The Tangled Web (3 page)

‘Fucking Internet,’ Flic spat the words into her bottle,
taking a violent swig.  ‘Who told you he had blocked you?  Did someone catch
him out?’

‘I knew something wasn’t right so I made a profile for my
dog and befriended myself so I could view some stuff I’d been blocked from
seeing.  That’s when I saw his profile.  And his profile pictures…him and his
wife, him and his son, his wife’s ultrasound picture…’ Vicky grimaced and
swallowed back a lump of emotion in her throat.  ‘I shut down my own profile. 
I can’t be arsed with it.  Too much drama.’

Flic became silent and the two women were pensive for a few
minutes, their trains of thought only broken by a siren in the distance.  The
noise jolted Vicky and she suddenly became aware of the fact that Flic was
drinking alcohol in a place where doing so was punishable with a five hundred
pound fine.

‘You know you’ll get fined if you get caught drinking
here?’ Vicky pointed out the cautionary notice on a nearby lamppost.  When she
was met with silence she turned to look at her new confidante and realised
there were unleashed tears in her eyes.  Vicky sympathised.  Losing a job was
hard on anyone, but Flic looked every inch the career woman.  She must have
been taking it hard.  Either that or she was just as upset about Vicky’s
heartbreak as she was.

‘Do you want to come back to the office with me and get
tidied up?  It’s a two minute walk,’ Vicky soothed.  A nod and a sniff told her
that her idea had been acceptable and Vicky helped Flic to stand up off the
bench, letting Flic lean on her arm slightly to steady herself. 

Vicky nodded towards the seagull.  ‘We could start storing
up some good karma by doing the right thing here.’

Flic staggered and bent down to pick up the seagull, almost
toppling over her heels on her way down, but becoming more stable as she
straightened up.

‘If it’s not dead, I’ll save it.  And if it is, I’ll bury
it.  My good deed for the day,’ Flic muttered, to herself more than to Vicky.

The short walk across the street towards the town centre
took twice as long as it usually took Vicky.  Several times she had to support
the weight of Flic, which wasn’t much at all, as she faltered and struggled to
make the journey with the seagull in her arms.  Vicky guessed the emotion and
her skyscraper heels were more to blame than the alcohol though, since it
hadn’t had sufficient time to take effect.

Vicky opened the front door to the office gingerly and
peered inside at the waiting room to check if the coast was clear.  The chairs
were empty.

‘Come on in, there’s no clients here,’ she instructed
Flic. 

Vicky quickly made her way through the waiting room to the
main office where she and the other employees were based.  Glancing behind she
noticed Flic was still taking things at a very slow pace, gawking at her
unfamiliar surroundings and cradling the seagull.  She motioned to Flic
impatiently to get a move on. 

‘Quick!  The last thing we want is for a newly bereaved
client to come in and get an eyeful of a half-dead bird,’ she cautioned.

‘Sorry,’ Flic cringed.  ‘The pigeon wouldn’t make a good
impression either.’

Vicky squinted as she tried to make sense of Flic’s
statement.  Was that humour?

Once they were both inside the office, Vicky closed the
door firmly.  The only person in the office was Scarlett, who was reapplying
make-up behind her monitor.

‘Scarlett, I’ve brought a visitor to the office,’ she
announced.

Sniffs were followed by, ‘Just a second Vic, I’m just doing
a damage limitation exercise.  Too many late nights over the last couple of weeks. 
I look shocking.’

Vicky rolled her eyes.  ‘Scarlett, this is Flic.  She used
to work at Pebworth & Co.’

Scarlett popped her head up in the style of a meerkat and
glowered at Flic, who seemed totally oblivious to the fact she had been
introduced and was still mothering the injured bird.

‘Nice to meet you,’ Scarlett smiled falsely.  Flic nodded
and muttered the words back to her.

Visibly stung by the lack of enthusiasm, Scarlett turned to
Vicky and mouthed the words, ‘Snooty unhelpful cow?’  Vicky nodded and
smothered a giggle.

‘Can we borrow your mirror?’ Vicky asked.  ‘We had a mishap
with this bird and we need to get tidied up.’

