The Stars That Tremble (26 page)

“You know everything now.”

Howell grimaced.

Gio leaned forward, wanting to ask the obvious question but not knowing if it was within his rights. Still, he swallowed and said, “This is at least in part about money.”

Howell shrugged. “Tracy Quinlan has not explicitly said she’d pull her money or stop donating, but through her organization, the Upper West Side Arts Association, she still funds several summer programs. If she decided we were no longer worthy of that money?”

Gio crossed his arms and sat back in his chair.

“So, yes, I imagine money is a factor for the administration. It’s not fair, but that’s the way this world works. You must know that as well as anyone.”

“I do.”

Howell sighed. “So here we are.” He shook his head. “The father of a student?”

There was something lighter in Howell’s tone, so Gio said, “I know, but… I don’t know what I can say in my defense. He’s very handsome and he asked me out one day and that was that.”

“I didn’t know you’re gay.”

Gio shrugged. “I figured everyone did. I don’t keep it a secret. It’s on the Internet. The Wikipedia page about me has a section called ‘Personal Life,’ in which my romantic failures are recounted in stark terms.”

Howell laughed, so that was something. “I think I just lost a ten-dollar bet with my wife.”

I
T
WAS
odd getting a call requesting that you testify against your boyfriend.

But that was what happened as Mike and Sandy were tiling a bathroom on Seventy-sixth Street. As Mike hung up and slid his phone back into his pocket, Sandy raised his eyebrows.

“The school is investigating whether Gio inappropriately advanced Emma to the Young Musicians Program in exchange for sexual favors from me,” Mike said. “Apparently Gio is also accused of inappropriate relations with a male student.”

Sandy made a surprised sound that wasn’t quite a gasp. “The fuck?”

Mike explained about Tracy Quinlan and trying to get her daughter into the program.

“What are you going to tell the administration?”

“The truth?”

“Which is?”

Mike put the grout aside. His hands were starting to shake. “That Gio and I started dating just before the end of the workshop, and we’re still together, and Emma got into the program on her own merits and not on Gio’s recommendation.”

Sandy scoffed. “A likely story.”

“It’s the truth.”

“I know, but think about it from the perspective of the grouchy school board. A major donor is threatening to pull out all of her money if her daughter doesn’t get into the program. Of course, the only reason her wonderful, amazing daughter is not in the program is because someone cheated, because why else wouldn’t she get in?”

“She’s not very good?”

“Psshh. You’re not that naive. Emma’s been in this world for a long time, Mike. You know how this works. Sometimes it’s not about who is good, it’s about who can afford to succeed.”

Mike resisted the urge to kick the side of the tub. “And so the wealthy elite win yet again and I get nothing.”

“It’s not nothing, Mike. First, you don’t even know how this thing is going to play out. And Emma, well, maybe she’ll keep her spot in the program, but even if she doesn’t, she’s still got you and she’s still got a mountain of talent. She’ll make it. I know she will.”

Mike wasn’t convinced everything would be tied up so neatly. He felt helpless and impotent. As her father, he wanted to do something, but he was damned if he could see what. “You’re not suggesting I lie, are you?”

“No. That would probably do more harm than good. I was just trying to temper your expectations. I don’t think this is one of those situations where saying, ‘We’re in love!’ is going to work well in your defense. It’s not a Disney movie.”

“Ugh. Like I’d ever say something like that.”

“I dunno. You’ve been pretty starry-eyed lately.” Sandy started unpacking a new box of tile. “Look, tell them what you need to. Maybe it’ll help to explain that you put off getting involved precisely to avoid the relationship looking like something inappropriate. And a teacher and parent getting involved is not unprecedented or outside of the rules. What did I tell you in the beginning? There was no grade for the workshop. Gio took himself off this young musicians audition committee. There was nothing sketchy going on. Right?”

“Right.”

Sandy stopped what he was doing and looked up at Mike. “It might help if you sound like you believe it.”

Mike grunted. His hands still shook too much to be any good at laying tiles. He braced himself on the sink.

Sandy stood. “Hey, Mike. Hey. It’s going to be okay.”

“How can you know that?” Mike threw his hands up in the air. “Isn’t this how the whole fucking universe works? All I’ve ever done is work hard. I got out of South Brooklyn, I fought in the army, I scrimped and saved to provide for my daughter, and what does that get me? Shit. It gets me shit.” He did kick the tub that time. His work boot left a smudge.

“All right, big guy.” Sandy grabbed Mike’s arm and pulled him out of the bathroom. “Let’s calm you down before you do some actual damage.”

Mike tried to gain control of his emotions. He took several deep breaths and pressed a hand against the wall of the hallway. Sandy stood back and looked at him.

“Say whatever you’re going to say,” Mike said.

“You’re a pessimist. You know that?” Sandy said. “You assume a little bit of adversity is going to make your whole life go pear-shaped. But I’ve got news for you, buddy. Things are not as bad as you think.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You’ve got your health. You own your own company. You have a great daughter. And you’ve got a good man in your life. What more could you want?”

Well, sure, when Sandy put it
that
way. “I don’t know. More. Emma’s so talented, Sandy, and I’m not just saying that. She works so hard. She deserves this opportunity. It kills me that she might lose it because some woman with a lot of money—”

Sandy held up his hand. “Yeah, yeah, I get it. I know. Believe me, I
know
. My whole life is the same shit, different day. We come from the same place, remember? I get it. But you have to trust that things might actually work out in your favor every once in a while. Maybe they will this time. If they don’t, you’ll figure something else out. You always do.”

“I’m so tired of this.”

“I know.”

Mike dropped his hand and stepped away from the wall. He looked at Sandy.

