The Surrogate (Clearwater) (3 page)

Chapter Four

For the next two days they
moved around each other like strangers in the night, barely speaking. The
tension was thick in the air, a heavy uncomfortable silence between them.
Relief coursed through Jessi when Monday came and she woke to find herself
alone in the house.

After a quick breakfast, a
white paper lying on the table caught her attention. How did she miss it
before? Picking it up, she recognized Michael’s handwriting.
Jes, one of my
clients was taken to the emergency room. I have an appointment with a new
housekeeper at lunch. I’ll be home around three.
It was just before eleven.

“Girls,” she patted her
stomach, “I guess we’ll see about washing your clothes.”

Upstairs Jessi found the
nursery pretty much in the state as yesterday. The only difference was the bags
were piled around the room. She grabbed one of the larger bags and sat on the
rocker to remove the tags to wash them.

Rocking gently, she separated
the clothes and once again tears threatened to fall. She couldn’t help but
wonder if things would have been different if Peg didn’t file for divorce.
Would the nursery be complete? Would she still have the unease in her stomach
about giving up the twins? There was no way to tell, but she believed it would
have been different and not as emotional. Michael’s emotional upheaval only
made things harder. Still, she couldn’t separate herself, to deny him the help
he needed. She just wasn’t sure if her actions were for the sake of the girls,
or because she still had unrealistic longings for Michael.

Jessi’s cell phone rang. With
an arm full of clothes she stood, and snatched it off the dresser and put it to
her ear without checking the caller id. There were only two people who would
call, James or Michael. “Hello?”

“Hey, Jes.” Her brother’s
voice filled the line. Like Michael, James was a pediatrician. The only
difference was James accepted a position in Denver after he graduated while
Michael chose the quieter life in Clearwater.

“How’s my big brother? It’s an
odd time for you to call.”

“Can’t I miss my sister?” he
asked innocently.

She laughed. She and James
were never the average siblings, they shared a close bond. “No. Not in the
middle of the day when you’re supposed to be working. What’s up?”

“I hoped to catch you before
you left for Clearwater. Maybe we could do lunch today?”

“I left Friday, but you’ll
join us before Christmas, right?” Since James was the only family she had left,
part of the agreement was he’d join everyone in Clearwater for Christmas. She
didn’t want him to spend the holidays alone, and honestly she wanted his
support through the holidays. Maybe even then she realized that she’d have some
regret and wanted James there.

“Oh.”

The tone of that one little
word let her know it meant so much more. “What is it, James?”

“You know about Peg?” In the
background papers shuffled, he had to be in his office, patients waiting on
him.

“I found out when I arrived.
How do you find out? You didn’t know when I was home, did you?” Her anger
flared to life. If James knew and didn’t tell her she wasn’t sure who’d she
would be angrier with, Michael or him.

“Give me some credit, I’d have
told you. No, I just learned this morning when I went into the coffee shop. She
was there, with another man.”

Another man? Did Michael know
his ex-wife was seeing someone else already?
“What did she say?”
She made her way down the hallway to the laundry room.

“Hold on.” He covered the
phone with his hand and said something to someone Jessi assumed was his nurse.
“Sorry, sis. Mother of a sick kid wanting to know if I can squeeze her in.
Anyways, she explained they split. She took a job here at a law office, and
she’s engaged. What will you do?”

“Oh, James.” She opened the
lid of the washer, tossed the clothes inside, and vowed not to cry.

“I’ll support you no matter
what you want to do. If you want to fight him for custody we’ll get the best lawyer
I can find. I’ll help you raise them.” When she didn’t say anything he added.
“Tell me what you want to do. I know Clearwater is under another blizzard, do
you want me to come get you?”

“Running away from this won’t
fix it. I made a commitment and I’ll stick by it.” Even to her own ears the
sadness was thick in her voice.

“Jes, you know the kind of
hours this job requires. Mine are long and I rarely have to do any hospital
rounds. Whereas Michael he’s the only pediatrician in Clearwater, the hospital
relies on him every time there’s a sick child. That makes for even longer
hours. How will he care for twins by himself?”

