The Trouble with Bree (Spotlight #1.5) (4 page)

Chapter Eight

“Have you ever been to the waterfront festival?” Josh called me the next night. “I was thinking of checking it out.”

“Oh yeah?” I tried to keep my voice even. I didn’t want Josh to see me like this. My whole body ached, and more bruises had bloomed overnight. It wasn’t just because I looked bad. I was ashamed of what happened. That anyone had so little respect for me. That I lost control so quickly. That I didn’t stand up for myself in front of my boys.

He hadn’t actually invited me, but I knew that’s what he was hinting at. I needed to come up with an excuse, fast. “I’ve heard it’s really crowded, and kind of expensive.”

“It would be my treat, if that’s what you’re worried about.” He knew something was up. Damn it. I didn’t say anything. “What’s wrong, Bree?”

“Nothing.” I said too quickly. “I don’t want you to waste your money.”

“It wouldn’t be a waste of money.” His words were slow, confused. “I had a really good time last night.”

“I did too.” It now seemed something that happened to someone else compared to what happened to me once I got home.

“Do you want to do something else? You don’t seem to be into the festival.”

“Not really.” I panicked. “I just want to chill. It’s been a rough week.”

“Okay.” He sounded so disappointed, and I almost changed my mind, but I just couldn’t see him right now. I got off the phone with him so fast I’m not even sure if I said goodbye.

The boys were exhausted too, they’d been restless all night in their sleep. None of us got out of our pajamas today, we’d all spent the day cuddled on the couch, watching movies.

Landon hadn’t asked any questions yet, and I knew I had to say something about last night, I just wasn’t sure what. I didn’t know how to explain that he wasn’t in danger without making it sound like what happened was okay.

I jumped off the couch cushion when someone knocked on the door, pulling the boys in closer to me. We weren’t expecting company. I had no idea what had gotten into Troy last night, and I didn’t know if he’d come back to finish whatever he’d hoped to accomplish. Daisy always called or texted before coming over, so most likely, it was Kim from downstairs coming to bitch me out over my life choices. She was late this time. I’d actually expected her to come up last night.

Whoever it was had no plans of going away, they knocked again, a little harder this time. I lifted Lucas from my lap and went to face the music.

“What the hell happened to you?” The look on Josh’s face almost made me break down all over again. Instead of answering him, I stepped aside so he could come in.

“Josh!” Both of the boys’ faces lit up, and Landon jumped up off the couch to greet him. Josh crouched down to talk to Landon, and I flopped back down on the couch.

“Are you okay?” Josh asked once he got the boys resettled.

“I wasn’t ready to see anyone yet.” I stared at the movie but didn’t see it. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.” Josh slid off the couch and kneeled down in front of me, taking my hand in his. “I’m sorry I just came over, but I knew something wasn’t right when I talked to you.”

“My ex was here when we got back last night.” I still couldn’t look at Josh while I spoke, even though he was right in front of me. “And he went crazy.”

“He hit you.” Josh’s tone dropped, cold and hard. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him shake his head, disgusted. I rolled up my pajamas so he could see my thigh in its angry purple glory. “Jesus. Did you call the cops?”

“They came.” I hated that I was being short with Josh. Any time I had to talk about this kind of thing, I got defensive. “He’s Lucas’ dad.”

“That doesn’t make it okay.” Josh climbed back up on the couch, but still held my hand. “Does this happen a lot?”

“No. We hadn’t seen him in months. I’d had a restraining order against him. I’m going to apply for a new one tomorrow. I wasn’t up to it today.”

“Is there anything I can do?” Josh rubbed this thumb along the outside of my hand. “I’m so sorry this happened to you.”

“Now you understand why I have cold feet.” It felt so natural to put my head on his shoulder. Josh welcomed me, sliding his hand around my waist. “I can’t have the boys thinking that’s okay.”

“No. It’s not okay.” His words were clipped. “Have you ever talked to anyone about it?”

“You mean, like a counselor?” Josh nodded against the top of my head. “Yeah, on and off, but I always leave feeling worse.” Kind of like I was now.

“Then you didn’t talk to the right person.”

A familiar wall went up. “See? Like that.” I sighed, sitting up and pulling away from him. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but I’m doing the best I can.”

