The Tao of Pam (29 page)

That wasn’t what she wanted to hear, but she decided to take the passive route. “Okay, I guess.”

He looked over at her and smiled before he pulled out into traffic again. When he could, he took her hand and held on to it. “Just for the record, Lisa is sleeping with Dan, and my mother just found out,” Brent said, smirking.

Sandra gasped. “Oh my God, I can’t believe it,” she said, hurting for her friend. “Don’t tell her you told me.”

“I won’t. She sort of brought it on herself because she got angry with him and kicked him out of the house on Monday.”

“I knew about that, but boy, he sure didn’t waste any time.” Just as the words were out of her mouth, she thought of Tom. What would he say if he knew she’d kissed Brent, of all men? He’d been angry with her for betraying Pam, breaking up over it early in their relationship so Sandra knew how he felt about it and that he would never forgive her. Yet she was tempting fate
. What the hell is wrong with me?

He pulled his car into the Madison Avenue parking garage, and Pam’s SUV was already there. They got out of the car and automatically moved together, like magnets. He reached for her hand, and she let him take it.
Who would see them together on Madison Avenue?

Waiting for the elevator to arrive, Pam gave out a yelp when she saw her son through the opening doors. He embraced her right away, a manipulation just in case she wasn’t happy about him being there, and then she turned to Sandra.

“He saw me walking along and offered me a ride,” she offered, not adding,
in Brooklyn.

“Well, come on in,” Pam said, sweeping her arm toward the door. “I can always see you at home, Brent, but I’m glad you’re here anyway.”

The dynamic of the day would be changed with Brent there, but they had a good time, talking and having lunch and getting out a deck of cards, nothing intense or controversial discussed except for Ed Ford’s surgery. Later, Sandra would describe the day to Tom as being superficial. She felt sneaky, as if she was hiding something from Pam; with Tom she just felt immoral. But it wouldn’t change the choices she would subsequently make. The only thing accomplished that day at Jack’s old place was Pam agreeing that Brent should have the apartment and, secretly, that Sandra would be a frequent visitor.

Chapter 26

An unfortunate break in hospital communication lead to Lisa Ford being the last to hear the news that her husband had died. Gladys and Big Ed never left the hospital and were at the bedside when it became apparent that their son was failing rapidly.

“Where’s Lisa?” Gladys asked, sobbing.

“Lisa?” a nurse repeated.

“My daughter-in-law. She should be here,” Gladys answered.

The nurse went to the patient chart and saw that although someone had recorded Lisa’s name and phone number, no one had called her. The nurse dialed the number and left a message that Lisa should come to the hospital because her husband Ed’s condition had been downgraded from critical to grave.

It wasn’t until right after Lisa talked to Pam that she noticed several voicemails; chills went through her body. “Dan,” she called. “Quick!”

He ran from the den into the kitchen. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know how I missed all these calls,” she cried. “I’m frightened.”

He took her phone and started listening to the messages with the speaker mechanism on. The first one was Gladys Ford crying.

“Lisa, please call Dad’s phone. Ed’s not doing well. You need to get here as soon as possible.”

The next message was the nurse’s call about the downgrade in Ed’s condition. And then another call from Gladys, hysterical. Ed was gone.

“What time was it when she called?” Lisa was stunned. How was she going to explain not being at her husband’s bedside when he was dying?

Dan looked on the message list and discovered that the last call was at eight that morning. He’d been dead for two hours, and no one had tried to call her since. The attorney’s mind was at work, notification of death was up there in the rank of importance.

“Are you ready? We should go now,” Dan said.

“Why?” Lisa said, sobbing. “He’s already gone. Oh, my God, I can’t believe it. He’s dead.”

Dan held her and patted her back, but the entire time the wheels in his head were turning. “You need to go, Lisa. They should have notified you. One call from a nurse at three in the morning doesn’t constitute contacting next of kin. No one called the house phone.” He pushed her to the kitchen table. “Sit down for a bit. I’m going to make a call.”

She watched him dial the phone and ask to speak to the Director of Nursing. When her phone answered, attorney Dan Chua, translated Hopi Indian for snake, started to talk.

“My client, Edward Ford, died this morning in your ICU, and his wife was never contacted.” He listened and then covered the phone.

“She’s coming to the phone.” He listened while someone spoke.

