been in the club, only more sexy, more full of promise and urgency, because here they were alone instead of in the middle of a club.

“Did you work out whatever you had to?” Gio asked breathlessly as Mike started divesting him of his clothing.

“Almost.” He kissed Gio hard, biting into Gio’s lower lip. Then he laughed suddenly.

“What?” Gio asked.

“I was just trying to come up with a classy way to tell you what I want. Like, ‘make love to me,’ or something. But that sounds so hokey.”

“What
do
you want?”

Mike grabbed Gio by the hips and then tilted his head, considering. “I want you to fuck me. Hard. But, like, tenderly. Like the way we were dancing.”

Gio’s pulse was racing, but he laughed. “All right. I’ll see what I can do.”

He pushed Mike toward the bed. Together, they wriggled out of their clothes until they were a naked tangle of limbs. Mike sat on the bed and pulled Gio down with him. They kissed and pressed their bodies together, Gio on top, and Gio closed his eyes to sink into the feeling of his skin against Mike’s, everything slick and smooth and hard and soft. He thrust his hips against Mike’s thigh, Mike’s hard cock hovering nearby, a delicious temptation.

Gio planted kisses down Mike’s chest and took note of the texture: the hair on Mike’s chest tickled his face but was also arousing, masculine. Gio traced the lines of it with his tongue, following the pattern down Mike’s tight stomach. Mike smelled amazing, of sweat and mint and Mike. Mike squirmed under him and whimpered softly, but this was just the beginning of Gio’s adventure across Mike’s body.

Like the way we were dancing
, Mike had said. Gio thought of club dancing, of the raw quality of it, of how it was completely different from ballet or other more traditional kinds of dance and yet the same. Mike’s movements had the same beauty and poetry as the most poised ballet dancer. And dancing with Mike in the club with the bass from the music thumping in his chest had an animal quality to it. It was improvised and erotic. It was sexy and fun. It was one of the best parts of being with Mike, certainly; Gio loved to watch the music flow through him. And it didn’t matter that Gio loved opera and Mike loved thumping club music, because in the end, it was all the same. The crescendo of drums was like the roaring of a singer’s voice, like the buildup to a toe-curling orgasm.

So Gio danced with Mike on the bed, in the ways Mike had taught him, by running his hands over Mike’s body and thrusting his hips, but also by watching Mike’s reactions and responding. He kissed the area around Mike’s belly button, dug his nails into the soft flesh of Mike’s ass, licked along the line of hair that led to Mike’s cock. He then licked from the base of Mike’s cock to the tip, and it felt like the beginning of something important. Mike sucked in a breath and writhed beneath him.

Gio took Mike’s cock into his mouth and sucked on it gently. Here, too, the texture of Mike’s body was different, exciting, smoother, and harder, tasting of salt. Mike touched Gio’s head lightly, then the side of his face, then Gio’s fingers at the base of Mike’s cock, at the side of Mike’s hip. Mike bucked against Gio’s mouth, so Gio held him down until Gio could get his fill of all this magnificent flesh. If there had ever been any question about what Gio really desired, this resolved it, because Mike tasted divine and fit into Gio’s mouth so well this was clearly where Gio was meant to be.

But Mike had wanted to be fucked, too, so this would not be enough, and Gio wanted to be inside him intensely. His own cock was throbbing, and the tingles on his skin were like cries for release. Gio wanted to sink into all this lovely flesh, to become part of Mike, to be with him always.

He continued to suck on Mike and pull all manner of sounds from him now—hisses and grunts mostly, but occasionally a soft moan that Gio felt in his spine—and gently let his fingers wander to the crack of Mike’s ass. Mike spread his legs wide in invitation, so Gio continued his exploration, getting to know the textures and scents of this part of Mike’s body. He ran his thumb over Mike’s balls, then licked them, took one in his mouth while continuing to jerk Mike with one hand and find Mike’s hole with the other. The smell was intoxicating, like Mike always smelled, but more intense.

