The Tao of Pam (25 page)

“Well, that explains why she was in such a hurry to get out of here,” Lisa said. “I have never, ever seen my mother behave this way. It’s really upsetting.”

“It’s understandable,” Dan said, weary. “She’s been pushed to her limit. What more can happen to her? I think what we’ve done is probably the last of the worst.”

“I hope so,” Lisa said. “I really hope so. I hope nothing else happens to my mom.”

Chapter 21

Brent was psyched. Everything about the day was to his liking. Reconnecting with old friends at Bender Downtown, then getting the call from Sandra telling him to come to the office, seeing his dad’s office for the first time in years; it was all good. He’d even forgotten to jack off on the way home to Babylon. He realized he was excited about something other than physical sensation. Pulling up to the beach house, the sun was behind him, and the bright orange and gold on the water was breathtaking. He’d change his clothes, grab a bottle of wine, and sit on the beach. The sky to the horizon changed color from turquoise, to jade, to royal blue and then finally inky black. Years ago, when he was young and his father was still alive, they used to sit in canvas deck chairs on the sand and wait for the sun to go down behind them. The house faced slightly north, so there was a hint of sunset to the left of their stretch of beach. But looking at the sky, waiting for the moon and the stars, it was just as exciting.

Jack had been in his head all day. He wished he could tell him about going to the office and seeing Peter and Sandra. There were certain things only his father would have understood or appreciated. Sometimes, Brent thought his mother pretended not to understand so she didn’t have to pay attention. She didn’t want to feign interest in something because then it would hold her accountable. Her eyes would glaze over as she stifled a yawn. It was her passive-aggressive way of avoiding interaction with people.

Uncorking the bottle of wine, he poured a full glass, nestling the bottle down in the cool sand. Holding his glass up to the sky, he toasted Jack. “To my father,” he said. “I hope you can hear me.”

“Amen,” said a female voice behind him. He turned quickly to see Pam coming toward him.

“Oh, hi, Mom,” he said. “Get a glass.”

“I can’t,” she said, sitting down in the sand next to him. “I might have to go out again.”

“What’s going on?”

“Lisa’s Ed is having a brain tumor removed tonight. She might have to go to the hospital. I’ll have to drive back to take care of the baby.”

“Oh, wow,” Brent said, concerned. “That sucks. How’s Lisa?”

“About like you’d expect,” Pam said, looking off over the water. She didn’t want to think about Lisa and Dan any more.

“So, tell me about your day,” she said, avoiding telling him Sandra had called her.

Brent looked at her to see if she was just being pleasant or if she really meant it. “Do you really want to know?”

She nodded her head with a confused look on her face. “Of course I do.”
Why would my son think otherwise?

“Well, I went to Dad’s office and reached an agreement with Peter for a salary. I start working on Monday.”

Pam gasped. “Oh that’s just wonderful, Brent,” she exclaimed. “I’m so thrilled. This is exactly what I hoped for.”

“It was?” he asked, confused. “You never gave me any inkling you wanted me to work in the city.”

“Yes, I did,” she replied. “I can try to remember exactly what I said, but I’m sure that the reason I didn’t press it is because I wanted you to finish school.”

He glanced at her, frowning. “Now, see, this is a complete shock to me,” he said. “I’m sure I thought you wanted me to stay out west. I can ask Lisa for confirmation if you’d like. We thought you were happier with us out from underfoot.”

Pam was flabbergasted. Could she have been that out of touch with her children?

“Brent, I begged you to come home the summer Dad died. Both you and Lisa said you had too much going on at school to move home for the summer. Marie and I had a big fight about it. She said I was being too soft on you both.”

“Maybe you were,” Brent said. “You never gave me an indication that it would be better for you if I stayed home. If you were hinting, I didn’t get it. You were always your unselfish self.”

“Brent, I had to fight to keep from throwing in the towel I was so depressed when you left for school. I’m sorry I didn’t make myself clear. I guess I must have been afraid of making you feel guilty.” Pam couldn’t believe her children didn’t realize how she felt.

“So, how was Peter?” she asked, looking out to the water.

“He’s great,” Brent said, letting her change the subject. “I had a quick beer with him afterward. He’s cheaper than ever; he almost fell out of the chair when Sandra made the salary offer to me.”

“Your father had a way with Peter. They never fought, in all the years they were together. And Peter has never called me since Jack died. I find that a little odd.”

