The Twelve Dates of Christmas (9 page)

‘Don’t forget to be at Winter Wonderland for eleven, though.’

Claudia glanced at the clock: 9.30. She looked blankly at Penny, who prompted: ‘Your blind date.’

‘Oh no, I can’t do it. You have to cancel.’

‘Noooooooooooo.’

‘Penny, look at me.’ She pulled at her half-in, half-out remnant of a ponytail. She stretched open her bloodshot eyelids with her fingers.

‘Shh, don’t shout,’ begged Penny. ‘Go and have a shower. If you still feel rubbish when you come out I’ll cancel for you.’ She pulled down the eye mask from her forehead, and lowered her head to the counter.

Claudia emerged twenty minutes later, steam-cleaned and wrapped in a soft John Lewis towel. Her body felt a little better, but her mind was still crashed and burnt at the side of the road.

She checked her phone, which she’d left on silent. Wow. The count was up to six messages and three missed calls since last night. All from Nick. All ignored.

What was he so desperate to say?
I’m sorry, I just don’t think about you like that?
She itched to read the texts but was in no rush to hear that little gem. Go away, go away, go away.

Maybe she could read one. Her heart thudded as she opened the first one, dated at 1am that morning.

‘
Claud, I’m so sorry the evening ended like that. Can I come and see you in the morning?
’ No.

She opened one from 4.17 a.m. ‘
Are you asleep?
’

She opened the latest, sent at 9.32. ‘
Sorry to sound like a soap opera character, but we need to talk a bit, please.
’ She swiftly hit ‘delete’ on the whole batch.

‘How are you feeling?’ asked Penny, coming out of her room looking even rougher than before.

‘Like crap, with crap on. Can you cancel this blind date?’

Penny nodded, picking up her phone. ‘You might want to put some clothes on by the way, you rudey nude. Nick’s on his way over.’

Claudia froze. ‘Now?’

‘Yeah. Is that okay?’

‘Sure …’ Claudia dived for her suitcase and pulled out some jeans and a big pink woolly jumper. This would have to do. ‘You know what?’ she said, injecting brightness into her voice. ‘I think I will go on that date.’ Penny lowered her phone. ‘You’re right, it’ll do me good. It’s getting late, though, so I’d better shoot off.’

She frantically lobbed some items in to her handbag and zipped up the suitcase, pushing it against the wall. ‘I’ll pick this up later, or tomorrow, whatever.’

She pulled on her flat brown leather boots and ran a brush through her hair.

Taking a look in the mirror and recoiling, she quickly rubbed on some tinted moisturiser and added a sweep of mascara.

Penny handed her a slip of paper and yawned. ‘Okay, cool. This is his number. His name’s Eddie. He’s going to meet you by the Ferris wheel.’

‘Ferris wheel, got it.’ Claudia gave her friend a quick one-armed hug, her heart pounding at the thought of running into Nick in the corridor. ‘Thanks again for looking after me. I’ll do the “Single Lades” routine with you at the wedding as a thank you.’

‘Cool!’

Claudia hurried out the door.
Go, go, go!

‘Eddie’s pretty easy to spot, by the way,’ Penny called after her. ‘He’s quite short.’

The endless lush grass of Hyde Park had been sprinkled with an icing-sugar frost, which melted under Claudia’s steps, leaving a trail of vibrant green footprints. The cloud was low today, a thick pale grey, and the air was heavy. It felt like snow was coming.

Claudia trudged her way across the park, head pounding, mind stuck on a loop showing re-runs of last night’s episode of
What Claudia Did to Cock Everything Up
. She had relived the moment so many times she was now embellishing it. She leaned forward for a kiss, Nick shrieked ‘URGH’ in her face. She leaned forward for a kiss, Nick bolted and threw up over the balcony.

Why had he led her on? She may have been drunk but she wasn’t crazy; he’d been flirting right along with her. Did he think it was just a game?

Of course he didn’t, stupid
, that wasn’t the Nick she knew.

He’d always been flirty; maybe she just read too much into it this time and that’s why Nick had backed off.

She stopped in her tracks, long lengths of the park stretching away from her in all directions. Her mind was suddenly wiped clean of everything but a single thought that had to be given life.

What was really bothering her here? Was it the embarrassment of rocking a friendship or the pain of being turned down? The little stab wound in her heart told her it was more than just a bit of drunken mortification that she’d be over in a week.

Did she
like
Nick?