“They’re his children. I’m
sure he’ll get a nanny. I don’t know, James, we haven’t talked about it.” She
decided not to mention the fact the nursery wasn’t even set up because her
brother would use that as a sign that Michael wasn’t ready for fatherhood.

“They’re yours as well. More
importantly I thought you never wanted to have children who were raised by a
nanny and that’s what these children will be if Michael does it alone.”

Their own mother died when
they were infants, leaving them to be raised by a nanny while their doctor
father worked day in and day out until he died of a heart attack three years
ago, at only forty-nine. It was one of the main reasons instead of following
her father and brother into the medical practice Jessi chose teaching. Now that
she taught college courses online she’d be there to raise her child and be a
good wife when the time came.

“Michael is my best friend,
but you’re my sister and these are my nieces or nephews we’re talking about.
This needs to be about what is best for the children.” His words brought little
comfort. She made a decent living, but she could never provide some of the
things Michael could for the girls.

“Nieces.” She added the
laundry soap and turned on the machine.

“You’re having girls? I
thought he didn’t want to know.” There was a hit of excitement in his voice.

“Peg didn’t want to know, but
Michael did, so we could do some additional shopping before the delivery.” She
tried to keep her own excitement out of her voice. She wanted girls, to dress
them in all the cute little outfits.

“Jes, I have to go, but think
about it and let me know what you decide. I don’t want you to regret it later.”

“I’ll let you know. But you’ll
still join us for Christmas, right?”

Christmas was in less than two
weeks and her delivery date was December thirty-first, so they had to work out
something soon.

“I’ll be there. If you need
anything just call me. Think about what I said.”

“I will and I’ll see you soon.
I love you, James. You’re the best big brother a girl could ask for.” He was
amazing to her and now he was willing to stand by her if she chose to fight his
best friend over the girls.

“Love you too, sis.” He hung
up, leaving her with even more to think about.

Life threw her one curve ball
after another, but this one had to be out of the park. No matter what she
chose, someone would get hurt. Hopefully whatever happened would work out in
favor of the girls she brought into the world.

* * *

Michael strolled through the
door at a little after three, with two large teddy bears in his arms. Eager to
show her what he found for the girls, he shrugged out of his jacket and draped
it over the rail. His gaze quickly searched the family room looking for Jessi
before he headed upstairs. At the top of the stairs he heard the faint tumble
of the dryer, but didn’t see her anywhere. He peeked into guest room that had
become hers. He still didn’t find her.

“Jessi?” he called out on his
way down the hall.

“In here.”

He continued to the nursery.
There she stood next to the cribs, installing a mobile above one of them. The
room was completely different from when he left. The two cribs formed an L
shape in the one corner. The pink and white rug defined the space. Each of the
cribs were decorated with the pink bedding with white roses scattered over it.
The mobiles above each of the cribs matched the bedding, with pink and white
roses dangling from each. The changing table on the opposite wall and the
dresser closer to the door left enough room for the second dresser that would
be delivered soon. The rocker that had been in his family for generations sat
cattycorner to the cribs.

He stepped into the room.
“Wow! You shouldn’t have done this.”

“I didn’t have anything else
to do. All the clothes have been washed and are put away. You’ll need to pick
out an outfit for the girls when we bring them home and I’ll add it to my
hospital bag.” She turned on the mobile, testing it.

“Whatever you think would be
best is fine.” He held up the bears. “Look what I found in the hospital gift
shop. They’re so cute, I couldn’t not get them.”

She smiled at him, shaking her
head. “They’re bigger than the girls will be.”

“They’ll grow into them.” He
stepped closer and placed a bear in each of the cribs. “I hired a housekeeper
today. She’ll start on Wednesday. I hope you don’t mind dealing with things
around here for another day.”

“No, it’s fine. I have a roast
in the oven for dinner. I better check on it.” She stepped past him before he
had time to stop her.

“Can it wait for a few
minutes?” He followed her down the steps.

“Sure, why?”

“I want to talk to you. Come
sit.” He led her to the sofa in the family room.

“Michael, I don’t know what
this is all about, but you’re making me nervous.” She eyed him with
uncertainty.

