The Story of Me (37 page)

“You never told me that.”

“No, I know I didn’t. I thought it would be worth a try, and if it saved us some money then I could surprise you with the news later. If they said yes… accepted the offer…” he trails off. He knows full well I’m not buying into his bullshit.

Cam is like Dad. He wheels and deals at any opportunity. I’ve seen my dad in action first hand and I’ve heard Cam on the phone all week. It’s in their nature. It’s just the way they do business and I really don’t have a problem with that. I did it myself when I was hands on at Posh Frocks and I’ve used what I learnt from Dad when I’ve been trying to get individuals and businesses to donate to my charity work. What I don’t like, though, is the fact he went behind my back.

“You went behind my back and offered less than the asking price so you could check out who owned the house and see what you could dig up on them. Get off me.”

“What?”

“You heard what I said. Don’t say ‘what’, so I repeat myself and give you time to think of some bullshit excuse. Now get the fuck off me.” He rolls onto his back and I sit up.

“I don’t understand why you’ve got the hump.” I look at him with raised eyebrows and reach to the side of the sofa and pull the big thick fur throw over myself.

“I’ve got the hump because you went behind my back, Cam. I spent the last two years of my marriage weighed down by the guilt of what you and I did behind my husband’s back. I don’t want that for us. I don’t want lies or secrets.” I let out a long breath. “I’m a big grown up girl. I’ve lived a life. I don’t need protecting from your dodgy dealings.” He sits up, moves closer to me and pulls the throw over his lap, obviously feeling at a disadvantage sitting and arguing with me while naked and at half-mast.

“My dealings aren’t dodgy.” I look at him and roll my eyes. I’d heard him on the phone just yesterday negotiating a price on a whole container load of Wild Turkey, Rare Breed Bourbon, so I know that’s not true.

“So the container that arrives in Tilbury next Thursday is all legal and above board is it?”

“Well, no, I mean. How’d you know about that?” he asks with a frown.

“Doesn’t matter how I know, Cam. I know. I’m not stupid, and you don’t have the quietest of voices.” He crawls over, rests his back against the sofa and pulls me into his lap.

“Sometimes a deal comes along that’s too good to turn down, but mostly, everything I do is legit. I’m sorry I went behind your back. I honestly didn’t see it that way, but I’m sorry I didn’t try and see it how you would.” He tilts his head so he can see my face. “This is all new ground for me, Kitten. I’m forty-two, and despite being married before, I’ve never shared my life with anyone. I’ve never taken anyone else and their feelings into consideration. I’ve never been in love, except with you and just as I was starting to get used to the concept back then, you fucking left me, so give me a break here, will ya.”

“Did anyone get hurt?”

“What? What are you talking about?” He frowns even more as he asks the question, causing a deep ridge between his eyebrows.

“Did my dad, my brother or my live-in lover, arrange for anyone to get hurt so we can buy that house at a ridiculously reduced price?” He lets out a huff, like it’s an incomprehensible notion. I know different.

“No, Kitten, no one got hurt or was threatened with… Well, no, it’s like this…”

“Did anyone get hurt, Cam? Just answer me.”

“No, no one got hurt. Trever Blows, the bloke who owns the house, is in debt up to his eyeballs. The people he owes money to are associates of mine and of your family. Trevor owes about three hundred grand. We offered the people he owes a hundred K to clear the debt; they accepted. The rest is just what they added on as interest. Trevor lets us buy the house for two hundred and fifty less than he’s asking because he thinks he’s saving his self fifty grand as he owes three hundred. Are you following?” Barely, but I’m not going to let him know that so I nod. “He’s happy. We’re happy. Everyone’s happy. No one gets hurt and we get a house for a hundred and fifty grand below market value.”

I’m silent for a few moments as I try to work all of that out.

“Don’t lie or go behind my back again.”

“I won’t. I promise. Now come here and fuck me.”

So I do.