“I’ll bring my client in now to view the body.”

As Lisa watched him yammering into the phone, her gorge rose. Her husband was dead, and she was sitting in her kitchen, listening to her lover talk about
the body
.

“That’s not acceptable,” he said. “My suggestion is that the body is returned to a patient room in an atmosphere of respect. We’ll be there in an hour.” He hung up, and Lisa could tell he was proud of himself.

“I’ve got Megan to consider,” she said. “What will I do with her? He’s dead. What difference does it make now whether or not I see the body?”

“It makes a difference
because
you have his daughter, and paying respects to him is important in the court of public opinion. I’ll keep Megan while you go in.”

“Public opinion? Ha! We should have thought of public opinion two days ago,” Lisa said, ignoring his advice. “This is a nightmare. I need to call my mother-in-law.” Lisa dialed the number, and a distraught Gladys answered the phone. Her son was gone; nothing else mattered to her. She wouldn’t be angry at Lisa, either.

“Tell me what happened,” Lisa cried. “I didn’t hear the phone ringing when the nurse called me. I must have been nursing Megan when you called this morning.” She explained that no other calls had come through.

“We were with him,” Gladys said, crying. “He died peacefully; they’d given him medicine to keep him calm, and I’m sure he didn’t know what was happening. I’m just sorry I can’t be with you now. Is your mother there?”

“No!” Lisa cried out. “No, I’m alone with Megan.” She didn’t want anyone to know she was with Dan. She was sure she didn’t want him going to the hospital with her.

“Big Ed said we can come to you now,” Gladys said.

“There’s no need. I’m going to the hospital,” Lisa replied, not explaining that she was supposed to see the body. “I need to hang up, but we’ll talk later.” Lisa hung up the phone. The reality of what had happened hit her. A man she’d loved was dead. Her mother’s boyfriend had taken advantage of her when she was at the lowest point in her life.

“I want to go alone,” she said.

Dan looked at her, confused. “Of course you should go in alone.”

“No, I mean I want to drive alone with Megan. I feel horrible that I was having sex with you when my husband lay dying. I need time to process it. What kind of woman am I?” She shook her head, shocked.

“Look, you don’t have to speak to me on the way. Just allow me to take you.”

But Lisa was adamant. “No, I want to go alone. I need to be with my daughter now, alone.” She got up to get Megan ready, hoping Dan would leave.

“Do you want me to wait here for you?”

She shook her head. “I think I might drive into New Jersey and stay with the Fords tonight,” she said. “They might benefit from having Megan there.”

Dan disagreed with the idea that she drive alone into the Bronx let alone New Jersey, but bit his tongue. “Okay,” he said hesitantly.

“Could you leave now? I want to call my mother, and I’d like to be able to say you aren’t here if she asks.”

That statement angered Dan, but he didn’t respond. He’d try not to add more difficulty to what she was already going through.

“Okay,” he repeated. “If you want me to, I guess I must.”

She smiled and kissed his cheek. “Thank you,” Lisa said. She stood in the middle of the kitchen, waiting for him to gather his belongings. When he got to his car, she locked the door and went to the phone to dial the hospital.

“It’s Lisa Ford,” she said. “I’m unable to find a sitter for my daughter, so I won’t be coming to view Ed’s body after all.” She shut out the voice of the person on the other end of the line; if they criticized her, she didn’t hear it. Next, she called the Fords and asked if they could manage the funeral arrangements, and Gladys seemed eager to do so. Anything they wanted to do was okay by her. She’d ask her mother for the money to pay for it. As she cried into the phone, they didn’t realize her despondence was more from humiliation and regrets than loss.

She ended the call, switching the power button off and picked Megan up off the floor. “Come on, sweetie pie, you need a nap.” Holding on to her little daughter, she climbed the stairs, exhaustion overtaking every cell of her body. Nursing Megan, she tried to sort through the events of the past few days. Looking at it from every angle, she knew she’d acted like an immoral child. She betrayed her husband during his last days, broke her mother’s heart, fornicated in the room under her daughter’s bedroom. It made her sick. All for a little attention from a man. She agonized over what had passed, and that it was too late to make good. The minute Ed started to behave strangely she should have insisted he go to the doctor. She should have whispered reminders of those first glorious days together on the sailboat. Encouraged him to fight to live for their daughter.

