Authors: Neil Pasricha

The Book of Awesome

BOOK: The Book of Awesome

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Table of Contents

Title Page

So what’s this all about?

The other side of the pillow

When cashiers open up new checkout lanes at the grocery store

Wearing underwear just out of the dryer

Old, dangerous playground equipment

Intergenerational dancing

Strategic trick-or-treating

Seeing a cop on the side of the road and realizing you’re going the speed limit anyway

Illegal naps

When you get the milk-to-cereal ratio just right

High-fiving babies

When you’re awkwardly standing by yourself with a full cafeteria tray of food ...

Having a whole row to yourself on the plane

Popping Bubble Wrap

Being the first table to get called up for the dinner buffet at a wedding

When someone lands on the hotel you just built in Monopoly

Finding a mix tape given to you by an old boyfriend or girlfriend

Picking the perfect nacho off someone else’s plate

The moment at a concert after the lights go out and before the band comes onstage

Finding out your birthday is on a Friday or Saturday next year

Fixing electronics by smacking them

Hitting a bunch of green lights in a row

When you push the button for the elevator and it’s already there

Bakery air

Tripping and realizing no one saw you

The Universal Fry-Sharing Policy

Sleeping in new bedsheets

Using hotel lobby bathrooms when you’re out walking around

Taking your bra off after wearing it for hours

The sound of scissors cutting construction paper

Waking up before your alarm clock and realizing you’ve got lots of sleep time left

When the socks from the dryer all match up perfectly

When there’s still time left in the parking meter when you pull up

The smell of crayons

Peeling an orange in one shot

Using all the different shampoos and soaps in someone else’s shower

When the vending machine gives you two things instead of one

Licking the batter off the beaters of a cake mixer

Being the first person into a really crowded movie theater and getting the ...

Waiters and waitresses who bring free refills without asking

The final seconds of untangling a really big knot

The Five Second Rule

When the thing you were going to buy is already on sale

Peeling that thin plastic film off new electronics

Finding your keys after looking forever

Eating the extra fries at the bottom of the bag

The feeling of scrunching sand in your feet

Scraping all the lint off an overflowing lint trap

The thank-you wave when you let somebody merge in front of you

When you’re really tired and about to fall asleep and someone throws a blanket ...

Getting your ID checked when you’re way over the legal age

The smell of rain on a hot sidewalk

That friendly nod between strangers out doing the same thing

Really, really old Tupperware

Getting gas just before the price goes up

The pushoff

Wearing sandals when you shouldn’t be wearing sandals

Getting off an airplane after a long flight

Picking up a q and u at the same time in Scrabble

Old folks who sit on their porch and wave at you when you walk by

The first scoop out of a jar of peanut butter

Hearing a stranger fart in public

Perfectly toasted toast

When someone unjams the photocopier for you

Reading the nutritional label and eating it anyway

When you’re watching one of your favorite movies and you realize you don’t ...

The smell of the coffee aisle in the grocery store

That pile of assorted beers left in your fridge after a party

Staring out at calm water

Blowing out all the candles on your first try

Sneaking McDonald’s and hiding the evidence

Your family car growing up

Eating a free sample of something you have no intention of buying

Sneaking under someone else’s umbrella

Finally remembering a word that’s been on the tip of your tongue for so long

When someone offers to toss your dirty clothes in with their load of laundry

The moment at a restaurant after you see your food coming from the kitchen but ...