“I’m not judging you, Bree.” Josh tried to smile, but it was more that look of pity that I hated. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

The boys weren’t paying any attention to us. Lucas was still totally enthralled in the movie, and Landon had started to play with his army guys on the floor. “I’m not sure I’m ready for this.”

“Ready for what?” Josh’s brow furrowed in confusion. “To be happy? To not be treated like a punching bag? You deserve better than that.”

“So I deserve you?” I hated the words as they came out of my mouth, but I was so used to pushing people away when they tried to ‘fix’ me I didn’t know how to stop.

Josh closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “My mother had a boyfriend like Troy.” His face darkened again and he wrung his hands together in his lap. “He beat her to death.”

“Jesus.” Cold swept over my body. Every time I saw Troy things got worse. What would have happened last night if the police hadn’t come? “I’m so sorry.”

“It didn’t start off like that for her either, and it took him a long time to actually kill her. She made excuses for him, gave him chances. Things kept getting worse. Finally, she tried to leave him, and that sent him over the edge. I was eleven when it happened, old enough to understand what was going on.” Josh’s eyes glazed over, but he didn’t cry. There came a point where the tears didn’t help anymore. "I don’t want that to happen to you, Bree.”

“It won’t.” But before last night, I would have never thought Troy was capable of hitting me, either. “But I’m not sure I’m ready for anything right now.”

I didn’t think Josh could look any sadder. “I understand.” He squeezed my hand.

“That doesn’t mean I want you to go.” I couldn’t let him leave. If he did, he might not come back. “I don’t know what I want right now, but I’m terrified I’m going to lose you.”

“You’re not going to lose me.” Josh’s face brightened as he smiled. “We’ll just figure it out as we go along.”

Chapter Nine

“Josh slept over?” Landon asked me as I made breakfast. We’d fallen asleep on the couch, my head on his chest, watching movies and hardly talking after the kids went to bed.

I’d woken up a few times during the night, and I should have gone into my own bed. But I didn’t want Josh to follow me in there. At least on the couch I knew we’d just sleep. All bets were off in the bedroom. And with his arms around me, listening to his heartbeat, I felt safe. Today was the day I had to deal with Troy and I needed every advantage I could get.

I cringed. “Yes, he did.” Josh had left early, having to get to work, and I didn’t think the boys saw him. I should’ve known better, Landon knew everything. Someday, the CIA would be happy to have him.

“Cool.” Landon dug into his waffles. “Can he sleep over again?”

“Maybe some time.” I sat down at the table with my coffee. “You like Josh, don’t you?”

Landon nodded, his smile ringed with syrup. “He likes to play with us.”

So far, Josh checked off all of my boxes. He was willing to be patient with me, funny as hell, my kids loved him, and if he was as good at the other stuff as he was at kissing, I had a lot to look forward to. But he wasn’t supposed to be dating me.

I grabbed a piece of waffle off of Landon’s plate, dipping it in syrup as he protested. “Josh is going to be one of your teachers.” I wasn’t exactly sure where I was going with this, but Landon’s face lit up. “When you go to school, you have to treat him like all of your other teachers. He might not be able to play with you there, because he’ll be busy working.”

“Okay.” Landon seemed to understand. “But he can still play with us here?”

Leave it to my four-year-old to make it so simple. “Yes, he can.”

I knew I needed to let Josh worry about how he was going to deal with this at work, but the last thing I wanted was for the rug to be snatched out from all of us. He’d be crazy if he chose me over his career, if it even came down to that.

We’d only hung out a couple times, and I’d waited for Josh to get in touch with me every time. That was the first thing I needed to change. “Your presence has been requested.” I told him when I called. “Landon wanted to know when…” I almost said
when you’re sleeping over again
, but that was way too suggestive. “He was happy you stayed over.” I finished the statement quietly.

“We got caught? Oh.” I’d felt the same way at first.

“It’s okay. He has no idea what it means, besides you like Legos and ice cream.” I laughed. “They think you’re pretty awesome.”

“Likewise,” Josh said. “And so are you.”

My cheeks flushed. “So how do we do this? I’m used to booty calls and guys that have wives. I probably should have asked you. You’re not married, are you?”

Josh laughed. “No. My closet is embarrassingly skeleton free.”