“It’s too late,” she said, crying. “Too late.” She kissed the top of Megan’s sweet head as she fell asleep. The worst part was that someday, someone might tell Megan. Pam and Brent and, of course, Dan knew her secrets; that while her husband was critically ill, she had another man in the house. Dan had a big mouth; only God knew whom he’d tell.

She imagined the adult Megan’s response, hearing the story of her father’s death.
My mother wasn’t even with him; she ignored the phone calls from the hospital because she was fucking her mother’s boyfriend in the den right under my bedroom.
“Oh God, please don’t let that happen.”

Dan drove his Porsche out of Lisa’s neighborhood, fighting the urge to control the situation for her. It was his nature to take over; one of the problems he had with Pam was her stubbornness. She let him get only so close, and then a wall went up. Now he was experiencing the same thing with Lisa. He decided to begin mending fences with Pam. He’d call her and tell her about Ed. But she was headed to the city to have her day with Sandra, and her cell phone was switched off.

Chapter 27

Saturday was a big visitor day at the Eagle’s Nest Retirement Center. Residents prepared for it as they would a party, while staff members scurried around, making sure everything was ready for the onslaught of friends and family. Nelda Fabian was sitting at her dressing table, making-up her face while her personal attendant, Annabelle, was styling her hair. When Nelda was completed, Annabelle would move on to Bernice’s room. They would look their best, just in case they had a visitor.

“Poor Bernie, it’s getting tougher and tougher for her to get up each day,” Nelda said softy. “She doesn’t have any family left who give a crap about her except my daughter, who she can’t stand. What a life.”

“Oh, that’s awful,” Annabelle said, appalled. “Why doesn’t she like Miss Pam?”

“Ha! How long do you have? The story would take hours. Trust me when I tell you their history goes back to the early eighties. Pam was too soft; that’s her problem. She never knew when to tell people to just fuck off.” Annabelle pulled too hard on Nelda’s hair, and she yelled, “Ouch!”

“Sorry.”

“No problem. Bernice would get drunk, and then when she thought she was whispering, call Pam a dimwit. It happened more than once in my presence. I’d say something to Pam about it, and she’d shrug her shoulders and say, ‘So what? If that’s the worst thing I’m called today, it will be a great day.’”

“Sounds like we all need to adopt that attitude,” Annabelle replied.

“It didn’t work out that well for my daughter,” Nelda said, sighing. “She’s had one disappointment after another.”

“Well, haven’t we all?”

“No, I don’t think so. As a matter of fact, I’ve had very few that I didn’t bring on myself.” The wisdom of Nelda ricocheted between them. “Oh my God. I can’t believe it came out of my mouth. Brilliant!” The women high-fived and started laughing.

“I’m going to do a sampler of it if you don’t mind.”

“No, I don’t mind at all. Make one for me, too.” What she didn’t share was that her biggest disappointment in life was her failure in parenting Marie. Something really awful happened during the journey, and Nelda had yet to relate her alcoholism to the problems her children had suffered. She knew something was going to have to take place, some formal admission of what she’d done in order for them to live life to the fullest. That it was possibly a link in the chain of events that lead to her daughter’s demise; well, that would be too painful to admit out loud.
Why did things seem to hurt less when they were buried deep?

“Is Miss Pam coming today?”

“I don’t know. She usually comes on Wednesday. I’ll call her after lunch.” Her thoughts were depressing, so Nelda tried to push them out of her mind. She needed to concentrate on someone else for a change. She thought of Lisa and that cute baby of hers. As soon as Annabelle was finished with her hair, she’d call Lisa.

Saturdays in Greenwich Village meant breakfast at Christopher’s and another cup of coffee at Bartle’s Bakery after picking up the morning paper at the newsstand on the corner. Ted Dale loved staying in Natalie’s apartment more with each passing day especially since it was downtown. He wondered how he had survived two years of living on the Upper East Side. He was going to call her and ask if he could stay permanently. He only had clothes and books left at Ashton’s, and it revealed a lot about their relationship. He stuck the folded papers under his arm while he fished for the key to the apartment. Pushing open the door, the light flooding in from a window facing Broadway cheered him. Natalie’s ringing phone caller ID listed her cell number.