The Stuff of Nightmares (2 page)

‘I don’t see why not. Let’s—’

‘Miss Wells, we should stay here,’ I interrupted.

‘Why?’ she asked.

Think, Kyle. Think. Fast
.

‘Because everyone always heads for the first carriage and it’ll be very crowded and much harder to keep track of all of us if we’re in there as well,’ I said.

Miss Wells nodded. ‘Good point, Kyle. I think we’ll stay where we are.’

She moved down the platform to stop Robby and Naima from arguing about who was wearing the best earrings. As if anyone gave a damn.

Perry scowled at me, sucking in his cheeks in his already narrow face. ‘Thanks a lot. What did you do that for?’

I shrugged, but didn’t reply. How could I? No doubt it looked like I’d scuppered Perry’s idea just to be bloody-minded. But it wasn’t that. I swear it wasn’t. To be honest, I’m not even sure why I’d said what I did. But the thought of going into the first carriage … I looked away from Perry, who was still glaring at me. If looks could kill he’d have been banged up for life. Perry was the shortest guy in our class but he never let that hold him back. He was my opposite. Over the last year I’d sprouted up so much that everyone in the class, including Miss Wells, was shorter than me. But although Perry was shorter than the rest of us, he was always the first to volunteer, the first to speak, first to voice his opinion – whether it was wanted or not. No way would he ever let anyone in the class forget he was around. I glanced down the track again, jiggling from foot to foot.

‘Come on, train,’ I muttered.

Steve nudged my arm with his bony elbow. Although ‘nudged’ was putting it mildly. ‘Damn near broke my forearm’ was closer to the mark.

‘Are you OK?’ he asked me.

I nodded. ‘Yeah. Why?’

‘You seem a bit … restless.’

‘No run this morning?’ asked Joe, another of my mates.

‘No, I ran. But not for long enough,’ I replied.

‘Ah, that explains a lot.’ He smiled. ‘I thought you were a bit on edge.’

Joe was a strange one. Dark hair, darker eyes, darkest disposition of all my friends. He was the thinker of our group. Steve was the doer. Perry was the talker. And me? I wasn’t quite sure what I was, where I fit in. Perry often said that Joe thought too much, which was true. Joe over-analysed everything to death. He was overweight but not massively so, with mid-brown hair framing a round face and lime-green eyes – lime like the fruit, not the drink. His black jacket flapped in the wind like a bird’s wings until he impatiently dug his hands into his pockets to keep the sides down. The train must have been early because it still hadn’t reached us, but at least it was moving. I watched it creep along, emptying my mind of all thoughts as I got lost in its slow motion.

Why did you do it, Dad?

I didn’t deserve that. Whatever you felt about me, I didn’t deserve that. Or was it just that you didn’t feel anything for me at all?

Or maybe you had the right idea and none of this is worth a damn …

‘Watch out! Kyle’s lost in one of his daydreams again,’ said Joe to the others.

I snapped out of my reverie and back to the train platform. ‘What’re you on about?’

Joe shrugged. ‘You went offline – again.’

‘I don’t know what you mean,’ I said with studied calm. ‘I don’t daydream.’

‘If you say so,’ he said, turning to watch the train’s progress.

‘I do,’ I replied, needing to have the last word.

As it was, the train didn’t travel much past us. We all bundled into the second carriage. The heat hit me almost at once, blasting out from the vents above my head. The driver must have had the heating on full throttle. I stepped aside to let an elderly couple get off the train and got a dirty look from him and a tut from her for my trouble. Luckily the carriage was almost empty. Only a few heads were visible above the high-backed, blue-patterned seats. Our class were off to the city to see a matinée performance of
Romeo and Juliet
. We’d been studying the play for the last term and a bit, and this theatre trip was our teacher Miss Wells’s idea of a treat.

The train doors shut with a hiss and the train started off before we’d all found our seats. Steve sat next to me, Joe and Perry sat directly opposite. Elena and Conor sat across the central aisle from us, opposite each other, holding hands and generally being too wet for words – as usual.

‘Conor, what’s the matter, babe?’ asked Elena softly.

Conor didn’t answer.

‘You’re worrying about your nan, aren’t you?’ she said.