He swallowed his nerves and
wrapped his hand around hers. “I know the situation with the girls isn’t what
either of us planned, but we have to adjust to it for their sakes. For days
I’ve wracked my brain to come up with the perfect solution to the mess I
created—to find the best thing for the girls.
Our
girls deserve both of
us in their life. I’m asking you to stay here, to help me raise them. What
would be better than for the girls to have both of their parents in their
lives? Will you stay and help me raise the girls?”

She sat there and stared at
him. “What?” Her voice was whisper quiet as if she couldn’t quite grasp his
suggestion.

“I want you to stay here in
Clearwater to help me raise the girls,” he repeated.

“I heard you the first time.”
She shook her head, for a moment he wasn’t sure if that was her answer or if
she was still just trying to take it in. “Is this because you’re concerned I’ll
fight you for them? Or because you know you can’t do it on your own? Do you see
me as a cheaper alternative to a nanny?” He voice rose and he could tell he
made her angry.

“What the hell are you talking
about? Who mentioned a nanny?”

She pulled her hand from his.
“It’s a logical jump.”

“I’m not asking you to stay
because I don’t want to hire a damn nanny. I’m asking because I want you to.
Our girls deserve to have their mother in their life.”

“So I’m supposed to give up my
life now, because you screwed up? What about my life in Denver? What about
James, my friends…everything?” Each word dripped with anger.

“Your job is online, you can
do it from anywhere and James will visit. What about the girls? I see how hard
this is on you. Can you honestly just walk away from them?” He tried not to get
angry. After all, she was just reacting to the sudden bomb he dropped on her.
He should have eased into it, but he couldn’t come up with an easier way to put
it.

“Isn’t that what you hired me
for?” Anger was gone, replaced with a tear-cloaked voice.

“Things were different then,
but I’d have never asked if I thought it would have affected you like this. I
knew giving up the children wouldn’t be easy but you’d have been in their life
and they’d have a happy family. You have to know I never wanted to see you so
upset.” He leaned close to her, her hand in his. “Jes, years ago I fell in love
with you and to see you now with the pregnancy glow around you all those
feelings are back. We can give our girls the family they deserve.”

She leaned back from him, just
enough to allow look at him again. “What are you saying?”

In that moment he realized
what he wanted. “Marry me. Let’s have the family we started eight months ago.”

Her eyes fluttered as if she
was unable to focus seconds before she collapsed back against the couch.

“I propose and she passes out.
What a mess this is turning out to be. Can I do nothing right?”

Chapter Five

Jessi’s eyes fluttered open.
Looking around the room, she tried to grasp what happened. Michael sat on the
edge of the couch next to her, a cool rag pressed against her forehead. Last
thing she remembered she was on the couch, then everything went black. “What
happened?”

“You passed out.” He took the
rag away, and leaned back just slightly. “Are you okay now?”

“Passed out? That’s never
happened before. Should we call Doctor Bowmen?” Worries of danger to her
daughters raced through her mind. She realized she thought of them as
her
daughters for the first time. Then everything rushed back.
He proposed.

“You’re fine, it was just the
shock. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for this to happen.” She tried to sit up, but
he pressed a hand to her shoulder. “I want you to stay there for a few minutes
to make sure the shock has worn off.”

“I need a drink.” He brushed
away the hair that clung to her face, before a straw came into view.

“When I got the rag I grabbed
a bottle of water. Thankfully the straw was on the counter from takeout from
the hospital a few nights ago,” he explained and bought it to her lips for her
to take a drink.

Minutes passed as she ran
through what he’d said, yet he the silence hang between them, as he sat beside
her, her hand in his. “Michael, I don’t know about marriage, but I’ll stay.
I’ll help you raise the girls at least until we can figure out something else.”

He leaned closer, his face
hovered just above hers. “Thank you.” He pressed his lips to hers, the warmth
of his mouth made her forget her worries for a moment. He used his tongue to
gently slide her lips apart then explored her mouth, the spice of cinnamon drew
her in.

She returned his kisses, eager
for more of his tongue, when he pulled back. “I promise this isn’t a mistake.
It might be unconventional and we might have been thrown together because of
circumstances beyond our control but I think this was always had it was
supposed to be and I’ll prove it to you with time.”

Reeling from his kiss, she
watched him for a moment. “Why did you never make a move before?”