Brent looked at her, frowning. “Even when Sandra got half the business? That’s not just odd, it’s disrespectful.”

“I agree. Oh well, it has all worked out for the best. We’ll see what happens after you get your feet wet. You might want to buy her out.”

“Do you have a copy of Dad’s will I can go over? I’d like to know where I stand legally,” he said, thinking it was premature; he might hate it there. But he wanted to know where it could lead.

“Yes, when we go inside, remind me. By the way, how’d Sandra seem?”

“She’s still beautiful,” Brent said. “And kind. I could tell she was rooting for me to come on board.”

“I’m surprised, I guess. I’d think she would be threatened,” Pam said carefully.

Brent looked at her, frowning. “Why would she be threatened by me? We’d do different jobs there. She’s a researcher; I’ll be a salesman, although they don’t call it that. I’d do what Peter does, what Dad did. Go after developers.”

“Exactly,” Pam said, staring at him. It didn’t take long for it to sink in. If Brent put enough effort into it, if he brought enough business to Lang, Smith and Romney. Peter might ask him to come on board as a partner. Not cooped up in an office all day, staring at a computer screen, he’d be out looking for property to develop, discovering what he could about the area surrounding it. Jack knew about every good place to eat in the city from first-hand experience, and Brent thought how exciting that alone would be. The biggest plus was getting to see Sandra everyday. Just being near her made him want to do better.

“Gosh, what a beautiful night,” Pam said. The sky was filled with stars that got brighter the farther the sun went below the horizon. “I am so glad I get to share this with you, Brent.”

“Thanks, Mom, me too. I’m happy about being home. How long do you think you can put up with me hampering your relationship with Dan?” It was too dark out for him to see the change in her expression, but when Pam didn’t answer, Brent remembered she’d broken up with him during the picnic. “I guess you didn’t work out your issues?”

He could almost feel the icy air coming off her body as she sat in the sand next to him. “No, actually, I didn’t. Your
sister
is having an affair with him.”

Brent was stunned. He found it difficult to believe his sister would be unfaithful to Ed or Dan to his mother. But what was even harder for him to accept was the tone of voice his mother was using regarding Lisa. Pam was livid. And it sounded like she was going to direct her hatred to her daughter, rather than Dan. Brent wanted to get more information before he accused her of anything; chances were good he had read more into a few words than he should have.

“Oh no, I can’t believe it,” Brent said softly. “She never mentioned a word about it to me. How’d you discover it?”

“It just started when I broke up with Dan on Monday,” she said, simply. “Lisa told me the truth after I saw them together. I had no idea they even noticed each other. It took me by complete surprise.”

“Lisa told you?” Brent wondered if she’d lost her mind because her husband was such a dud. He’d have denied it if it had been him.

“Yes. She said it had just happened. I told her that I was thinking about reconciling with Dan, but she’d already slept with him. It makes me sick to my stomach to think of it.” Pam leaned on the chair to pull herself up. “I better get inside in case she calls.” Abruptly, Pam walked back to the house and up the wooden walkway.

Brent dug his phone out once he was certain Pam was back in the house. He keyed in Lisa’s number; she answered on the first ring.

“I’m sorry about your husband,” he said. “Any news?”

“Nothing,” she answered. “But that’s a good thing. How’d you know? Are you home?”

“I’m outside drinking wine on the sand.”

“Oh my God, that sounds like pure heaven. I wish I was there,” she said.

“It is wonderful. You’ll have to get over here,” Brent said. “But I wanted to tell you the old lady just sprung your secret on me.” He’d never referred to Pam as
the old lady
. It shocked him. He’d never had anything but the deepest respect for his mother, and lately he was feeling less patience with her, discovering things about her that he’d rather not know. As they aged, she was coming off her pedestal. He would have been equally shocked to know she’d just thought the same thing about him.

“I can’t believe she told you,” Lisa said, annoyed. “Don’t we have enough to worry about?”

“I guess it must be pretty important to her,” he said gently.

“If Dan was that important to her, she should have never broken up with him over something so stupid. She was even having doubts about her decision, but it was too late.”

“She told me,” Brent replied.

Lisa snorted into the phone. “This is just like our mother. She sets impossible standards for everyone around her, and then waits for failure.”

“I never thought of it that way. Very good, Lisa. The problem is we never failed, until now.”

