The Toll (41 page)

Leaning back in to nuzzle my skin
again, thankfully not my sweaty underarm but my collarbone, he
relaxed fractionally. “Ye smell... funny,” he muttered
confusedly.

“
You do too now,” I mumbled
petulantly. “You just cuddled my arm pit. Pervert.”

“
Familiar but different,”
he mused, thoughtful, not paying attention to a word I’d just said.
Left eye twitching, his expression sobered and he grew stern,
pulling back to glare down at me balefully. “But dinna be jokin’
‘bout shit like that.” The bite in his tone set my teeth on edge,
making mine seem just as sharp.

“
My armpits?”

“
No. The other. Dinna be
obtuse, woman. Ye aint stupid. Be knowin’ that much.”

“
But I’m dafty?”

“
Nugget.”

My lips pursed and I gave him what he
wanted. “Believe me, I wasn’t.” The joking, that is. Well... I had
been, really, but wasn’t in the mood to discuss my own rationality,
or lack thereof, at the moment.

Lips pressed together so tight they
formed a thin, dark line, he swallowed thickly, releasing a deep,
steadying breath.

“
Wanted ta kill the bastard
tha’ hurt ye, touchin’ what’s mine. I’m owed a name. Seems fate had
other plans.” Grunting, he mumbled something low under his breath I
couldn’t quite make out. It almost sounded like ‘hateful
bitches’.

Feeling the same kind of anger flowing
through me, I felt my runes flashing. “I took care of him,” I’d
never feel satisfied with Trystan’s punishment, no matter the
outcome—what Trystan had done was unforgiveable—but I resolved
myself not to dwell on it, at least, at the moment.

It would always haunt me, there was no
debating that, and no way around it, but I’d deal with it one day
at a time, and take life, and all its ups and downs, as they came.
Trystan took something from me I’ll never get aback, but I’ll be
damned if I let him have the rest.

Blinking, Troll eyed me warily. “An’
how’d ye do that? He dead? Was it slow?” The idea pleased him
immensely, I could tell from the look on his face, the gleam in his
deep, glowing eyes.

“
No... not dead...”
But if Trystan dares even think of me he’ll be
very, very sorry, particularly his nether
regions
.
“More
of... eternally punished.”

Having just seen the whole
curse/vision thing of moments ago, I refrained from giving him a
straight answer. Though I didn’t think for a second he’d bat a lash
at me cursing Trystan’s... uhm, junk, I feared it might hit a sore
spot.

The baby was him, had to
be, and the other trolls I’d glimpsed in my last flashes—I mean,
Ornthren—they must be his siblings from his mother’s past
lovers.
Could it be? Was that what the
curse had meant, as well? Not just for Gersthart, but the Lady of
the Lake? Had Wind, Fire, and Earth’s curse been meant as the first
part of Niniane’s punishment, to atone, and the curse of the
Ornthren meant to keep her in line, assuring nothing like that
happened again?

It made sense, but I wasn’t about to
ask anyone to clarify any time soon.

If she has that many
children...
I thought to
myself
, she must have horrible taste in
men. That was a lot of Ornthren, and she’d cursed them all into
existence.

Fingers sliding down my nape, Troll’s
thumbs ran along the scars marring my breasts, tracing the swirling
runes. “An’ look what he’s done to ye. Ruined this,” he hissed as
he pressed his fingers caressingly over my markings again, his
tongue following soothingly after. “They don’... they dinna hurt ye
now, do they?” When I didn’t answer immediately, he snarled into my
shoulder. “Name him, luv. I’ll track him down meself, gut him like
a pig. No one hurts ye.”

No one but... him?
The words hung in the air, heavy and unsaid, but
still hovering over our heads.

“
Is that how you see me?”
My voice had gone small and quiet, but the anger filling it was
rife with conviction.

“
Mine? Yes,” he grunted,
arrogant as ever but missing the point.