No, the wound must be from Seth, and it was just aching because she had been rejected again. The fact that this had happened with Nick was just bad luck. She started walking.

She missed Seth. She missed the constancy of having him in her life. Back when things weren’t so confusing.

But she didn’t want to miss him any more. She had to get over it.

Going cold turkey on Seth was hard, hard work. But it was the best thing to do; it was helping. Time heals …

‘Oh shut up, you miserable old loner,’ she muttered to herself as she drew near the fair. She was so sick of herself this morning.

Claudia entered the Winter Wonderland section of Hyde Park, which was already alive with piped music, neon lights and crowds of merrymakers. She trudged past the fairground rides covered in thick fake snow towards the Ferris wheel. Her eyes scanned the crowd for Eddie.

She thought she spotted him. It
must
be him.

He was dressed in a woolly Jack Wills jumper and Wayfarer shades, with coiffed hair, short legs and a bored expression on his chiselled cheeks. Claudia cursed Penny and all she stood for.

It could be worse. She could be at Penny’s making excruciatingly awkward small talk with Nick.

Claudia approached Eddie and caught his eye. ‘Eddie?’

Eddie turned his to face her, and she could feel his eyes giving her the once over behind the shades. ‘Yah. Camilla, right?’

You’re an idiot
. ‘Claudia, actually.’

‘My mistake. You look like a nice girl.’ He moved to the left. ‘These are my parents.’ He motioned to an over-dressed middle-aged couple standing behind him, shrinking in fear from the dirty tourists.

Whaaaaaaat?

‘Um, okay … Hello.’ She bobbed her head at them. They kind of smiled back at her.

‘I’m fammed,’ Eddie declared. ‘Shall we hit those food stalls and have some nosh?’

Sticky baklava was the last thing Claudia’s delicate stomach wanted, but as they started walking towards the stalls she became less concerned about her hangover and more about the parents who were coming along for the ride.

‘Are your parents visiting for the weekend or something?’ she asked Eddie, lightly.

He threw Claudia a quizzical look. ‘No. We live in Richmond.’

‘Together?’

‘Yah. My father’s a surgeon. We have just the most incredible mansh, I’d be a damned fool to move out, don’t you think?’

You don’t want to know what I think
, Claudia thought.

‘So Claud,’ Eddie said. She cringed. She didn’t like him calling her that; it sounded too familiar. ‘Tell me why you’re single. You’re a pretty thing, what’s wrong with you?’

Claudia looked at him, aghast. She turned to the other side to see his parents staring at her, also waiting for an answer. ‘There’s nothing wrong with me!’ she protested. ‘I’m lovely!’

Eddie laughed, a short, sharp ‘Ha!’, and ran a hand through his hair. ‘Cracking answer. Tell me why your last relationship ended. You weren’t a nag, were you? I bloody hate nags.’

‘Bloody off-putting,’ piped up Eddie’s father. His mother’s calm exterior cracked minutely.

‘It ended because I cut his balls off with a pizza slice.’

They didn’t hear her; all three of them were drifting to a sauerkraut stand and making disgusting orgasmic sounds together.

‘Uhhh, Claud,’ Eddie beckoned her over, his mouth full. ‘Try this.’

He thrust a plastic forkful of the fermented cabbage under her nose. The vinegary sour smell caused her stomach to heave. ‘No, thank you,’ she squeaked.

‘Dear, you must eat,’ said his mother, without smiling. She had the jawline of a T-Rex.

Who was this patronising woman, telling her to eat as if she hadn’t had a meal in days? As if she were
her
mother?

‘I do eat! I ate about two hours ago.’
And by the way, why are you here?

‘Didn’t you know there would be food stands here?’ she scolded, penetrating Claudia with a sharp, black stare that made her want to run away. ‘They’ve laid out a traditional European Christmas market and you’ve already eaten?’

She was being told off …

For the first time in a very long time Claudia had a fleeting sensation that she was glad her mum wasn’t like this.

Zero tellings-off was better than this kind of interrogation, surely?

‘The world is your oyster: you’re more than welcome to eat anything you want.’ Claudia gestured to the row of huts, her patience waning.

‘What exactly did you eat two hours ago?’ the mother pressed.

Claudia turned to her ‘date’. ‘Eddie. Fancy playing the coconut shy with me?’ She marched off toward the fairground games with Eddie and his short legs struggling to keep up. She had no interest in lobbing balls at defenceless coconuts. As far as she was concerned, this date was already a ridiculous waste of time, but for as long as she could stretch it out she could keep the demons of Nick and Seth at bay.

