The Stubborn Lord (14 page)

Curious, Kendall leaned forward. The compartment smelled musty. Inside, there were two deeply set shelves with rows of glass and metal bottles lined up on top of them. The bulbous shape of one reminded her of her chemical science classes. “What is it? Chemical vials? Potions? Medicines?”

“My great-grandfather’s liquor stash,” Alek answered, grinning. “We thought he hid it at the castle home. My family has spent years trying to find it, like a treasure hunt.” He reached inside and pulled out an ugly red bottle. “This is a very fine bottle of Qurilixian rum. According to family legend, my great-grandfather snuck into the Var palace and stole several bottles from the liquor storage.”

Alek handed her the bottle to look at. Kendall couldn’t read the strange markings on the side. When she shook the bottle, the liquid appeared thick. “I think it has gone bad.”

Alek took it from her. “Mm, no, it looks perfect.”

“It looks like mineral sludge.”

“Oh, it would appear the legend about the Var stash was right.” Alek put the Qurilixian rum back on the shelf and then pulled out a smaller bottle. He wrinkled his nose in disgust. “Nef.”

“What’s nef?” Kendall wondered at his distasteful reaction to the stuff.

“The Var favor it to keep their passion in check. King Attor teaches his subjects to go against their wild nature. The Var nobles take many half-mate wives instead of one true mate. Those who cannot afford to barter for several brides have one, but the king discourages affection.”

“Half-mate?”

“The concept is hard to explain if you are not a shifter. Think of it as a partial wife, an acquirement, not a mate to the soul.” Alek hurried on before she could ask him about his evasive tone. “The Var king has—I’m not sure the exact count—around three hundred wives?”

“On a planet with a small female population?” Kendall asked in surprise. “Is that why you don’t have enough women to marry? The Var king took them all?”

“King Attor did marry some local women, but mostly he trades for them with alien visitors to his territory.”

Before she could stop herself, she asked, “How can a man satisfy so many women?”

Alek chuckled darkly. “He can’t, which is what makes the hoarding of women so abhorrent. Women are nothing but a collection to him. Attor is a greedy man. There is no redeemable quality to him or his practices.”

“Why don’t they leave?”

“He is king. The wives do not ask us for our interference.” Alek set the bottle back down and pushed it away from the others. “If the gods wanted us to take them from the king, the women would make our crystals glow. Until such a time there is no reason for us to steal Attor’s brides if they do not wish to be stolen.”

“And the nef helps him satisfy more women?” She looked closely at it.

“The nef controls the shifter beast inside us. When a shifter drinks it, their passions are tempered back so they can’t lose control when it comes to sex. If other humanoids drink it, ones who are not shifters, then it has the opposite effect. It causes uncontrollable passion.”

“So they drug the women to feel uncontrollable passion for them, while at the same time drugging themselves to feel less?” Kendall frowned in disgust. “These Var don’t sound very likeable.”

“That is putting it mildly. There is a reason we are constantly at war with them. They are dishonorable beasts. If we let them run wild around this planet, chaos would ensue. Shifters are not meant to half-mate to many women.” Alek turned his serious expression to her.

She realized how close she’d gotten to him. He smelled clean and fresh. His clothes were laundered and held the faint trace of forest leaves. She took a deep breath before remembering she had yet to bathe. Alek’s eyes turned to her mouth as if he would kiss her. She took a quick, self-conscious step away from him, blocking any sexual advance he might try to make.

“Can you show me how to activate the water bath?” she asked.

“Of course. I will find you fresh clothes as well.”

Kendall looked down at the long tunic shirt she wore as a dress. It fell nearly to her ankles. He’d given it to her before she slept since he’d torn the wedding gown. She hugged her arms around her waist and nodded. “I would appreciate that. Thank you.”