“James…he was always so
protective of his little sister. Plus I was an intern. You deserved better than
somebody under that kind of pressure—both physically and financially.” He
cupped his hand along her cheek. “I planned to ask you out once my internship
was over but you did the semester abroad and when you returned James mentioned
you had a serious boyfriend. Then Peg came along. I always wondered how
different things would have been if I wouldn’t have waited. Now we have the
chance to explore it.”

“I know it might sound stupid,
since we will have children together in a matter of weeks but it needs to be
slow.”

“Anything you want, as long as
you give us a chance. Not just for the sake of our girls but for us. We deserve
it too.” He ran his thumb along her chin. “I’ve always loved you and finally
I’ll have a chance to show you.”

She wasn’t sure what she was
got herself into but he was right. She couldn’t just walk away from this
opportunity. This might be Fate’s way of giving them both a chance to explore
what could have started all those years ago, this time with twins in tow.

* * *

The following days passed in a
blur, until Christmas only a week away. With Michael busy at the office and his
hospital duties she was left to break in the new housekeeper, do the final
preparations for the twins, as well as finals for the online class she taught.
Jessi had planned everything in advance. After the holidays she would take a
semester off giving her nearly eight months with the girls before she had to
teach the fall semester.

Jessi sat behind the desk in
Michael’s study where she had she had set up temporary quarters until they had
time to refurnish Peg’s old office for her to use, when Cathy entered. “Ms.
Macis, you have a phone call. A man name James.”

Cathy was an older woman, a
little plump around the middle and she had let her hair turn gray adding a nice
silvery white to her dark brown hair. With time she’d have that beautiful white
grey that so many older women wanted if they let their hair remain natural.
“Thank you, Cathy. James is my brother. Please, always put through his calls.”
She tried to put down the ground rules now while Cathy was still new, later
they’d be harder to instill. One she tried was for Cathy to call her Jessi
instead of Ms. Macis but that was the only thing the woman refused saying it
was respectful to call her employers Mr. and Ms. and Jessi had no comeback to
that.

“Yes, Ms. Macis.” She left to
get back to her duties and Jessi picked up the phone on Michael’s desk.

“James, once again a phone
call in the middle of the day. What’s up?”

“Michael called.” He stated it
as if she should know why.

She leaned back in the warm
leather chair, waiting for James to say why he called. “I don’t follow.”

“Jessi Ann, don’t play with
me. You’re staying in Clearwater with him. Dammit, you go up there a little
more than a week ago and he’s proposed.” James didn’t seem angry, just
disappointed she didn’t tell him sooner.

“I didn’t accept his proposal,
yet.” It seemed stupid to defend only that part of his statement but that’s the
part she got from it. She wasn’t sure why she added the
yet
, had she
decided that she might accept it? Thankfully James didn’t call her on that.

“So, you are staying?”

“Yes. We both know he can’t do
it alone, and the girls deserve better than we did. A nanny can’t replace a
mother.” She loved her brother, but she really didn’t want to have to defend
her actions—not to him, not to anyone.

“I just don’t want to see you
hurt. I wish I would have never mentioned he was looking for a surrogate.”

“We both know Michael won’t
hurt me on purpose. This might be the best thing that’s happened to us. Giving
up the girls would have been harder than I realized. Now I don’t have to.” She
ran her hand along her stomach, feeling feet kick beneath her hand. At least
one of them, if not both, sure had a kick.

“It could make things harder
later if you decide to fight him for custody. Maybe you should speak with a
lawyer before you make any kind of commitment.”

“No matter what happens
between us, I won’t take the girls from him. They deserve to have their father
a part of their life. If things don’t work out with Michael, I’ll get my own
place here in Clearwater and we’ll raise the girls together, even if in
different houses. We’ll remain civil to each other for the sake of the
children.” She’d do whatever had to be done to give the girls two parents.

“Sister, you have high
expectations. I just hope it works out for you.” He was silent for a moment she
thought they were disconnected. “Michael is a good man and you’re an even
better woman, so if any two people can make it work it’s you too. I’ll miss
having you around here. It will seem odd not seeing you a few times a week for
lunch, dinner or just coffee.”

