The Surrogate (18 page)

“
I understand.” Again he looked down, seemed a little nervous. “Would you...if it was my choice tonight...would you like me to give you release?”

I made him look at me. “Jaime, no...but thank you. You’re a very beautiful man, and your hands on me always feel good. But you belong to another, and you should keep that for him. I won’t die of frustration.”

“
I know, I just...you’ve been so kind, Nikolas. So gentle and so....” He kissed my hand. “You have so much of Seve in you, although you aren’t alike in so many ways.”

So I was still just a substitute. My heart felt like it had been stabbed, but I forced myself to keep smiling. “But I’m not Seve and tomorrow you will hold the real thing in your arms. You won’t need a surrogate ever again.”

“
I’ve been trying not to think of that moment. I’m afraid reality won’t live up to it.”

“
Now, now, don’t let your fears run away with you again.” I stood and pulled him up with me.

He put his arms around me—unusual for him, since it was always I who initiated such embraces. “Even if we fail, I will not regret this, Nikolas. You changed me from a victim into someone taking control of my destiny. I could not regret that, whatever happens.”

“
I can’t take that credit. You were already in control, you just couldn’t do it on your own.”

He smiled a little. I longed to see what he would look like when he was truly happy, for even this expression, tinged by sadness though it was, made his whole face soften, made him look younger. I could see what he must have been like before all this. “You have many good points, you know, but modesty is not one I would have counted among them.”

“
It’s not nice to be rude to someone you’re sleeping with.”