Gio spit on his fingers and pressed one into the tight muscle of Mike’s entrance. Mike hissed and wriggled. Gio heard a drawer open and felt Mike’s weight shift, but he was too absorbed in what he was doing to look up, and Mike certainly hadn’t said to stop. He went back to sucking on Mike’s cock when Mike pressed a bottle of lube into his hand.

Aha. Gio poured some on his fingers and touched Mike anywhere he could. Mike spread his legs wider, like it was open season on that part of his body, and Gio took advantage, smearing lube at the entrance to Mike’s body and then pouring more and sliding a finger inside.

He sucked on Mike’s cock and licked his balls and tasted skin and hair and everything that was available while he prepared Mike for their coupling, and by the time he deemed Mike stretched enough, he was so anxious and aroused it almost hurt.

He crawled back up Mike’s body. Mike handed him a condom. As he rolled it on, Gio said, “I do love you, you know.”

“I know,” Mike said with a smile. “I never expected to feel this way, but I love you too.”

It was hard to remember what the resistance was between them as Mike pushed Gio onto his back. Mike was so goddamn beautiful, so sexy, flawed and yet perfect. He poured more lube on Gio’s cock and then straddled his hips. He took a moment to position himself and then with painful slowness, he lowered himself.

Gio sank into Mike at last. The grip was tight, but it was smooth going, and the blissed-out look on Mike’s face told Gio all he needed to know. Mike threw his head back once he was seated and then started to move. The sensation of finally being inside Mike was a relief in a way, but it felt too charged up, too urgent. Gio thrust his hips up to meet Mike’s movements. Mike threw his hands up in the air, stretching all that muscle, letting his body ripple, and for a few glorious moments, he seemed to dance on Gio’s cock. Gio had never seen or experienced anything like it. This man, this strange, humble man, had become a crucial part of Gio’s life. Now Gio’s pulse pounded and his body arched and he loved every moment of being a part of Mike. If only it could last forever.

He reached over and grabbed Mike’s cock. He poured lube on it and then stroked it slowly. Mike was all in proportion, his cock generous but a good size for his body. It was familiar, now that they’d had sex a few times, now that Gio had put this part of Mike in his mouth, but it was new and interesting too. It was part of Mike, the man Gio loved, and it was a pretty great part. Gio could not make himself stop stroking, stop touching, not even when Mike said, “Jesus, if you keep that up, I’m going to come too soon,” not even when Mike put his hands on Gio’s chest and ground harder against him and groaned, not even when Mike panted, “Holy shit, I’m gonna come.” Gio kept stroking as ribbons of cum streaked his abdomen.

Watching Mike come was maybe one of the great wonders of the world.

It was so erotic Gio marveled that he couldn’t grow harder, that the grip Mike’s body had on his cock only got more intense, that the electricity pulsing through him had only one place to go. The orgasm must have started at the tips of his hair, and it traveled over his face, to his neck, down his spine, from his toes up his legs, and then everything met in the middle and with one more deep thrust, he came inside Mike. Mike was already a little limp from his orgasm, so Gio put his arms around him and held him tight as he thrust and emptied and everything went still and quiet for a moment, and then there were sparks and his brain stopped working. He held Mike tightly because doing so brought him more pleasure, but also because he loved Mike, felt like he did so with his whole heart, and he wanted to be as close to this man as he could for as long as it lasted. As the pleasure waned, Gio planted kisses all over Mike’s face until their lips met in a powerful collision.

They kissed and kissed, frantic still, running their hands through hair and over skin, until Mike shifted and Gio slid out of him, and even then, they still kissed for a few moments, at least until it started to get uncomfortable. Without a word, Mike got up and offered Gio a hand, and they kept touching each other on their way into the bathroom, where they cleaned each other up and kissed some more. Gio couldn’t get enough of this, couldn’t get enough Mike, and didn’t think he ever would.