* * *

Alek slid the secret panel closed and tried not to listen to the sound of Kendall bathing. The excitement he’d felt at solving the old family mystery of the treasure hunt lessened as a wave of sadness washed through him at Kendall’s withdrawal. He wished he could read her thoughts, but she forcefully denied his mind’s probing. When—
if
—she accepted him and their marriage, they would connect. He would feel inside her and she would feel inside him. Their emotions would join. It was part of the natural mating process. He felt his mind trying to connect to hers, but he came up against an invisible shield. The physical twinge of rejection radiated around his heart, causing it to ache.

The married men told him that when the process was complete, he’d be able to hear his wife in his mind, calling to him when she wanted him. He wanted to ask Kendall to open up to him, to all they could be to each other, but how could he form such words? He would not dishonor himself by getting on his knees and begging her to love him.

Perhaps it was better she couldn’t feel inside him. If they connected, if she felt his desperation for her, would she reject him? Would she leave anyway? Her going would be hard enough as it was, but if they connected on the deepest of levels the loss would become all that more potent and raw. Not to mention the shame he felt at such insecurity. Men were supposed to be brave and strong, not filled with doubts.

Was this why the gods had made him wait so long to marry? They knew he wouldn’t be worthy. They knew, deep inside, he’d be terrified of losing Kendall.

Alek didn’t know how to deal with fear, so he swallowed it down deep inside and determined never to think of it again. If he ignored it, it would go away.

* * *

Water was a strange yet wonderful experience. Kendall had felt it on her skin when she’d been on top of Alek during their bath in the tent, but never had she submersed herself fully into the stuff. On a ship, water was one of those closely guarded resources that was usually rationed—especially when gambling fathers lost half the supply gaming.

The more she thought about it, the more she realized just how sad her childhood really had been. She’d spent her whole life chasing after her father, trying to keep the family together, trying to raise Margot, trying to go to school. Here, on this planet, was the first time she had no real responsibilities. Even as she enjoyed the break, it worried her even more. Without her constant monitoring, the fueling dock could have been run completely into the ground. Her father knew how to do the books but wouldn’t. Margot had a temper, and if she was mad at Kendall for leaving who knows what the child would do. Between her father’s neglect and her own hot-headedness, Margot could already be on her way into a self-destructive spiral.

The knot in her chest instantly came back. The feeling of helplessness was worse than the stress of responsibility. The not knowing ate away at her insides until she wanted to vomit the bile churning inside her stomach. She had to find a way home. A tear slipped over her cheek, then another.

She drew her knees up so they poked out of the warm water and leaned her head onto them. “Please, someone help me, I need to get home. Just help me get home.”

* * *

Alek grabbed his chest and made a quick dash for the front door. Once outside, he took a deep breath and then another. Despite his better judgment, he’d been trying to sense a hint of what Kendall was feeling. The tiny glimpse of pain inside her was so overwhelming to his senses that he’d had to block her in order to catch his breath. Out of all the things he’d expected to find in her—fear, longing, budding love she tried to deny—that kind of pain had not been on the list.

“Please, someone help me, I need to get home. Just help me get home,” she’d whispered. He was so focused on her that he’d heard her clearly, even though the words were not meant for him.

How could he expect her to stay if she wanted to go that badly? Logic told him to guard his heart, but his upbringing told him to trust the gods. In the end, none of it mattered. He loved his wife. He’d known it from that first moment. He didn’t need the crystal to tell him, or the gods to show him. He loved his wife and that was why letting her go would probably kill him.

For the first time in his life, he thought maybe the Var were on to something with their nef. Maybe numbing the feelings inside of him was the answer—the only answer he had. He stood frozen, staring at the countryside but not seeing it. Only when he heard Kendall get out of the bath did he move. Turning, he went back inside. Each step was forced as he went to meet her as she came out into the hall.

“We will leave here in a few hours to go to Mirek. I will find you a ride home.” Alek couldn’t meet her gaze. “I put clean clothes on the bed, two doors down on the left. I’m sorry they were cut for a man, but they should suffice until we reach my castle home to arrange for transportation.”

“But…?”

It took everything in him to stand before her. He heard a droplet of water fall from her hair to the floor. Through his peripheral vision he saw the drying linen clinging to her damp body. The thin barrier fueled a desire that did not need fueling.

