The Trouble with Emily Dickinson (24 page)

They shuffled by her, barely acknowledging
her presence. Then for some reason Kyan hesitated awkwardly in the
doorway, and then turned abruptly toward JJ.

“Hey Jason, I’ll catch up with you. Save me a
spot in line.”

JJ could feel the knots in her stomach
tighten. What did he want to talk to her about now?

“I’m sure Kendal told you what happened,” he
whispered, once he was back outside on the sidewalk.

JJ stared at him vacantly.

“You know, under the scorers’ box the other
night?”

JJ cringed. “No,” she said blandly. “Kendal
didn’t share that tidbit of information with me, and I’m sure
whatever happened between the two of you is a private matter.”

“I asked her not to tell anyone about it,”
said Kyan.

At that moment, JJ recalled the excitement
she felt flowing through her when she’d left the school lounge and
headed down campus to the soccer field where Queenie had said
Kendal would be waiting. All of her rationality and levelheaded
reasoning had flown out the window. She had gone there, clinging to
one last hope that this time the hopeless romantic would win.

And then she saw them under the scorers’ box
together. Kendal was holding Kyan’s shoulders gently, as if she
were about to ease in for a kiss. JJ almost called out to her, but
muffled her words before they left her mouth. Instead, she turned
and ran. She sprinted across campus as if some masked man were
chasing her. But there was no masked man. And when she finally
stopped running, she collapsed to the ground in front of her
dormitory, completely out of breath and, more significantly,
completely heartbroken.

“I thought she’d tell you,” said Kyan,
breaking into JJ’s flashback.

“Well, she didn’t.” JJ rudely shifted her
backpack from one shoulder to the other. “And I doubt she will any
time soon.”

“Fine by me,” said Kyan. “One less thing I
need to worry about then.”

As he turned and reached for the door, JJ
gave him a slight nod. “You two make a cute couple,” she said. “I
hope you treat her right.”

“Couple?” Kyan echoed, the door to the coffee
shop swaying gingerly in his hands. “I don’t think so. She’s too
much to deal with. Besides, I heard she’s got a thing for
chicks.”

“Chicks?”

“Yeah, other girls. Namely you.”

JJ’s backpack dropped to the ground. “What
are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about Kendal.” Kyan glanced
inside the coffee shop.

Jason was inching closer to the front of the
line, simultaneously mouthing “What’s going on?”

Kyan held up a finger, telling him to wait a
minute. Then he let go of the door and approached JJ slowly. “She
really didn’t tell you what happened then?”

“No. She didn’t.” JJ tried to read his
expression but all she could tell was that he was as confused as
she was. “What happened that night? Did you guys—you
know—hook-up?”

“Ha! I wish. I think that if I had made a
pass at her she probably would have punched me out.”

“But I saw you together. Kendal was holding
onto your shoulders. You two were about to kiss, just like some
scene out of a romantic comedy.”

“You saw us?” Kyan struggled to recall the
incident. Then it hit him. “She was waiting for you!” He pointed at
JJ adamantly. “I knew it! I knew you were the person she’d been
expecting.”

“If she was expecting me then why were you
there?”

“I saw her sneak under the bleachers, so I
followed her,” Kyan explained. “I wanted to know what was going on
with her, and she basically put me in my place.”

“Put you in your place?”

“Yeah.” Kyan peered cautiously over JJ’s
shoulder and then behind him before he continued. “She told me to
stop acting like such a conceited jerk all the time.”

“Well, that’s good advice.” JJ smiled.

“We talked about a few other things, too. But
that’s why I asked you if she said anything to you because,” he
glanced around again, “I don’t want anyone knowing I have a soft
side.”

“So nothing happened between you two?”

“Nope. Like I said, she said she was
expecting someone else. But I’m positive she was waiting for
you.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because her eyes lit up the moment I
mentioned you.”

A warm, tingling sensation burst in JJ’s
stomach. “So, let me get this straight,” she said. “Kendal didn’t
want you there. You followed her because you wanted to know why she
stood you up, and when she saw you she basically told you to get
lost?”

“Yeah—that’s basically it.”