‘Right, I was going to ask about that,’ Scarlett mused,
looking Vicky over then passing her the compact she had just used.  ‘You’re all
covered in dirt and you’ve got a feather in your hair.’

Vicky did a quick fix, explaining the details of what had
happened – omitting the part about the mid-morning drinking session and
offloading of problems – and then passed the mirror to Flic. 

‘Do we have a box for Jesse?  And a phone number for the
RSPB?’ Flic asked rather than pick up the mirror. 

‘Who’s Jesse?’ Scarlett scowled.

‘The pigeon,’ Flic blinked back.

Vicky gestured to Scarlett with a brisk shake of her head
not to correct her and breezed, ‘Yes, of course, we’ll just go look for both,’
before ushering Scarlett from the room.

‘Didn’t you have a good moan about her on Christmas Eve
when you phoned to chase up a bill?’ Scarlett mumbled, emptying packets of
photocopier paper from a box to make a bird bed.

‘Yes, and she was a pain in the arse, but I hit her with a
pigeon.  And she’s already having a shit day, she just got made redundant!’
Vicky whispered.

‘What?  On the first working day of the year?  That’s
harsh!’ Scarlett gasped.  ‘And it’s not a pigeon, it’s a seagull.’

‘Oh God, she’s got me saying it now,’ giggled Vicky.

‘And he’s got a name.  His name is Jesse!’ Scarlett
snorted.

Vicky grabbed a copy of the Yellow Pages and tugged
Scarlett’s arm to pull her back to the office.

‘Right, let’s find that number,’ Vicky sighed, settling
down at her desk and flicking through the pages of the directory while Scarlett
helped Flic to get the bird nestled in the cardboard box. 

At that moment, the office door swung open dramatically and
all three women snapped their heads around to look.

‘Morning all!  Happy New Year!’ the man announced, a little
too cheerfully considering this was an undertaker’s office.

‘Happy New Year!’ Vicky rose from her seat and reached up
to kiss the man on the cheek. 

‘Happy New Year,’ Scarlett nodded nonchalantly. 

‘Oooh, going to introduce me to the new girl?’ he grinned
in the direction of Flic.

‘This is Flic.  Flic, this is Adam, my little brother,’
Vicky joked, as he was clearly at least a foot taller than she was.

Flic smiled and stood up to extend her hand.  Adam moved
towards her and returned the smile.

‘I think we might have already met,’ Adam mused.

‘Yes, we have.  You work at the gym, don’t you?’ Flic
checked.

‘I do indeed,’ he winked as he shook her hand. 

Vicky’s eyes darted around the room; first to Adam who had
adopted a swagger that could put out a fire as he walked towards Flic; then to
Flic who was cooing at Adam with wide-eyed admiration; then to Scarlett whose
face showed that she was clearly disgusted at the blatant flirting.  She looked
ready to vomit.

‘You here for a reason?’ Vicky halted Adam in the middle of
a sales pitch geared at Flic to sign up for a full membership and an offer to
be her personal trainer.

‘Yeah, for two reasons actually.  One, I want the password
to Bidean’s Tête-a-net account.  She’s the family pet and I don’t see why you
should be the one in control of her profile.  And two, what time am I expected
round for dinner tonight?’

Vicky groaned, ‘That account was just to spy on Ian, I’ve
shut it down already.  And come round at six.’

‘Well, I’ll open it up again and take control of it.  And
tell Mum to set an extra place, I’m bringing Maggie with me.’

‘Who’s Maggie?’ Vicky wheedled.

‘My new partner,’ Adam grinned.  ‘I’ll explain it all
tonight.  I’m off.  I’ll see you all later.  Nice seeing you out of your gym
clothes, Flic.’  With that he clambered out of the room and closed the door as
theatrically as he had opened it.

‘Going so soon?  What a shame!’ Scarlett tittered, too late
for him to hear her.

‘Great.  My brother has a new girlfriend and I know nothing
about it until he starts referring to her as his partner!’ Vicky moaned.