“What about your brother’s order?” she asked.

“I don’t have what I need to fix the communication network, and whatever creature was in the forest is no longer here. I promised to help you and that is what I’m going to do.” He could barely breathe. His hands shook and he had to concentrate to keep from reaching out and grabbing her. He pressed his lips tightly together, resisting the urge to beg her to stay.

“I don’t know what to…” She touched his arm. He stiffened. “Thank you, Alek. For everything. Thank you. I will find a way to repay you, I promise.”

“There is no debt between us.” He pulled his arm away. Her touch shot fire through him. When he looked at her face, he noticed tiny stress lines had lifted somewhat from her expression. He refused to feel inside her again. The relief he imagined to be there would surely be worse than the pain.

* * *

Kendall watched as Alek walked stiffly away from her to go outside. He didn’t look at her, didn’t smile. She’d been almost too stunned to speak when he made the blunt announcement. However, the immense relief she imagined such a thing would bring did not come. Instead, she felt an overwhelming sadness.

There was nothing to be done about it. She had a life and she needed to get back to it. Once she was on the fueling dock things were going to change. Her father better be prepared, because Kendall was going to be taking over. Hollow or not, that was her future.

In the bed chamber he indicated, she found a neatly folded stack of clothes next to a plate of food on a small table. The cold meats and vegetables were sandwiched between slices of blue bread. She hesitated before biting into it. The flavor was different than the food she was used to getting from the simulator, but that didn’t make it bad.

The male clothing consisted of loose pants and a tunic shirt. They were big on her, but the rope belt and some inventive rolling helped them to stay on. By the time she carried her dirty plate and clothes into the main area, Alek was ready to go.

“Leave the plate and clothes on the table. I’ll send someone to clean the place.”

Kendall did as instructed. His curt tone and purposeful walk worried her a bit. There was no affection in him, no smiles or charm. “Alek, did I…?”

He stopped, turning his blank expression toward her.

“It’s not important. Thank you for this.” She gave a weak nod and moved out of the house first. He followed behind her, stopping to turn the light mirror to darken the house. He then grabbed a pack off the floor and slung it over his shoulder. He closed the house and silently led her into the forest without saying a word.

Chapter Ten

The light outside shifted and changed as they walked over the endless mountain paths. The trails snaked off in several directions, winding into the many distances. By the time they arrived at his home, Kendall knew she wouldn’t be able to find her way back to the cabin. The fresh air and open scenery would have made the perfect landscape to some old Earth movie transmission sold at the Torgan marketplace. Though the air was cool, the male attire provided Kendall with enough warmth as to not be uncomfortable. If she had stayed, she might actually have asked to have the pants sewn into her size, rather than wear dresses all the time.

A strange melancholy settled over her, created by the inner war between what life on world would be like with a man like Alek, and the life she chose to go back to. It wasn’t much of a choice really. How could she abandon her sister? And her father, fallen as he was, was still her father. Someone had to take care of him.

“Do you happen to have access to a time-conversion chart in your home?” Kendall took a deep breath. Her legs burned from the long mountain trek. Alek hardly seemed affected by the exercise and kept a naturally fast pace.

“Not a full chart. Mirek might have a few for when he deals with alien ambassadors. Was there a particular conversion you needed?”

“Tempastas. It’s rare. I don’t know why we even use it except it’s what the family has always used.”

“I haven’t heard of it. I doubt we have access here, but we would at the palace.”

“But the communication lines don’t work.”

“Not for a long while. The repairs are overdue. We have become too accustomed to just sending runners whenever we need to send messages. If there is time before Mirek can arrange a flight, I will send someone to find the information you require.”

“Thank you.” The trail turned upward. She stopped talking and breathed deeply to fight the burn in her muscles.

Conversation was stunted. At times, he would point into the forest and start talking of the birds or trees or plants, but when she inquired further his words would come to a slow stop and silence would persist once more. There was something off in his manner too. His eyes didn’t meet hers and he kept a strict distance between their bodies.