G
IO
woke up in the middle of the night. At first he wasn’t sure why. It took him a moment to put together that he was not home but was instead in Mike’s wide and delightfully comfortable bed. The air conditioner in the window cycled on suddenly, so Gio supposed the change in sound could have woken him up, but then he rolled onto his side and saw that Mike was awake and staring at the ceiling.

“
Caro
,” Gio whispered.

Mike sighed and put a hand over his eyes.

Gio reached over and put a hand on Mike’s chest. “What is it?”

“I don’t… it’s nothing.”

“Clearly it’s something. You look troubled.”

Mike sighed again and shook his head, but then he said, “Nightmare.”

“Tell me about it. Maybe that will help you fall back to sleep.”

“No, I… no. I can’t.”

“Why not? Do you not remember?”

Mike turned his head slightly and looked at Gio. “I remember.”

“Mike. Talk to me.”

Mike pursed his lips and looked at the ceiling again. “It’s… I haven’t had this dream in a very long time. But in it, I’m there when Evan dies. Like, standing right next to him, where his partner was when it really happened. And I see the other dude pick up his gun, and every time I warn Evan not to jump, but then he does it anyway. Sometimes the girl dies too, so Evan put himself in harm’s way for nothing.” He lifted his hands and rubbed his eyes.

Gio’s heart seized. He’d been wondering how long it would take the specter of Evan to make an appearance. He’d been thinking about it since Emma had shown him that photo in the living room of her “other dad.” He’d known Mike had loved before, but then, so had Gio. A lot of time had passed. And yet it was clear that at least a small part of Mike still mourned his late partner and probably always would.

Mike said, “I think it’s been more than a year since I’ve had that dream. I used to have it all the time the first couple of years after he died, but then it became more rare. But now I keep thinking, well, last time I really cared about someone, he was taken from me.”

Gio took Mike’s hand and murmured his name.

“I rationalize it,” Mike went on. “You’re not in a dangerous profession. You can’t be taken in the same way.”

Trying for levity, Gio said, “Well,
caro
, I do work with teenagers. They are pretty ruthless.”

“That’s not funny.”

Chastened, Gio murmured, “
Mi dispiace
.” He squeezed Mike’s hand.

Mike grunted. “I’ve been thinking since last night, since you told me you love me, that love is so risky. But we can’t help it. I can’t change how I feel about you any more than I can make the sun stop rising in the east, and Lord knows not spending time together or ending this relationship won’t do any good beyond making us both miserable. I know that. But then there’s my irrational fears and this tangle with the school authorities.”

“Why are we talking of ending things? Do you want to?”

“No. Not at all. I want to be with you like I want to take my next breath. Just… I guess all these things were on my mind and that was what caused the nightmare, and I thought….” Mike shook his head again. “I thought I couldn’t go through that kind of loss again. If I lost you, I wouldn’t survive it.”

Gio curled up against Mike. He was satisfied when Mike put an arm around him. He laid his head on Mike’s shoulder. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I never got to say good-bye,” said Mike. He let out a soft breath that moved the tips of Gio’s hair. “I just got a phone call. Not even a visit. You know, for most spouses of fallen police officers, their superior comes to their door to deliver the bad news. For me? Evan was dead before the ambulance even got to the scene, and I got a phone call two hours after it happened to tell me he was gone.” He coughed. “Because of our experiences in the army, Evan was very open about me and our relationship with his squad. Not everyone liked that. So when he died, I got a phone call, not a visit.”

“That’s awful.” And it truly was. Gio could not imagine carrying around that shame and pain for a decade, but this was a part of Mike too—this darkness, this loss.

“We sort of alternated childcare responsibilities,” Mike said, staring at the ceiling again as if Gio weren’t even there, as if Mike were somewhere else. “At the time, I was working for a contractor who worked mostly downtown, but my schedule was flexible, so I took care of Emma during Evan’s shifts, and he took care of her during mine. So I was home that day. We had lunch together. Then he put on his uniform, kissed me good-bye, said something sweet to Emma, and I never saw him alive again.”