JJ’s eyes danced around, bouncing off the
sidewalk, the sky and Kyan’s face. “I am such a complete and utter
idiot,” she said suddenly, and smacked herself in the forehead.

“Why?”

“You wouldn’t understand.” She grabbed her
backpack off the ground. “I’m sorry, but I have to go.”

“Hey, wait a minute,” Kyan called after her
as she hurried down the street. “You promise you won’t say
anything, right? About me, you know, being soft and
everything?”

He waited for JJ to respond but she was
already halfway down the street. And it was obvious that she’d no
intention of stopping.

CHAPTER 35

Kendal sat down on her new bed, even though
it was still unmade. She was exhausted from moving everything she
owned up two flights of stairs. Her arms felt like slabs of jelly,
and her lower back ached. She flopped down and closed her eyes.
Just as she was about to fall asleep, the door to her room
opened.

“Mya—don’t even think about trying to
convince me to do anything tonight,” Kendal mumbled. “I’m exhausted
and I still have to make my bed.”

“It’s not Mya,” said a familiar voice.

Kendal’s eyes shot open. “What are you doing
here?” she asked as JJ came into her view.

“Looking for you.”

“How did you know where to look?”

“Mya told me where you were,” JJ explained.
“She said you were up here getting some beauty rest or something.”
She observed Kendal’s new surroundings. “I have to say I like this
room much better than your last.”

“You and me both,” said Kendal. She was
sitting up now, trying to make sense of what was happening. “Why
were you looking for me? I thought you didn’t want to have anything
to do with me anymore?”

“I think I made a huge mistake,” JJ said as
she inched closer to the bed. “May I?”

Kendal nodded and JJ sat down beside her.

“I was in town earlier, and I ran into Kyan
Stevens.”

“That is a mistake,” Kendal snickered. “And,
just for the record, I prefer to call him Kyan the couch
monster.”

“Well, the couch monster informed me that he
followed you the other night when you asked me to meet you under
the scorers’ box.”

“That he did.”

“And that you basically told him to get
lost.”

“That I did.”

“Only, it looked much different through my
eyes.”

“What do you mean, through your eyes?”

JJ sighed as if she were about to confess to
committing a horrible crime. “I mean that I did show up that night,
only I showed up right when you were giving Kyan a lecture. And,
through my eyes, it looked as though you were about to give him a
kiss.”

“What?” Kendal flinched, and made a face. “I
wouldn’t kiss him even if he were the last man on earth. Unlike
Mya, I’m not captivated by his washboard abs.”

“Mya likes Kyan?”

“That’s beside the point.” Kendal smacked JJ
lightly on the shoulder. “I can’t believe you thought that I would
do that.”

“I didn’t know what to think,” JJ insisted.
“I just saw what I saw and ran.”

“You could have said something,” Kendal told
her.

“I know—but I was angry and hurt and—I don’t
know.”

“Didn’t Queenie tell you that I—”

“She did. I guess I didn’t really believe
it.”

Kendal slid her hand on top of JJ’s and
squeezed it gently. “All I wanted was a chance to explain
myself.”

“How about now?” JJ’s eyes were focused on
their linked hands. “You can explain everything to me now.”

“That depends,” Kendal said dryly. She stood
up and began to pace around the room.

“Depends on what?”

“On whether or not you’re ready to
listen.”

“Oh, I’m ready.” JJ hurried up from the bed
and spread her arms wide. “Whatever you have to say, I’ll listen.
We can talk here or we can talk at the school lounge. It doesn’t
matter to me. I’ll just close my mouth and lock away the key and
listen quietly.”

“I was thinking we could go to the library,”
said Kendal. “Maybe do a little studying.”

“Studying?”

“Yeah. It’s been a couple of weeks since I
brushed up on Emily Dickinson.” She picked up her volume of poetry
and held it in the air. “There’s this one poem I can’t get out of
my head. Maybe you can help me make sense of it?”

“I can do my best.”

“Come on,” Kendal said. She took JJ by the
arm and dragged her from the room.

