The Story of Me (19 page)

“Fuck, you were wearing stockings and suspenders.”

“I was.” I blush as I think about that night; my behaviour all round was pretty shameful. The way I treated the bloke I was with, and the things I did with Cam in his office. Cam, me and offices, what a lethal, explosive combination.

“What is it when you and me end up in an office together, Kitten, ehh? Things happen.”

My stomach churns as I think about the ‘things’ that have happened; the sex we had against his office door, the one and only time in my life I was unfaithful to Sean.

“Bad things happen when we’re in an office together,” I say quietly.

He shrugs and shakes his head slightly, the way he so often does around me. “There was nothing bad about the things we did as far as I’m concerned, Kitten. I only remember them as good, and… Fuck, change the subject. I’m getting a hard-on.” I don’t mean to, but fuck, my eyes go straight to his crotch and sure enough, he has a tepee in his trousers,

“Cam, seriously?” My eyes roam up his body and meet his, and we both laugh and shake our heads. I’m still wearing the dress I went out in and I have a pillow over my lap so Cam can’t see up it. I throw the pillow down onto his lap as I jump off the bed. “I’m gonna have a quick shower before our food gets here. You can try and calm yourself down while I’m gone.”

“You’ve just told me you’re going for a shower and you expect me to calm down? Are you fucking mad, woman? Pass me out some tissues, and I’ll have a wank while you’re gone. I just saw your knickers by the way, Kitten.” His lips are pursed together, eyebrows raised as he waits for my response.

“You need help, Tiger?”

He pulls open his fly. “Is that an offer, Kitten?”

I need to leave. I need to lock myself in the bathroom and take a cold shower. I have no idea where things are going with Cam, and the last thing we need to do is complicate matters with sex; not that I would do that, with him, tonight of all nights.

I grab what I need and take it into the bathroom. There’s no way I’m stepping back out here with just a towel wrapped around me. I shower and remove all the makeup I’m wearing, then dress in one of my Juicy tracksuits.

I step from the bathroom into the bedroom, and Cam’s no longer on the bed. I walk out into the living area of the suite and he’s standing with his back to me, sipping on a bourbon, our food laid out on the table. I must make a noise or he just senses my presence as he turns and looks at me, one hand in his trouser pocket, the other nursing his drink. His sleeves are rolled up and he’s taken off his tie. He is just so… male: big, tall and so fucking sexy.

We both stand completely still; the air crackles between us but we don’t say a word. My heart is pounding, and I desperately want to touch him. I desperately want him to hold me in his arms, but I say nothing. The telly is on and has been switched to a music channel. Lifehouse are on, singing “Hanging By A Moment”, and if this had been pre-planned, set up, staged or whatever, there’s not a better song out there to fit this moment.

“That’s better; now you look like my Kitten. You didn’t need all that shit on your face. You’re more beautiful without it.” I don’t reply, because if I say something, it will be too much and I don’t want to spoil things. “Come and eat something; you really need to fatten up.” I’ve actually put on weight since I’ve been in Australia; God knows what he would have thought if he’d seen me before I arrived.

We sit down at the table together and Cam pours me some water from the jug that’s been delivered to the room, into a tall glass.

“Drink this. You’re gonna have a headache if you don’t, and you’ve got a long flight tomorrow.” I drink the whole glass down without saying a word. My head is already pounding, but I’m not about to admit that to him. I take a bite of my burger, and just like last night, it’s delicious.

Cam tucks into his food and pours himself another drink.

“When d’ya leave?” I ask.

He eyes me as he finishes what he’s chewing. “I leave tomorrow, too, but not till lunch time.”

“Shame I didn’t know sooner; we could’ve flown together. I hate this flight.” I watch him as he dips a potato wedge into the aioli and eats it.