Sandy took a step forward and wrapped Mike up in a hug. “Oh, Mikey. I hate to see you like this.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you fucking apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for.” Sandy squeezed him and then took a step back. “It’s not like you to give up the fight this easily.”

Mike rubbed his forehead. “I know. But everything is so tangled this time. And Gio… well.”

“You love him.”

“I do. I really do. But I just don’t see how this works out unless we get really lucky.”

“Maybe the universe will surprise you.”

Mike took stock of himself and realized he’d stopped shaking and his breathing was back to normal. “Thanks, Sandy. You’re a good friend.”

“No big,” said Sandy. “Let’s get back to work, eh?”

E
VERYTHING
was done in secret. Gio had been picturing a trial of sorts, where he’d get to face his accuser and more than one person decided his fate. Instead, he kept running into former students, colleagues, and parents in the hallways at the school. They’d give him sheepish looks, say hello, and then scurry away.

The worst was the day Mike was called to meet with the school administration. He came by Gio’s office first, and he was ghastly pale and shaking so badly that Gio didn’t know how to help him calm down. He kicked his door closed and hugged Mike tightly, hoping his embrace would make the shaking stop.

It didn’t.

“I’m sorry,” Mike said. “I’m about to go fuck everything up.”

“You won’t.”

“I will. I… I can’t shake this idea that we’ll lose. You’ll get fired. Emma will get thrown out. I’m a terrible failure as a parent.”

“You are not. Stop that right now.” Mike was in his bad place, that was certain, and Gio didn’t know how to reach in there and pull him out. He stroked Mike’s back. “You are a great father. I know you love her tremendously and want good things for her, and you do everything you can for her. Including this.”

Mike nodded, his cheek rubbing against Gio’s hair. “I don’t know when I’ve ever been this nervous.”

“I know,
caro
. Come back here afterwards and I’ll take you to get a beer.”

Mike backed away and reached for the door.

“I love you,” Gio said. “I feel like I’ve been saying that three times a day for the past week, but I can’t seem to stop myself.”

Mike smiled briefly. “I don’t get tired of hearing it. I love you too.”

“Good. Now go.”

Gio spent a nerve-racking half hour at his desk, pretending to work but actually fretting about what might be going on in the administrative offices upstairs.

It felt strange to be worried more about other people than he was about himself. As a performer, he’d always been selfish, wanting his own success more than he wanted that of his friends. He figured the only reason he and Dacia were still close friends was because they’d never had to compete with each other for a part. Lord knew enough of his romantic relationships had ended when his lover had accused him of caring only for himself. He could admit that was true; when he’d been young, the most important thing had been his voice. Now that he had no voice, he supposed that was no longer true. But there was more to it than that, as well.

As he analyzed possible outcomes, he realized he didn’t care much what happened to him—he’d be sad to lose the job if that was indeed what the administration ruled, but he was certain he’d find something else. However, he did care a great deal about what happened to Mike and Emma. He was shaken by how upset Mike was. He would have been angry on Emma’s behalf if she lost this spot she deserved over the girl whose mother was bullying the school. He wanted good things to happen to these people he had grown to love so much in such a short amount of time.

Perhaps that was what love was really about. He cared about what happened to his loved ones more than he cared about himself.

Just as he had this epiphany, Mike reappeared at his doorway. He wasn’t shaking any longer, but his eyes were wide and he was frowning.

“How did it go?” Gio asked, standing.

Mike motioned for him to sit back down, and then he slid the door closed. “It was… well. Not the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”

“What happened?”

Mike sat in the guest chair. “Before or after they accused me of seducing you to get my daughter accepted at the Olcott School?”

Gio’s heart went out to him. “Oh, Mike.”

Mike grunted. “I told them the truth. That, yeah, it looked strange that you and I are dating, under the circumstances, and I understood why they were suspicious, but that my intentions were honorable. I pointed out that you took yourself off the audition committee so your relationship with me wouldn’t influence the outcome. And I argued that Emma totally deserves a spot in the program, because she’s really, really good. That guy who’s head of the voice department? Mr. Laughton?”

“Yes.”

“He said he’d heard Emma sing himself and he could, uh, ‘vouch for her talent’ is what he said. So I think it went okay. Not a complete disaster, anyway.”

“Still. I’m sure it was not pleasant to be accused of using sex to get your way.”

Mike rubbed his forehead. “You know what would be nice? If just once sex didn’t matter. My sexuality has been this thing hanging over my head my whole fucking life. It alienated me from my family, it got me kicked out of the army, and now it could jeopardize my daughter’s future. But it shouldn’t matter. My desires have nothing to do with any of those things.”

Mike sounded completely exasperated. Gio didn’t know what to say. He agreed, and he felt for Mike, but he couldn’t figure out how to comfort him.

He stood and walked around his desk. Mike stood too. So Gio hugged him, because that seemed like a thing to do. Mike hugged him back.

“This is the only way it
does
matter,” Mike said. “With the door closed. With you in my arms.”

“It will be all right,” Gio said. He almost sounded like he believed it.

“I don’t….” Mike sniffed. “You know what I realized when I was sitting up there? All week, I couldn’t stop obsessing over this and how, you know, it’s always the Tracy Quinlans of the world who win. She can afford to win. I can’t. But you know what? I’m sick of losing to people like her. And I decided that I couldn’t let her win. I couldn’t let her just come in here and tell these lies and get her way. Emma deserves this. She’s worked really hard to get this far and she should have that spot.”

“I agree,
caro
. She deserves it.”

“I can’t let her beat you, either. You deserve this job. You deserve your good reputation, your integrity, the life you have now. She shouldn’t be able to take that away from you.”