The Book of Awesome (2 page)

AMY EINHORN BOOKS

 

AMY EINHORN BOOKS
Published by G. P. Putnam’s Sons
Publishers Since 1838
Published by the Penguin Group
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Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

Copyright © 2010 by Neil Pasricha

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed
or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of
copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions.
Published simultaneously in Canada

 

“Amy Einhorn Books” and the “ae” logo are registered trademarks belonging to
Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

 

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

 

Pasricha, Neil.
The book of awesome : snow days, bakery air, finding money in your pocket, and other simple, brilliant things / Neil Pasricha. p. cm. “Amy Einhorn Books.”

eISBN : 978-1-101-18691-6

1. Conduct of life—Humor. I. Title.
PN6231.C6142P’.607—dc22

 

 

 

 

All photographs by Sam Javanrouh (
dailydoseofimagery.com
) with exception of “Wordless Apologies” by Evan Long, “Smiling and Thinking of Good Friends Who Are Gone” by Dina Kim, and “When the Vending Machine Gives You Two Things Instead of One” and “The Perfect Chicken Wing Partner” by iStockphoto.

 

While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers and Internet addresses at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

 

Completely swallowing and devouring up every tiny last word of the entire book, including all the copyright, printing, and Library of Congress information that nobody usually reads. AWESOME!

Polar ice caps are melting,
hurricanes swirl in the seas
, wars are heating up around the world, and the job market is in a deep freeze.

Whoa.

It’s getting pretty ugly out there.

That’s why one chilly spring night I started a tiny website called
1000 Awesome Things
. For a boring guy with a nine-to-five job, it became a getaway from my everyday.

I never imagined that writing about
finding money in your old coat pocket
, the smell of gasoline, or watching
The Price Is Right
when you’re at home sick would amount to anything.

Honestly, when I started the site I got excited when my mom forwarded it to my dad and the traffic doubled. Then I got excited when friends sent it to friends and strangers started sending me suggestions:
“When cashiers open up new checkout lanes at the grocery store,”
“The smell of rain on a hot sidewalk,” “Waking up and realizing it’s Saturday.”

It seems like maybe these tiny little moments make an awesome difference in many of our rushed, jam-packed lives. Maybe we all love snow days, peeling an orange in one shot, and
Popping Bubble Wrap.

Maybe we’re basically all the same.

Over the past year the website grew into a warm place where people around the world came to
curl up under a blanket
and think about the small joys we often overlook. With so much sad news and bad news pouring down upon us, it’s fun to stop for a minute and share a universal high five with the rest of humanity.

What started on a whim has changed me for the better too. Now when I get the thank-you wave while merging,
hear the crack of ice cubes in my drink
, or move clothes from the washer to the dryer without dropping anything, I just smile and enjoy the moment.

So . . . that’s the story so far. That’s how we got from there to here. And now it’s time to come on in. The fire’s crackling and there’s a seat on the couch here. Cuddle up and let’s all get into it.

Let’s all get onto it.

And let’s all get a little bit

AWESOME!

Have you ever found yourself lying in bed
wide awake
in the middle of the night?

You know how it is:
Clock’s clicking
past 1:30 a.m. and you lie there with your eyes bugged open, chewing your upper lip, tapping the sheets with your fingers, completely frustrated. Your pupils have long adjusted to the dark, so your eyes are darting around the room over and over, trying to identify dark shapes or watching the moonlight shadow-dance around the walls. Maybe your thoughts won’t settle down, you just can’t get comfortable,
you ate spicy food
before bed, you have a presentation the next morning, or maybe it’s just the frustration itself keeping you in a terrible, never-ending cycle of sleeplessness.

So you
play dead
and try to remain motionless as long as possible. You change positions back and forth, side to side, left to right. You get up and go to the bathroom or start reading a book. Maybe you try to remake the bed, since by now you’ve probably managed to twist your sheets and blankets into a completely unusable, tightly wound knotpile barely covering your legs.

On nights like this, when you just can’t sleep, one of the greatest things invented is simply
Turning Over the Pillow
.

Yes, flipping over your pillow and checking out the other side cranks
Bed Comfort
up a few notches and is a simple and easy way to help you relax and get comfy.