* * *

Three notable moments throughout JJ’s time at
Sampson Academy stood out in her mind. Each was notable for a
different reason, each forever confined to a special spot in the
corner of her memory for safekeeping until she decided to revisit
it.

The first was the day she met Queenie. They
had both arrived a week early, before classes began, to get
acclimated with the campus during orientation.

In a desperate attempt to delay the final
moment in which he would be forced to let her go, JJ’s father
helped her unpack every last thing she’d brought with her, right
down to her socks. While they were busy getting her room set up, in
walked Queenie McBride with her parents in tow. She mouthed off to
her mother and ordered her father around like he was a butler.

JJ’s father had raised an eyebrow or two in
her direction, silently expressing his distaste for Queenie’s
attitude. He had even offered to talk to the Dean of Students, and
request a roommate change. But JJ resisted. There was something
about Queenie that caused JJ to look past her salty exterior.
Perhaps it was the air of confidence she exuded. Or maybe it was
the charismatic grin she displayed as she flopped on JJ’s freshly
made bed, tossed JJ’s basketball high up in the air and said
simply, “You must be the incredibly talented Josephine Jenkins I’ve
heard so much about.”

“That’s right,” JJ had said.

“Thought so,” said Queenie. She then tossed
the ball to JJ and added, “I’m Queenie McBride, the one and only.
We’re going to take this school by storm, you know that?”

At that moment, all of JJ’s fears and worries
melted away. She’d been experiencing severe bouts of anxiety in the
weeks leading up to her first day at Sampson, and nothing her
parents said or did could ease her mind. Somehow, Queenie had been
able to do just that with one simple sentence. But it wasn’t just
what she said; it was how she said it. She exuded such an air of
confidence that JJ had no choice but to believe her. They were
going to take the campus by storm, and nothing could stop them.

The two became inseparable after that, with
JJ soon finding that Queenie’s spoiled-brat routine was nothing
more than a carefully crafted act, performed only when her parents
were around.

Queenie also had been instrumental in helping
JJ come out of the closet.

“I knew you belonged to the dark side the
first day I met you,” she eventually told JJ.

It took JJ a second or two to realize Queenie
wasn’t referring to Star Wars. As uncomfortable as the assumption
made her, JJ didn’t dare deny it, and instead embraced her
sexuality for the very first time in her life. The day she’d met
Queenie, her life was forever changed. And that was a moment worth
remembering.

The second notable moment happened during
JJ’s junior year, when the Lady Yellow Jackets went undefeated,
making it to the state championships. The championship game went
into double overtime, and ended in dramatic fashion when JJ, who
had broken free from the defense under the basket, made a
game-winning turn-around jumper just as time expired. Time paused
as the rest of their team flooded the court, chasing her down, and
tackling her to the floor.

JJ was absolutely thrilled to be right in the
middle of the fray and at the bottom of the pile, since she’d made
the winning basket. It was a high unlike anything she had ever
experienced before, such exhilaration that she wondered if she
would ever feel it again. Just reminiscing about the moment made
her hair stand on end with excitement.

The third notable moment hadn’t quite
happened yet. But JJ had a feeling it was about to unfold right
before her eyes. Once Kendal looped her arm through JJ’s and walked
in step with her across the school grounds, JJ knew something
incredible was about to happen. And she wanted to make sure she
logged every second of it into her memory. Just as she could recall
the smell of the scuffed hardwood as she lay beneath the pile of
players after they had won the championship game, she knew the
smell of Kendal’s almond hand lotion would forever be linked with
whatever was about to happen next.

CHAPTER 36

JJ opened the library door. A couple of
players on the boys’ basketball team were leaving the library at
the exact same time, and as they stepped aside they studied Kendal
oddly when she took hold of JJ’s hand.

“Are you trying to cause a scene?” JJ asked,
once they were inside.

“I’m just having a little fun,” Kendal
replied. “Besides, staring is rude.”

“Doesn’t bother me much,” said JJ. “I’m
obviously used to it by now.”

“I don’t see what the big deal is, you know?
Two girls holding hands, and all.”

“Oh, so you’re telling me you’re completely
fine with it now?”