He had her there that was the
one thing she’d missed. “Me too. When will you be here for Christmas?”

“I’m flying in Friday night.
Michael is picking me up at the airport.”

“Five days before Christmas.”
Shocked he was taking that much time off work, she leaned forward to look at
the calendar. “That’s nearly two weeks. I don’t think you took more than a
weekend off since you graduated medical school.”

“I’m about to be an uncle. I
want to be there to see my little nieces when they’re born. Plus, if you’re
moving, the least I can do is spend Christmas and New Years with you. You’ll be
so busy with the twins, who knows when I’ll get to see you.” There was a touch
of sadness in his voice. It wasn’t just she was moving away, it was they were
both losing their best friends due to the miles that separated them.

“We’ll see each other
regularly. I’ll come down and you’ll come up here. After all, the girls need
their Uncle James in their lives just like two parents.” With another few
minutes of small talk—she asked him to pick up a few needed things from her
apartment—they ended the call.

Jessi sat and made a list. She
had to figure out what she’d do with her furniture. Was it worth bringing it
here to put into storage? None of her furniture would fit into the elegance of
the house, so it was either storage, or get rid of it. If she got rid of it and
things didn’t work out she’d have to start all over again. So many decisions to
make.

* * *

Michael stepped into the
house, not bothering to take off his coat. “Jes!” He hollered up the steps,
hoping she wasn’t resting.

Cathy stepped out of the
kitchen, her apron bore splotches of flour. “Mr. Johnson, is everything all
right?”

“Nothing could be better. I
just wanted Jes here before I bring in the surprise from outside.”

“She was working in your
study. I’ll get her for you.” Cathy turned to go.

“No need. I’m here. What’s all
this fuss about?” Jessi came down the hallway toward them. Without another
word, Cathy left them.

“I have a surprise.” He
stepped out the door and grabbed the Christmas tree he had leaned against the
house only moments before. “I didn’t see the point to put one up before you
arrived, but I want to now. I thought we could decorate it together.”

“Only if we have hot cocoa and
listen to Christmas music.”

“Deal.” He lugged the tree
into the family room. It was the first time he had a real Christmas tree since
he was a child. It was also the first time he’d decorate a tree since he did it
with James and Jessi when he was an intern. Peg never wanted a tree. She hated
the mess they created...
How did I ever end up with such a woman? We were so
different.
He pushed the thoughts away and focused on making this a
Christmas both Jessi and he would remember always.

“I have decorations in the
truck, as well as a tree stand.” He leaned the tree against the wall before he
turned to go back out into the cold. “Ask Cathy to make some cocoa. I’ll get
the Christmas music on when I get back.”

Bag after bag he carried in before
finally he turned the stereo on with the jazz instrumental Christmas CD she
bought him on the last Christmas they spent together in Denver. With the tree
in the stand they took a moment to drink their cocoa while she separated the
decorations he purchased.

“When did you find the time to
get all this?” She set another string of Christmas lights into the pile that
was already larger then they’d need for the tree.

“Confession…I bribed my office
assistant Melissa. I told her what I wanted color-wise and she did the rest,
thankfully, because I would have never known what all to get. Who’d think a
tree would need a skirt?” He held up a red velvet one with white snowflakes
decorating it.

“Everyone knows that. You need
to hide the hideous tree stand until the gifts are put there.” She unfolded it
and handed it to him. “Being as big as a whale, if I get down there I might
never get back up, so it leaves you to put it around the base.”

“You’re beautiful.” He kissed
her cheek then did as she had asked.

“I love that you find me
beautiful even when it looks as though I’ve swallowed a beach ball.” She
pressed her hands against the cushions of the couch for extra momentum to get
up.

“You’ve always been beautiful
to me, but now you have a glow around you like nothing I’ve ever seen. It makes
your beauty radiate.”

His words alone would sweep
her off her feet if she let them. But knowing he meant them meant more to her
than just the words. He’d told her years ago she was beautiful, but after that
one kiss they’d shared he seemed to erect a wall that no matter how much she
tried she couldn’t scale. It was what prompted her to sign up for the semester
abroad. Would things have been different if she hadn’t? That she would never
know.