The Truth About Us (10 page)

Small, manageable pieces my ass. Corbin is causing more of an upheaval inside me than I need, or want, or can handle. Things are too close to the surface with him, and it has to stop. Before it starts, it has to stop.

I finally get out of the car after the third time Tobie peeks through the living room window. I know there are people here already; judging by the cars lining the street but there’s so much in my head right now I just need to be alone.

I grab my purse and head for the door, flinging it open and making a straight line to my room. It doesn’t take long for Tobie’s smiling face to pop into view.

“Hey,” she says, and I reciprocate while pulling my shirt over my head and grabbing my towel from the pile of maybe-clean clothes on the floor.

“We’re just about ready to start with food. Will you be long?” she asks, but her usually loud voice is softer and more concerned. I must look really pathetic to her.

“I need to shower.” I push past her, worried that my stinging eyes might start forming tears.

I barely make it to the bathroom before the first tears fall, and like always, once the first one gets loose, they shower down like waterfalls. Tears roll down my cheeks and spill off my nose and chin while my shoulders shake vehemently. I slide down the wall and bury my head in the towel, using it as a gag to stop the ragged sounds of my breath. I should know better. I should know better than to open up my life to someone. Outside the bathroom, I hear voices and music. Laughter and happiness seep through the cracks in the door, and I hate it. I hate happiness. I hate when it’s out there, all around me, and all I can think about is that day at the lake. Corbin standing next to me with his hands shoved in his pockets, his head down, exuding pity for me. The dreams, and Lance, and my parents. It’s just all too much.

I can’t believe I told him. Another reason Corbin is too dangerous for me. I almost told him about Lance. So many times since the lake I’ve wanted to tell him about Lance. My throat thickens and I struggle to breathe even at the thought of him. He has haunted my every move for two years and finally, when I thought I found a way to get away from it all, Corbin pulls him to the surface again.

Slowly, I collect myself as well as I can and turn on the cold water. I was never going to shower; I just needed to be alone. I splash my face and the cold calms me. I wet the edge of the towel and hold it against my eyes, my forehead, my nose, to help the swelling in my skin go down. It helps but I wish the swelling of my mind would go down too. Right now is one of those times where I feel legitimately crazy. Like, lock me up for-fucking-ever because I’ll never be like I used to be. I’ll never be normal.

A knock at the door scares me, and I jump.

“Just a minute!” I yell and suck in a deep breath before pulling open the door.

Garett’s tall frame fills the doorway, and he awkwardly takes a step back to let me by.

“Oh, sorry,” he says, his eyes traveling downward... “I didn’t know it was you in here.”

I glance down and realize that I’m just in my bra, forgetting to grab a new shirt from my room. I’m so turned around inside my head; I can’t even be bothered to care. “No worries. It’s all yours.”

His eyebrow rises suspiciously, and I worry that he can see through me, but after a second he smiles and closes the door.

I change quickly in my room before going back downstairs to an almost crowded house. I am sure all these people are not here for me. As soon as I get downstairs I feel Kayla watching me from across the room. I hate that she’s the only girl I know besides Tobie but the fact that I’m pretty sure I want her guy will always keep me at a distance.

Kayla smiles wide and winks at me before turning and walking into the kitchen. My stomach jumps and I swallow hard. Her smile was a knowing one. A smile that says
Move in on my man, bitch and see what happens.

I follow her through the tangle of people and watch her disappear through the patio doors. One step further brings Corbin into view, leaning on the railing. Kayla slides her hands around him, and he spins to face her, pushing her back.

It might make me a terrible person, but my heart jumps at the look of confusion mixed with anger on his face.

No, Sophia. This is the shit you have to avoid. He’s no good for you. This is no good for you.

Kayla takes Corbin’s hands and laces her fingers through his. He lets her until his head lifts and he notices I’m watching. I have to force myself not to jump back out of sight but the way he throws her hands from his and crosses his arms tight across his chest slams my lifted heart into my gut.

Kayla turns and looks at me, calling my name. I don’t register anything as she hugs me, then pulls me alongside her back toward the stairs. I shoot one desperate look back to Corbin, but all I get is a blank stare.

Of all the things I’ve endured in my life, this moment might be the one that undoes me.

xxx

Kayla ushers me up the stairs and into the bathroom. Suddenly I’m wishing Garett was still in here, but there wouldn’t be room for anyone else with all the tension that fills every bit of space around us.

“What’s this about?” I pull out from under her arm and back away. Her full lips are stretched thin in a smile, and she shakes her head but doesn’t say anything.

A knock at the door makes her laugh. “Right on cue. They’re so predictable, Sophia. It’s kind of sad.”

“Who is it?” Kayla says cheerfully.

“Kayla, seriously. What the fuck are you doing?” Corbin’s voice sounds muffled through the door.

Kayla pulls open the door and pulls him inside. “So nice of you to join us.”

She’s tough, and I can see it even under the fake sweetness, but there’s something else flashing behind those big eyes. I don’t know what it is. I can’t tell with Kayla.

I do know that the bathroom is big, but not nearly large enough for the three of us. The tension thickens. My breathing speeds up, burning through the oxygen in the room. Claustrophobia takes me over, and I start to shake. I need out. I need air.

I try to step around her. “I need to leave.”

Kayla presses her hand to my collarbone and slams me against the wall.

This is it. I’m going to get my ass kicked in a bathroom by the world’s most psycho non-girlfriend.

Corbin’s eyes get huge. “What the fuck?”

“She needs to stay. That’s the way you want it, isn’t it Corb?” Kayla’s hand slides over my shoulder, down my arm and she grabs my hand. Words cannot express how confused I am, and not because I’m still sort of high from my anxiety meds. I really have no idea what’s happening and my skin prickles as she lightly runs her fingertips over it.

