The Swarm Trilogy (5 page)

The princes? The queen? My heart skipped a beat. The anger, the hatred, still coursed through my blood, but I couldn’t feel it toward Mags. No matter how hard I tried, it wasn’t there. It didn’t touch her.

“Then Fithia will be ours for the taking.” Kellan’s eyes glinted in the morning sun. “We’ll get back our freedom and destroy theirs.”

“Not everyone here is evil,” I said.

Kellan sat up, pulling his hands away from me.

“Has anyone here ever tried to help you go back home where you belong?” His eyes bored into mine. I shrank away from his glare. I’d never seen him this intense before. I shook my head no.

“Then you know why this has to be done,” he said. “We have to make them suffer like our people suffered.”

“Don’t our people live the same way as us?” I asked. “Aren’t they free? It’s just the magic that’s restricted.”

I’d been taught that my entire life. I hadn’t questioned it, but now I wasn’t sure anymore.

Kellan laughed. “You really believe that? You really think that’s true? It’s not. They’re destitute. The teachers have lied to us our whole lives. They are trying to brainwash us into thinking that so when we’re sent back home at twenty, we can brainwash everyone else. Our people want us to stop the king. To take back our rights and freedoms.”

If all this was true, if our people were held in poverty, under the thumb of the Fithians, then we needed to change things. We need to overthrow the government. But killing the ruling class couldn’t be the only answer. There had to be another way.

Kellan grabbed my shoulders and pulled me up to him, but he didn’t hurt me. I was used to rougher handling while fighting.

“Are you with me, Lianne?” he asked. “You have to be. Once I found out all of this on my birthday, when all of it was revealed, I knew we could do it. You’ve always been the most amazing fighter. With you by my side, I know we can win.”

“I can’t kill the queen or the princes,” I whispered, my eyes downcast. I wanted to kill the king. That I felt easily enough in my heart, but not Mags and the boys. I couldn’t even consider it. They’d never done anything wrong.

“If we kill Rotlar first then maybe the rest will fall into place,” Kellan said. “Getting rid of him should be our main goal. When you go back to the queen today, figure out a way we can gain access to the king. Then we’ll decide what to do from there.”

He loosened his grip on my shoulders and ran his fingers through my hair. His head cocked to the side as he took in my face and his eyes softened as they swept over my lips.

The Awakening didn’t just open him up to his destiny, but it also brought him to me. To really see me for who I am, who I could be.

“I love you Lianne.” He choked on the words. “I didn’t know before my birthday. I didn’t realize. I mean, I knew how amazing you were, but until I found out how intertwined our lives were, would be, it was like a push in the right direction.”

His hands crept into my hair, then his fingers stroked the back of my head. My skin tingled, my heart beat harder. I’d always felt a connection with him. It didn’t take a magical awakening for me to know, like it did for Kellan.

But could I hold it against him? Just because he hadn’t realized, hadn’t known. It wasn’t his fault his heart hadn’t opened to me yet.

“Please, Lianne,” he said, his lips brushing mine. “Please say you understand, that we can do this together.”

A shiver sped through my body. I knew we could do it. I had access to places in the castle no one else had. I could slip in and out easily. I could do it.

Kellan pulled me closer, smashing his lips into mine, taking me into an embrace more intense than any we’d ever shared.

“I will.”

CHAPTER SIX

I wanted to take the stairs two at a time to burn off some of the energy I had from my Awakening, but I didn’t. Knowing what I knew now, knowing I had a part to play in fighting back I controlled myself. My legs moved at their normal, steady pace. My arms hung loosely at my sides. I hoped I looked more relaxed than I felt.

Normal was something I’d taken for granted and now that I had to act that way, I found normal no longer existed. I’d have to make up an approximation of something I used to be. The trusting girl with the soft heart was obliterated in one night’s sleep. Gone, and not missed. Not by me and not by Kellan.

