The Thief Who Stole Midnight (11 page)

"And that's your official statement?" The interrogating officer, Lt. Monroe, asked first Maddie, then Mike, then Rio, trying to shake their stories. But they were all basically in agreement.

The only oddball in the bunch was the burglar, John Turnag. But the guy not only had a rap sheet, he had a file the size of a dictionary, so his credibility ranked right around the level of cockroaches. At least the others were clean.

Lt. Monroe walked out of the interrogation room, down the hallway, into the bull pit. The place was in utter chaos, full to bursting with drunk and disorderly revelers. Mixed in with the regular scumbags were hookers, intoxicated partygoers, half-naked fat guys dressed up as Baby New Year, even an out-of-place leprechaun.

As Lt. Monroe got to his desk, one of the Baby New Years got loose, ran across the room, grabbed an overhanging light and tried to swing on it, like Tarzan. The light fixture pulled out of the ceiling and Baby New Year dropped on Lt. Monroe's desk, sending everything on it flying.

"What the hell...!" Lt. Monroe jumped up, coffee dripping off his pants from an overturned mug, gun in his hand. "Someone bring me a new clip. I'm going to shoot this pig." He said, glaring at the fat man on his desk.

Baby New Year howled. "You can't shoot me. I'll sue. I'm gonna sue anyway. I think I broke my back..."

As he moaned and rubbed his backside, Lt. Monroe put the gun away and cuffed the fat man, muttering, "I hate New Years Eve in this town. Bunch of freaks and lunatics. Someone take this idiot away from me before I forget my oath."

Another cop came up to take Baby New Year off his hands. "Speaking of lunatics," he said, "What do you want me to do with the Apple Dumpling gang in the interrogation rooms?"

"Turn 'em loose." Lt. Monroe said. "All except Turnag. Fucker's sound asleep on the table. Wake him up and dump him in a cell."

By the time Mike, Maddie and Rio got back to the apartment, Maddie's parents were asleep on the couch, Nick was watching TV and giving the baby a bottle, and Granny Ruby and Seth were cuddling on the couch and talking about the honeymoon suite they had booked.

While Mike was shuddering at the idea of his grandmother having sex, Maddie and Rio corralled everyone. As Rio returned their money, Maddie shooed them out the door, until the only people left were the three of them and Sophie.

"Well, I'd better go," Rio said. "I don't know how you're going to top this New Year's party next year. You'd better start working on it now."

Maddie gave her an irritated look but Rio just grinned. Then, blowing kisses at them, she went on her way.

"Where was the camera? Why didn't you give the cops the footage?" Maddie asked Mike, after she locked the door behind Rio.

"And have it confiscated as evidence? Or lost and destroyed? No way," Mike said. "I hid the camera on the bookshelves. That footage is our ticket to the big time."

"Are you kidding me? You would have let us rot in jail, just to keep your footage safe?" Maddie asked, astounded.

"No," Mike said. "If it had gone that far, I would have turned it over to our attorney. After I told him to make a copy of it."

"Do you know how long it would have taken to get an attorney over the holidays?" Maddie asked.

"I did the math," Mike said. "We would have only been in jail a few days, max."

"A few days!" Maddie looked dumbfounded.

"Just remember, you love me." Mike said, smiling into her eyes.

Maddie sighed and looked away.

"You still love me, right? For better or worse?" Mike asked, his stomach suddenly clenching. For the first time in their life together, he wasn't sure of the answer.

Maddie sighed again and then finally smiled at him. "Most of the time. But there are moments..."

"That's not your heart talking. That's low blood sugar," Mike said, relieved. "I know your heart's crazy about me all of the time. But your blood sugar needs food or it gets cranky."

Maddie burst out laughing. "I could eat," she reluctantly agreed.

But by the time Mike came back from the kitchen, with a plate of turkey slices and cheese and apple slices, Maddie was sound asleep on the couch.

Quietly, Mike put a blanket over Maddie, then picked up Sophie from her chair.

She opened her eyes and looked at him.

"Hush, little one." Mike said. "Your mom's had a tough night. But you've been a really good girl tonight, haven't you?"

Mike heated up a bottle for her and burped her. Sophie gurgled with happiness and settled back to sleep on his shoulder.

