The Strange Healing (8 page)

He saw fear in her eyes, and reached over to gently pull her into his arms.  She readily allowed the closeness, snuggling into his shoulder again.  He held her there
a while, until he felt her relax a bit.  “Sweetheart, can you tell me about it, please?”

She didn't answer, but he could feel her trembling a bit.  Keeping her in his arms, he said, “Honey, how many nightmares did you have last night?”

She gasped as she looked at him.  “How did you know?”

He smiled a little and said, “It's another thing I'm guessing at.”  He pulled away from her a bit so he could catch her eyes, and took both her hands in his.  “Sara, this is obviously a very traumatic experience for you, and I don't think you're going to be able to put it behind you until you talk about it.  There's a lot of truth when people talk about getting something off their chest.  It's really very helpful to talk to someone, share your feelings.  Often it's the first time you can actually admit some of the feelings you have, and getting them out in the open allows you to process them, and then you can put them behind you.  Does that make sense?”

She attempted a small smile and admitted, “Yeah, it actually does.”  She sighed and admitted, “You're right, I didn't sleep good at all last night.”

“
Why didn't you call me?”

“
Because I knew you had to work today and you needed to get your sleep.”

“
Sara, didn't I ask you to call me if you had any problems with nightmares?”

She looked at her hands and admitted, “Yes, but I just didn't think it was fair to you.”

“Sweetie, do you remember that I told you I intend to be protective of you?”

“
Yeah.”

“
I'm getting off to a great start, aren't I?”

“
What do you mean?”

“
I certainly did a lousy job protecting you, and on the very day I tell you I intend to protect you.”

“
But that wasn't your fault, Heath.  What were you supposed to do?”

“
Sara, I knew something was bothering you.  I should have done something.”

“
But you tried.  You tried to get me to talk to you last night.  I just didn't feel ready to talk yet.  Then you told me to call you if I had a nightmare.”

Heath paused a moment before asking, “Sara, do you remember, last night when we were talking about Heather you said the thought of having someone that's protective of you sounded good to you?”

She sheepishly answered, “Yes.”

“
Does it still?”

“
Yes.”

“
Then why won't you let me protect you?”  She didn't answer, but he could tell she was thinking about what he'd said.  “Honey, I'm upset that you suffered last night and you wouldn't even give me the chance to help you.”

“
Heath, I just didn't want to be a bother.”

“
Honey, you're not a bother.  I truly care about you and want to help.  If you would have called me last night I could have at least held you until you felt safe.  Would that have been so bad?”

She quietly said, “I would have loved to have had your arms around me last night, Heath.  I was so scared.”  She started crying, and Heath again wrapped his arms around her.  She cried into his shirt while he held her.  He didn't like seeing her cry, but knew crying was probably her first line of defense that he'd need to get past.  Maybe giving in to tears would help her open up to him.

He held her tight while she cried, whispering encouraging words to her and gently rubbing her back.  When the crying slowed he said, “Sara, please let me help you.  I don't want you having nightmares again tonight, but you probably will unless we talk.  Can you try to tell me what happened?”

She took a deep breath and courageously said, “I don't know if I can, but I'll try.”

“That's my girl.”  He held both of her hands again as he said, “Let's start, am I right that the incident at the beach reminded you of something that happened in the past?”  She nodded her head, and he encouraged, “Okay.  Thank you.  That's a good start, Honey.  Now, can you tell me when it happened?”

Over the next hour Heath patiently helped Sara recount an incident that occurred when she was a freshman in high school.  She had gone to the library after school to work on a report.  She had gotten so involved in her research she didn't realize how late it was until it had gotten dark.  Afraid she'd get in trouble for being late, she took a shortcut home through an alley.  Two men tried to abduct her in the alley.  Luckily, she screamed loud enough that an off-duty policeman heard her and came to her rescue.  However, she had to testify against the men in court, where their attorneys placed the blame totally on her.  She was depicted by the men's parents and friends, who in reality had never even seen her prior to the incident, as the type of girl that hangs out in secluded alleys after dark.  They made it look like she welcomed their attention, even went out looking for it on occasion.  That incident and reputation followed her through high school. 

In talking with her and asking her questions, Heath realized that the worst part of the whole scenario was that Sara had been blamed for the situation so many times that she believed, at least in part, it was her fault. That worried Heath greatly.

Looking directly into her eyes, Heath told her, “Listen to me a minute, Sweetheart.  This is very important.  What those men did to you, or attempted to do to you was terrible.  It was absolutely awful, but it was in no way your fault.  The fault is one hundred percent theirs.  Do you understand what I'm saying?”

She quickly responded, “I know it was awful and they shouldn't have done it, but I have to admit that if I wouldn't have been there they couldn't have done it.  So that means I have to accept partial responsibility.”