“Tell me about it. I was just thinking about what perfect children we were.”

“Well, you have a lot to learn about me,” Brent said cryptically.

“I don’t want to know anything. I like you just as you are. Your personal business can stay personal. I hate all this telling the truth crap,” Lisa said querulously. “Who said, ‘One must be very particular about telling the truth.’?”

“It should say, One must be very careful about telling the truth. Maybe we need to meditate,” Brent said.

“Ha! Mother would love that,” Lisa said. “Brent, enjoy your night on the beach. Do you have anything else to say because I need to get some sleep.”

“Well, I did get a job working at Dad’s office.”

“How exciting, Brent. I’m so happy for you. Now that is good news, something that is lacking around here lately. How did that come about?” For the next fifteen minutes, Lisa listened excitedly to Brent talking about being in the city and seeing Sandra and Peter, what it would mean to him and also, what Pam said to him about how much it meant to her.

“She never said one thing about wanting us home,” Lisa said. “Don’t get caught up in her drama, Brent. It’s yet another veiled demand she’s making of us. There’s nothing spoken, just a bunch of hints.”

“This is something new for me,” Brent said. “I always felt I could take whatever she said at face value, and now I’m finding she may have something up her sleeve. It’s very disconcerting.”

“Tell me about it,” Lisa said. “Our mother is deep.” She didn’t mention that Pam had told her about Brent going to work and that she was mildly jealous. They proclaimed their love for each other and said goodbye, promising to keep in touch in the next hours.

Lisa went back to the den after she hung up. Dan was waiting for her. But her phone rang again, this time a Bronx exchange. It was Ed’s surgeon. He’d made it through surgery and was stable, but he didn’t think it would do any good for Lisa to come out again, dragging the baby along. Someone would call her in the morning unless there was a change in his condition. Dan listened, concerned.

“I think I should spend the night,” he said when she’d hung up.

She went to him and fell into his arms. “I do, too.”

The passion she felt for Dan repressed guilt and worry about Ed. They made love, slowly and exquisitely this time, but with so much fervor, they didn’t hear her phone ring.

Chapter 22

Sandra needed to pull it together after her meeting with Brent and head to the train for Brooklyn, but she was dragging her feet. Brent was still in the office with Peter, and she wanted to hang out with the men, drink beer in the smelly dive down the street, and talk business. They invited her to tag along, but she felt silly; Tom’s mother was home with little Miranda and would have dinner made. They’d be waiting for her, standing in the window looking down at the street, waving. “Mommy’s coming!” Fighting the lure of Brent was taking a lot of energy. When she’d seen him walking toward her like a model on a runway, a younger Jack, she’d been able to think of little else. He’d grabbed her to hug, and the sensation of having his arms around her both comforted and excited her.

“I’m losing my mind,” she said. Making her mental pro and con list, she thought of all the good things about Tom. He was trustworthy and loyal, patient and tolerant, handsome and sexy, a good father and a wonderful son. He was raising Marie’s baby as if she was his own. They weren’t married and didn’t plan on it, but as far as Tom was concerned, their relationship was set in stone. Closing her briefcase, she thought about the sameness that was making her a little crazy. Every night she came home to a neat house filled with the smell of Virginia Adams’ cooking. Miranda would be fed and ready for bed. A few minutes of rocking and a bedtime story, and she would be down for the night. If Tom was home, she’d eat dinner with him. If not, she’d eat alone or skip dinner all together. A shower and pajamas and the contents of her briefcase spread out on her desk, she’d work until bedtime.

Sex was slowly evolving into a weekend-only activity. She didn’t like going out, so he’d make plans to take Miranda to his father’s house in Bayside on Saturday, or visit Virginia, and she’d stay in, getting caught up with laundry or beauty treatments. Rarely, she’d accompany him. The only thing she looked forward to anymore was lunching with Pam on Wednesday. They skipped it this week because they’d just seen each other on Monday, but that turned out to be a bust; Tom’s stepmother, Gwen, ran her mouth for four hours straight, not allowing Sandra out of her sight for longer than a trip to the bathroom. Pam was preoccupied as well, one hundred guests begging for her attention, and then the coup de grace, Pam’s whispered announcement that she’d ended it with Dan at the beginning of the picnic. Looking at her desk calendar, Sandra was determined to fit her friend in that weekend if she did nothing else.