“What’re your plans? Once you’re home, I mean?” My stomach rolls just at the thought of being back in England. I suddenly look around the room for a clock; I wonder what the time is. This time last year… if only I had done things differently. If I’d had made my doctor’s appointment for a different day, if the baby shop hadn’t called to say the baby buggy was ready, if I hadn’t wanted to stop off and show it to Sean, if we’d just gone straight home, if I hadn’t gotten pregnant…

“Georgia, you okay?” I put the half of the burger I had in my hand down.

“What’s the time?” I ask him, and he looks at the chunky, chrome-looking watch he has on his wrist.

“Twelve forty-five,” he replies. “Is something wrong?” I shake my head, but I’m lying. Of course there’s something wrong, everything’s wrong. “Kitten, please fucking talk to me. It’s like you’re on another planet since you came out of the shower.”

“What are we doing, Cam? Me and you, what is this?” He rakes his hand through his hair.

“This right now is us talking. This is me and you, sorting through some issues that should’ve been sorted a while ago but they weren’t, so we’re sorting them now.” He finishes his burger and knocks back his drink, all without taking his eyes off me. “We’re talking, Kitten, just talking. There’s no need to look so scared, and there’s no need to look so guilty.” I lower my eyes;
how does he know I feel guilty?
“The guilt’s written all over your face, George. You loved your husband, I fucking know that. I’m all too painfully aware of how much you love your husband, and yeah, tonight’s not the best night for us to have met up, but it wasn’t planned. We didn’t mean to be in the same place at the same time. I had no idea you were gonna be at the opening of
my
club tonight, but now that I know what the significance of today’s date is, I’ll be fucked if I leave you here alone for the rest of the night. I won’t leave you on your own, no matter how much guilt you’re feeling.”

He pours himself another drink and passes me a glass of water; it’s infused with the lemon and lime slices that are in it and is really refreshing. He draws his eyebrows together and leans his head back. “Why were you there? Why were you at the club anyway?”

My phone starts to ring and I look around the room for it; my clutch is on the sofa, where I left it when we got in, and that’s where the sound of Sean’s voice is calling to me from. I jump up and answer it. I can see from the display that it’s Jackson, and I know I’m in trouble.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry. I meant to call, I just forgot.”

“Not clever, George; really not clever. You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I’m back at the hotel having something to eat.”

“Okay, no worries; as long as you’re all right. Is Cam the Alpha man there with you?”

“What the fuck, Jax? What does that mean?” I turn around and mouth, “Jackson,” to Cam, who is busy finishing off my burger and pretending not to listen to my conversation. I know this man, though, and I know he won’t have missed a single word that’s been said.

“It means he looked at me like he wanted to gut me and then play footy with my head before he knew I was your cousin.” I can’t disagree. I know how possessive Cam is, possessive but loyal.

“Na, he wouldn’t waste his time with all that bullshit. If he wanted you dead, he’d just shoot you.” I watch Cam’s reaction as I speak; he holds the wedge he’s about to put into his mouth mid-air.

“What the fuck, Kitten? You’ll give people the…” I ignore his protests and listen to Jackson instead.

“That’s reassuring to know, George. I’m still alive, so he mustn’t hate me too much.” We’re both quiet for a few seconds. “What time d’ya leave?” he asks.

“I have a car coming at six am.”

I expect him to complain about getting up so early, but instead, he says, “Well, I’ll have to make sure we’re back by then. I’ll see ya downstairs before ya go, but give us a minute, though, just in case we’re late.” I don’t ask who the ‘we’ are; I don’t want to know. I end the call and turn back toward Cam

“He’s a bit over-protective for a cousin, isn’t he?” I put my hands on my hips.

“He’s more like a brother than a cousin. We’ve always been pretty close.”

“Fuck, did no one tell him you already have three psycho brothers? You really don’t need any more.”

Well, that pisses me off. I don’t like him talking about my family this way. “My brothers aren’t psycho… Well, maybe Bailey is, but Len and Marley…”

He shakes his head. “You seriously have no idea, do you?”

I’m confused. “About what?”

He takes a sip of his drink. “When your family first found out we were seeing each other, I had a visit from all of them, except your dad.”

“My brothers came to see you, about us?” This is news to me.