‘It’s just … she’s getting more and more … forgetful. A few nights ago she made herself a hot chocolate and left one of the cooker rings on all night. Mum and Dad are starting to talk about putting her in a home for her own good.’

‘Well, maybe it would be for the best—’ Elena began.

‘No way!’ The words exploded from Conor. ‘Nan would hate it, just hate it.’

‘Conor, I only meant …’ Elena gave a quick glance around, only to see me and my mates watching them and earwigging every word.

‘How about I write down our conversation so you nosy toe-rags can have a permanent record?’ she bit out.

‘No need.’ Perry grinned. ‘Just speak up a bit!’

Elena and Conor shuffled further away from us and lowered their voices.

‘Spoilsports!’ said Perry.

Elena gave him a two-fingered salute.

Steve turned away from her. ‘Wasn’t interested in your conversation anyway,’ he muttered.

It was strange about Steve and Elena. She was the only one in our class that he didn’t have much time for, though I think I was the only one who knew that. I looked around the carriage, taking it all in. Miss Wells was further along – thank goodness. Some of the girls sat in the next set of seats behind us, already twittering away about not much. As if to make up for its previous tardiness, the train moved out of the station, getting faster and faster until the passing scenery was just a frenetic blur. Hot air blew up from the vents underneath the windows as well as from above the doors and the heat was beginning to make me feel a bit queasy, but apart from that, it was great. Outside the
train
it became almost impossible to focus on anything at eye-level or below. And in a strange way, I found that restful. It required no thought, no interpretation. The sky was the only thing that was constant. The grey clouds drifted along and wouldn’t allow our train to dictate their pace. Below the sky though, the scenery was a smudge of poster-paint colours: mid-green fields merging with the beginnings of darker green crops, merging with brown tree trunks and darker brown branches. Those were the few things I could make out. The rest was pure guesswork.

Even the tropical heat in the carriage couldn’t spoil my mood. Less than ten minutes into the journey, I had to take off my jacket and roll up my shirt sleeves, as did my friends, but it didn’t matter. I didn’t travel by train often enough to make the trip mundane. I loved the speed and the regular rhythmic hum of the train wheels moving along the tracks. We trundled along, pulling in and out of stations for at least forty minutes. I stared out of the window, watching the sky get greyer and darker while my friends chatted around me.

Steve nudged my side, almost breaking my ribs in the process. Man, I wished he’d stop doing that!

‘Kyle, d’you wanna have a go?’ he asked, indicating the very latest portable games console in his hand.

I glanced down at the screen. Cross-hairs were trained on some creature, its face a mouth filled with razor-sharp pointy teeth and nothing else. I shook my head.

‘You sure?’

I nodded. Typical Steve! He didn’t own a single
game
which didn’t involve blowing holes in something. People, aliens, mutants, rabid dogs – Steve didn’t care. If the game didn’t involve guns, it didn’t involve Steve either. Yet in our class, he was the one always prepared to give others the benefit of the doubt. And he’d hand over the shirt off his back without even being asked. Steve told me a while ago that his dad was beginning to question what his son wanted to do with the rest of his life once he left school.

‘My dad has become an absolute nightmare,’ he admitted. ‘All I hear these days is “the army this” and “the army that”.’

‘Tell him you’re not interested,’ I advised.

‘Don’t you think I’ve already tried that?’ Steve shot back. ‘Dad loved being in the army and now he’s dropping all kinds of unsubtle hints about me following in his footsteps.’

But at least Steve’s dad gave a damn. That counted for a great deal.

‘I’ll have a go.’ Perry leaned forward and tried to snatch the game console out of Steve’s hand. Steve pulled his hand back indignantly but that didn’t stop Perry. Frowning, I turned to look back out of the window as Perry and Steve got into it.

‘Just one quick go, you selfish git!’ Perry complained.

‘Back off! I mean it.’ Steve leaped up, his arm up and out of Perry’s reach.

Perry jumped up. ‘Go on, give us a go,’ he insisted, still leaping up and down.

I must admit, it did make me laugh. Perry resembled a terrier jumping up for snacks, his blond hair flopping up and down over his face as he leaped.

‘Oi!’ Miss Wells shouted from further down the carriage. ‘Behave, you two. If I have to come over there and sit between both of you, I will.’

