The Stranger's Woes (55 page)

“Did you read my mind?” she said, shocked.

“No, no. I was simply engulfed by your emotions. Never mind, I didn’t even have time to get to the bottom of them. Still, I shouldn’t have let this happen. Forgive me, sometimes I just can’t control my little quirks.”

“It’s all right,” Kekki whispered. “My emotions—as though they’re a big secret.”

And she began crying like a child. I shuffled my feet in the doorway. I felt like an inept babysitter who’d just upset the child he was meant to be taking care of.

“Want me to cry along with you?” I said. “I’m pretty good at it, too.”

“I think I can do it on my own, thank you very much,” said Kekki, managing a weak smile. “It’s nice of you to offer to keep me company. But you don’t understand. I’m not afraid of Sir Kofa. I’ve been wanting to meet him since I was a child.” She never stopped sniffling. “My parents had old newspapers, the very first issues of the
Royal Voice
. Among the latest news, it had a special column with old crime reports, a kind of chronicle from the Epoch of Orders. I couldn’t stop reading the stories about Sir Kofa’s exploits.”

“I see,” I said.

“No, you don’t! I rejected a proposal to work at the Royal Court, fell out with all my relatives, and finally got this position at the City Police. All because Sir Kofa was once the general of the Right Bank Police—”

“And because our organizations share the same building,” I said.

“That’s right. But it didn’t turn out exactly the way I thought it would. First, I’m terribly shy around him and always say silly things. Second, because of our boss, that idiot General Box, we’re the laughingstock of all the Secret Investigators. I can just imagine what Sir Kofa must think of me!”

“He’s not thinking anything bad about you. If anything, it’s the other way around. You should’ve seen him looking at you.”

At that moment I was sure I was telling the truth. I’ll go to any lengths to make a good person stop bawling.

“Are you serious?”

Her tears stopped for a split second and then began anew with twice the intensity. These, however, were tears of relief. I wanted to bite off my lying tongue. But didn’t Sir Kofa brighten up when I mentioned the name of this stubborn girl? Or did he?

“So, what about the party, Kekki?” I said. “Will you change your mind? Everybody’s waiting for you. We’re good guys, you know. We all need to be friends.”

“I . . . I guess I changed my mind,” she said wiping off her tears. “Will you help me if I start saying silly things again?”

“Of course I will. I’ll also start saying silly things, only louder,” I said. “That’s basically all I do, say silly things. In the breaks between brutal murders, that is.”

Lady Kekki Tuotli smiled and passed her hands lightly over her face. It immediately changed, leaving no trace of tears.

“I can’t change my face like Sir Kofa. Maybe I’ll learn to do that someday. But what I can do is change it to look good without using any makeup,” she said.

“Brilliant!” I said. “Will you teach me?”

“Are you joking?”

“Not at all. I really don’t know how to put my appearance in order. With or without makeup.”

And we went back to the other half of the House by the Bridge. Lady Kekki was holding the fold of my looxi like a preschooler holding the sleeve of her older brother. It was too moving even for my unsophisticated tastes.

“There they are!” said Sir Kofa. “I was fighting for your servings like a hero of the ancient world, I swear.”

“I don’t doubt it for a second,” I said, seating Lady Kekki in Juffin’s armchair. Then I turned to Melifaro. “So they didn’t give you the chance to play the villain?”

“No, but they gave me the chance to drink,” saidMelifaro. “If that ship from Arvarox doesn’t sail back soon, I’ll take to drink once and for all.”

“It will sail back,” said Kofa. “Are you that tired of them?”

“You bet! Now pour me another one. And don’t look at me like a probation officer, Max.”

“I’m only worried about my own leisure,” I said. “Don’t you think it’ll be too much if I have to tuck you in tonight, too?”

Melifaro tried to sulk, but then he dropped the act and laughed. Sir Kofa and Lieutenant Apurra Blookey were smiling from ear to ear. Even Lady Kekki gave a shy giggle.

I didn’t say anything funny, I thought. Is this just a normal reaction to the sound of my voice?

I took a bite off a still warm piece of pie and looked at Kekki. She didn’t seem to have any appetite. Ah,
she’s
the one who needs to have a few too many, I thought. Then she’ll be fine.

“Sir Kofa, Lady Kekki and I need to have a drink,” I said. “After the heated exchange we just had downstairs, we need to put things right. And I know of no better way of doing it.”

“Were you fighting?” said Melifaro. “And who won?”

“It’s a tie,” I said. “We’re going to take a short break and then give it another go. Right, Lady Kekki?”