My brother’s house is spectacular. It’s the kind of house when you’re little and you imagine being rich and living in your dream house, this would be it.

I don’t know what Lennon is actually worth these days, but it’s a lot. From his days of being the only one with a licence and in charge of the van he drove Carnage around in, he had gone on to become their manager and then to setting up his own agency, which now represented musicians, actors, models and sports stars. He had invested his money wisely, executively producing up and coming bands that had gone on to make it big and also a number of films that had been hugely successful.

It’s funny really. Lennon hadn’t actually been a member of Carnage to the outside world, but backstage, they would’ve folded long before they did without his guidance and input. He had made a lot of money from the band, and rightly so, he had worked bloody hard to make them the success they became.

Lennon had also helped Sean and Marley out with investing their money in the right places, and even though Sean wasn’t around to make money anymore, his songs still earned royalties and his investments still drew a profit, all of which I entrusted Lennon to deal with on my behalf.

I sit watching him now as he tells a story about Marley chatting up a transvestite one drunken night in Hamburg. Marley’s pulling his usual sulky teenager face he wears whenever the joke’s on him, but the rest of us are laughing.

It’s been heart-warming tonight to watch my brothers interact with and be accepting of Cam. But the room suddenly falls silent as Sean’s name is mentioned by Len telling his story.

Cam’s sitting with his arm around the back of my chair, his fingertips making a small circular pattern under my hair at the nape of my neck and I notice him stop for a split second as Len says Sean’s name.

Marley’s eyes catch mine and he winks, my brother’s way of letting me know, that me and him, we’re okay. I wink back.

“I’ve got some news,” I announce when Len has finished his story. We haven’t told them about the house yet and spurred on by the wine I had with my dinner and my brother’s wink, I now feel confident enough to share.

I look up at Cam, just checking he’s happy with me letting my brothers know; he looks and winks at me too.

I look back at my brothers and their wives gathered around the table and think about how far we’ve all come in our lives. I start to feel emotional, then I notice something. For some reason it suddenly occurs to me that Jimmie, Ash and Sam haven’t had a drink all night.

“Well, come on, George, don’t keep us in suspenders,” Ash whines.

“Hmmm, I actually like my wife being kept in suspenders, nothing but stockings and suspenders, and luckily, she likes wearing them for me,” Lennon announces as he nuzzles into Jimmie’s neck.

“That’s coz your wife’s a slut,” I tell Len and wink at Jim. This is so not how I planned on this conversation going.

“Don’t call my wife a slut,” Lennon protests, but I know he’s only joking.

“You can call my wife one. I like it.” We all turn and look at Marley. “What? I do.” I shake my head at him, not daring to look at Cam. He’s never seen my brothers in action like this and I’m wondering what he must be making of our interactions.

“You know there’s something seriously wrong with you right, Marls?” I can hear Cam give a small chuckle from beside me and I turn to see him smiling down at me.

Jimmie bangs her hand down on the table and before everyone has shut up, she starts talking. “Despite being sluts, Ash and I have some news too.”

“Well, I was first, your news can wait.” Jimmie shrugs at me.

“Fine, I’ll wait. Just spit it out, George.” Before I can speak, Cam does.

“Actually, can I just say something?”

“For fuck’s sake,” Ashley sighs from across the table. “Will someone just say something?”

“Thanks for tonight,” Cam starts. “Lennon, Jamie, thanks for inviting me into your beautiful home, and all of you, thanks for making me feel welcome.” He takes a deep breath and rubs his hand over the stubble
on his jaw that I wouldn’t let him shave off before we came out tonight. “Don’t think that I don’t appreciate and understand that this is probably a bit weird and probably difficult for you all as well. Sean was a big part of this family’s life for a very long time and he’s gone and suddenly here I am.” I watch him as he seems to look everyone in the eye. “I don’t want it to be awkward. I don’t want you not talking about Sean just because I’m here,” he shrugs, “and the thing is, I’m planning on being around for a while, well for good actually.” He pulls me in and kisses my temple. “Georgia and I bought a house today. We sign the paperwork tomorrow.”