Steve and Perry sat down immediately, but that didn’t stop the fight for the console. Usually I would’ve been in there, joining in on one side or the other – it didn’t matter which.

But not today.

Ten minutes later the train slowed then stopped, but not at a station. The signal ahead of us must have turned red. Shame, really. We’d really been moving there for a while. The grey clouds had delivered on their earlier promise and now the rain was really teeming down. The wind slammed the rain into the train windows, making it difficult to see much. The minutes ticked by and still we didn’t move. How much longer were we going to have to sit here? I looked out of the train window, wondering what was holding us up. A signal failure? Engine trouble? The wrong kind of rain? I’d heard enough people moaning about the train service to know it didn’t take much.

It wasn’t even as if the view was anything to take a photo of either. This railway bridge we’d taken root upon was way above a busy city street, and all around us there were office blocks – high, ugly buildings with tiny windows. Outside, on Elena and Conor’s side of the carriage were any number of train tracks, at least
five
pairs that I could just about see from my seat. But on my side there was only the edge of the bridge, with a low brick wall separating the train from the road below. I craned my neck to look down. We had to be at least three storeys above the ground. The people rushing around below looked like blurry beetles scurrying to get out of the rain. Where were they all going in such a hurry? And was it worth it?

Maybe Dad got it right, after all …

Funny how I was beginning to think that more and more often recently.

Searching for the cause of the faint unease that stirred within me, I looked around. Joe, opposite, pointed to Steve and Perry, who were still bickering. I shrugged, then turned back to the window. Joe didn’t say much at all. If he raised his hand in class it was a miracle. But when he did speak, somehow everyone shut up to listen. I wondered where he’d be in ten years’ time, twenty years, thirty? I could imagine him running some vast company making multi-trillions, a diamond fist in a velvet glove.

Sometimes, I found myself wondering what we’d all do once we left school. Would we still remain mates or would we go our own separate ways? Where would I be in ten years’ time? My trouble was, I had trouble thinking that far ahead. My friends all had plans. Perry wanted to be something artistic, he wasn’t quite sure what. Maybe a film director. Steve wanted to travel the world. Joe wanted to study medicine at university. He wanted to specialize but he wasn’t sure
in
what. Maybe psychiatry. My mates had it all sorted. I didn’t. What was the point? I mean, look at my dad. He’d had plans, big plans, for the rest of his life with Mum. They were both going to retire in their early fifties and move down south, maybe to Devon or Dorset. Those were Dad’s choices.

‘Fitz, I think I’d rather move up north than live down south,’ said Mum. ‘My mum and two brothers are up north.’

‘God spare us from your family,’ said Dad.

‘I could always go and live up there by myself,’ said Mum.

‘That’ll be the day,’ laughed Dad. ‘What on earth would you do without me?’

Mum didn’t answer. Funny how she never bothered to answer that question.

Mum: Fitz, could you take the rubbish out please?

Dad: Of course, love. What would you do without me?

Mum: Fitz, the computer isn’t working.

Dad: Hell, Londie! Can’t you do a damn thing for yourself? What would you do without me?

Without me … Without me … Without me …

Slowly I became aware that it’d gone quiet. I turned to find my friends watching me.

‘What’s up?’ I asked.

‘You were light-years away
again
,’ said Joe. ‘What gives?’

‘Nothing.’ I shrugged.

‘Liar. Go on, tell us what took you so far away.’

I glanced at Steve. Even though he said nothing, I could see from his expression that he thought he knew exactly what I’d been thinking. And he wasn’t far off either.

‘If you must know, I was just wondering where we’ll all be in twenty years’ time.’ It was as good a story as any.

‘Joe’ll be working for his brother,’ said Perry cheerfully.

‘Perry, don’t even start with that crap,’ said Joe. ‘I’m not in the mood. Not today.’

‘That’d be your worst nightmare, wouldn’t it? But who knows? It could happen,’ Perry insisted.

‘Perry, shut up,’ Joe said with menace.

‘Come on then,’ urged Perry. ‘If that’s not your worst nightmare, what is?’

Joe’s lips, like his eyes, were getting narrower and more pinched. I shook my head. Perry never did know when to back up and back off.

‘See what you’ve started,’ Steve said to me.

‘What’re you so afraid of?’ Perry asked Joe directly.