“
You said I’m... I’m...” I
couldn’t even say it! Squelching a frustrated screech, I gritted
out, “I’m ruined to you, then? Is that it?” Voice was high and
tight as I forced out the last words, I ignored the concern I
thought I’d just seen, as well as possibly sensed, my voice
cracking at the end, and struggled to pull away from him. “Is that
how you see me? Tainted? Your... damaged bonded? Scarred?” Flicking
his shoulder markings, mood muted but still hovering on the
peripherals, my body still alive with an inner sexual fire that I’d
swear was trying to eat me alive, I glowered up at him, lids
narrowing to tiny, angry little slits. Flashing bright blue, the
glow of my gleaming eyes reflected off his skin in the dim
light.

Blinking down at me, he muttered,
gripping my wrist, “Yer eyes be glowin’.”

I didn’t care.

“
Good. We have that in
common now, too. We both look possessed. Tell me, lover, how is
your flesh any different from mine now, hmm? Shouldn’t you be happy
we look like twins?! One less human thing about me! Your poor,
deceitful little bonded!” Growling under my breath, I shook off his
hold.

His face crumpled for a minute, a
flash of deep pain mixing with a lifelong sadness, before it was
quickly gone. “No... it isna what I-”

Steam practically smoking from my
ears, I was beyond being the sensitive one in this coupling.
Resentment, fresh and crisp as the moment I woke up, filled me
anew. Simply put, I exploded.

“
Then what? Huh? What,
then? It’s all you ever talk about! The puny, inferior human you’re
stuck with! The one you marked, claimed, then refused to listen to!
Yes, me,” my hand reached up and slapped my chest, “your lady wife!
Your bonded! The one who was practically begging you to listen to
her, to explain, and you were too blinded by all that pent up anger
and frustration you carry around like a loaded pistol to listen.”
Forget pistol, too small, it was more like a cannon.

“
I dinna wish this fer ye!”
he bellowed, making as if to roll off the bed and storm
away.

“
Then why did you bond with
me!” I fairly screamed, gripping his forearm.

“
I... I...” gritting his
teeth, spittle flying loose, he stifled a frustrated roar. “I canna
talk ta ye like this!”

“
Oh? Why not? Why not now?
Why... now is the perfect time! Unless you had something else in
mind?!” It didn’t matter if he’d explained, I was already beyond
irrational.

Trying to shake me off, he growled
low, “Dinna be leavin’. I’ll be... back. Ye stay. We end up wakin’
up an’ I’ll tan yer bleedin’ hide, woman.”

Grabbing at his wrist, I wrenched on
his arm hard. “NO! We do this now! You’re running.”

Jerking away, he ripped his arm away,
turning away from me.

“
Hey! Face me, you
coward!”

Whole body tensing, nostrils flaring,
I thought he might internally combust if he didn’t let some of all
that, little bit of everything balled up into one massive anger
ball, out soon, but, just as quickly as he’d puffed up, he
deflated, murmuring, “An’ what if I am?” When I didn’t answer, he
shook his head.

Stunned speechless, my mouth opened
but nothing came out.

Troll’s shoulders sagged and his lips
pulled down. “Remember what I said, nugget. Dinna be leavin’. I
need to...” Grunting, he hissed and muttered, “Just don’t
leave.”

Something snapped at his
attempted retreat, a primal instinct telling me to catch my
bonded—don’t let him give in.
Mate him.
Subdue him. MINE.
It was that odd sense
I’d developed, driving me, and it wasn’t to be ignored.

“
I loved you!!” Rolling to
my knees, my fists balled tightly at my sides and I ignored the
unbecoming jiggling of my very naked body in my wake, ready to have
this out, waiting for the giant, overbearing oaf to say something.
Anything.

He didn’t, unable to meet my eyes,
simply looked away, turning his back on me fully.

He’s quitting, the fool.
Giving up.
He’s turning away from me?
Me!

How dare he!

That was the last straw, the
culmination of everything before I finally tipped over the edge.
Fire boiled in my blood, racing through my veins like acid, and I
was off. Screaming like a mad woman, Troll jerked and spun around
at the sound.