But still I wondered. Was it the old me Kellan had loved? I’d offered my whole heart to him. Or had he been staking claim on the shell, soon to be shattered and replaced by the girl I’d become. The girl with hatred in her heart.

I hesitated before Mags’ chamber doors. I’d spent hours with her before and our friendship couldn’t be stronger. Now it would be different. We were enemies, but I had to play the part of a friend.

My hands shook, but not much, just enough to remind me that the girl from yesterday was still inside me. My eyes may have been opened to the truth, but everything I’d ever thought or felt still lurked. Steeling myself and pushing back the old me, I opened the door to Mags’ chambers.

“Lianne,” Mags said, “I was so worried about you when you didn’t come back yesterday afternoon.”

“Were you? No one told me you were looking for me.”

“I didn’t want to send anyone after you though. I couldn’t appear too concerned or it could reveal our friendship.”

Trevin cooed from her arms. My first instinct was to ask to cradle him in mine, but I held back. It was his grandfather who’d instituted the adoptions. His father killed three of our people yesterday. I couldn’t even look at him and imagine Trevin doing anything against my people, or me.

“I took some time out,” I answered, steadying my voice. “I wasn’t feeling well. My stomach.” I gestured awkwardly at my gut. I was terrible at pretending and lying, but she had to buy my excuses.

“Oh, that’s too bad. I was hoping it was something more exciting. Like a romantic rendezvous with Kellan.” Mags’ eyes bored into mine and I felt a blush creep across my cheeks.

“I knew it,” Mags squealed. “You were with Kellan, weren’t you?”

I avoided her eyes. Was I so obvious?

“It’s okay, Lianne,” Mags whispered. “You know I’d never betray you.”

Mags smiled at me, her cheeks pulled back revealing two dimples. She couldn’t fake a smile and still produce the dimples. The king hadn’t seen those dimples since he took her for his wife. This was genuine.

My heart sank. No matter what I’d overheard yesterday, she remained my true friend. I thought she had betrayed me and instead I was the one who was now plotting to betray her. It hurt, even though my mind screamed at my heart to ignore my feelings.

“I was with Kellan.” I couldn’t hide it from her. She’d been my only friend for years. I needed one friend. I could justify it because she hated her husband. I couldn’t contemplate killing the princes.

“And?” Mags asked, her eyes sparkling. She’d never been given the opportunity to fall in love and she’d been living vicariously through me the last month as I’d revealed every aspect of my new relationship with Kellan to her.

My face burned, on fire from embarrassment. I wasn’t sure what to tell her. True, I’d spent the night at Kellan’s, but nothing happened between us. I certainly couldn’t tell her about my Awakening.

“It’s okay,” Mags sighed. “I knew this day would come. When you wouldn’t share with me because it was too close to your heart. I wouldn’t want to ruin new love if it were me either, Lianne. Either way, I certainly won’t tell anyone where you were when they ask.”

“Why would they ask you where I was?” I hoped I’d given her an opening to confide in me about Rotlar’s orders yesterday. So far his men hadn’t approached me, but I had the feeling I was being closely watched.

“People talk,” she said with a wave of her hand. I knew better. They’d been looking for me, intending to watch my every move. “I told everyone I’d sent you on an errand for me. No one questions the queen.”

Except the king. She’d covered for me. All this time I’d worried everyone would be looking for me, when she’d given me the perfect excuse.

“I could always do it again,” Mags said, the twinkle back in her eye. She reached over the bed to grab a new cloth to replace Trevin’s soiled one. “I feel like I’ve been trapped in this room the last few years. I could do with a little excitement and if that means helping you and Kellan, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

I had it and I didn’t even need to ask for it. Mags offered to cover for me any time as long as she thought it involved my romance with Kellan. I could use that excuse to accomplish our goals. To bring down the kingdom and save my people.

“Do you mean that?” I asked. “Because I’d really like to spend more time with Kellan. Not every day, of course, but occasionally. It’s hard for me to leave the castle to see him except in the morning before breakfast.”

