The Substitute Bride (20 page)

He drew little circles on her palm with his thumb. “Hubert mentioned you’re doing an excellent job managing his books.”

“He did?”

“Yes.” He chuckled. “He also said you bartered with him over the price of eggs.”

“It wasn’t all that hard. He’s a softy really. And worn out handling the store.”

Ted nodded. “He’s talked about selling but can’t find a buyer.”

She flashed a smile. “He likes you.”

“That’s nice but I only care what you think of me.”

“I think you’re a good man, Ted Logan. A good father. A good citizen. But you don’t know much about women.”

“I know I’m proud of the job you’re doing for Sorenson. I know I’m proud of your plans to improve this town. I know I want you to come home with me.”

I know I want to hold you in my arms.
But he wouldn’t admit that when Elizabeth showed no sign of readiness to hear it.

She studied his face. She rose. “I’ll go with you.”

The weight on Ted’s shoulders vanished. Leaning back in his chair, he watched his wife promenade around the room,
speaking to her friends. He liked the way she moved. He liked the tendrils of hair teasing against her neck. He liked her smile, brighter than the summer sun.

The front two legs of his chair hit the floor with a thud.

His heart pounded inside his chest. He was in love. Deeply and totally in love with his wife. The knowledge scared him silly.

He watched Elizabeth chatting as if nothing of consequence had just transpired. Oh, how he loved her. Nothing and no one would keep him from his wife.

She went into the back room and came out carrying her satchel then stopped in front of him. “I’m coming home with you. Robby’s doing better and we both miss Anna and Henry. And that cot’s killing my back.”

Not exactly the reasons he wanted to hear. Yet the softness in her eyes gave him hope she hadn’t told the entire truth.

“But I’m not giving up this club.” She raised her voice so all could hear. “We’ll meet every Saturday. You ladies can count on that.”

Cecil hung his head. Oscar toed the floor. “You, too, Oscar and Cecil.”

The brothers’ heads snapped up and smiles took over their faces.

“I’m ready, Ted, to pick up Robby and head to the farm. I hope you’re up to having me around.”

Ted opened the door. As she marched through, he glanced back at his neighbors. They grinned at him, as if he’d lost the battle. His wife was coming home with him.

He’d won, hadn’t he?

T
hat night Ted sat beside Elizabeth on the swing, the soft squeak of the chain the only sound, pretending nothing stood between them. He knew otherwise. “There’s something I need to say.”

She turned toward him. Even in the dim light, he could see her eyes glistened. Were those tears? Neither of them would have any peace until they got things settled.

He cleared his throat. “That freedom you’re looking for, Elizabeth. It isn’t in a place. It’s here.” He laid a hand over his heart. “Inside you.” He waited for her to speak. When she didn’t, he pushed on. “I want you to be happy. What do you need from me?”

“I need to feel I’m worth more than how well I handle a list of chores.”

“You think my opinion of you hinges on how well you run our household?”

She sighed. “I’m very different from Rose.”

Was Rose at the root of Elizabeth’s problem? Some false notion she didn’t measure up to his deceased wife? He’d probably planted that seed. Not intentionally, but he was to blame.

“I won’t pretend you haven’t had struggles in areas where
Rose excelled. But Rose never got involved with anything outside her family and church.” He squeezed her hand. “I’m proud of the person you are. Proud of all you’ve set in motion to make New Harmony a better place to live.”

She touched his cheek. “Thank you for listening and really hearing what matters to me.”

“I like that you have thoughts on things.” He grinned. “On most everything.”

“I must drive you wild.”

She did, but not in the way she meant. But if he admitted he loved her, she’d run. He didn’t understand why his wife didn’t trust love, but pushing her wouldn’t work.

“You’re vibrant. Fun loving. Smart. This town wants what you have. Needs it. Why, Cecil and Oscar are in love.”

“With my biscuits.” She chuckled. “Jealous?”

“Of the Moore brothers? No, they’re old enough to be your father. But I am jealous of what you’ve shared with them. How they’ve helped you while I’ve stood back—” he swallowed past the lump in his throat “—hoping you’d fall on your face.”

The motion of the swing stopped. “You did?”

“I thought if you succeeded at the club, you’d stay away.”

“I’m your wife. I couldn’t stay away permanently.”

“I wasn’t sure what you’d do. You’re not exactly predictable.” Ted pulled her to him, giving her a squeeze in the crook of his arm, then kissed her gently on the forehead.

She stiffened and pulled away. “I’m tired.” She got to her feet, taking her scent, the warmth of her skin, the essence he craved.

A second longer and he’d have kissed her the way he wanted to. He plowed a hand through his hair. Exactly the reason she’d gone inside. He’d thought he had his wife back, but she was as absent as if she’d stayed at the club. What could he do to ease the gulf between them?

As the Logan wagon pulled into church, Rebecca scurried over to meet it then took Elizabeth aside. Giving them privacy, Ted herded the children into the sanctuary.

