The Tome of Bill Compendium Vol. 1 (Books 1-4) (67 page)

After I had finished, she stared at me for a few seconds. Sheila has the most stunning eyes, a soft grey color. I don’t think I could ever get tired of looking into them. After a brief pause, she replied, “I’m glad you’re happy. I don’t think there’re too many things better than earning a living off of something you enjoy (
oh, I could think of a few
). For me, though...”

“What?”

“Well I think it’s pretty obvious I’m not exactly in my dream job.”

“Has Jim been cracking the whip?”

“No,” she replied dismissively. “Don’t get me wrong, I like working for him. I just want...I don’t know...something more.”

“That’s no surprise. Besides, what you do is just a stepping stone to something bigger.”

“Maybe,” she trailed off for a moment. “I just don’t know if I have what it takes for whatever that something might be.”

I laughed at that. She narrowed her eyes at me in response, causing me almost to choke on my latte. I quickly added, “Sorry, I’m not laughing at you. It’s just funny.”

“What is?”

“You do all this stuff for Jim, me, and the rest of the team. You put together the presentations, you handle all the HR crap, and you update all of our project schedules...hell, that’s not even half of it. You keep the department running. Without you, we’d all fall flat on our faces.”

“I doubt that.”

“Are you kidding?” I asked incredulously. “Remember when you took those sick days last year.”

“It was a bad flu season.”

“If you think you had it bad, you should have seen
us
. Jim was practically a basket case without you. Ed and I weren’t much better off either. Nothing got done that week. I mean it.
Nothing
! So, no offense, but to hear you question yourself is a little silly.”

“Really?”

“Really,” I echoed, meaning every word of it. She threw a smile back at me that made me want to run through the hills singing
The Sound of Music
. I gave my head a quick shake so I wouldn’t get lost in the moment. Nothing more jarring than to be talking about work when suddenly the bozo across from you starts screaming, “GOD, I LOVE YOU!”

Instead, I somehow managed to continue with the conversation at hand. “I’ve seen you work. You get things done where the rest of us wouldn’t have Clue One. They couldn’t replace you if they tried.”

“You think so?”

“I
know
so.”

“Thank you, Bill.”

“No thanks necessary. It’s the truth and deep down, I think you know it.”

She looked thoughtful for a moment. In retrospect, I wouldn’t have been surprised if Future Bill had picked that exact moment to appear from out of a time machine and beat the ever-living shit out of me. If I had any part in her decision to move on, it’s there that those seeds were sown.

Finally she answered, “Maybe you’re right. I guess I just needed to hear it from somebody else. I have all these ideas, all these things I want to do, but sometimes it’s hard to believe in myself. When I lie awake at night, I have all these doubts about whether I really can do better.”

“My mother always says,” I replied, pushing her further down the path that was shortly going to lead her out of my life, “sometimes we’re afraid to believe in ourselves until somebody else does it first.” Well, okay, I don’t recall my mom ever saying that. At the time, though, I was trying to sound supportive. Sue me for making up shit on the spot. “Just for the record, I believe in you. I believe you can do better.”

“Seriously?” she gave me a dubious eye just in case I was joking.

But, I wasn’t. Sure, I might’ve been a little biased. Emotions can do that to a person. Hell, if she ever said, “Bill, your roommates annoy me. Can you please kill them?” I would probably gleefully walk home and go on a bloodthirsty massacre.

Still, there was (
love struck
) sincerity in my voice when I answered, “You know what I see when I look at you? (
Besides the most gorgeous creature to ever walk the face of this planet?
) I see someone with the talent to do anything she puts her mind to. I have no doubt that you could move mountains if you decided to.”

Again, she looked thoughtful. Her eyes got a faraway look for a few moments. Oh, if only she would get that look when she thought about me. For that, I’d gladly suffer an eternity of the minions of darkness using my nuts as croquet balls. Hell, I’d even tolerate Sally, my vampire partner in crime, being the one swinging the mallet. Fortunately, Sheila spoke again before that particular imagery could further solidify.