“What are you talking about?” Corbin’s eyes flash with anger. “You’re insane.”

Kayla laughs and pulls me from the wall, spinning me by my waist and pressing my back up against Corbin. He stumbles backward until Kayla has us both against the door. Her fingers dig into my hips as she presses me harder into Corbin’s body.

“So, you don’t want this?” Kayla’s fingers slip under my shirt, but she’s not looking at me. “You clearly want both of us. At the same time. But just not together? I think together might be more fun.”

Kayla’s thumb grazes the bottom of my breast, and I feel Corbin’s body tense.

“Kayla…” Corbin protests but she shoots a glare so fierce that both Corbin and I stop breathing. I now realize I’m being used as a prop in Kayla’s seemingly twisted sex life.

A threesome may or may not be fun, but the fact that I have no choice in any of this doesn’t work for me. This whole fucked up thing that’s happening is not okay with me. Why is Corbin just standing there? Why isn’t he stopping her?

Kayla leans in further and presses her lips to mine. They are unbelievably soft, and shock makes me gasp. My lips part and her tongue slides along them. The sensation is strange. Corbin mutters a string of curses that my hazy brain can’t understand, but it snaps me back into the reality of this whole mess.

“Kayla, don’t.” I grab her hands and pull them from me. Panic at the edge of my mind makes my chest collapse.

Corbin is still frozen behind me, and I can feel his breath, his chest heaving. I still don’t know why he isn’t doing anything. The bubbling anger that flows beneath my skin is taking me over. I’m vibrating with anger but not just at Kayla. At Corbin now too.

“Oh come on, Sophia. Have a little fun, will ya? Corbin loves this kind of shit. You have to loosen up a bit if you want to keep his attention. Trust me.”

“She said don’t.” Corbin finally comes to life, pushing me to the side and putting himself between us. One hand is protectively stretched across my body, his other is holding Kayla out at arms-length. The sudden protective stance doesn’t help ease my anger toward him.

“You have a problem, Kayla, you talk to me. Don’t pull this shit.” His voice is as serious as I’ve ever heard and it stuns me to silence. Even though I’d like to scratch her eyes out, I can’t help but feel embarrassed.

“I thought this is what you’d want.” Kayla crosses her arms looking pissed that we aren’t feeding into her game. Corbin scoffs, but his arm’s still held out to the side, blocking me.

“What about what Sophia wants?” he asks, and Kayla rolls her eyes.

“Wow, Corbin. Okay, what do you want Sophia?” Kayla asks. The bored and unconcerned expression that forms on her face makes my anger spike. Corbin’s right. What about what I want? What about what’s good for me?

What I want is to be left alone. To stop being pushed around between people. To stop being the reason why everything around me crumbles. I’m a devastation. A typhoon that rips through people’s lives and destroys them.

Corbin and Kayla were perfectly happy together before I came.

I take a deep breath.

“I want you to leave,” I say, and Kayla’s eyes widen at my tone. Corbin looks over his shoulder at me, and my gaze burns into his. This is too big for me. Too much for me.

I step aside and pull the bathroom door open. Music and voices fill the air, and for the first time ever, I’m glad there’s a crowd here. I can’t wait to disappear into it. Without Kayla. Or Corbin.

“I want you both to leave.”

My eyes are down, and my hand shakes as I grip the doorknob tighter. It takes a few moments but Kayla lets out a small laugh and practically skips from the room. Corbin watches me for a while. I feel his eyes on me, but I know I can’t look up at him.

“I’m sorry, Sophia.” His voice is low.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” I still don’t look up.

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

xxx

I wait for a good fifteen minutes before heading downstairs. Everyone's in the kitchen and barely notices me enter, except Tobie. Her eyes are trained on me like a sniper, and she doesn’t smile but continues to talk to Tosh until he eventually turns to look at me too.

“Soph!” he shouts, and I force a smile on my face. The old Sophia is making too many appearances, and I’m depressing my depression with all this crazy shit in my head.

His arm goes around me when I get close and he begins yelling at everyone in the room. Slowly all of Tobie and Tosh’s friends and family look over and within seconds the room is dead silent and I am forcing myself to not run and hide.

“We invited you all here today to welcome the new member of our household. For some strange reason, Sophia decided on this piece of shit town to call home just like the rest of us. So lets all help her learn how to deal.” Tosh holds up a beer. “By drinking.”

He squeezes me into his side, and Tobie slips her hand into mine. It’s a small gesture, but I have to look up to keep from crying. I don’t remember the last time my real family stood by me like this.

Maybe that’s why I ended up here.

Everyone cheers, and clanks drinks together. I smile but my mind is still upstairs in that bathroom. On Corbin.

Tosh eventually lets me go and puts himself in the middle of another conversation. But Tobie doesn’t let me go.

“Are you okay?” she whispers. The smile falls from my face.

Do I lie?

“I’ve just had a long day. I’m okay now.”

Tobie doesn’t believe me.

“I saw Corbin and Kayla leave. Corbin was pale as a ghost. I never see him like that. Kayla just looked pleased with herself. You sure you’re okay?”

“Tobie, Corbin and Kayla mean nothing to me. They were probably just fighting or something. Seriously, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I push that smile back onto my face and put everything I have behind it. My voice is the same as the countless times that I agreed to go along with whatever plan my parents had for me, while secretly, I died a little more with every lie.

Tobie raises an eyebrow, but she lets go of my hand. “I know you don’t know me very well Sophia, but I see you struggling. I hope someday you’ll find me worthy of your confidence.”

Her words are like a slap in the face, but her tone is kind and gentle like usual. It makes me feel like shit.

I really suck at being the new Sophia.