I wished I could say the same. “That’s the best news I’ve heard in a long time.” Just talking to him, I felt better. “When can I see you again?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” Josh’s voice lifted now that I was finally making a move. “Have the boys ever been to the Children’s Museum?”

“No.” I’d meant for him to come over and hang out, but I wasn’t going to say no to an adventure. “They loved the aquarium.”

“How about Saturday, we go check it out? We can get dinner on the way home.”

“That sounds wonderful.”

**

“So the cops were at your house the other night?” My mother asked when I called. “Margaret heard it on the police scanner.”

“Yeah.” My aunt Margaret listened to the police scanner with the same enthusiasm my mother watched home shopping. “Did she tell you what happened?”

“She just said they were called for a disturbance.” My mother sighed, not the least bit concerned. “What happened this time?”

“Troy went nuts and beat the crap out of me.” I’d spent the last couple of days dealing with the aftermath of it. I’d gone down to the police station to make a statement. They’d taken pictures of my face and leg. I renewed the restraining order, this time for a year. I’d have to go to court and petition to have his visitation rights taken away, but the person I spoke to thought the judge would rule in my favor. This wasn’t Troy’s first arrest for assault and battery. She told me they wanted to send him to a rehab facility for his substance abuse problems. She’d also given me the name of a counselor that I hadn’t called yet. I wasn’t sure I ever would.

“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.” She had to be kidding me. “What did you do?”

“There wasn’t a lot I could do, besides make sure he didn’t hurt the kids.” I’d never shake the memory of the kids screaming as Troy kicked me. “Someone else called the cops.”

“I meant what did you do to piss him off.” Of course she would think this was my fault. She always did.

“Nothing.” I’d called her to tell her that I was okay, and that I met someone who was the complete opposite of Troy, but she didn’t give a shit. “I’m okay, in case you’re wondering.”

“I figured.” Rage coursed through my body. “I ordered you a new vacuum. I noticed your carpet was a mess when I was there the other day.” Bullshit. On so many levels. She was more concerned about the rug than my wellbeing?

“Keep it.” She could shove her vacuum up her ass. “I don’t want anything from you.” I hung up before she had a chance to say anything else.

**

“Look at the airplanes! Lucas, up in the sky!” I pointed out the window. The kids were stoked about the ride to Boston. They’d never been to the city before and they loved all the trucks, skyscrapers, and especially the planes. We probably didn’t even need to take them to the museum.

“Where are the planes going?” Landon asked.

“All over the world,” Josh said as he drove, but we took my car. It had the car seats and it was already a warzone in the back. His car looked like he actually cared about it, and it may have never recovered from an afternoon with these two.

“So those people are up in the sky?” Landon had his head tipped up so he didn’t miss a thing. “That’s so cool.”

“Someday, we’ll go someplace in an airplane.” I hoped I wasn’t making an empty promise. I’d never flown anywhere, either. Landon’s mouth dropped.

“You know where I hear is really cool?” Josh looked back at him in the rear view mirror. “Mickey Mouse’s house.”

Landon gasped. “People really get to go there? I thought that was just on TV.”

“Nope, people go there all the time,” I told him, and I’d never seen Landon so excited.

I was glad I brought the stroller into the museum, because both boys passed out before we even left the building. They did everything: blew bubbles, banged on steel drums, and pedaled a bike to make a sign light up. Josh and Landon climbed a rope sculpture while Lucas and I played with the trains.

“Our dates are sleeping on the job.” Josh laughed, pushing the stroller. “Why don’t we get some takeout and sit by the water?”

We got lobster rolls from a food truck out in front of the museum, and walked halfway down the Harborwalk before picking a bench to settle on. “This is such a pretty city,” Josh said as he unwrapped his dinner.

“Isn’t it?” A duck boat went by in the harbor and I almost woke up the kids so they could see it. They loved them when they saw them on TV. “Have you ever seen the ads for Codzilla? The speedboat that does harbor tours?”

“Yeah, that looks awesome.” He looked over at the stroller, Lucas was still sprawled out on top of Landon, both out cold. “Do you think they’re big enough to go on it?”

“Not yet. A couple more years.”

“It’s nice to have someone do to stuff with.” Josh smiled. “I’ve been dying to explore the city.”

“How long ago did you move here?” I asked.