Her eyes regained their focus, and maybe it was just me, but I could have sworn I saw a glimmer of determination in them that wasn’t there before. She nodded her head once and said, “Maybe your mom’s right. Either way you’ve given me a lot to think about.”

The rest of our little pseudo-date was spent talking about considerably less heavy topics, or at least I think it was. My brain had given its all just to get those thoughts out. I had no idea what I said or did, other than making puppy dog eyes at her until we went our separate ways. Sadly, I didn’t have a clue as to how separate they were about to become.

It figured. I’d survived multiple brushes with death in the past several months, most of them at the hands of creatures far more lethal than I. Wouldn’t it figure that at the end of the day I would be my own worst enemy? God, I am such an asshole.

The thing I’ve always loved about programming is that it’s purely logical. While having a passion for the job helps, at times one can just shut down their emotions and type away, android-like, to get the job done. Pity I wasn’t very good at doing that. Fortunately for me, though, I had a few spare keyboards in my closet. I needed them.

The next few hours found me trying to do my job and mostly failing. I’d be typing away when suddenly something like, “FUCK FUCK FUCK!” would come screaming out of my mouth, followed by me turning my keyboard into a mashed pile of plastic. Oh, well, at least they’re cheaper than monitors.

Ed, for the most part, left me to my misery. He realized I needed a little “me time” to cool off. As late afternoon approached, my sharp vampire ears picked up his voice from out in the living room. I couldn’t hear both sides of the conversation, but from what I could tell, he had phoned my other roommate, Tom, to let him know that it was probably not a good time to invite his girlfriend over. Ed doesn’t usually like to show it, but he can be a hell of a good guy when he wants to be.

Sadly, the truth was, there really wasn’t such a thing as a good time for Tom to bring Christy over. See, she’s a witch, a real one. That in of itself didn’t bother me. It was the fact that she wanted me dead that put a damper on our relationship. She and her mentor, Harry Decker - the aforementioned VP/wizard from my company - had this loony theory that I was the harbinger of doom for wizard-kind. They, along with all the vampires I know, refer to me as the “Freewill.” Apparently, I’m this rare breed of vampire that can do things the others can’t. As such, there were all sorts of bizarre myths and legends surrounding me. Harry and Christy believed in one in particular that involved my existence somehow heralding the return of these other legendary creatures called “Icons.” Supposedly, if these Icons showed up, they’d destroy all the magic users...yadda yadda, and other assorted bullshit.

Personally, I could’ve care less about any of that. All I knew was that Christy was the fucking Wicked Witch of the East Coast. That girl has some scary mojo about her and she wasn’t afraid to use it against me. Tom, my oldest and dearest friend, but also a fucking idiot, decided that the best way to handle this was to make her pinky-swear not to kill me in our apartment.

Needless to say, because of those little details, my relationship with Christy was a bit strained. Pity, because she was kind of cute. What? Sharks are deadly too. Doesn’t mean they’re not fun to look at in the aquarium.

Speaking of things that were both pretty and deadly, I was interrupted from eavesdropping by the ringing of my own cell phone. I didn’t need to look at the caller ID to know who it was. The specific ringtone, the theme from
Halloween
, gave it away.

I answered with a sigh. “Hello, Sally.” It was unusual for her to bother me in the middle of the week. Typically, she was happy to let me live my life (
not that I had much of one
). While I was gone, she was left in charge of the coven. Hell, even when I was there it was pretty obvious that she was calling most of the shots. She preferred the former, though, because without me around she was free to cause whatever mischief she pleased, with absolutely no checks to her power. For the most part, she was a competent (
if scary
) person to leave in charge. However, occasionally her psychotic side got the better of her and she would do something that made me want to shove her out into the sunlight. I really hoped that whatever she was calling me about wasn’t one of those situations.

“Aw, what’s the matter, Bill?” she replied with her typical snide tone, “You don’t sound like your normal chipper self.”

“I’m having a bit of a day,” I said, using my free hand to massage my temples. Talking to Sally had a habit of bringing on the migraines.