“Valera Mitchell lost her mother yesterday,” Rebecca said. “We knew she didn’t have long. I thought we…”

As Rebecca talked about providing food for the wake, Elizabeth could barely concentrate, but nodded at whatever plan Rebecca suggested before hurrying off to join her family.

Elizabeth recalled once again the pain of losing Mama—her shallow, reedy breaths; the last gasp; the final goodbye. Closing her eyes, she tried to block the memories, but tears leaked beneath her lids. Now Valera was going through the same suffering.

Swiping at her tears, Elizabeth forced her feet toward the doors to the sanctuary. Mere feet from the door, she caught sight of Valera coming toward her, wearing black and a serene smile. Though she yearned to avoid Valera’s grief, she waited to offer her condolences, her heart beating wildly in her chest.

When Valera reached her, through her clogged throat Elizabeth mumbled something about the sorrow of losing a mother.

“Thank you, Elizabeth. I’m at peace, knowing God was right there with my mother till the end. I’ll always miss her, but it comforts me to know she’s with God.” She smiled. “Why, right at this moment, Ma’s probably singing soprano with the choir of angels welcoming her into Heaven.” She patted Elizabeth’s arm, offering comfort instead of receiving it. “I’m grateful for my church family, especially at times like this.”

Somehow Elizabeth made her way to the pew where Ted and the children waited. Henry reached for her and she tugged him onto her lap while Anna nestled close to her father and Robby leaned into her. As the song leader led the opening song,
all Elizabeth could think about was Valera’s peace with losing her mother.

If only she’d been close to God when she’d lost Mama. If only she could’ve leaned on Him, not just then, but during her troubles since. But her faith had been shaky, immature. She hadn’t been convinced of the existence of Heaven. So much had changed. Now she accepted God’s Word as truth. Now she believed God’s promises. Now she recognized only God could fill this hole in her heart.

Since she’d come to New Harmony, Elizabeth had absorbed Pastor Sumner’s words like parched ground soaked up rain. He’d spoken about God and His love. To think of God as a loving Father both startled and comforted her. Tears filled her eyes. God loved her even now. He knew what she needed. Knew she sat in this pew each week hungering for forgiveness, hungering for a clean slate, hungering for the peace only He could give. And He gave it freely. All she had to do was answer His Call.

Until now she’d hesitated to give Him her life. Perhaps pride stood in the way. Perhaps fear she’d embarrass Ted. Perhaps her struggle with obedience—something she’d fought her entire life.

When the congregation sang “Jesus is Calling,” something inside Elizabeth softened. Her barren conscience bloomed in her chest, cultivating a desire to rid herself of that long list of her sins. She yearned to be forgiven. She yearned to be washed clean. She yearned to start anew.

Passing Henry to Ted, Elizabeth rose and walked toward the front, her legs moving of their own accord, tears streaming down her face. Before she reached Jacob, Ted had found a lap for Henry and joined her there. He took her hand and squeezed it, his eyes glowing with happiness while Pastor Sumner took her other hand. Standing between them, Elizabeth declared her faith in God’s Son and accepted Him as her Savior.

After the final song, friends and neighbors gathered round, smiling and hugging her. They were her family now.

Her heart skipped a beat. One day she’d see her mother in Heaven. No matter what had transpired between them, she knew Mama had loved her even when Elizabeth was most unlovable, just as Mama had loved Papa. Perhaps Mama’s hope for Seymour would one day be realized. For after today, Elizabeth understood something she hadn’t before. God never wasted love.

She no longer carried her burdens alone. She felt her heart would burst with the joy of that knowledge. Peace and a sense of security filled her. She no longer had to scramble to keep her footing.

To control the uncontrollable.

To fix the broken.

To fear tomorrow.

She had only to lean on God. To love Him. To love others.

Whatever happened between her and Ted and the children, God was in control.

With the children in bed, Ted and Elizabeth stood washing the supper dishes in the kitchen. He scrubbed the plates until they shone, until they reflected his wife’s face as she dried them. She looked like the plates, washed clean. Shiny. Like new.

“You can’t stop smiling,” he said, and he couldn’t stop looking at her.

“I’m happy.”

He handed her the last plate. “You know we’re united now. Not just by that marriage license, but by the love of God.”

She met his gaze. “You’ve mentioned your Call to ministry. You know the Scriptures. You’re an excellent speaker. You care about everyone in this town. All to say, you’d make a terrific
pastor.” She swallowed hard. “What’s keeping you from answering? Am I standing in the way?”

How could she believe that? He opened his mouth to speak.

“Please let me finish.” Her forget-me-not blue eyes brimmed with tears. “I’m assertive. Outspoken. Independent.” She grimaced. “I don’t even know all the Books of the Bible.”

“You’d be your own kind of pastor’s wife, Elizabeth, the best kind. You may not realize it but people are attracted to you.” He smiled. “Your confidence in me makes you the perfect pastor’s wife.”

“So why do you hesitate?”