There’re whoops and cheers, handshakes and cuddles. Len gets the champers out of the fridge that we brought with us and we all have a glass, Jim, Ash and Sam, all only having a tiny amount, I notice.

“So what’s your news, Jim?” I look across at my best friend and ask. She leans around Lennon and looks at Ash. “Right, I don’t want you to get mad,” she starts. I have no idea where this is going to go.

“After our little conversation at your mum’s the other night, Ash and I went to see Doctor Shepherd today.” My mouth is instantly dry. Doctor Shepherd is my fertility doctor, my baby maker. Why’ve they been to see him?

“We just wanted to be absolutely clear on what would be required of us, and because this is going to affect us and our families, the boys came with us too.” My head starts to spin. I’m holding one of Cam’s hands with both of mine, gripping it is probably closer to the correct term. They’ve changed their minds. I already know what they’re going to tell me. They’ve had time to think and they’ve changed their minds.

“What we’ve decided, George, and I know you’re not gonna like it.” Oh, God, the salmon fillet I had for dinner is about to make its way back up. “The thing is, you’re such a stress head and control freak, George, that we think the best way to go about all of this is for me and Ash to go and see him and have all of our procedures carried out without you being there.” My brain can’t process what she’s saying. It’s trying its hardest but remains completely blank. I’m starting to freak out. My breathing starts to alter and I get that familiar tingle in my toes. I don’t understand what they’re saying to me.

It’s been such a good week, a week where I’ve began to feel like me, like Georgia again. I’ve allowed myself to live, to love, to hope and dream, to feel, and that will be my downfall, allowing myself to feel. I shouldn’t have let that happen. I shouldn’t have allowed that, because now as it all gets pulled away from under me again. I just know the pain will crush me.

“Georgia,” I look up as Marley says my name, “breathe, G, breathe.” He shakes his head crossly. “See, this is exactly the reason we’re gonna do things this way. Look at the state you get yourself in.”

Someone places a glass of water in my hand and I take a sip. Cam kneels down in front of my chair and looks up at me with worried eyes.

“You okay, Kitten?” I nod. I’m not okay. I’m shaking and I feel clammy.

I look around at seven worried faces. Sam’s crying and gripping Bailey’s hand; the pair of them have hardly said a word all evening.

“Did you listen to all of that? Did you take any of what I said in?”

I shake my head at Jimmie. Ash starts to talk. “George, this is how it’s gonna happen. Starting from now, Jim and I are on a health kick. We’re gonna do everything we can to get knocked up with yours and King dick here’s kid. We’ve both agreed to support each other, and with the boys backing us as well, we’re gonna eat healthy, cut right down on the alcohol intake, no smoking, no drugs. We’re gonna be in the best possible shape we can be to give these babies a chance of being born. The problem is though, G, you being around makes us twitchy.” I frown as I listen to her words, my head still spinning. I have the beginnings of a migraine and a pain keeps shooting right through my eye. “We don’t want to worry about you worrying, George, so when you decide that you’re ready to go ahead with this, we want you to just leave it with us, just let us and the doctors do our thing.”

“You still wanna do this for us? You’re not saying no?”

Jimmie shakes her head and laughs. “No, George, of course we’re not saying no. Whenever you’re ready to go, so are we. Obviously, you two still have a lot to sort out. I mean, you’ve been together a week, right?” I nod as I reach for the glass of water I drank from a few moments ago.

I look up at Cam, who’s now sitting back in his chair next to me, then around at my brothers. “Are we mad d’ya think? We bought a house today. We’ve been together a week and tonight we’re discussing IVF,
surrogacy and having children. We haven’t even discussed where we’re spending Christmas and yet we’re here with all of you discussing this.” I turn and look at Cam. “I don’t even know if you like turkey.” My thoughts are suddenly tumbling out of my mouth without any kind of filtration happening.