Taking him by surprise, I flew forward
and slapped his chest hard enough to make him yelp out loud,
shocking him speechless as I launched myself at him, sliding my leg
over his thigh, pinning him back down on the bed.

“
I loved you!” I bellowed,
tears suddenly pricking my eyes as I beat at his chest with heavy
fists, lost in my fit of violence. “I loved you... you wouldn’t
trust me, not once. You cursed me and called me a liar! And I loved
you! I’ve never, ever deceived you! You know this, I told you this,
incessantly, but still, you refused to even think... to... And
stupidly, still, I...
Aaaargh!
You... you make me so crazy! Sometimes I hate
you!”

Grasping my wrists in his huge,
oversized mitts, he stilled them, hitching me up high on his chest
until we were nose to nose. “Believe me, nugget, not half as much
as I do.” Breath mingling with my heaving pants, his own slow and
steady, measured, his eyes never left mine as they bore into
me.

Shocked, I stumbled, sputtering as I
gawped.

“
Ye dinna think I hate
meself fer what happened? I do. Failed ye.” Watching me
searchingly, he released me the minute I stopped trying to fight
him.

“
That’s not helping any.”
The anger in my voice was still there, pitched low, loud enough for
a certain Troll with inhuman hearing to make out, but I felt my ire
slowly deflating.

At the odd look on his face, I
growled. Brows still furrowed, head tilted, askance, he studied me
questioningly.

“
You can’t say things like
that when I’m mad at you,” I huffed, irritated at the fact I even
had to explain.

Expression tightening, his eyes
glittered warningly. “An’ why is that, nugget?” his deep, gravelly
voice rumbled quietly. “Dinna be thinkin’ ye can tell me what ta
say, think, or feel. I’ll be sayin’ an’ doin’ as I like, an’ that’s
that.”

“
Oh!
You!
I didn’t-
Ugh!”
Furious, I renewed my
struggles, spitting and snarling mad, hissing when he quickly
imprisoned my hands again, refusing to release me. “Do you know me
at all? Argh! Everything is a fight with you! Everyone is after
you, and everything is a battle!
Grrr! Oh,
you make me so...
And just when I was
thinking you had something beating in this!” Aiming for the middle
of his chest, my hand slipped through his, punching him dead
center.

Yowling on contact, I pulled my hand
to my chest, cradling the rapidly swelling appendage while it
throbbed unmercifully, his only reaction to my assault a grunt and
a frown.

“
Feelin’ better now?” he
snapped, snatching my upper arm as he dragged it closer, taking me
right along with it as he tried to get a better look at the
damage.

“
No!” I barked right back,
scowling darkly in the face of the calm and collected look on his
stern mug. It just angered me more. “I don’t!” In fact, I felt
worse, much worse. At such close proximity, it was growing harder
and harder to ignore the furnace laid out underneath me, all that
hard male flesh at my fingertips, the lit flame, still blazing,
burning inside of me.

Fingers running carefully, caressingly
over my tender flesh, he hummed in that soothing way of his,
unconsciously softening my tensed up body as I melted unknowingly
towards him. “Dinna break it, just bruised, maybe a sprain.”
Glancing up, Troll froze at the look on my face.

My breath hitched and I started
lightly panting.

Licking his lips, his eyes deepened
with want. “Nugget?”

Panting heavily, I slid back, but all
that did was rub my aching, pounding sex along the thickness of his
bare chest.

Fingers digging into his flesh once
more as I swallowed hard, he remained impassive beneath me, his jaw
shut so tight he was panting through tightly clenched lips, body
taut and beyond hard everywhere, he was wound up so tight, watching
me avidly.

Closing my eyes, head tilted towards
the ceiling, I placed myself right where I wanted to be, biting my
lip as I tried to resist, legs clenching as I froze just above him,
putting up one last token effort to put an end to this before it
started.

Honestly, it was a useless fight and I
knew it. Real and truthfully, I’d already given in. This was, more
or less, a pathetic attempt on my part to prolong the inevitable,
whether I was willing to admit it or not.

“
This doesn’t mean
anything,” I whispered, if only to myself, quickly swiping away a
tear before it fell.