‘I’ll bet it’s that trollop Maggie who used to live across
the road from you,’ Scarlett stirred.

‘Nooooo.  Surely not!  She tried to steal Colin from me a
couple of years ago,’ Vicky reminisced.  Her heart sank thinking her brother
was involved with a woman who had tried to steal her ex-boyfriend.

‘They must have got together fairly recently.  He told one
of my friends at the gym last week he was single.  And he gives off single
vibes,’ Flic pondered aloud.

Vicky had almost forgotten Flic was there and glanced over
at her.  She saw disappointment flash in her eyes – not for the first time
today.  This was a different kind of disappointment though. 

‘You’re right Flic.  He does give off single vibes.  He was
really flirty with you.  I reckon if you’re interested, you should find a way
to suss out the competition,’ Scarlett enthused, while Vicky attempted a look
of warning in her direction.

‘So I can see that she’s perfect?  Ten years younger than
me, prettier without make-up and a lot less miserable than I’m sure I look
today?  I’ve already had enough of an ego battering for one day, thanks!’ Flic
surmised.

‘You should invite Flic round for dinner Vicky.  She can
suss out the competition.  You can make amends for whacking her with Jesse the
pigeon.  And Adam can make a decision about whether he wants to be a devoted
partner to Maggie or flirt with a woman he knows from the gym,’ Scarlett
smirked.

Vicky squirmed a little in her seat and glared at
Scarlett.  She was sick of the constant bickering between Scarlett and Adam. 
Why did Scarlett want to help Flic get her claws into him anyway?  They barely
knew this woman.  Flic and Adam would be such an odd couple.  Flic was much
older than him for a start, and Vicky really didn’t want Adam going out with
the kind of woman who sits on a bench drinking in the morning.

‘Don’t feel you have to, it’s really ok,’ Flic flustered,
clearly embarrassed at Scarlett’s pushing.

Vicky felt cornered.  She had trouble saying no at the best
of times but this was just too much!  Not inviting Flic would feel rude now. 
Flic clearly wanted to see Adam and his reaction to seeing Flic in the office
suggested he would be happy to see her too.  But he had never been a cheater so
Vicky couldn’t understand how he could flirt if he had a new girlfriend called
Maggie.  If his girlfriend was the Maggie she was thinking of though, she would
be delighted to let Flic try to steal him away. 

Vicky weighed up the potential sisters-in-law. Snooty
unhelpful cow with fabulous mascara or slapper who tried to break her heart? 
No contest really.

‘Honestly, I’d be happy to have you round for dinner.  I owe
you one after the…..pigeon incident.’ 

Flic beamed.  ‘Ok then, I’d love to!’

2

VICKY’S BLOG

3
^rd
January – Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner

Do you remember my blog about the ironically named
Felicity?  The woman who sounds like she needs a shag and is the most joyless
bitch on the phone.  The woman I have to call on a regular basis to cough up
money from estates to pay the funeral bills.  The woman who needs to learn
customer service skills.

She’s my new best friend and is coming to dinner at my
house tonight.

Why?  It’s a long story.  The short version is I hit in her
in the face with a pigeon.  But it was me who ended up looking like I’d been in
a fight with a bird.  Then I took her to my office to get tidied up.  Adam then
dropped by announcing he had a new girlfriend called Maggie.  I suspect Maggie
is the trollop who tried to pinch Colin a couple of years ago while I was still
with him - but it was clear Adam and Flic fancied each other.  So Scarlett (who
is always bickering with Adam for no reason) stirred things up by saying I
should invite her to dinner. 

So I did.  But only because I don’t want Adam to end up
with Slaggy Maggie.

It’s years since I invited anyone other than Colin or
Scarlett to dinner at my parents’ house.  People ask too many questions about
how much money they’ve got and how they got it.  These are questions I am far
too humiliated to answer.  Adam’s embarrassing because he thinks he’s the next
Mr. Universe.  And Pamela…..well, she’s Pamela.  It’s only a matter of time
before Sasha acquires her own quirks.  The sooner I get my own place, the
better.

I am terrified of how tonight will turn out.