“Well, if you think it’s necessary, I don’t mind,” she said. Finally, I heard in her voice the hint of light playfulness that makes a person a fine interlocutor.

I had told myself many times not to try to patch up other people’s relationships. Too bad I’d always remained deaf to my own warnings. Sometimes a whole team of cartoon rescue rangers takes over inside me, and, led by Chip and Dale, they rush to save someone’s ruined life. Back in the day, my charitable rescue operations had usually ended up a complete fiasco. Today, however, a glass of Jubatic Juice was all it took. The concoction had the most beneficial effect on Lady Kekki: she relaxed and finally began eating. I paused for a little while and sent a call to Sir Kofa.

You wouldn’t believe it
,
but this exceptional lady here is crazy about you
.
Just stay calm
,
though
.
I don’t want her to know I’m telling you this
.
She’s been reading about your noble deeds since childhood
,
and it’s been her dream to meet you
.
Now she’s afraid of you
,
so have mercy on the poor girl
.

Thank you for the good news
,
boy
, replied Sir Kofa.

Then he said out loud, “Melifaro, my friend, what is it that you’re looking at?”

“Look,” said Melifaro, holding up his glass for everybody to view. A tiny green caterpillar was crawling across the outer surface. “Where did it come from?”

“Who knows?” I said. “Don’t you think it just came to have a drink?”

“Well, sinning Magicians, nobody can accuse Melifaro of being greedy!”

He carefully took the caterpillar and put it inside his empty glass.

“There are a few drops left in there,” he said. “Should be enough.”

“Be careful, it’s going to get drunk and come after you to beat you up.”

“Me? Its benefactor? You’re the ones it will go after!” He shook the caterpillar out of the glass onto the table, muttering, “That should just about do it.” Lieutenant Apurra Blookey suggested that the caterpillar needed a chaser. This was all very amusing, but at that moment Juffin sent me a call.

Come down here
,
Max
.
I think you’re going to find this interesting
.

I slid off the edge of the table I had been occupying, retrieved the bottle of Elixir of Kaxar from Juffin’s desk drawer, and took a substantial swallow. The drowsiness that the Jubatic Juice had brought on was gone in an instant. I nodded in approval, locked the drawer, and headed toward the door.

“Where are you going?” said Kofa.

“Juffin just sent me a call,” I said. “And don’t let the caterpillar get too drunk. It still has to become a butterfly.”

“Do you think it will still be able to now?” asked Melifaro, genuinely alarmed.

“We’ll just have to wait and see. Be good, my children. Listen to Sir Kofa and the mighty buriwok. I’m off to have some fun.”

“And who’s going to tuck me into bed? You said you’d take me home if I got drunk, which I did,” said Melifaro.

I winked conspiratorially at the blushing Lady Kekki and left the office.

Juffin was waiting for me downstairs by the small door to his “lab.” He looked tired and preoccupied.

“It’s best not to go in there,” he said, pointing at the door. “It was such a nice room. What will I do without it now?”

“Put a spell on another one—you’ve got plenty of rooms here. What happened in there?”

“Oh, it was quite a show. After I did some magic, Sir Xekta Bonbon came to and answered all my questions. Then that noble gentleman realized he had nothing to lose and decided to challenge me to a duel. Very romantic on his part.”

“And very imprudent,” I said.

“Imprudent, yes. But he caught me off guard. I think he stood a chance of winning, but I’m lucky. I called you down here to show you what happens to a room where Apparent Magic of the two hundred and thirty-fourth degree has been performed.”

“The maximum degree!” I said.

“I think so. There are grounds for believing that Sir Loiso Pondoxo used the two hundred and thirty-
fifth
degree once, but Loiso is such a legend you can never be sure whether what they say about him is true. Well, forget about your new relative for the time being, and look here.”

Juffin pushed me toward the keyhole. I looked through it and was almost blinded by an unbearably bright emerald-green glare. There was nothing else to see there, only streams of light that looked alive, even angry.

“Yikes!” I said, turning back to Juffin. “Talk about pyrotechnics. Is it going to go on like this forever?”

“We’ll see. Maybe not forever, but I’m afraid it’s going to go on like that for a long, long time.”

“What would happen if I tried to go inside?”

“Well, only the Dark Magicians know what would happen if
you
tried to go in, but I recommend that you not attempt that experiment. As for an ordinary person, he would simply vanish. Just like that mad Xekta did. He just vanished—or, rather, burned up. Blazed up from inside with that green fire and disappeared. To tell you the truth, Max, it was the first time in my life that I performed this trick.”

“I’ll be darned,” I said. “I never thought there were things that
you
did for the first time in your life.”