“Well that’s good, because you’re going to have a bit of a night too.”

“What do you mean?”

“What I mean is that I think your ‘penance’ is about to be paid.”

Oh, crap. “How so?”

“Boston called. They said we should expect company.”

“Who?”

“They didn’t elaborate.”

That wasn’t good. Boston was the center of vampire-related activity on the East Coast. They didn’t often get involved in the day to day operations of the covens under their jurisdiction, but when they did, you could be sure shit was about to hit the fan. In my case, I was pretty sure I had a pile hanging over my head big enough to smother an elephant.

“Did they say...?”

“No, they didn’t,” she interrupted. “Colin sounded pretty agitated over the phone, though. I think you’d probably best get your dumpy ass over here as soon as sundown hits.”

Colin was the vampire currently in charge of the Northeast. It was a temporary position; however, since his boss, James, was missing, it was looking more and more likely that his would be a permanent promotion. Pity, as Colin was a little suck-up of a weasel. If he could have, he would have gladly glued his lips to the asses of the elder vamps who made up the First Coven, the vampire ruling body more affectionately known as the “Draculas.”

Feeling a sheen of perspiration break out on my forehead, I answered in the only manner I knew how. “Oh, shit!”

“Said with your usual eloquence,” Sally quipped. “So are you coming?”

“Do I have a choice?” Silence on the other end. “Sorry, stupid question. Yeah, I guess so. They can only kill me once, after all.”

“Not really.” As usual she was doing her best to make me feel worse. “See you in a few.”

I hung up. This did not bode well for me. Three months ago, some serious shit had gone down. It had all started as a joke. Sally had shipped me to China; supposedly at James’s behest (
I didn't say it was a funny joke
). When Gan, a three-hundred-year-old spoiled vampire brat, decided she was in love with me, her father was
displeased
. Unfortunately for me, her father was the Khan, a member of the Draculas. Even less fortunate, his way of voicing displeasure was to send a trio of his best assassins to cut off my head. Not only had they failed, but the whole mission had turned out to be a fatal mistake on his part.

Unbeknownst to me at the time, he and his people were attacked while this debacle was going on. His forces depleted, the Khan’s coven was overrun with nary a sign of any survivors. The rest of the Draculas subsequently pinned the blame on me. Word had come down from them that I was expected to make things right. The only problem was they didn’t specify
how
. I had thus spent those three months constantly looking over my shoulder.

At last, it seemed I was finally going to get my answer. Oh, well, at least I would know and according to GI Joe, that’s half the battle right there. Pity the rest of it would probably be slightly less fun.

Both of my roommates, bless their still-beating hearts, insisted on coming along after I filled them in on the news. Part of it was their friendship to me, of which I was grateful. As for the rest, well I wasn’t entirely stupid. I knew morbid curiosity when I saw it.

While I was in China, James had absentmindedly dropped the name
Alma
to describe their enemies. An internet search had revealed that Alma was the Mongolian name for
Bigfoot
. To say that my friends, Tom especially, were excited about the prospect of a vampire/Sasquatch showdown would’ve been an understatement. Hell, if I weren’t the one in danger of becoming a casualty of this grudge match, the eternal geek in me would have been pretty darn stoked about it too.

Still, their willingness to stand by my side was welcome. Unfortunately, as I explained to them, I couldn’t bring them to my meeting with Sally. Normally vampires and humans mix about as well as people and nacho platters. As the leader of Village Coven (
It’s been almost a year and that name still sounds stupid!
), I had decreed that my friends were off-limits. Even Sally had to agree with that one, as they had helped us both out on more than one occasion. Unfortunately, whoever was coming to see us wasn’t a part of my coven and thus weren’t beholden to my rules. If they were parched from their journey, then my roommates would make handy refreshments. I couldn’t let that happen.

Thus, to all our chagrin, I had to turn them down and take a solo trip on the N-train toward Manhattan. Well okay, I wasn’t entirely alone. I had dozens of potentially horrific demises running through my head to keep me company. Lots of fun, I tell you.