Heath quickly told her in a very authoritative way, “No, you most certainly do not, Sara.”  His stern voice startled her, and she looked at him, eyes wide open.  He explained, “Honey, it is not illegal to be where you were.  What they did was definitely illegal.  I firmly believe in accepting responsibility when you do something wrong, but you did nothing wrong.  It's totally wrong for anyone to try to put any blame for this on you.”  He kissed her forehead and said, “Honey, don't let them get away with that.  You have no blame in that, just as you have no blame in what happened the other day at the beach.  Do you understand?”

Sara paused a moment, then dropped her eyes, looking at the floor.  “But there was something I could have done to prevent it, so it is partly my fault.”

“
What could you have done to prevent it?”

She quickly responded, “Like they all said, I shouldn't have been in that alley at that time.”

“But that alley was public property.  Anyone had a right to be there.”  He then tried another tactic.  “What about the other day at the beach?  That wasn't your fault.”

“
But again, I could have done something to prevent it.”

An astonished Heath asked,  “Sara, what could you possibly have done the other day to prevent those men from approaching you?”

“I should have been paying more attention to my surroundings.”

Heath was flabbergasted.  “Okay, you probably could have been, but how would that have kept those two men from approaching you?”

“If I would have been paying more attention, they probably wouldn't have tried anything.  Just like the guy that hit me at the exit ramp.  If I would have been paying more attention it might not have happened.”

“
Tell me about the guy at the exit ramp, Sara.”

“
I got off the interstate, and the man ahead of me got off there, too.  I stopped at the end of the ramp behind him, and all of a sudden he put it in reverse and backed into me, hard.  He floored it and really rammed into me.  I didn't know what was going on.  He apologized, told me he accidentally put it in reverse instead of first.  But then when the patrolman got there he blamed it on me, said I didn't stop, just ran into him.  I told the officer what happened, but the guy denied it all, and said I apologized to him, said I just wasn't paying close enough attention.  His story made more sense, so that's what the policeman believed, and I was cited.”

“
Are you kidding me?”

Sara shook her head.  “Then he sued me, claiming he had whiplash and a back problem.  It was awful.  Nobody would believe me, even when I saw him putting a new roof on his house.  I knew he wouldn't be putting a new roof on a house if he really had back problems.  But he denied putting a roof on, and my insurance company believed him and paid him off.  My insurance premiums went up then since I'd had an accident.”

Heath ran his hand through his hair.  He was pretty sure he was starting to see what her problem was.  “Honey, you were set up.  That man was running a scam, and there was nothing you did wrong.”

“
If it was a scam I should have been able to prevent it.  Things don't just happen; something has to cause them.”

“
Something did cause it.  The man backed into you, then lied about it, just to get money.  He was dishonest, and none of it was your fault.”  She looked doubtful, but before she could say anything else, he asked, “Sara, are there other things that have happened, that were your fault?”

“
Well, of course.”

The way she said that so matter-of-factly made Heath sure he was starting to understand her problem a little better.

“
What else has happened that was your fault, Sara?”

Suddenly Sara stiffened, and turned quiet.  Heath scooted over closer to her on the couch and said, “Sara, you're doing really well.  I'm so proud of how you've been talking to me.  Do you feel any better?”

He watched her expression as she thought about that.  Finally she quietly admitted, “Yeah, I guess I do.”

He smiled as he said, “Good.  I'm really glad, Honey.  But please don't stop now.  I can tell you've just thought of something that's been really hard for you, haven't you?”  When she slowly nodded, he continued, “I'd really like to hear about it.  Can you tell me about it?”

She shook her head vehemently.  “I can't.”

Heath saw unshed tears in her eyes, and knew how difficult this was for her.  He picked her up and sat her in his lap, wrapping his arms around her.  He was happy when she laid her head on his shoulder and seemed to relax somewhat.  He simply held her a couple minutes, holding her to him. 

He kissed her head gently and said, “I know this is hard for you, Sweetheart, but I'd really like to know what's hurting my girl.  I was very serious about wanting to protect you, but I can't if you won't share this with me.  Don't do like you did last night and shut me out.  Please give me a chance this time to help you.”

Heath knew that made an impression on the little lady he was quickly becoming quite fond of.  She sat up on his lap and looked into his eyes.  He did the one thing that seemed appropriate at the time.  He slowly leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers.  She looked up at him again, then leaned forward to kiss him.  That was all the encouragement he needed.  He took her face in his hands and kissed her, ecstatic when she passionately returned his kiss.

Eventually he was able to pull back and smile at her.  “Thank you, Sara.”

She smiled back as she said, “My pleasure, Heath.”