The next day, when Maddie woke up, Mike was intently working on his computer.

"What time is it?" she asked, stretching. Apollo, who had been sleeping on the floor next to her, got up and stretched along with her. "I feel like I've been sleeping for a week."

"Just about," Mike said. "It's almost two."

"In the afternoon?! Where's Sophie?" Maddie looked around, panicked.

"Relax. I fed her. She's napping right now." Mike clicked his computer mouse.

"Two o'clock. No wonder I'm starving." Maddie said, absent-mindedly petting Apollo's head.

"I made turkey and cheese sandwiches for lunch. Yours is in the fridge. There's apple slices too. Oh, and my Gran and your Mom both called -- they each invited us to dinner."

"What did you tell them?"

"It's food. When have I ever turned down food? I told your Mom we'd be over for dinner at six, and I told my Gran we'd meet them at the Drake at eight for dessert."

"Wow, they got a room at the Drake? Granny Ruby doesn't do anything halfway, does she?" Maddie said, heading into the kitchen.

After Maddie had retrieved her sandwich plate, she sat on the couch to eat.

Would you look at this?" Mike said, his eyes shining with excitement as he stared at his computer. "The Thief Who Stole Midnight is at ten thousand hits and climbing. We're going viral, baby," he said, howling in glee.

"Did you get any sleep at all? Or have you been up all night editing footage?"

"I can sleep tomorrow. I wanted to get this done." Mike said. "Holy moley, you should see this hit counter move."

Maddie rolled her eyes and hid a grin behind her sandwich. "Who would have thought a drunk burglar would bring you so much happiness?"

"Not drunk," Mike corrected. "Narcoleptic. It's sad, really. Poor man falls asleep at job interviews. Hasn't been able to get work for the last few years. And his unemployment ran out after eighteen months. No wonder he was robbing us. Although personally, I think if he gets rid of the sleep apnea, the narcolepsy will cure itself."

"Narcolepsy is just another word for lazy and in denial." Maddie said, biting into an apple slice.

"Not so,
Senora
." Mike said. "Sleep apnea is the root of all evil. Look it up. It can kill you."

"Mike, he's a criminal. If he hadn't drunk all of our champagne, he wouldn't have passed out in a stupor."

"That doesn't make him a bad guy."

"No, the bag full of loot makes him a bad guy."

"You should be nicer to the less fortunate. Besides, he wasn't as drunk as he smelled. He said he bumped into a display at a liquor store, all the bottles came crashing down and his clothes got soaked."

 "And you believed him? You are so gullible." Maddie frowned. "How do you know so much about him anyway?"

Mike hesitated. "Sophie and I went to the police station this morning."

Maddie jumped up from the couch so fast, she knocked the plate on the floor. Apollo made a beeline for the food, practically inhaling the crumbs.

"What?! Why? Was there something he forgot to steal?" Maddie screeched, pacing the room. "I can't believe you took our daughter to a prison. A prison. Don't ever tell my mother that. She'll call the Department of Children and Family Services and sue us for custody."

"Police stations are not the same as prisons." Mike said, wincing. "Besides, I needed closure and I didn't want to wake you up. And I thought if anyone needed an APAP machine it was that guy. So I traded your Uncle Evan's machine for his signature. I didn't think you'd mind."

Maddie thought about it. "Since when are they allowed to have APAP machines in jail?" she grumbled, picking up her plate.

"Yeah, about that... Since he didn't get away with anything, I dropped the charges."

"You what?!"

"He really wants to be a decent guy. He just needs a break. And he promised to stop burgling people. Besides, don't you want to start off the year with a good deed? Get those good karma points flowing?"

Maddie sighed and shook her head. "You are such a patsy."

"Maybe," Mike said. "But I'm a patsy with a signed release form, the most downloaded video on YouTube, and the sexiest wife in Chicago."

Maddie playfully frowned at him. "Only Chicago? What about the Northern suburbs?"

Mike pulled her onto his lap and kissed her. "How about the entire Midwest?"

Maddie grinned. "I like that."

As they kissed, Mike tried to carry Maddie into the bedroom, but it was more difficult than he thought. He staggered under her weight, tripped over a baby toy and they collapsed on the floor.