Terrible businesses run by children

Frozen walls of air conditioning hitting you on hot days

Catching somebody singing in their car and sharing a laugh with them

Snow stepping

Taking off your shoes on a long car ride

Getting the eyelash out of your eye

Finally figuring out how your hotel shower faucet works

Talking about how much the meal you’re eating at home would cost in a restaurant

When you arrive at your destination just as a great song ends on the radio

Saying the same thing a sports commentator says just before they say it

Orange slices at halftime

Putting potato chips on a sandwich

When you didn’t play the lottery and your numbers didn’t come up

The smell of frying onions and garlic

Nailing a parallel parking attempt on the first try

The Perfect Chicken Wing Partner

Discovering those little tabs on the side of the aluminum foil box

Your favorite old, comfy T-shirt

The smell of freshly cut grass

A long hug when you really need it

A good floss after a tough steak

Dangling your feet in water

Salt

When you know all the buttons to speed through the automated telephone system

Laughing so hard you make no sound at all

When you nudge the person snoring next to you and it makes them stop

The sound of ice cubes cracking in a drink

Solving the Wheel of Fortune puzzle before the people on the show

When the guy at the border doesn’t ask any questions

Really, really selling it while barbecuing

Locking people out of the car and pretending to drive away

The sound of rain from inside the tent

When you arrive at the bus stop just as the bus is coming around the corner

That last crumby triangle in a bag of potato chips

Bowling celebrations

Slicing open a taped-up box with a set of keys or a pen

Sitting next to someone good-looking on a plane

When you manage to squeeze out enough toothpaste for one last brush

Using Q-tips the way you’re not supposed to use them

Watching The Price Is Right when you’re at home sick

That one square in the waffle that’s the most loaded with butter and syrup

Rain hair

Neighbors with pools

When you actually remember the name of someone you met earlier at the party

Somebody flashing their high beams at you to warn you about the cops

The Man Couch

The shampoo head massage you sometimes get at the hairdresser

Finding the TV remote after looking forever

Adrenaline

Getting a trucker to blow his horn

When there’s leftover cake in the office kitchen

Hanging your hand out the car window

Getting served breakfast in bed

Finally clipping your fingernails after you’ve been meaning to do it all week

Coming home after a long day to the smell of someone cooking dinner

Big crowds enjoying big fireworks

Sleeping with one leg under the covers and one leg out

Building a stack of pancakes that looks just like the front of the box

When your sneeze stalls for a second and then suddenly comes booming out

Wordless apologies

The smell and sound of a campfire

When your suitcase tumbles down the luggage chute first after a long flight

Peeling off your wet bathing suit and putting on warm clothes after swimming ...

Bedhead all day long

Successfully moving all your clothes from the washer to the dryer without ...

Backseat car windows that go down all the way

Getting grass stains

When you know your TV remote so well you don’t need to look at the buttons

When you hear someone’s smile over the phone

Returning to your warm and comfy bed after getting up to pee in the middle of ...

Moving up a shoe size when you’re a kid

Perfectly popped microwave popcorn

That one really good pen that never gets lost

When you’re driving late at night on an empty gas tank and a gas station ...

Remembering what movie that guy is from

Using Rock-Paper-Scissors to settle anything

Pushing those little buttons on the soft drink cup lid

Your colon

The day you first realize you can drive

Crap job shoes

Celebrating your pet’s birthday even though they have no idea what’s going on

Waking up and realizing it’s Saturday

High tens

Seeing somebody laugh in their sleep

When there’s ice cream left at the bottom of the cone

Sweatpants

Multitasking while brushing your teeth

The Parking Lot Pull Through

The three-paycheck month

The smell of books

Getting in a line before it gets really long

Getting into a bed with clean sheets after shaving your legs

The Gas Arrow

Snow falling on Christmas Eve

Playing with a baby and not having to change its diaper

Squeezing a little more juice out of dying batteries

Falling asleep in the backseat of a car late at night on the drive home

Ordering off the menu a t fast food restaurants

Paying for something with exact change

The first shower you take after not showering for a really long time

The smell of gasoline

Your pillow

Getting something with actual handwriting on it in the mail

Building an amazing couch-cushion fort

Gym pain

Squeezing through a door as it’ s shutting without touching it

Snow days

The first time you fly alone

When you spill something on your shirt and it doesn’ t leave a stain

Finding the last item of your size at the store

When the boss goes out of town

Getting out of the car and stretching at the highway rest stop

Planning for snoozes

New Socks Day

Watching your odometer click over a major milestone

Mastering the art of the all-you-can-eat buffet

Finding money in your old coat pocket

The Laugh Echo

Crying

Driving through your old neighborhood and stopping to see the house you grew up in

The last day of school

When you’re right near the end of the book

Smiling and thinking of good friends who are gone

Remembering how lucky we are to be here right now

Acknowledgements

BOOK: The Book of Awesome

10.08Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub

Read Book Download Book

ads

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