He leaned back against the couch, pulling her with him, so she was leaning against his chest.  They sat like that, his arms holding her tight against him, her head lying comfortably on his shoulder, for several calm, relaxing minutes.  They both felt a closeness they were unfamiliar with. 

Thinking back, Heath remembered what they were talking about before their kiss, and wanted to try again to get Sara to talk to him.  He cautiously asked, “Sweetheart, will you please share with me what you were thinking of a little bit ago?  Now especially I want to be able to try to help you.”

She slowly nodded her head and said, “But what if you don't want to – ” 

She stopped, and Heath tried to encourage her.  “What if I don't want to what, Honey?”

“What if you don't want to see me again after I tell you what I did?”

Heath tightened his arms and said, “Oh, Honey, I don't think that could happen.  You haven't said anything tonight that's even made me consider that.  To the contrary, I just want to keep you wrapped in my arms forever.”  She snuggled in against him a little more, and as he laid his face on the top of her head, he asked, “Please?”

She reluctantly agreed.  “Okay, but please don't hate me.”

“
I can't see that ever happening.”

Sara took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and reluctantly started her tale.  “Well, Dad died shortly after I graduated from college.  A few months later I got a job offer about 50 miles away from home.  It was working for the company I'd dreamed of working for for years, and I took it.  I moved to an apartment in the city shortly afterward.  I came home three or four times a week to help Mom with anything she wanted help with, or just to visit.”

She stopped and tears welled up in her eyes again.  Heath gave her time to gather her thoughts again, and encouraged her.  “It sounds like you were being a very thoughtful daughter, visiting your mom so often.  I'm sure she appreciated your visits.”

She sniffled, but continued.  “A couple months after I left, she was killed in an auto accident.”

Again his arms tightened around this poor little lady who had suffered far too much for a lady so young.  “I'm sorry, Sara.  That had to have been awful for you.”

“
Yeah, it really was.  I was just starting to come to grips with Dad dying.  At least I had time to prepare for his death because he'd been sick.  Mom's was totally unexpected.”

Heath spent several minutes running his fingers through her hair and gently massaging her arms and back.  He felt he had to ask, though, “Sara, you told me this story when I asked if anything else had happened that was your fault.  Nothing about what you've told me was in any way your fault, so I'm confused.”

“Yes, it was, Heath.  When I was back in town after the funeral, I heard two ladies talking at the supermarket.  They were talking about Mom, and how awful it was that her only daughter ran out on her when she was alone and needed her most.”  She was crying now as she said, “They said if I would have stayed closer to home so I could help her like I should have the accident would never have happened.”

“
Oh, Sara, no, no, no, no.  How long had your mother been driving a car?”

“
What?  She'd always driven a car.”

“
What caused the accident?”

“
A guy pulled out in front of her.”

“
So it wasn't her fault?”

“
No, but if I wouldn't have moved out of the house I probably would have made that errand for her.”

Heath was flabbergasted.  How could Sara blame herself for all these things?  He spent the next two hours talking to her about blame and where it belongs.  He asked enough questions and listened carefully to her answers, until he finally understood what she'd been dealing with.  But now
that he knew what the problem was, he wanted some time to consider how to tackle it.

After their
three-hour marathon talk, Heath was happy to note that Sara looked more relaxed than she'd been since he'd met her.  He suggested, “Sara, I don't know about you, but I'm starving.  How about some dinner?” 

She smiled “Dinner sounds terrific.  I didn't realize how hungry I am until you said something.  Now I'm hungry, too.”

“Do you feel like going out somewhere, or would you rather I fix us something here?”

She reached out and grasped his shirt and said, “I don't want to go out anywhere, and I'm sorry, this is being really selfish, but could we maybe hold off a bit longer?  I'm not ready to move yet.  I want to stay right here.”

Heath was smiling when he looked down at her and asked, “Comfortable right here, are you?”

She actually looked a little embarrassed when she answered.  “Yes, very.  But that's being selfish, I know.  I'm probably really heavy, and you're hungry.  I'm sorry.”

She made a move to get up, but he tightened his hold on her and kept her right where she was.  “I'm awfully comfortable right now, too.  And just so you know, you, young lady, are not in the least bit heavy.”  He looked at her with a mock scowl on his face and was glad to see her smile at him, which he quickly returned.

“
I have an idea,” he said, taking out his phone.  “Would you rather have Chinese, pizza, or big old-fashioned hamburgers with home-made fries?  Those are the three places around here that deliver.”  Looking a tad ashamed, he added, “And they're all three on speed dial.”

Sara looked at him and laughed.  “Well then, let me ask your expert advice.  I love good Chinese food.  How's theirs?”

“Excellent,” he said quickly, “and if I were to choose tonight that would be my choice, but don't let me influence your decision.”  She couldn't help but chuckle at the look on his face.