“Two months ago. I feel like a hermit. It’s harder meeting people than I thought it would be.”

“Did you live in New York City before?” I asked.

“Yeah. Queens.”

“And you still like Boston?”

“I do. Even though it’s kind of far from the city.” Josh laughed.

I whacked him. “Did you always live there?” I hesitated. “When you were a kid?”

“Born and raised.” Josh nodded, wiping his mouth with his napkin. “I never thought I’d leave.”

“Where did you go after everything happened?” I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about what happened to his mom. I didn’t realize I’d let things get so bad, and I’m sure she didn’t, either. My blood ran cold every time I thought about what would happen to the kids if I was gone.

He looked out at the water. “I was in foster care for a while. Then my aunt was able to take me in my junior year of high school.”

“They threatened my mother that they were going to put me in foster care, but I got pregnant before it happened.” I’d never told anyone that before. And for some reason, the child protective service people decided it was safe for me to stay with her once I had a baby. I never understood it, but they helped me get an apartment once I turned eighteen.

“Why?” Josh looked surprised. “Not the pregnant part, I understand how that happens, but the foster care. That’s usually a last resort.”

“They thought she was neglecting me.” After my dad died, my mom stopped caring about things. She never wanted to leave the house, so we didn’t always have things like food, or new clothes. Until she discovered that she could order almost anything online. Then too much stuff started coming, because she thought she needed all of it. Cleaning had never been her priority, and it got worse as all the boxes started piling up. Things stopped working in the house, like the washing machine, and I had to wash my clothes in the sink. If I didn’t wash hers too, she wouldn’t have bothered. “She’s a hoarder.”

“Oh. People make fun of that because of the TV show, but it’s pretty serious.”

“It’s awful. I can’t bring the kids to her house because I’m afraid they’ll get hurt. And that doesn’t bother her. I have to beg her to come see them, and that doesn’t even work.” I wasn’t going to let my mother ruin today. I still hadn’t talked to her since I’d hung up on her. “I wanted to do everything differently than she did, but it’s hard. I hear myself saying things that came out of her mouth and I cringe.”

“I don’t think you’re anything like your mother.” Josh smiled sadly. “These kids are definitely not neglected and your house is clean.”

“What was it like? Being in foster care?” It had terrified me much more than it affected my mother. Any time I got called to the office in school, or people I didn’t know came to the house, I was convinced they were going to take me away.

Josh sighed. “I was in three different places. Two of them weren’t bad, but it was never home. I always felt like a guest that had stayed too long. The third place was in a bad neighborhood and I started to get involved with some of the guys in gangs. I was younger than those guys, and I was scared. I started doing stuff for them, delivering their drugs and things like that. I robbed someone.” Josh looked away from me, his face darkening with regret. “And I saw some things that would give you nightmares. My aunt found out what was going on, and adopted me. She got me into the private school at her parish. I used to be bitter that it took her that long, but now I’m just thankful that she did it. She saved me.”

I shuddered, but even though his story was terrible, it gave me hope. If he could dig himself out of a situation like that, anything was possible. “It’s weird to be able to see it from the other side, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Josh slid closer to me now that we were done eating. “You’re doing a great job, Bree. It’s not easy.” He put his fingers under my chin, turned my face to his, and kissed me.

Lucas started to stir, still sleepy, and sat up. I put the rest of my fries on the tray in front of him. “I don’t know. I just gave my baby french fries for dinner.”

“He looks pretty happy about it.” We hadn’t completely pulled away from each other yet, Josh’s cheek was against mine when he turned to look at the kids, his stubble prickling my skin. “We can stop at McDonald’s on the way home.”

“Oh, that will put me back in the running for mother of the year.” I laughed as we walked back to the parking garage. Josh helped me buckle Landon in, and then kissed me when we got in the front seat. “I have a question for you.”

“Yes.” Josh winked at me as he turned over the ignition. “The answer is yes. Whatever you were going to ask me.”

I whacked his arm. Wait until he found out what I was going to ask him. “You don’t even know what it is yet.”

“Now you know how to phrase your question to get the answer you want.” He tried to keep the smile from spreading over his face, but it wasn’t working.

“It doesn’t change anything.” But still, I was nervous and I already knew I was going to get my way. “Do you want to sleep over?”