“See, George, you’re doing it again. Chill the fuck out will ya, babe,” Marley says.

Marley, my poor brother Marley. None of this can be easy for him.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this? Please be honest with me, Marls.” Marley knocks back his glass of bourbon before answering me.

“To be perfectly honest, it’s breaking my heart, George.” He turns his eyes to Cam. “No disrespect to you, mate, but this is so fucking hard. Everything they went through to be together, the way they loved each other, he didn’t deserve that; she didn’t deserve that, no one deserves that.” I can see his lips start to tremble as he talks. His eyes are filled with tears as he shrugs. “I won’t lie and say that I don’t wish it was them we were doing this for. He was as much a brother to me as these two and I miss him every day, every minute of every day, but he’s gone and nothings gonna change that, and after watching her go through what she has… Seeing my little sister so desperate to die for so long, and to see her now, laughing, smiling, loving and knowing you’ve done that; you’ve helped get her there. You’ve given us our little sister Georgia back, and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that, and I know at the end of the day, all Maca would want is for G to be happy.”

Marley wipes his nose on his napkin. “Sorry, Jim, I’ve made your napkin all snotty.”

She leans across from where she’s sitting, wraps her arms around his neck and kisses his cheek. “After that epic speech, I think I can let you off.”

“I love you, big brother Marley,” I tell him.

“Why do you say that? What is it with the big brother thing?” Ash asks. This is Bailey’s story to tell, being the eldest, he’s the only one who can remember how it started. He’s sitting next to me.

“You tell her, Bails.” He smiles at me, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Both he and Sam look pale. “When Georgia was little she thought we were all called big brother for some reason, we don’t know how it started but she just called the three of us big brother, so then my mum and dad tried to get her to say our names by saying big brother Bailey, Lennon or Marley. She eventually learnt our names, but never dropped the big brother bit and we just got into the habit of calling her little sister Georgia in reply, and yeah, that’s basically it.” I love hearing that story and Cam must too as he lifts my hand to his mouth and kisses it, instantly sending a wave of goose bumps from the back of my hand to the tips of my toes.

“I’m pregnant,” Sam blurts out. We all turn and look in her direction.

“Sam, no,” Bailey says quietly and my stomach drops. This is why they both look so ill. This is why they’ve both been so quiet all night. They’re worried about my reaction. Yeah, it hurts. Yeah, I’m jealous, but fuck, I’ve survived worse.

“Oh, my God, congratulations.” I give Bailey a cuddle and get up from my chair and give Sam a kiss as Cam leans across and shakes Bails’ hand.

“Well, this was a shit night to decide to start living the quiet life,” Marley complains. “So much to celebrate and all I’m allowed is a drink.”

“Well, at least you're allowed that. I’m gonna gag if I have to drink any more water,” Ash complains.

“I’ve got something better than water that’ll make ya gag, baby,” Marley tells her.

“You two are seriously gross. No swallowing once you’re pregnant. That goes for both of ya.” I look between Jimmie and Ash.

“I gave up swallowing years ago,” Marley deadpans.

“And I’ve never swallowed in my life,” Lennon adds.

“Haha, you’re so not funny. I meant your wives, and Marls, just for the record, it’s worrying that you’ve ever swallowed at all.”

“What can I say, George, you heard all the rumours. Lonely tour bus, no women in sight, what’s a bloke to do?”

“So you’re finally confessing, it’s all true, you and my husband were having an affair?” I ask him, not entirely one hundred percent sure of what the answer might be.

“George, I’ve had threesomes, foursomes, think I even had a sixsome once with your husband, but there’s one thing I’ve never had, and that’s sex with your husband. I offered, but he wasn’t interested.”

“How did the conversation go from congratulations to orgies?” Jimmie asks.

“Marley,” we all reply and throw our napkins at him.