“
Then Chinese it is.  I love cashew chicken or chicken lo mein, whichever you think would be better.”

“
Excellent choices.”  Heath quickly dialed and placed an order she knew they'd never be able to eat all of, and put his phone on the end table.  Pulling her closer and leaning back into the couch again, laying her head back on his chest, he said, “Now, I believe we were somewhat like this?”  He casually ran his hand through her hair and down her back, relishing the way she seemed to settle in against him.

He was concerned about her, and glad she felt so comfortable with him after revealing so much about herself during their long talk.  Now he just had to come up with a
foolproof plan to help her.  He had a couple ideas already, but he'd have to take some time and think them through thoroughly to be sure.  He couldn't afford to be anything but perfect in his plan.  He'd helped many patients in the past, but this was no patient.  This was the one and only lady he'd ever felt was right for him.  And he realized he was quickly falling in love with her. 

He couldn't help but chuckle when he admitted that to himself.

“What's so funny?”  Sara asked innocently.

Heath was totally honest with her and said, “I was just thinking about what Heather would say if she saw us right now.”

Looking up at him, she asked, “Why?  Do you think she'd be upset?”

Chuckling again, he assured her, “No, quite the contrary.  She's let me know a couple times now that she's absolutely sure that you and I are perfect for each other.”

“Oh, yeah?” 

Heath didn't miss the big smile on Sara's face, and knowing his sister as he did, he guessed,  “She's told you that, too, hasn't she?”

Heath thought she had the most adorable impish-like grin on her face when she said, “She may have mentioned it in passing.”

He wouldn't have been able to stop the outright belly laugh if he'd wanted to.  When he has able to speak again he answered the confused look on her face.  “That is the cutest way I've ever seen someone cover for someone else in my life.”

“You think I'm covering for her?”

Still laughing, he said, “Honey, I am positive you're covering for her.  When she gets something on her mind
, she's relentless.  She really likes you, you know, and she really wants us to be together.  She's told me you're the first person she's felt was right for me.  I love her to death and appreciate her desire to see me happy, honestly.  But I've told her to let it happen on its own.  If it's meant to be it will be, but like I said, she's relentless.  Her husband has made it clear to her, as well, that he expects her to keep her nose out of it.  But knowing her and her enthusiasm, I assumed she'd mentioned it to you, probably several times.”

Sara still had that guilty look on her face, and Heath knew he was right.  Heather was pushing Sara, as well, and Sara was trying to cover for her.  Watching her face carefully, he added, “And I'm assuming you've heard me or her husband tell her to butt out.  Otherwise you wouldn't feel the need to minimize what she's said or done.”

When she looked down at her lap and her face flushed a bit, Heath had his answer.  He also knew it would be fairly easy to tell when his own little Sara was being less than up front with him about something in the future.  He was positive these two together would keep Phil and him on their toes.  It was a challenge he was looking forward to, though.

When dinner arrived he kept Sara at his side while he answered the door.  Together they spread the feast out on his table, and he put two place settings out side by side.  He pulled a chair out and asked, “Just so you know, I intend to keep you close.  I already told you I plan to be very protective of you, and that's easier to do when I've got you close to me.  With that in mind, would you prefer to sit on my lap to eat, or very close by?”  He moved the chairs closer together as he was talking, and now turned to await her answer.

“Seriously?”

“
Seriously.”  He sat down and pulled her down on his lap while he explained, “Don't worry, I won't always smother you like this, but right now I know you're hurting.  I'm so glad you talked to me so I have an idea what you're thinking.  I know that more talking, and time will have you feeling more like yourself again, but in the meantime, yes, I do plan to be very protective of you.  I want you to know that I'm here for you, Sweetie, and I'm on your side.  We can talk whenever you want to or if you think it might help you feel better.  I want you to know that you can come to me with any problem or concern you have.  Whatever you're going through, we'll go through it together.”

Sara locked her tear-filled eyes on his a second, then wrapped her arms around him.  “Thank you, Heath.  You don't know what that means to me.”

He smiled and said, “Maybe I don't, but if you'd talk to me and tell me, then I would.”  Rubbing her back, he said, “But all in due time, Sweetie.  For right now I just want you to know that I do genuinely care.”

“
I do know that now.  I can feel it.”

“
Good.”  He continued to rub her back and arms until she relaxed a bit.  “So, are you good sitting here on my lap to eat, or do you want the chair?”

She grinned at him and asked, “Do you really think we could both eat like this, or sitting that close?”

“Absolutely,” he said seriously.  “You're left-handed and I'm right.  That's why I have us sitting on this side of the table.”

“
Well, don't you just think of everything?”

Heath knew she was teasing, and he answered, “Not always, but I try.”  He started putting food on each of the plates as he said, “Now eat up before your food gets cold.”