“And your mum,” he adds.

My head spins. If he tells me now Mum said anything to him to try to keep us apart, I will never speak to her again; not after what she did to Sean and me.

He must notice the look on my face.

“At least she didn’t threaten me; she just told me to look after you and to love you the way you deserved to be loved.”

My hands fall to my side. “My mum said that?”

He nods. “Your brothers, on the other hand, all threatened a slow and painful death if I ever even breathed on you too heavily.” I’m actually surprised at this; Bailey and my dad, I would expect it from, but not Len and Marls.

“Even Lennon and Marley?” He nods his head slowly.

“Bailey was direct; told me he’d take great pleasure in pulling me apart, limb from limb, then watching me drown in the Thames.” I watch as he rubs his hand over the stubble on his jaw. “Lennon was all business-like, even called me Mr King and then continued along the lines of ‘You do anything to upset my sister, I will first fuck you, then choke you with your own dick’; then he just walked out of my office.” Is it wrong that I feel a little stab of pride at my family’s protectiveness? “Marley on the other hand,” he pauses and takes a deep breath.
Oh, shit, what did Marley do?
“Marley simply said, ‘She cries, even once, even happy tears, you’re dead’.” Oh, well, that’s not too bad.

“I’m their little sister, and I’d been a mess for so long, they were just looking out for me.” My phone rings, and I expect it to be Jackson again but it’s Marley’s name on the screen. I smile; finally, my brother has gotten in touch.

“Speak of the devil,” I say to Cam as I answer the call. I don’t get a chance to speak as the sound of Marley’s sob breaks my heart.

“I miss him so much, George. I miss him! It fucking hurts, and I don’t know what to do.” I’m stunned into silence; tears are rolling down my cheeks instantly, but I don’t make a sound. “How’d you do it, George; how’d you carry on? I miss you; you’re so fucking strong. I’m your big brother, and I want to fix this. I want to make it all better for you, spit on it, rub it better and make it all go away, like I did when we were little. D’ya remember that, Porge; remember when I used to do that?” I nod and a choking sob escapes my chest.

“Yes, yes, I remember. Even when I fell off the monkey bars and broke my collarbone, you spat on it and said I’d be fine.”

I’m not sure if he’s laughing or crying as he says, “Yeah, and coz you believed me, you didn’t tell anyone how much it hurt and walked round with a broken collarbone for three days until you passed out with the pain, see… see what I mean about how brave you are? You’re the bravest person I know, George, I miss ya so much. I want you home. You should be here, with all of us, not thousands of miles away trying to fix yourself. That’s our job; we should be helping you mend.” I’ve walked back into the bedroom as he talks.

“What you gonna do? You all gonna spit on me and try to make it better?” I hear him laugh and I miss him so badly in that moment. God, I really miss him.

“That’s fucked, George. You know how wrong that sounds? Gross, really gross.”

We’re both silent for a few seconds.

“I have something I need to tell ya, George.”

“The band have split up.” It’s a statement not a question, and he doesn’t say anything. “It’s sad but inevitable, Marls. You all just need to do what you need to do to get through this, same as I have.” I hear him sniff.

“I can’t do it, George; I can’t be up on the stage with the boys without him. It’s not right, and there’s no way I wanna be up there as his replacement. I’d rather just be up there on my own, just do my own thing.” I’m nodding, despite being fully-aware of the fact that he can’t see me.

“I get it. I totally get it.”

“That way,” he says, and I know his voice is breaking into another sob, “that way, I can just pretend. I can get up there and pretend I’m up there doing my thing and he’s off somewhere doing his. Happy, writing his shitty love songs about you, loving you, being your husband and Beau’s dad. When I’m up there, that’s what I can pretend, George, coz that’s how it should be.” I can’t speak, because I can’t control the sobs. I almost vomit with the force that they’re leaving my body. “It’s not fair, George. Why him? Why the fuck was it him and Beau?”

We both sob into the phone as we contemplate the unfairness of life.