Maddie burst out laughing. "My big, strong, man."

Mike held up the baby toy. "It was sabotage, I tell you. Sophie's determined to be an only child."

As Mike bent to kiss her again, the baby woke up from her nap, crying for breakfast. Then Apollo started barking and from behind the front door came Nick's voice, "Hey, Mikey! Can I borrow Apollo? Or the baby? There's a hottie in the park and I need a wing man."

Mike and Maddie looked at each other.

"If he takes the baby and the dog to the park, we'll have an hour to do whatever we want." Mike said, bending down for another kiss.

Maddie turned her head so that his kiss landed on her cheek. "You want me to trust Nick with our kids? When he's around women? What if he forgets Sophie in the park?"

"He's not going to forget her. Besides, we can always call the grandmothers and tell them Sophie's in the park with Dino."

"Oh, that's evil." Maddie laughed. "They'll both race there to save her."

"Hey, open up!" Nick yelled. "My little chickie bird's not going to be waiting forever."

"You get Apollo and the door," she told Mike. "I'll get the baby and the stroller. After we get them all out of here, I'll meet you in the bedroom in ten."

Mike smiled at Maddie and kissed her more deeply than he had in months. And this time, she kissed him back.

~*~*~*~*~*~

AUTHOR'S NOTE

The story behind this story is kind of unusual. I originally wrote this piece as a TV pilot, but the way it came to be was unique. Every time I would fall asleep, a scene would play out in my head and I would have to wake up and write it down. This is probably the only thing I've ever written entirely while I was sleeping, in fifteen-minute increments. Which I thought was fitting for a story about a narcoleptic burglar.

And now here's the part where truth is stranger than fiction.

When I was much younger, I worked in a Savings and Loan in a suburb of Chicago, and they accidentally locked me in after hours. When I called the cops to report that I wanted to break
out
of a bank, it was a source of much amusement. And absolutely no help. Finally, I was able to reach the President of the S&L and he told me how I could get out of the building. But I've always loved the idea of using that type of response to a 9-1-1 call in a story.

And, even stranger in a serendipitous kind of way, at the time I wrote this as a pilot script, I was working at NBC. When I told my boss about it, he told me about a friend of his whose cousin was known as the narcoleptic burglar of New York -- he had a very short-lived career, since he kept falling asleep on the job and getting picked up by the cops.

So, yes, truth can be -- and often is -- stranger than fiction! And I hope that reading the story will amuse you as much as writing it has amused me.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Christiana Miller is a novelist, screenwriter and mom who's led an unusual life. In addition to writing for General Hospital: Night Shift and General Hospital, she's had her DNA shot into space (where she's currently cohabiting in a drawer with Stephen Colbert and Stephen Hawking), she's been serenaded by Klingons, and she's been the voices of all the female warriors in Mortal Kombat II and III. If her life was a TV show, it would be a wacky dramedy filled with eccentric characters who get themselves into bizarre situations. She enjoys hanging out with her kids and writing stories with a supernatural twist.

You can visit the author's website, her FaceBook page or be subscribed to her email list, to be notified of upcoming releases, by clicking on the following links:

Christiana Miller website

Christiana Miller FaceBook Page

Email Me Future Release Dates

If you enjoyed THE THIEF WHO STOLE MIDNIGHT, please take a minute to leave a review on Amazon!

If you enjoyed The Thief Who Stole Midnight, you may also enjoy Somebody Tell Aunt Tillie She's Dead. Here's an excerpt:

SOMEBODY TELL AUNT TILLIE SHE'S DEAD
(excerpt)

by

Christiana Miller

At the beginning of this whole, surreal journey, I had no idea you could be evicted from your body as easily as you could be booted out of your apartment. Easier, actually, since there's none of those pesky laws in place to protect you. But it all started out so innocently... With a streak of bad luck.

One of the problems with being a witch is when you ask the universe a question, it generally gives you an answer. Or just enough of one to ruin a perfectly good week.

But since it was my birthday...

And since I was an eternal optimist...

And mostly 'cause I was stuck at the longest red light in the history of traffic, with nothing else to do...