After a couple of unenthusiastic games Claudia tried, but failed, to edge away from Eddie, who was having the time of his life winning cheap-looking reindeer toys for his mum at the ring-toss and revelling in his parents’ praise at what a clever manly man he was. He jogged after her.

A nearby craft chalet had garlands of dried oranges, limes and cinnamon hanging from the ceiling. The aroma calmed Claudia, even stilling her churning insides.

‘What a foul smell,’ Eddie guffawed. ‘Yuk, why would anyone want their house to smell like the kitchen? Do you know what my favourite smell is, Claud? Jägerbombs.’

‘Not the smell of money?’

‘You’re a riot, you know? But actually, that’s so true. There’s a certain ethos that goes along with having money, don’t you think? Do you have money?’

‘Yah,
plenty
,’ Claudia answered. The hut was filled with intricate three-dimensional scenes carved from the palest wood – Santa’s grotto, the Bethlehem stable, reindeer in the woods – each with a tea-light hidden within, whose heat caused the tiny figures and animals to move around the scene. They were enchanting.

Claudia stopped in front of one in the shape of a hollowed-out Christmas tree. Inside was a miniature ice-skating girl, spinning round in happy circles. Dancing for ever.
Like me
.

She watched the figurine, her mind drifting. It wasn’t just Nick who Claudia was putting off. She also had a decision she needed to make for Greg, the director of the Royal Ballet.

Writing a behind-the-scenes book wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted to be a ballerina. That was her dream, the only ambition she’d ever had. But if she still wanted to be a ballerina that badly, wouldn’t she have done something more towards it by now?

She watched Tiny Claudia as she spun in the tree. What a simple, joyful life.
You’re jealous of a wooden toy now?

So maybe it was too late to be a ballerina; maybe that ship had sailed. But this job offer was hardly the next best thing. Was working in a dance shop the next best thing? No, though she didn’t mind it. The people were nice. But as it turned out, so were the ballet company. Claudia wondered how long she could get away with putting off the decision, and decided it certainly didn’t have to be made today.

‘I’d slap someone in the face if they got me one of these for Christmas,’ Eddie piped up. She’d almost forgotten about him. ‘Imagine hoping for Google Glass and getting one of these – ha, ha, ha.’

‘These are gorgeous. Why are you such a moron?’ The hangover was wearing her tolerance thin.

Eddie sidled closer. ‘You’re a feisty one, I like it. Yes I do.’

Time to rescue tiny Claudia and take her home. Something brand new and all hers for the flat full of shared things.

She bought the little skater and a sweet-smelling citrus garland as well, which she spitefully carried between her and Eddie as they made their way back over to the ring-toss where his parents stood, carefully not touching anything or anyone. As much as she was ready to go, and as much as her head still pounded under these oppressive clouds, she couldn’t bring herself to be rude and just walk away without a goodbye. It’s not like they were bad people, just a bit … socially inept.

‘Eddie, I have to ask you something,’ she said, with as much pleasantness as she could muster. ‘Why did you bring your parents along on our blind date?’

Eddie shrugged nonchalantly. ‘I wouldn’t date a girl who didn’t get on with Mummy and Father. If they join us at the start it saves a lot of wasted time, don’t you think?’

What a romantic. Claudia would have laughed if she didn’t feel so utterly drained.

‘Right,’ Eddie said, looking at his watch. ‘We’re going for a light bite at Claridge’s now.’ He motioned to his parents.

‘Okay.’ Unexpected. She was done with this date, she didn’t have the energy to draw it out any longer, but she
had
always wanted to go to Claridge’s. What to do …

‘So it’s been great.
Rally, rally
great. Here’s my card if you want to hang again at some point.’

Oh. Decision made then. ‘Thanks.’ She took the card and surreptitiously glanced around for a bin.

‘You truly are quite pretty,’ he schmoozed, moving closer and tucking her hair behind her ear. He leant over and she turned her face, catching the eye of his father, who gave her a curt nod of encouragement.

Eddie gave her a lingering kiss on the cheek while she steadied her breath to quell the nausea. He stood back. ‘Ah. Bugger. Mummy? Have you got a tissue?’

‘What?’ Claudia asked, touching her face. She looked at her fingertips, which were covered in blood.