“
True. Now, speaking of sleeping....”

~~~~~~~~

I was surprised either of us slept, but we were both tired. I held him all night, selfishly for me as much as him, but I think he was grateful for it too. I spent some hours thinking, swinging wildly from worry to sadness to hope and back again. If I’d only been myself I was risking, it wouldn’t have been so bad, but Jaime and Seve’s lives both depended on me. Perhaps this was why I had always resisted falling in love before. I had never been good at bearing responsibility.

I could tell eating was a chore for him, but I urged him to make a good breakfast. He had not eaten the night before, of course, and it was not certain he would get another meal before evening. Joa would give us some supplies but we had to be able to move fast, unburdened by possessions.

I got ready to go out. I would not see him again for several hours, and then, I hoped, only briefly. The room looked rather bare now. Joa was holding his more precious books and papers for him, in the hope that Jaime could claim them later. A few still sat on the shelves. I regretted he had to leave behind even one, but he had said several times that he would not feel their loss at all once Seve was back. Which was certainly true.

Joa was also holding our money—the first of us to get to him would collect it. We were putting a lot of trust in the man, but he could have betrayed us by now if he’d wanted to. I know the example of Bekin hung heavy on Jaime’s mind, but Joa wasn’t a temple creature. He had very little love for the priests, though he was devout enough in his way. He was old enough to remember a time before the cult of the god incarnate had become so dominant, and had never been that persuaded the god could really come to the earth in human form. He felt, and Jaime agreed, with his knowledge of the history of Gidin, that the cult had been promoted by the outlying temples for their own purposes, and imposed upon the ignorant in the first place. Then it had gradually taken hold on some—not all—of the more educated. Joa was certain I was right that the temples had had a hand in causing the ‘bad luck’ which afflicted villages who had not had their women blessed. “Paon is a vengeful god, I know, but he had not sought his vengeance before this all started. If I was Lord Paon, I’d smite people with floods and fiery thunderbolts, not sick horses,” he said. I liked Joa. He was so sensible.

I walked out of the temple, flashing my collar at the guards. I’d been careful to establish no pattern in this regard, sometimes showing my bracelet, sometimes the collar. Both Jaime and I had tried to be as unpredictable as we could so that nothing would be considered odd. The guards barely glanced at me, which was as I liked it. The temple was busy, the faithful going in and out in great numbers even at this early stage. The winter festival was a time for asking favours, appeasing ancestors, atoning for sins so that the new year could commence with a clean conscience. Naturally, the cleaning of a conscience was a lengthy and expensive business. Paon had a rich temple here in Egin, and, I bet, elsewhere. I risked a scowl at the huge statue of the god which stood in front of the steps. “Greedy bastard,” I muttered. “Hope you lose out tonight.”

Through my visiting the inns, I had made contact with a Jendonese sweetmaker—a woman actually from Jendon, not just of our heritage—and it was she who had been getting my trade over the last few weeks. As soon as I’d judged her trustworthy, and more importantly, that she had no secret love for Paon or his followers, I’d enlisted her help for a prank, or so she thought. It was not something that would permanently harm or kill anyone, so she was happy to help, and had managed to obtain a good quantity of nija seed. Nija seed is medicinal. In small quantities, it was a tasty, aromatic addition to many cakes and sweetmeats. We Jendonese knew its properties and were always careful to take it in small amounts where it had no effect. A slightly larger dose, and it ensured regular bowel movements. It was much used for that purpose, especially in the elderly, but also in horses and dogs.

But take too much, and your bowels felt like they were trying to purge themselves and every other organ in the body. The effect is dramatic, and insistent—it is completely impossible to ignore the demands of one’s body in that circumstance. It was also fast acting. Take enough for this effect, and in as little as half an hour, you would be looking for a place to have a long, painful crap. My cheerful sweetmaker had been most helpful in getting the most potent type of seed, and in telling me exactly how long it would take to work in a man of Juin’s weight, which was considerable.

So this morning, I strolled around the market as usual, and stopped at her shop to collect two big bags of the sweetmeats. It was beginning to rain which suited me just fine. I took myself back to the temple, loudly cursing the weather and saying to anyone who would listen that I would have to go back to finish my business that afternoon. The guards made a couple of comments about it being all one could expect in a Gidinian winter, and then I hurried to the kitchen. The weather made the perfect excuse for me to seek out a warm place to keep myself busy in. I shared out some of the sweetmeats, nija seed versions and others, knowing that the staff other than Juin weren’t so greedy. I helped Mia and the others make some pastries, but all the time I was impatiently waiting for Juin to appear.

Finally he did, carrying Seve’s breakfast tray. “Nikolas has been buying sweetmeats again,” Mia said.

“
I bought extra since I knew he’d want a whole bag,” I mock-grumbled. “On the side there, Juin. The red ones are new.”

“
They’re good,” Mia said, to my delight. It would sound even more innocent with her endorsement.

Juin immediately took one and ate it in a single bite. “Damn good,” he mumbled with his mouth full. “A whole bag for me?”

“
Sure, take it. Sera gave me an extra one for free because I’ve been such a good customer. I’d have preferred the recipe so Mia could make them, but....” I just shrugged.

Juin winked at me as he sat his heavy body down at the table. “You’ll have to try your manly wiles on her, Nikolas.”

That started a round of banter about my sexual prowess, and then Juin’s, which I was glad to encourage. He made steady inroads into the bag of sweetmeats even as I watched. I excused myself from the kitchen just as he walked out with Seve’s lunch.

I slipped through a side door, and took the series of passages that led to the corridor that crossed the one where Seve’s apartments lay. Jaime was waiting for me, holding a cloak and wrapped heavily in scarf and cloak himself. He had a dimmed lamp with him which he was careful to shield so it cast barely more than a glimmer of light. I removed my bracelet and got him to hold it, then unlocked the door quietly that led into the private corridor. In the torchlight, I could see Juin sitting in position outside Seve’s door. He was still popping sweetmeats into his mouth but the sack looked almost empty—gods, what an appetite he had.

Jaime stood in utter silence behind me, but I fumbled for his hand and held it. It was icy cold, but then mine was hardly warmer. This was just the first of a series of danger points for us.

It took longer than I hoped it would, and I was beginning to despair that perhaps Juin had some immunity to nija seed, but then he winced. He winced again and rubbed his stomach. Finally he groaned, got to his feet and lumbered off towards the kitchens.

That was my cue. Jaime squeezed my hand and then I slipped out. It only took a few moments to work the heavy lock and then I was in. I locked the door behind me.

There was an inner door, also locked, and I opened that too. Inside I found a small chamber which seemed to be a bedroom and main room combined, and like Jaime’s, lit by high overhead skylights protected by bars. The occupant of the chamber sat staring at me in utter astonishment.

Gods, he was beautiful. I’d expected someone reasonably attractive, but he was...like an angel, almost like the god he was supposed to be. But there was no time for gawping. “Severin, I’m Nikolas. I’m here to take you to Jaime. We have to hurry.”

He stood up, still looking stunned. “There’s a guard....”

“
No, he’s gone for a crap. Put your food tray where you normally do and come. Hurry!”

He obeyed quickly. “I have no cloak....”

“
We’ve arranged everything. Be quiet.”

He stayed close at my back as I unlocked the two doors. If Juin had returned, Jaime and I had planned to overcome him and Jaime to kill him with his knife, but fortunately the greedy fool was still off purging his bowels. We slipped across the corridor and through the door where Jaime was waiting.

It was much darker there and Seve, same as me, could not see for a moment. “Seve?”

“
Jaime? Is it you?”

I took the lamp from Jaime and shoved him forward. That was all it took and the two lovers were clasped in each other’s arms as if they never meant to be free. The dim light caught the glint of tears on both their faces. I let them share their joy for a moment or two, but we had to be quick. “Jaime, the bracelet.”

Jaime hastily wiped his face with his sleeve then held out the ornament. “Seve, you need to wear this. You will pass for Nikolas if you stay muffled up, but the guards will look for the temple identification. Keep your face hidden, don’t speak, flash this at them as you leave.”

He put the bracelet around his wrist and I locked it. “And Nikolas?” Seve asked. He had a deep, rich voice, very beautiful. I would never have guessed that from the muffled cries and screams I’d heard before.

“
I’ll meet you later. Jaime will explain. Jaime, it’s raining outside—that will help us.”

“
Good.” He stepped forward and embraced me quickly. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“
Hurry. I’ll see you after dark at the ship. Keep your promise, Jaime, or I’ll come back and haunt you.”

“
I will. Good luck, Nikolas.”

I wanted them gone, but Seve quickly grasped my hand. “I’m in your debt, Nikolas.”

More than you know,
I thought. “Please, go.”

I followed them a little way, but my path back to Jaime’s rooms took another route so we soon parted. My gut clenched as I heard their footsteps slowly grow fainter and fainter. “Please be safe, Jaime,” I whispered, then turned to find my way to the apartments.

I had to stay out of sight. Jaime and Seve would, everything going well, slip out of the temple without question and make their way through the market, and then to Joa’s shop. There they would exchange clothing with the two men we had hired for that very reason. These two would wait at the shop until it got dark, and then lead the spies on a merry dance around the town. Jaime and Seve would in the meantime, in the guise of the two labourers, be sent with goods to the docks where they would hide, and join the ship after dark. I would leave as soon as the guards change shift at the early supper bell, and go to the docks. If I was not there by the time came to board the ship, they were to leave anyway. Jaime had given me his solemn word that they would.

I began to relax after a couple of hours. If no alarm had been raised, if no one had come to look for me, then they must have got away. There were still so many things that could go wrong, but getting Seve out of the temple was the hardest part of the plan. All I had to do was get myself safely away and we would have won.