“The water’s gotten cold.” He grabbed the teakettle and added hot water. He could let her see a small part of his childhood. “My father was an evangelist. Our family traveled from town to town, holding revivals.”

He paused, wanting to share why this town, this church meant so much to him, yet uncertain of her response.

“Really? That must be where you get your love of ministry.”

“Pa had the rhetoric.” He almost couldn’t speak the words. “Then we’d disappear in the middle of the night with the collection he’d promised to share with the host church, leaving behind a passel of confused Christians.”

“Oh, my. That had to be hard.”

“Most of those anonymous towns my father bilked mixed together in my mind, but one town stuck. New Harmony, Iowa.”

Squeezing his arm, she met his gaze. “That’s why you landed here.”

“As improbable as it seems, Pa believed in God. He’d justified his stealing by saying he had no home church to support him. Conveniently overlooking many a preacher worked another job and rode circuit on Sundays.”

As the memories crashed into him, he scrubbed the bottom of a scorched pot. Again and again, trying to remove the stain,
but he couldn’t. Any more than he could remove what his father had done to so many other towns.

Elizabeth laid a hand over his arm, stopping him, sending a shiver up his arm. “Thank you for telling me about your father.”

He had to tell her that his gambling also stood in the way of accepting that Call. That nothing would make him happier than serving this congregation. But they’d never allow him to step into the pulpit if they knew how he earned his livelihood before he met God. If they knew his pa had cheated them out of the offering all those years ago.

If only he could find the words to tell her, but she glowed with her new faith. She had no idea her husband wasn’t the man she thought he was. He’d tell her, but not tonight. He couldn’t bear to see that joy vanish from her face.

“But, Ted, your father’s actions shouldn’t keep you from answering God’s Call. I’m sure a congregation would understand you had nothing to do with his actions.”

Her attention flitted to a space beyond his right shoulder. Something bothered her, but what? She gave a weak laugh. “I’m a fine one to talk. You’re not the only one with a parent you’re ashamed of. When you asked how my family lost their money, I sugarcoated the truth, spoke of bad investments. But now that you’re considering the ministry, I have to tell you.” She cleared her throat. “Papa spent Mama’s inheritance gambling. She watched him risk and lose everything she held dear—her money, her heritage, her position—and that slowly killed her.”

Ted felt the blood drain from his face.
Why, God? Why did You answer my prayers with a woman whose life had been destroyed by gambling?

“Why does a man do that, Ted? Why does he take such foolish risks again and again?”

His focus dropped to his sudsy hands. Hands that had made mistakes, now like these suds, covered by God’s forgiveness,
but would that appease Elizabeth? “It’s hard to say. Probably different reasons.”

“Maybe if Mama had stood up to him, had taken over the money…”

“Maybe, but dredging up the past can’t undo it.”

She nodded. “I’m trying to let go of things.” She smiled. “I’m grateful I’m married to a godly man.”

Her words slammed into his gut, twisting and carving him up with guilt. If only the past could be undone. If only he could bare his soul to Elizabeth. He would. But not now. Not tonight.

“If you think the church could handle my father being a gambler and your father being a hoax, then I’ll try my best to be a good pastor’s wife. God can use us, Ted. I’m sure of it.”

He couldn’t look at her.

She reached for his face and brought it to hers. “Put your faith in God, Ted. Rely on Him. It’ll all work out.”

Here he struggled with obedience, his faith in God’s plan shaken. Elizabeth’s faith was stronger than his. What an irony.

Fighting tears, he tugged her to him, dripping hands and all. This time she melted into him. Oh, how he loved her. But he couldn’t say it, not yet. Not until he’d told her everything.

Not until he told her that John Logan had taught Ted everything he knew about poker—tells, how to recognize cheats. There in the saloons, his father was cool, levelheaded, in contrast with the raving, Bible-thumping, hell-and-brimstone preacher in the pulpit both scaring and fascinating Ted.

How could she bear that he’d followed his father’s footsteps when gambling had destroyed her family?

Why had he lived such a life? He’d asked himself that question over and over. Why had he done the very thing he’d despised his father for doing? Was it easier than finding his purpose? Had he inherited it like his eye color? Perhaps he’d never know.

The prospect of telling Elizabeth clogged his throat, clamped his belly like a vise until the pain all but doubled him over. He’d told Jacob he’d tell her. But he couldn’t find the words.

Tomorrow. He’d tell her tomorrow night after the party he’d planned. He couldn’t risk ruining the celebration. He’d issued too many invitations to disappoint people now. But more important, he wanted to give Elizabeth a big party. He couldn’t wait to see the surprise on her face.

But after that, he’d tell her about his past. Most likely, she’d honor their vows. But she might also resent him for the remainder of their lives, a prospect he couldn’t abide.

If she could forgive him—and how he prayed she would—would his neighbors? Were all the offhand remarks that he sounded like a preacher, his strong sense of God’s Call, the open door—was all of this from God? Or merely coincidences?