Mags sighed as she pulled the cloth over Trevin’s stomach, tying a knot on each side to keep it in place. She tossed the dirty cloth into a bucket sitting by the bed. I placed the lid on top to keep the smell in.

“Did Albree tell you why I sent her to the laundry room yesterday?” Mags asked. She swaddled Trevin expertly and placed him next to her on the massive bed. It was large enough for four people, but Mags slept there alone, except when the king visited her.

“No, I didn’t see her again after dropping off the laundry. I haven’t been home since then.”

Mags’ eyebrows rose. I may have confirmed her suspicions about my encounter with Kellan. She could believe what she wanted as long as I could escape once in a while with her backing. But she didn’t ask about it.

“I left her with Trevin the day before while I went to relieve myself. When I came back, she was holding him at the window. I swore I heard her whispering that she would drop him if he cried, but when I questioned her she maintained she was only giving him some sun and fresh air.”

I hated Albree, but it was hard to believe anyone could be that cruel to sweet little Trevin. Besides, I thought she saved all of her cruelty for me.

“I sent her to the laundry room as a punishment, a warning really. I can’t dismiss her without cause, but I want her to know I’m keeping my eyes and ears on her. Anyone who threatens my sons, threatens me. I may care little for my king, but my sons are my life. Without them I would be nothing, trapped in the castle with no future.”

We were both trapped by this life. I saw that as clear as I saw why my people needed to be free. She could be my greatest ally. I’d have to talk to Kellan about it, get his opinion. He’d see the brilliance of the plan. No one would suspect the queen of helping us overthrow the king.

My mind swam with the possibilities. Mags had access to nearly every part of the castle and could provide a cover if we had to disappear for a few days. It was genius.

“I’ve spent the last four years trapped in this room,” Mags continued. “Do you know I’ve never left the town since being made queen? I believed growing up that if I was chosen my life would be filled with wondrous trips around the kingdom.”

She paused to look at me.

“I’d even hoped one day I could travel to your homeland. To see what life is really like for your people. I want to know if everything is true. If they are grateful to us for what we’ve done.”

I looked down at the floor, for fear my anger would bleed through.

Mags sighed and I looked up at her again.

“I’m upsetting you, aren’t I?” she asked.

“I just don’t know what to think.” I sat down on the side of the bed. “Most of my life I’ve believed everything I was taught. Why would I think any different? But lately I wonder how much of it is true.”

“It’s normal.” Mags patted my hand. I softened at her touch. “As we get older, we’re bound to start forming our own opinions. Besides, how can we be expected to believe in something we’ve never seen?”

I wanted to tell her everything I knew. I wanted to tell her she was right, that she could help us. But I held back. It was too soon. I’d only known for a few hours and telling her, when I had so little information, could be disastrous for both of us.

“I don’t like all of this secrecy today,” Mags said. Her lips formed a pout. “I thought we were best friends.” She tilted her head and stared at me. “Are you okay? You seem different and not in a happy way. I’d expect if you’d spent the night with Kellan you’d be floating on air.”

I stiffened again. She knew me too well and I wanted so much to confide in her. But I couldn’t. Not yet.

“I’m just tired.” I feigned a yawn. Mags reached over to pick up Trevin and I swore she rolled her eyes. But today wasn’t the day for me to call her on it, not when I needed my privacy so much.

“If you’re so tired, then I’ll just dismiss you for the rest of the day,” Mags said, snuggling her face onto Trevin’s head. It was a comforting movement, for herself, not Trevin. I’d seen her do it a thousand times with the other two boys.

My face burned with shame.

“I don’t mind staying,” I insisted. I suddenly craved normalcy. I didn’t want to think about the anger I felt. I just wanted to be with my best friend and her son.

“Forget it, Lianne,” Mags said. “The reason I keep you here so much is because I enjoy your company. But today, you’re not yourself. Just go and when you come back tomorrow please bring back your old personality. I miss you.”