The other side of the pillow, folks. Because it’s flat when you’re sagging,
fresh when you’re stale
, and cold when you’re hot, baby.

AWESOME!

Though I hate to admit it, I am a slow, indecisive mess in the grocery store checkout lane.

Since I am an
extremely cheap person
, I watch the prices scroll up on screen like a hawk, often saying things like “Oh, I thought that was on sale,” or “Actually, I don’t really want that anymore,” forcing the cashier to call in price checks to the unresponsive produce department or find a temporary home for the pack of
melting Fudgsicles
I’ve decided to leave off my list last minute.

And because I’m watching the screen so closely, I start bagging my groceries late, fumble with my wallet, and awkwardly leave my shopping cart blocking the lane like a metal
crisscrossed castle knight
enforcing a firm “Thou shall not pass” law in its trademark silence.

Yes, I clog up the line and annoy everybody behind me. I’m one of
Four People You Don’t Want to Stand Behind
in the grocery line, together with:

Those tense, winding checkout lanes can be a pretty rough go sometimes. It’s not easy out there. You have to watch the anxiety levels, take deep breaths, keep that blood pressure in check.

That’s why there are few things better than a
sprightly new cashier
hopping onto the scene, grabbing the “Next lane please” sign from the end of the belt, flicking on the lightbulb above her station, and offering a loud, beaming “Next customer, please!” to the scowling, stressed-out masses.

When that cashier bulb goes on, a
bright warm glow
showers down on everybody waiting. People like me feel less guilty about holding up the line and folks at the end win the big front-of-the-line jackpot. Yes, it’s
one giant mood swing
, one massive swelling of goodwill, complete with buzzing chatter, a few laughs, and even the occasional crinkly plastic sound of a tightly wound frown turning upside down.

AWESOME!

Now tell me: Is there anything quite so nice as wrapping yourself up in a pair of steaming skivvies just out of the dryer? It’s like skinny-dipping in a hot tub, jumping on a horse that’s been in the sun all day, and lying on a warm, sandy beach . . . combined! Sure, the moment doesn’t last long, yes, there may be some static cling, and it’s true, you’ll have to get changed really quickly in the laundry room to pull it off.

But dang, girl.

Hot undies, they is fine.

AWESOME!

Slides used to be dangerous.

After climbing up those
sandy, metal crosstrax steps
, you got to the top and stared down at that steep ride below. The slide was burning hot to the touch, a stovetop set too high all day under the summer sun, just waiting to greet the underside of your legs with first-degree burns as you enjoyed the ride. It also smelled like hot pee, years of nervous children with leaky diapers permanently marking it as their territory. Lastly, to top it all off, there were no cute plastic side rails or encapsulated tube slides, which meant that if you went too fast or aimed your legs poorly, your shoes would
grip-skid on the metal
, and you’d spill over the side, landing face down with a sickening thud in a bed of pebbles, cigarette butts, and milk thistles.

It wasn’t just slides either. Everything in the playground was more dangerous. And it was different and unique, seemingly put together by the
neighborhood handymen
who in a burst of creative energy one Saturday morning emptied their garages of old tires, two-by-fours, and chains and just nailed them all together.

There were wooden tightrope beams suspended high in the air, daring the confident, athletic kids to attempt a slow, heart-pounding high-wire walk while other kids encouragingly showered them with handfuls of sand and
pinecones
.

There were fire poles two stories high—just cheap, simple poles planted deep in the ground that were popular
and educational
, quietly introducing children to concepts like gravity, friction, and badly sprained ankles. There was a certain Fire Pole Form too, a kind of arms-on, cross-legged, spider-wrap maneuver that was both awkward and majestic at the same time.

And of course, there was my favorite: the
Big Spinner
, also known as a
Merry-Go-Round
. This was just a giant metal circle that lay a foot off the ground and could be spun, usually by someone standing beside it. If you were lucky, you’d get a pile of kids on there and somebody’s mom or dad would kindly whip you into a
World of Unimaginable Dizziness
. A couple kids would fly off from the g-forces, but most would hang on, teeth gritted, eyes squinted, cheeks flapping wildly against the wind, until the Big Spinner reluctantly came to a slow stop and finally let everyone off. Kids would walk away in different directions, some hitting tree trunks head-on, others falling down nearby hills.